Studies show that about 40 million adults regularly visit Internet pornography sites (Microtrends, 2007, p. 276). That’s more than ten times the amount of people who regularly watch baseball. Which one, again, is America’s pastime? In fact, the ubiquity of porn is so great that it has now become the norm. Consider some statistics about pornography today:

- 70 percent of porn is downloaded between 9 am and 5 pm. 20 percent of men admit to accessing it while at work.
- In 2003, Today’s Christian Woman reported that 53 percent of men at that year’s Promise Keepers Convention admitted visiting a porn site the week before.
- According to Leadership Journal, 40 percent of pastors admit to visiting a pornographic website.
- Revenue from Internet porn exceeds by nearly a 2 to 1 ratio, the combined revenues of ABC, CBS, and NBC (Microtrends, 277)
- 25% of all searches are for sex, which is the number one search term people plug into Google and Yahoo!
- Sales of pornographic material on the Internet surpass the cumulative sales of all other products sold online (George Barna, Boiling Point: It Takes One Degree: Monitoring Cultural Shifts in the 21st Century, p. 223)
- 70% of 18-24 year-olds visit a pornographic website in a typical month (Pamela Paul, Pornified, 15).
- Average age of first Internet exposure to pornography is 11 years old (www.familysafemedia.com).

The pornography revolution

Consider three ways pornography has changed over the past few years. First, it is more accessible. People used to have to travel to seedy parts of town to get pornography, but now it comes looking for us—and our kids—while we surf the Internet or watch cable TV. Mark Penn, author of Microtrends says, “Where this may have the greatest impact is with teens who once bought illicit magazines, and then acquired videos. Now they have access through the Web” (p. 278). One result, he says, is that the age of first sexual contact is decreasing.

Second, pornography is now more accepted. Pornography is now seamlessly integrated into popular culture. Just ask yourself a simple question: When was the last time you heard the merits of pornography even being debated? For the most part the debate has died down, because it has become largely accepted. Women’s magazines regularly discuss porn but from a new perspective—how women can introduce it into their own lives. One Rolling Stones article said, “Until recently, public fraternizing with a porn star was pretty much a no-no; now it lends the musicians an aura of danger and intrigue.” A 2004 video game entitled, The Guy Game features women exposing their breasts when they answer questions incorrectly, available for X-Box and Playstation 2. It didn’t even get an “Adults-only” rating. In Pornified Pamela Paul observed, “Girls today emulate porn stars in the same way earlier generations gyrated to Madonna” (184). Pornography is largely accepted in society.

Third, pornography is more aggressive. Porn has become increasingly violent and nonconsensual. In one study, 25% of porn magazines showed some form of violence, ranging from verbal aggression to torture to mutilation, compared with 27% of pornographic videos. Usenet groups on the Internet depicted violence 42% of the time (Pornified, 58). The lines between hard-core and soft-core pornography are no longer distinguishable—everything is available easily online. Pamela Paul noted: “Soft-core pornography has become part and parcel of the mainstream media. The majority of men interviewed for this book [Pornified] did not consider Playboy—once the epitome of the genre—to even be pornography at all, because it doesn’t depict actual sex acts. ‘True’ pornography today is confined to the hardcore.” (5)

Pornography shapes a worldview

Viewing pornography shapes the worldview of young people (and really, all people). Sadly, pornography is now the primary place that kids learn about sex. In Forbidden Fruit, Mark Regnerus notes that, “Filmmakers understand that Internet pornography is certainly the primary—and for some, only—sexual education that teenagers now receive. Debates about whether educators will or will not address oral sex or anal sex or condoms or gay or lesbian sex are quickly becoming utterly irrelevant, since a few clicks of a mouse will bring any of us to a demonstration of exactly how each is performed and ‘experienced’” (p. 59). In one study, 60% of boys said they had learned “some” or “a lot” from porn” (Forbidden Fruit, 189).

The problem is that kids tend to think that sex online is not only real sex (sometimes it is), but normal sex. Consider just some of the implicit messages of heterosexual pornography: (1) all women want sex from men; (2) Women like all sexual acts men perform or demand; (3) Any woman who does not at first realize this can be persuaded with a little force.

Without exception, the more porn people watch, the more likely they are to believe that others are sexually active and adventurous. Porn gives the idea that sexual pleasure can be entirely divorced from a healthy relationship. In a study of 600 junior high school students over 66% of the males and 40% of females reported wanting to try out some of the sexual behaviors they had witnessed. In high school 31% of the males and 18% of the females admitted actually doing some of the things they had seen in the porn within a few days after exposure (Donna Rice Hughes, Kids Online: Protecting Your Children in Cyberspace).

Why is pornography so appealing?

Pornography meets a deeper need in many men (and women) beyond physical pleasure. For instance, porn depicts sex as an easy process, which is a welcome refuge for many young people from the difficult world of sexual politics they encounter every day. The user is put in complete control. In reality, men can reject women and make them feel inferior. But porn, on the other hand, offers sex without risk, vulnerability and humiliation. In Pornified, Pamela Paul says, “In the porn fantasy, a guy is no longer that tech geek that nobody liked in junior high school or the awkward college student lacking in social skills. In his mind’s eye—despite a paucity of dates and a sexual history confined to the girl from math class—he has always gotten the woman he wants.” (44)

Pornography is so alluring to young people is because many lack the healthy relationships God designed them to have. When we do not have intimate, healthy relationships, we are susceptible to all kinds of addictions, including pornography. In Hurt (2005), youth ministry expert Chap Clarks notes that one of the defining characteristics of young people today is their sense of loneliness from broken relationships with significant adults. No wonder so many are drawn to pornography.

What can we do?

Here are some quick thoughts for parents, youth workers, teachers, and others who care about reaching young people who struggle with Internet porn.

First, in talking to kids about sex and pornography it’s important to balance expectations with information. Most conservatives tend to talk about values, but not discuss the realities of pornography. Mark Regnerus, author of Forbidden Fruit, observed, “Balancing information about sexuality with expectations about boundaries is a rare but optimal approach to a well-rounded, morally sensitive sexual socialization and is appreciated by most teenagers” (204).

Second, Create open dialogue with your kids or kids you work with. Once again Mark Regnerus said, “Open dialogue about sex is clearly not the norm among devoutly religious families” (75). Be willing to listen, share, and engage in genuine discussion about this critical topic.

Third, don’t just discuss the negatives of pornography, but praise the benefits of God-ordained sex. Most young people are getting only a negative message about sex, but we have to show that God’s design for sex is clearly the best.

Fourth, never judge or shame a young person. Let them know that your opinion of them has not changed. Kids will shut down if they think you are looking down on them or judging them.

And of course, preach forgiveness and grace. Let kids know and personally experience the incredible grace of God. No one by their own strength can defeat the temptations of this world. In fact, it’s only when we truly admit our weakness that we can truly be strengthened by God to succeed.

Take the next step:

The Affects of Porn on Marriage
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Recently there was a young family sitting behind me on my flight from Detroit to Syracuse.

On this particular flight the 4-year-old screamed because she was bored for the entire four hours and the parents just ignored her. I have traveled with children before, and I know it isn’t easy, but there are things you can do to make it easier – for yourself, for your kids and for the rest of us. Meltdowns happen, so anytime you fly with kids you’re going to need a plan.  The following five strategies have worked really well for me over the years.

1. Bring special toys
Buy a few new sticker books. Buy a portable video game or a portable DVD player that you only use for special occasions (like a plane ride). Bring along some Polly Pockets or Pet Shops or whatever your daughter likes. You cannot expect a 4-year-old child to sit still and be quiet on a plane for 4 1/2 hours when she has absolutely nothing to do.  (You can’t really expect an adult to do that either.)

2. Read to the kids
When my kids were young I never went anywhere without at least 10 books. My kids loved reading books, and I would sit between them on the plane seats and just start from one and move to the next. Yes, this meant that the plane ride wasn’t as much fun for me. I didn’t get to watch the movie. But the children were happy and giggling and entertained, and a few times I actually had other kids come to the row and listen in.  Occasionally other grandmotherly types offer to read a book because they enjoyed the ones I was reading so much. It doesn’t take much to bring a few books along.  It’s even easier if you have a e-reader.

3. Sit between the kids
Don’t sit in the aisle, two seats away from a 4-year-old child who is near the window. Sit between them so you have control. It does make it harder to talk your husband who is across the aisle, but please have mercy on the rest of us who are in the plane, and make an effort to control the kids.  I promise we’ll appreciate it.

4. Be aware of your tone and use it appropriately.
Telling the kids to be quiet in exactly the same voice you use to say everything else doesn’t work.  Trust me on this.  As a parent you may think that you made an effort to control the kids and there was nothing else you can do. But if you try to discipline your child in exactly the same voice you use to day, “I’ll have a Diet Coke” to the stewardess your child will not realize that she needs to take your threats seriously.

If you want your child to listen to you specifically and to do what you say, you need to use a different tone of voice sometimes. Just because you say, “Jane, be quiet” does not mean that you are disciplining Jane. If you say it and she does not react, then it meant nothing to her.  When you say it, and she doesn’t listen, and you don’t do anything, it increases the chances that she will continue to ignore your efforts.

I know you can’t go all ninja on the kids on the plane. You can’t start yelling, and you can’t give them a time out. You can’t suddenly start acting differently than you do at home and expect the kids to behave. That’s why this all has to start before you get on the plane. Start disciplining them at home so they understand your tone of voice. Follow through on consequences so they’re used to listening to you. Things will go much more smoothly.

5. Talk to your kids
This may sound crazy, but interact with your children. As soon as you sit down on the plane, in a happy voice (to distinguish from your mad tone of voice), start a running commentary and conversation with them. “Oh, Jane and Sam, isn’t this fun? We’re going to go up in a plane. Let’s do the seatbelts up. Can you figure out how to do it? Oh, look I can hear the engines. Can you hear the engines? What else makes a loud noise like that? What do you think is going to happen next?”

“Wow, we’re starting now. We’re moving. Aren’t we going fast? Do you think we’ll go up in the air soon? Look out the window! Can you see any houses? What do you see down there?” And so on. And so on.

Talk to your kids. If you start a commentary like this, the kids will stay engaged, and they won’t cry. I talked to my kids non-stop. Yes, it was a lot of work for me, but it’s a lot less work than listening to a child screaming.

More often than not these days, flying is an ordeal.  Flying with children is that much harder.  So the next time you’re headed to the airport with the whole crew in tow, make sure you pack a few of these strategies in your carry on.  On behalf of everyone else on the flight, thank you.

Take the next step:
Creative parenting techniques
10 Tips to Effective & Active Listening Skills

Is there something wrong with me? Will anyone ever love me again?  

When you become a single Mom your life suddenly turns upside down. It seems that fear can become as much a part of life as breathing.  I had no partner to help me so I began to balance the bank books, figure which bills to pay first, do the outside work, and the most importantly, be a stabilizing factor for my children. Fear gripped me so tightly.  As each week ended, I was afraid to start the next because of what might happen.

Fear can be overwhelming

Fears can make us feel like we are standing in a corner and totally out of control.  If we let it, fear can consume us and be the monster under our bed.  Max Lucado wrote a little booklet called, “Imagine Your Life Without Fear”.  If you get a chance to purchase this little 46 page booklet, it is powerful.  (Booklets are available on Lucado’s site, just $2 for a pack of 5 http://www.maxlucado.net/fearless/fearless-booklets-5-pack) I quote, “Fear, at its center, is a perceived loss of control.”

Do you feel that your life, like mine, is out of control? For me, each new day was a challenge and fear controlled me if I let it.  I could easily get my mind worked up and try and figure everything out.  Honestly, life doesn’t work that way.

2 Timothy 1:7 says, “God’s Spirit doesn’t make cowards out of us.  The Spirit gives us power, love, and self-control.” (CEV)  Now doesn’t that sound empowering and freeing! God will help us as we move ahead. Tap into God’s power.  Will we still be afraid? Of course, but don’t let that fear grip you. Begin to work through the fear and ask God to help you to have power, love, and self-control.

Fear can be overcome

I remember knowing in my spirit that it was time to move out of the city where I was living.  I didn’t have any family support in the area, so as I asked God for direction He clearly opened doors.  It wasn’t easy.  Moving meant packing up the house, getting a new job, pulling my kids out school and dealing with my ex-spouse’s reaction to my decision. I could have curled up and said forget it because I was afraid, but God gave me the power to make the move.  Everything fell into place.  It was tough, but it was right!

Why not spend a few minutes writing out what you fear the most?  Sometimes when we write it out, it becomes easier to face. When you have your list complied, see what solutions you feel you can reasonably tackle. If you are having difficulty with solutions, call a friend who can help you ask questions and work through the list.  When we let go of fear, we can start to think of this new life as a new adventure with many possibilities. There will still be challenges.  But fear won’t be your only response to those challenges. You’ll have the strength that comes from knowing you can make choices for your family.

You are not alone 

As I read the Bible, I am comforted to see that other people have fearful challenges too.  David had to face the Giant, The Apostle Paul preached to angry leaders of the law who had stones in their hands to harm him, Peter denied Christ, and the disciples faced drowning in a stormy sea.

Face your fears; don’t hide from them.  Call to God for help, He’s your lifeline. David killed the Giant, Paul was granted safety, Peter was given forgiveness, and Jesus’ calmed the stormy sea.  Ask God for wisdom as you face your fears.  Talk things over with a trusted friend.  Don’t let fear control you.

God assures us that He knows our worries and He understands. Psalm 55:22 says, “Our Lord, we belong to you.  We tell you what worries us and you won’t let us fall.” (CEV) In I Peter 5:7 it says, “God cares for you, so turn all your worries over to Him.”

As you face the day today, what areas of your life can you begin to release from fear? Do you believe that God won’t let you fall?  Who can you call to help you work through these fears?

Father in Heaven, we are so thankful that You want us to lay these fears at your feet. Fear can grip us and keep us from moving ahead. Help us take step after step into Your freedom.  Give us Your wisdom to begin this journey.  We thank you for Your Spirit that gives us love, power and self-control.  In Your Powerful Name, Amen.

There is HELP, there is HOPE, there is HEALING!

Don’t miss the rest of The Single Mom Survival Kit:

A box of resources
How to set boundaries

As a single mom, boundaries are essential to keep your family’s life stable and constant.

Some families have such tight boundaries that they can hardly breathe. That makes things harder, not easier.  I suggest finding something that works for you and your kids as you journey on this new path.  Boundaries will be your friend and save a lot of grief.

Boundaries respect who you are.  Once in place they protect you by making expectations and responsibilities clear. The confusion comes for people when they have to decide what needs a boundary. These suggestions below are from my own experience and from women who have shared their situations with me.

Every family is different so you’ll need to decide what works in your unique situation. My girls had a hard time with change.  They needed to have set times for visitation and activities throughout the week so that they knew what to expect each day. Children of divorce are confused and they too, have had their world spun around. Some children become very angry. It’s important to remember that they did not make the decision that altered your family.  You can help them cope as you put up reasonable boundaries.

1.  Maintain a regular schedule of visits.  My girls knew what weekend, and what weekly visit they had with their Dad.  That way they were prepared to visit.  When it was the weekends with me, they were prepared for our activities.

2.  Keep weekly activities to a minimum.  Children are already packing and unpacking for visits, so extra-curricular activities should be kept to what they can handle, not what suits our agenda.  My children were given an option to have one activity per week.  That gave time them to have fun, but it also gave time for homework and downtime during the week.  If your kids are older you will have to set up boundaries if they constantly want to be out with friends.  We all need downtime.

3.  Put boundaries around food and rest.  As a single mom, it is so easy to go through the drive-thru to pick up something quick.  For me, I had to leave very early each morning for work, figure out what to put in the slow cooker, have lunches packed, and get the kids to the sitter’s.  I gave myself permission to have those drive-thru nights.

It can help to make a list of meals and lunches for the week and grocery shop with that in mind. It saves on the pocket book too!  Scheduled bedtimes for all family members helped us gain perspective.  If I don’t get enough sleep, I am toast and I begin to get clouded in my thinking. There were some nights that after I tucked in my kids, I went to straight to bed too.  Other nights, it was my “Linda time” to do laundry and fold it, write cheques, and watch a favorite show to unwind.

4.  Schedule fun time.  You and your children need to make new memories. Set times to go visit grandma and grandpa, spend a day at the local fair, make regular visits to the library. Pack a backpack with water and snacks and go on an adventure hike.  This is a positive boundary to make time for your little family.  Life is stressful enough. If your kids are older, ask them what they would like to do with you and see what you can figure out together.

5.  Take time for you. Try and not get caught up in the trap of trying to please everyone and learn to say NO.  As you take time for you, it will help heal your heart.  When self-imagine has plummeted to the depth of the pit, work on YOU.  It is good to treat yourself.  I had bubble baths with candles and my favorite music.  I took long walks at my favorite park and wrote about new goals in my journal.  I met with girlfriends for coffee. I loved walking the beach while praying for the days ahead.  Many weekends when the girls were with their dad, I went to the movies by myself.  There is an endless list of way to spend time with you and enjoy it.  Make a list for yourself and begin to check them off.

As you respect boundaries for yourself and your kids, you may have opposition from your Ex and even family members and friends.  If your number one goal is to bring health and stability to your home, then stick with it. Believe me, there were times, I went into my bathroom, closed the door, and cried.   Boundaries also have a component of flexibility.  You will need to decide as each situation comes up if it is wise to flex this time. There were some days when I felt very alone as I worked to establish boundaries. But it paid off as I knew I made positive steps for greater health – both for myself and for my kids.

Note to Self:  Some children will push every boundary.  If they always get their way, your child will learn that they should get everything in life they want.  In setting boundaries, you are teaching them that life is about wise choices and not always about what they want.  That is a great gift to give your children.

“All wisdom comes from the Lord, and so do common sense and understanding.  With wisdom you will learn what is right and honest and fair.” (Proverbs 3:6 & 9)

There is HELP, there is HOPE, there is HEALING!

Don’t miss the rest of The Single Mom Survival Kit:

A box of resources 

Take the next step:

Learn how to say “No”
Use boundaries to protect what matters
Stressed? This lesson can help

I never imagined that I would be a single Mom.

I know many women are living through the same thing that happened to me. I call it the Single Mom Syndrome. Our energy and focus have suddenly changed.  Many of you stand at a cross roads wondering what foot to move, where to go, with little or no knowledge of how to survive.  I am here to tell you that YOU CAN DO THIS. Breathe, and slowly make your decisions.  It is time to put on a new pair of shoes.

What stayed stable in my life when everything else was chaotic was my personal relationship with a God who promised to never leave me or forsake me.  His Son, Jesus Christ, made it possible to have this relationship with Him when he died– so I could live.  This is where my foundation lies and how my journey continued.  I believed that I could take hold of my life and move ahead.  Was it easy? Absolutely not!  Was it tough and discouraging some days? Absolutely yes.  Was there hope for me and is there hope for you too? Without a doubt YES!!!

First Steps: Trusting God

I want to share with you my life experiences as I began this road as a single mom and chose every day to work on being the best mom I could be.  It was a conscious effort to work at trusting God to lead and heal my wounded heart. In my old life I was a stay-at-home mom with a small home daycare to help with basic financial costs. When this happened, I had to re-enter the work force.

As you can imagine, seven years changes technology and I felt like I was back in kindergarten. It was a lot to juggle keeping the home as stable as possible while learning what buttons to push on this monster called a computer! Be encouraged. There is HELP, there is HOPE, and there is HEALING.  I know it because I have lived it. I do not have a degree in Psychology, but what I have is a degree in is Hard Knocks, which has been my greatest teacher.

If you are walking through a divorce life has suddenly left you with a lot of decisions and your heart is saturated in grief.  It is hard to know which ball to juggle first.  You are not alone. I didn’t suddenly write out this list and move ahead.  It took courage and strength one day at a time, one moment at a time.  Some days, I was shaking in my shoes! But I knew that God had not forgotten about me. I can promise He has not forgotten about you either. I hope that some of my suggestions will help you put on that new pair of running shoes.

A Box of Resources

We are very fortunate to have resources at our fingertips.I know it may feel like you don’t have much, but you do have resources. During this time, take care of you.  I can’t stress this enough.  When you do this, you are able to gain perspective.  With children in the home, you will need the energy and strength to make wise decisions.  You can’t do that well if you don’t take care of yourself.

It can be hard and there are days when it feels like you are walking on your ankles.  For me, I took every advantage I could to be a stronger and healthier me.  I put on my new shoes and even though it felt like they were mired in cement, I took the resources to heal.  I encourage you to see if these could help you.

1. See a medical doctor to maintain a clean bill of health.  My doctor would say to me, “Now Linda, this is what you need to do for ‘a time’ to help you gain your strength.” Stress makes the body susceptible to all kinds of illness. You need to take extra care to keep yourself healthy.
2. Feed your soul.  Read the Bible. I read and re-read the Psalms. They were like my daily vitamin. This is one of my favorites, “Come save us and bless us.  Be our Shepherd and always carry us in your arms.” (Psalm 28: 9) Isn’t that exactly what your family needs today? I found a picture that depicted this verse and kept as a bookmark.
3. Gain some good support from safe and trusted friends who will keep things confidential. I learned this one the hard way but I soon found friends who respected my story and kept it to themselves. Be careful about who you share your story with. You can never un-share it.
4. Take advantage of your local library for books or articles that will encourage you or invest in some books you can mark up and underline.
5. Use your church library.  Maximize your busy schedule by borrowing a Bible on tape or some God-centered self-help tapes as you drive to and from work.
6. Daily exercise.  I know this is hard, but because of the stress in your life, you need to release this energy through some type of physical activity.  It might mean dusting off your bicycle and taking the kids for a ride, joining a fitness class at the local pool, a brisk walk around the block, or using an exercise DVD.  Some of my sweetest memories were the times my children and I went biking riding to the park and had FUN!
7. Eat healthy food.  You may not feel like eating a lot but make wise choices to keep yourself healthy. I called a friend and asked her to bake some muffins for me.  She was on my doorstep in no time.  It blessed me and it blessed her to do it.
8. Seek counseling.   Not everyone has medical plans that cover this, if you aren’t covered see if there is a trusted pastor that would hear your heart.  It is good to get some unbiased advice because we need to share our story.  Doing that helps us sort out the next steps.
9. Hug your kids!  You all need love and support during this time. These precious treasures need reassurance too.  There were times we just laid on my bed and laughed and talked.  It was a healing time for all of us.

I remember a counselor kept telling me over and over again that I was a Person of Worth in God’s eyes.  We are all His treasures and God wants us to move ahead. This is a new start to learn from our past and rejoice in God’s marvelous light in the days ahead.

“But you are God’s chosen and special people. You are a group of royal priests and a holy nation. God has brought you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Now you must tell all the wonderful things that he has done.” (1 Peter 2:9, CEV)

Like all new pairs of shoes, these new Single Mom shoes need some wear and tear to feel comfortable. The list above is just a few suggestions. Remember, this is a beginning so be patient as you put one foot in front of the other.   This is the time to take advantage of your box of resources.  Believe in your heart that you are worth it for yourself and your kids.    My kids have shared how they appreciated it.  I truly believe this can be an empowering and healing time for you.  God doesn’t leave you alone. He is there rooting YOU on.

Can I pray for you right now?

Father God, Some who read this are at a crossroads and need Your help.  Grant them wisdom for healing and growth.  Give Your guidance as they lead their children.  May some of these resources give them insight and help in the days ahead.  In the all-compassionate name of Jesus, Amen.

Which things in the box of resources can you begin to pull out and use?  Tie up the laces of your new shoes with a determined heart as you face your challenges.  You will get through this.

There is HELP, there is HOPE, there is HEALING!

If you are new to single parenting and have questions or just need someone to talk to, our mentors are available anytime.  You can use this form to request a mentor.

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There is a wealth of information at Single Parent FamilyLife

 This post originally appeared in Jonathan McKee’s blog on www.TheSource4Parents.com  

“If no one watches, they don’t have a game!” –Gale

It’s a little ironic that some parents are objecting to the violent premise of The Hunger Games. “It’s kids killing other kids!” In actuality, The Hunger Games compels the audience to value life, mourn death, and literally gasp at violence.

It’s sad that The Hunger Games is being compared to Twilight and other teenage fodder, because truly…there’s no comparison. The Hunger Games has proven to be so much more. The film, based on Suzanne Collins’ best selling book, was powerful and thought provoking, an amazing social commentary about our society’s growing callousness toward violence.

If you caught my blog a few days ago, I shared four important questions I encouraged parents to ask about films to help them teach their kids discernment:

1. Is this story glorifying violence or inappropriate sexual situations?
2. Is this story making “bad” look “good” or enticing?
3. Does this story irresponsibly display imitatable attitudes and behaviors that our kids will absorb and eventually emulate?
4. Does this story needlessly sell out to showing “eye candy” like nudity or gratuitous violence?

Now that I have seen The Hunger Games, I not only vehemently express my approval for the film, I can also attest that it didn’t include any of those four inappropriate or irresponsible elements.

The film was superior on so many levels, but I think one element that resonated with me the most was the glaring contrast between the impoverished districts struggling day to day for a meager existence, fighting for mere scraps of food, while the haughty Capital City lived pampered, overindulgent lives. The Capital City’s condescending attitude was disheartening, but their callous disregard for human life is what took the cake. A gladiatoresque reality show featuring kids killing kids was pure entertainment to these monsters.

At this point I almost expect someone to scroll down to my comment section and suggest, “Aren’t we similar monsters if we watch the movie?”

Before you do, allow me a moment to propose two responses to this accusation:

First, are we never to tell any tales of such monsters?
Is it improper to tell a story about good and evil? Should we steer our kids clear of any of these cold realities about human nature?

The Bible is full of horrific stories of rampant sin and its consequence: Cain and Able (kids killing kids), Sodom and Gomorrah, Lot and his daughters (Eeew!). Fairy tales have long told anecdotes about evil villains luring kids into ovens, deceiving young girls to eat poison apples, and even wolves disguised as Grandma enticing cute little granddaughters close enough to eat. C.S. Lewis told marvelous stories about kids traveling to an imaginary land where they fought bloody battles against an entire army and an evil witch. Several of these films have made it to the big screen.

Someone call Westboro Baptist. We should protest all of these stories!

Perhaps we should stop over-reacting, and instead, begin interacting with our kids about good vs. evil, even using some of these amazing pieces of literature as a discussion springboard.

Second, The Hunger Games film responsibly made good look good, and evil look evil.
Sadly, today’s media often makes bad look good. Not the case with The Hunger Games. This 2-hour-and-22 minute film will not only keep you on the edge of your seat, it paints a stark contrast between good and evil. It won’t take audiences long to recognize the many appearances of evil: hypocrisy, injustice, exploitation, complete disregard for human life…and plain ol’ murder.

Then there’s Katniss.

I’m not really giving away much of a spoiler when I tell you that Katniss, our heroine, begins the film by selflessly sacrificing herself, instead of a loved one, to take part in the heinous fight to the death known as the Hunger Games. Katniss demonstrates honor, mercy and self sacrifice throughout the film. Some might be bothered that she isn’t a pacifist—she does defend herself and others. But Katniss is a true hero, something we don’t always see or read about in stories today.

Social Commentary… without Selling Out
Let’s be real. The filmmakers had a tough job. How do you provide social commentary about a society entertained by “gladiators” … without becoming the very society you depict? I was impressed, if not amazed with director Gary Ross’ finished product. Ross artistically transformed the novel’s first person perspective so that audiences connected with Katniss, quickly empathizing with her, carrying her burdens…feeling her pain.

There’s a moment in the film where two lives are taken in one moment…and something happened in my theatre that I haven’t heard in years. The theatre literally gasped. Sadly, today’s movies are so chock-full of senseless violence, I’ve often heard laughter or cheers when someone is killed onscreen.

Not in The Hunger Games.

Ross created a mood that recognized the horror of killing. In The Hunger Games death is mourned. Noble heroes wept in this film. Many in the audience cried as well. I cried twice…but I cry easy.

In a way it reminds me of what Clint Eastwood did with his powerful film, Unforgiven. How often do films portray the mental anguish that one experiences after killing someone? In Unforgiven, we repeatedly see people experience the guilt and complete change of heart that occurs when they take someone else’s life. This is contrasted to a few characters who are numb to the effects of pulling the trigger.

Hunger Games paints a similar distinction. Killing isn’t to be taken lightly. Ethical lines are drawn in the sand.

Too intense for most kids under 13

And for the icing on the cake, Ross magically refrains from showing gratuitous violence. Don’t get me wrong. This film is probably too intense for most kids under 13. At times we see glimpses of the horror taking place, but Ross shows incredible discernment, making sure that his film doesn’t become a spectacle like the games themselves.

In short, The Hunger Games was heart wrenching, powerful and thought-provoking. I’ll be seeing it with my girls (14 and 16) this week with no hesitation. Will it make it to my Blu Ray shelf? The odds are highly in favor.

Jonathan McKee, president of The Source for Youth Ministry, is the author of numerous books including the new Candid Confessions of an Imperfect Parent, and youth ministry books like Ministry By Teenagers, Connect: Real Relationships in a World of Isolation, and the award winning book Do They Run When They See You Coming? Jonathan speaks and trains at conferences, churches and events across North America, all while providing free resources for youth workers and parents on his websites, TheSource4YM.com and TheSource4Parents.com. You can follow Jonathan on his blog, getting a regular dose of youth culture and parenting help. Jonathan and his wife Lori, and their three teenagers Alec, Alyssa and Ashley live in California.

How are the two of you doing?

The first thing you need to know is this: a baby won’t fix your marriage struggles. If you feel this is a good way to help your relationship then you are totally wrong. A baby complicates issues. You don’t have to have a perfect marriage, just don’t decide to have a baby as a cure.

Are you physically ready?

Schedule a checkup with your doctor for each of you and tell him/her what you are planning. You can get great advice on vitamins, supplements and discover any problems that need to be dealt with.  Just a heads up, especially for the guys: your sex life will change when baby arrives. You need to be prepared to take a back seat with your needs. Each woman is different but be ready for change.

Are you financially ready?

See a Financial Planner. You don’t need money to talk with a planner and most are free. Tell them your plans and ask for their advice. Ask about Disability Insurance and Life Insurance. Get a second opinion if you want. Start putting aside money right now for the baby’s needs. Talk with friends discretely about what you will need to purchase just to start out. Also make sure you have a current will. Check to see what policies your employer has for Leave of Absence, child care and any other benefits they may offer.

Take a Trip!

It’s great to celebrate your decision as a couple by taking a trip. Make sure you aren’t spending all your “baby” money but have fun!  This could be your last, “just the two of us” trip for some time, so make the most of it.

Waiting for the perfect situation?

Circumstances are never perfect.  For some couples waiting until they can “afford” a baby will launch them well past the age of fertility.  So keep this list in mind but don’t wait for life to be perfect, jump in!  Keep in mind that you afford what is important, both in time and in finances. Your children will be important.  You won’t have all the answers and life won’t be perfect, but you can do it!

So now that you have taken care of those details, end the birth control, learn your cycle and let the “trying” begin!

Take the next step:

Making the transition to motherhood
Choosing a name for baby
Video: And baby makes three
Tips for new Moms 

We heard shrill shouts and the dull thud of coconuts hitting the wall.

Outside, thick snowflakes floated in the silent Christmas sky. “Peace on earth,” the angels had sung 2,000 years ago. But I didn’t believe them, lying there terrified, my head buried in a pillow.

Earlier that night, we had gone to church. My family knelt in silence, as if peace were almost possible. From the life-size manger scene, a porcelain baby Jesus beamed a serene, painted smile. But my mother’s breath told me liquor already coursed through her veins. Baby Jesus’ saintly smile wouldn’t have stopped any of what took place that night. He was just a lifeless doll in his wooden manger.

And so it went, one dreadful Christmas after another. We had all the trappings in place: the toys, the turkey, the tree. But without fail, a few drinks too many fuelled the family feuds and ruined our Christmas.
Eventually, I moved far away from home, got married and had a daughter. Every year, I vowed we would have a simple celebration, the perfect holiday I never had as a child.

But even though liquor and violence no longer marred my Christmases, the seasonal bustle still disturbed the peace. On December 24, I found myself running from mall to mall, buying gifts people did not need, my frenzy hardly lulled by the Christmas carols seeping from the PA system. In January, I would still be scribbling greeting cards – purchased at a post-holiday sale – for those dear, distant friends and relatives.

“Oh, Not again!” I moaned whenever Christmas rolled around. So last year, I was delighted to discover I was going to have a baby in December. Here was the excuse to skip Christmas and dispense with the gifts, cards, and other seasonal exertions.

According to plan, my son Gabriel was born on December 13. But instead of warding off Christmas, as I had hoped, my little boy took me to the very heart of it.

It happened on Christmas Eve, when my family went to see the children’s musical put on by our church.
In the darkness, Gabriel on my lap, I watched the familiar story unfold. “No room,” the Bethlehem innkeeper told Mary and Joseph. The weary travellers found refuge in a stable, just in time for Mary to give birth to a boy – the Son of God.

Singing with exuberance, the children on stage bopped around Mary, who was cuddling a swaddled plastic doll. “I should have let her borrow my baby,” I thought idly. And then, it dawned on me. Mary’s son Jesus had been a baby boy just like the little guy in my arms.

Suddenly, baby Jesus came to life for me. Gone was the plastic doll. Gone were the porcelain Jesuses of my childhood. He was no longer a well-painted figure with a shining halo, a peach complexion and a maddening smile, but a real baby – soft, tiny, with a hazy gaze and wrinkled skin. A baby who needed to be nursed, diapered, rocked and kissed.

What an amazing thing! God had become human. He left the magnificence of heaven for a makeshift bed in a stable full of hay and manure. He made himself vulnerable so that all people would know God was not too great or too remote to be touched by human love.

As the play ended, I understood Christmas as an invitation from the baby Jesus to love Him from the depth of my flawed human heart, just like I loved my Gabriel.

The audience applauded and the lights came back on. People slowly left, but before I joined them, I gave Gabriel a happy hug.

My little guy with the angel’s name. He helped me grasp the essence of Christmas and understand that the baby in the manger was real. That night, the peace I had always longed for filled my heart.

Take a look at your life.  How would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times.  There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget.  In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new.  What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?

Living with hope

If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.

Is this the life for you?

If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.

Story from A Christmas Digest, © 1998, reprinted with permission