Studies show that about 40 million adults regularly visit Internet pornography sites (Microtrends, 2007, p. 276). That’s more than ten times the amount of people who regularly watch baseball. Which one, again, is America’s pastime? In fact, the ubiquity of porn is so great that it has now become the norm. Consider some statistics about pornography today:

- 70 percent of porn is downloaded between 9 am and 5 pm. 20 percent of men admit to accessing it while at work.
- In 2003, Today’s Christian Woman reported that 53 percent of men at that year’s Promise Keepers Convention admitted visiting a porn site the week before.
- According to Leadership Journal, 40 percent of pastors admit to visiting a pornographic website.
- Revenue from Internet porn exceeds by nearly a 2 to 1 ratio, the combined revenues of ABC, CBS, and NBC (Microtrends, 277)
- 25% of all searches are for sex, which is the number one search term people plug into Google and Yahoo!
- Sales of pornographic material on the Internet surpass the cumulative sales of all other products sold online (George Barna, Boiling Point: It Takes One Degree: Monitoring Cultural Shifts in the 21st Century, p. 223)
- 70% of 18-24 year-olds visit a pornographic website in a typical month (Pamela Paul, Pornified, 15).
- Average age of first Internet exposure to pornography is 11 years old (www.familysafemedia.com).

The pornography revolution

Consider three ways pornography has changed over the past few years. First, it is more accessible. People used to have to travel to seedy parts of town to get pornography, but now it comes looking for us—and our kids—while we surf the Internet or watch cable TV. Mark Penn, author of Microtrends says, “Where this may have the greatest impact is with teens who once bought illicit magazines, and then acquired videos. Now they have access through the Web” (p. 278). One result, he says, is that the age of first sexual contact is decreasing.

Second, pornography is now more accepted. Pornography is now seamlessly integrated into popular culture. Just ask yourself a simple question: When was the last time you heard the merits of pornography even being debated? For the most part the debate has died down, because it has become largely accepted. Women’s magazines regularly discuss porn but from a new perspective—how women can introduce it into their own lives. One Rolling Stones article said, “Until recently, public fraternizing with a porn star was pretty much a no-no; now it lends the musicians an aura of danger and intrigue.” A 2004 video game entitled, The Guy Game features women exposing their breasts when they answer questions incorrectly, available for X-Box and Playstation 2. It didn’t even get an “Adults-only” rating. In Pornified Pamela Paul observed, “Girls today emulate porn stars in the same way earlier generations gyrated to Madonna” (184). Pornography is largely accepted in society.

Third, pornography is more aggressive. Porn has become increasingly violent and nonconsensual. In one study, 25% of porn magazines showed some form of violence, ranging from verbal aggression to torture to mutilation, compared with 27% of pornographic videos. Usenet groups on the Internet depicted violence 42% of the time (Pornified, 58). The lines between hard-core and soft-core pornography are no longer distinguishable—everything is available easily online. Pamela Paul noted: “Soft-core pornography has become part and parcel of the mainstream media. The majority of men interviewed for this book [Pornified] did not consider Playboy—once the epitome of the genre—to even be pornography at all, because it doesn’t depict actual sex acts. ‘True’ pornography today is confined to the hardcore.” (5)

Pornography shapes a worldview

Viewing pornography shapes the worldview of young people (and really, all people). Sadly, pornography is now the primary place that kids learn about sex. In Forbidden Fruit, Mark Regnerus notes that, “Filmmakers understand that Internet pornography is certainly the primary—and for some, only—sexual education that teenagers now receive. Debates about whether educators will or will not address oral sex or anal sex or condoms or gay or lesbian sex are quickly becoming utterly irrelevant, since a few clicks of a mouse will bring any of us to a demonstration of exactly how each is performed and ‘experienced’” (p. 59). In one study, 60% of boys said they had learned “some” or “a lot” from porn” (Forbidden Fruit, 189).

The problem is that kids tend to think that sex online is not only real sex (sometimes it is), but normal sex. Consider just some of the implicit messages of heterosexual pornography: (1) all women want sex from men; (2) Women like all sexual acts men perform or demand; (3) Any woman who does not at first realize this can be persuaded with a little force.

Without exception, the more porn people watch, the more likely they are to believe that others are sexually active and adventurous. Porn gives the idea that sexual pleasure can be entirely divorced from a healthy relationship. In a study of 600 junior high school students over 66% of the males and 40% of females reported wanting to try out some of the sexual behaviors they had witnessed. In high school 31% of the males and 18% of the females admitted actually doing some of the things they had seen in the porn within a few days after exposure (Donna Rice Hughes, Kids Online: Protecting Your Children in Cyberspace).

Why is pornography so appealing?

Pornography meets a deeper need in many men (and women) beyond physical pleasure. For instance, porn depicts sex as an easy process, which is a welcome refuge for many young people from the difficult world of sexual politics they encounter every day. The user is put in complete control. In reality, men can reject women and make them feel inferior. But porn, on the other hand, offers sex without risk, vulnerability and humiliation. In Pornified, Pamela Paul says, “In the porn fantasy, a guy is no longer that tech geek that nobody liked in junior high school or the awkward college student lacking in social skills. In his mind’s eye—despite a paucity of dates and a sexual history confined to the girl from math class—he has always gotten the woman he wants.” (44)

Pornography is so alluring to young people is because many lack the healthy relationships God designed them to have. When we do not have intimate, healthy relationships, we are susceptible to all kinds of addictions, including pornography. In Hurt (2005), youth ministry expert Chap Clarks notes that one of the defining characteristics of young people today is their sense of loneliness from broken relationships with significant adults. No wonder so many are drawn to pornography.

What can we do?

Here are some quick thoughts for parents, youth workers, teachers, and others who care about reaching young people who struggle with Internet porn.

First, in talking to kids about sex and pornography it’s important to balance expectations with information. Most conservatives tend to talk about values, but not discuss the realities of pornography. Mark Regnerus, author of Forbidden Fruit, observed, “Balancing information about sexuality with expectations about boundaries is a rare but optimal approach to a well-rounded, morally sensitive sexual socialization and is appreciated by most teenagers” (204).

Second, Create open dialogue with your kids or kids you work with. Once again Mark Regnerus said, “Open dialogue about sex is clearly not the norm among devoutly religious families” (75). Be willing to listen, share, and engage in genuine discussion about this critical topic.

Third, don’t just discuss the negatives of pornography, but praise the benefits of God-ordained sex. Most young people are getting only a negative message about sex, but we have to show that God’s design for sex is clearly the best.

Fourth, never judge or shame a young person. Let them know that your opinion of them has not changed. Kids will shut down if they think you are looking down on them or judging them.

And of course, preach forgiveness and grace. Let kids know and personally experience the incredible grace of God. No one by their own strength can defeat the temptations of this world. In fact, it’s only when we truly admit our weakness that we can truly be strengthened by God to succeed.

Take the next step:

The Affects of Porn on Marriage
Sex Addiction
Struggling with porn? Talk to us.

Take the next step:

Are you a woman struggling with porn?
Is porn taking over your marriage?

Take the next step:
Learn how God can help with your porn addiction
What are the effects of pornography?
Do you need someone to talk to about your struggle with porn?

Take a look at your life. How would you describe it?

Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times. If stress dominates your life, you could be looking to move passed those situations. It’s hard to cope with stress when you can’t put the past behind you. In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new. What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?

Are you ready to choose a different path?

Jesus came, and died, and rose again to wipe the slate clean. He was scourged, tormented, and finally nailed on the cross for humankind’s sins – this was all part of God’s plan to bring you and I back into relationship with him. God wants to be a part of your life … in fact, not just a part of your life, but wants you to live in full fellowship with Him. Is this the life for you?

God loves you and created you to know Him personally. He longs for you to have the kind of full life you were always meant to have. So why do people not experience this kind of life? People are lost and separated from God, so we cannot know Him personally or experience His love. Because of our sins, we justly deserve judgement. But God provided his Son, Jesus Christ, as the only provision for our sin. He died in our place, then he rose from the dead.

We must individually trust Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord; then we can know God personally, receive forgiveness for our sins, and experience His love: “As many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God” (John 1:12)

We trust God through faith. You can trust Christ right now by faith through prayer! (Prayer is just talking with God.) God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. The following is a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I need you. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive You as my Savior and Lord. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of the throne of my life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be.

Does this prayer express the desire of your heart?

Take the next step:
Are you living a double life?
Does porn affect your marriage?
Do you or your spouse need to talk to someone about sexual intimacy and addiction?

This resource coupled with a professional opinion would be even better.  We recommend that you go ask your medical doctor to rule out any physical issues.  We also recommend a counselor for emotional or psychological help.  If this issue is impacting your marriage, you need to find help together with a counselor.  For those with psychological issues perhaps due to abuse we strongly recommend seeing a psychologist, someone who specializes in abuse issues if that issue pertains.

We have mentors ready to talk to you at any time. Mentoring is free and confidential.

Related Books

General Sexual information:

• The Gift of Sex: A Guide to Sexual Fulfillment by: Cliff and Joyce Penner
• The Good Girls’ Guide to Great Sex By: Sheila Wray Gregoire
• Intimate Issues: 21 Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex by: Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus

Intimacy Restored:

• Kiss Me Again: Restoring Lost Intimacy in Marriage by: Barbara Wilson
• Restoring the Pleasure Complete Step-by-Step Programs to Help Couples Overcome the Most Common Sexual Barriers by Cliff and Joyce Penner

Sexual Abuse Recovery:

• On The Threshold of Hope by: Diane Langberg
• The Wounded Heart: Hope For Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse by: Dan Allender
• The Wounded Heart Workbook: A Companion Workbook for Personal or Group Use by: Dan Allender

Sexual Past:

• The Invisible Bond: How to Break Free From Your Sexual Past by: Barbara Wilson

Libido Issues:

• The Sex Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido by: Michele Weiner Davis
• The Sex Starved Wife: What To Do When He’s Lost Desire by: Michele Weiner Davis

Take the next step:
Porn affects your sex life. And for women, sex really does start in their brains.
Women struggle with porn addiction too.

Take the next step:

How can porn be harmful?
Porn may be replacing sex

Take the next step:

How can you improve your sex life without porn?
Have you felt the effects of internet porn?

Take the next step:

How can you help your husband battle pornography?
Are you a man struggling with porn?
How can porn affect your husband?

It’s one thing to read all the stats about porn addiction

How do you deal with the struggle? It comes down to three things: triggers, pathways and choices you make. Triggers at the things that get your brain thinking about porn.  Pay attention to what happens just before you go looking for porn.  Are you bored? Tired?  Has there been a  lack of sex with your wife? (If this is the excuse to you for using porn check out what Dr. Doug Weiss says about it .

Next, look at the pathway you use to get the porn. How easy is it for you to get it? Boredom and tiredness are huge factors why men turn to porn so deal with pathways. Make it difficult to get to. Put internet filters on your computer. Do whatever it takes during the times you don’t feel the urge so that you protect yourself when you do. Go to www.xxxchurch.com for help.

Here is the crux of the whole deal: now that you have observed your triggers and pathways what choices do you make?  What will you do to change? Gary Thomas issues a challenge that made me wonder if husbands have the guts to take it on. Here is his challenge: when you are tempted by pornography do something to build your marriage by doing a service that honors your wife.

If you are thinking, “I can do that. No problem.” you’re fooling yourself.  In fact it is a struggle greater than men want to admit.  For me I have to admit I need strength that comes from outside of me.  I make a request from Jesus.  I need His power.  Does it work?  Oh yes, I dare you to try it.

Know your triggers and pathways. Deal with them or porn will slowly smother you and your relationships. If you are looking for some books check out: When Good Men are Tempted, Everyman’s Battle, Pure Eyes and Final Freedom.

Family Life offers hope for struggling marriages. Here is a resource for sexual issues. Watch this  related video:  Help I’m addicted to Porn.

Are you struggling with porn? Do you need to talk? Either contact us privately by filling out this form and one of our mentors will contact you or make a comment about this article below the form.