Then, when we know that we’re not really in the mood for an amazing, earth-shattering experience, we feel like it would be dishonest to go ahead and have sex. So we don’t do anything at all. We roll over and say goodnight and wait for a night where we might actually be breathless and wanting it–even if such nights only occur about every six weeks (or six months), if we’re lucky.

But here’s the truth about female libido: normally we aren’t breathless until we start making love. Our libido isn’t like a man’s; we don’t typically feel “hot” before we start. We usually need some stimulation to help things get going. And interestingly, the more women have sex, the easier it is to become aroused. The less often women have sex, the harder it is to become aroused. It’s not like if we deprive ourselves for a long time, that makes it even hotter. It’s actually the opposite. The less you do it, the less you want to do it. Your body just forgets about its sex drive.

Have you ever heard the term maintenance sex? Maintenance sex is not a Hollywood idea where every encounter is supposedly incredible.  Maintenance sex is a real marriage term. In real marriage I think maintenance sex is important. It keeps the juices flowing, so to speak.  So maintenance sex is not just about pleasing him; it’s sort of like making love as a promise to him and to yourself:  I’m doing this because sex is important in our relationship. I’m doing this because I believe sex is great, even if the earth doesn’t always move for me. And I’m doing this because I know that the earth will move for me soon, even if it’s not tonight.

Now, if the earth NEVER moves for you, check out Why Doesn’t Sex Fell That Good to Me?  To Love Honor and Vacuum, my blog has numerous other articles about women and sex.

Remember that maintenance sex helps him feel good about the relationship, keeps you connected, and helps your own libido. So don’t forget about sex until you really want to. Make love regularly. It doesn’t have to take a ton of time.  Just throw yourself into it, and you’ll likely find that your improved attitude makes it a lot more fun!

How are the two of you doing?

The first thing you need to know is this: a baby won’t fix your marriage struggles. If you feel this is a good way to help your relationship then you are totally wrong. A baby complicates issues. You don’t have to have a perfect marriage, just don’t decide to have a baby as a cure.

Are you physically ready?

Schedule a checkup with your doctor for each of you and tell him/her what you are planning. You can get great advice on vitamins, supplements and discover any problems that need to be dealt with.  Just a heads up, especially for the guys: your sex life will change when baby arrives. You need to be prepared to take a back seat with your needs. Each woman is different but be ready for change.

Are you financially ready?

See a Financial Planner. You don’t need money to talk with a planner and most are free. Tell them your plans and ask for their advice. Ask about Disability Insurance and Life Insurance. Get a second opinion if you want. Start putting aside money right now for the baby’s needs. Talk with friends discretely about what you will need to purchase just to start out. Also make sure you have a current will. Check to see what policies your employer has for Leave of Absence, child care and any other benefits they may offer.

Take a Trip!

It’s great to celebrate your decision as a couple by taking a trip. Make sure you aren’t spending all your “baby” money but have fun!  This could be your last, “just the two of us” trip for some time, so make the most of it.

Waiting for the perfect situation?

Circumstances are never perfect.  For some couples waiting until they can “afford” a baby will launch them well past the age of fertility.  So keep this list in mind but don’t wait for life to be perfect, jump in!  Keep in mind that you afford what is important, both in time and in finances. Your children will be important.  You won’t have all the answers and life won’t be perfect, but you can do it!

So now that you have taken care of those details, end the birth control, learn your cycle and let the “trying” begin!

Take the next step:

Making the transition to motherhood
Choosing a name for baby
Video: And baby makes three
Tips for new Moms 

This is the time of year when many people look at their debt situation and shudder.

They’ll begin with high hopes. But many of them will quit before reaching their goal, disappointed, discouraged and defeated. Is there something that they could have done differently that would have given them a better chance at success? I think so.

You can find all kinds of advice about how to get out of debt. The web is full of the stuff. But, when you boil it all down, there are three things that form a foundation for a get out of debt effort.

1. Don’t expect immediate results. You won’t be getting out of debt in a matter of days or weeks. The only way to eliminate your debts quickly is to inherit a large sum of money, win the lottery or declare bankruptcy. The first two are unlikely. The third may remove debts quickly, but you’ll suffer with a lower credit score for years to come.

Recognize that it will probably take about as long to get out of debt as it took you to get into it. You can speed up the process but you won’t eliminate debt that took 10 years to accumulate in 10 months. You can shorten the time by being aggressive in your payback plan, but it still will be a long process.

What’s the take-away? You need to be prepared for a marathon race. This is not a sprint. If you’re prepared for the long haul you won’t be disappointed and discouraged when a year passes and you haven’t eliminated all your debts. You’ll expect a long battle and be ready to fight it.

2. You need a good plan. A good plan will stand the test of time. The longer you work with a good plan, the more you appreciate its usefulness. There are a number of good plans readily available. You may find that one is particularly well suited to your situation.

Any good plan will have a number of characteristics:

1. It will include all your debts. That’s important to help you see the whole picture.
2. It will help you evaluate exactly how bad your debt situation is. Not only will you know how much you owe, but you’ll know how much it’s costing you in interest each month/year.
3. It will include a priority of which debts to pay off first – smallest to biggest? Highest to lowest interest rate?
4. It will allow you to know how much money you’ll have each month to repay debts.
5. It will free you from having decisions to make each month. You know how much money you’ll have and which debt is being reduced first. The decision is already made. It’s just a matter of executing your plan.
6. It will allow you to calculate an approximate date that you’ll be debt free.
7. It will help you monitor your progress. You should be able to predict where you’ll be 6 months from now. And, then compare your actual results to that prediction.
8. It will take your personality into account. Some people need the motivation of seeing many small accounts being repaid quickly.
9. Others are happier watching the average interest rate their paying decrease each month. A good plan will be tailored to your personality.

A good plan will do all those things. Some offer other bells and whistles. But any good plan should do all of the above things. If your plan doesn’t do them, keep looking for one that does. This job is hard enough with a good plan. Don’t weigh yourself down with a bad one.

3.  Find a way to keep yourself motivated throughout the process. Once again, you’ll need to know what would encourage you when you’re thinking of quitting. For some people, rewards along the way work well. Perhaps a nice dinner or that coffee maker you’ve wanted would be a good reward when your car loan is repaid. Knowing that a reward is within reach could be enough to keep you going.

For others one big reward at the end is the best motivation. I know of people who’ve wanted to go on a cruise for years. They’ve added the cost of the cruise to their debts. And when it’s all paid off they’ll be packing their bags. To remind them now, they’ve posted pictures of cruise ships around the house as a continual reminder.

Getting out of debt is a tough challenge, but it’s a worthwhile one. And it’s one that you can accomplish with the right tools and sufficient determination!

Take the next step:
Managing debt starts with a plan
Digging out of debt 
Take a lesson: How to beat stress

1. Men would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected. Husbands need to know that their wives respect them both privately and publicly. Men thrive when they know that their wives trust them, admire them and believe in them. Shaunti Feldhahn’s research indicated that men would rather sense the loss of loving feelings from their wives than to be disrespected by them.
2. A man’s anger is often a response to feeling disrespected by his wife. When a husband becomes angry with his wife, he may not come out and say, “You’re disrespecting me!” But, there is a good likelihood that he is feeling stung by something his wife has done which he considers disrespectful and humiliating.
3. Men are insecure. Men are afraid that they aren’t cutting it in life — not just at work, but at home, in their role as a husband. They may never vocalize this, but inwardly, they are secretly vulnerable. The antidote? Affirmation. To men, affirmation from their wives is everything! If they don’t receive this affirmation from their wives, they’ll seek it elsewhere. When they receive regular and genuine affirmation from their wives (not flattery, by the way), they become much more secure and confident in all areas of their lives.
4. Men feel the burden of being the provider for their family. Intellectually, it doesn’t matter how much or little a man makes, or whether or not his wife makes more or less money in her career. Men simply bear the emotional burden of providing for their family. It’s not a burden they’ve chosen to bear. Men are simply wired with this burden. As such, it is never far from their minds and can result in the feeling of being trapped. While wives cannot release their husbands from this burden, they can relieve it through a healthy dose of appreciation, encouragement and support.
5. Men want more sex. Everyone’s natural response to this is probably, “Duh!” But, that response is probably for the wrong reason. We primarily assume that men want more sex with their wives due to their physical wiring (their “needs”). But, surprisingly, Shaunti Feldhahn’s research showed that the reason men want more sex is because of their strong need to be desired by their wives. Men simply need to be wanted. Regular, fulfilling sex is critical to a man’s sense of feeling loved and desired.
6. Sex means more than sex. When men feel their wives desire them sexually, it has a profound effect on the rest of their lives. It gives them an increasing sense of confidence and well-being that carries over into every other area of his life. The flipside of this coin also carries a profoundly negative affect. When a husband feels rejected sexually, he not only feels his wife is rejecting him physically, but that she is somehow rejecting his life as a husband, provider and man. This is why making sex a priority in marriage is so incredibly important!
7. Men struggle with visual temptation. This means the vast majority of men respond to visual images when it comes to women. And, this doesn’t just mean the guys with wandering eyes. Even the most godly husband cannot avoid noticing a woman who dresses in a way that draws attention to her body. Even if it is just a glance, these visual images are stored away in the male brain as a sort of “visual rolodex” that will reappear without any warning. Men can choose whether to dwell on these images and memories or dismiss them, but they can’t control when these images appear.
8. Men enjoy romance, but doubt their skills to be romantic. True, many men appear to be unromantic clods, but it doesn’t mean that they want to be that way! Men want to be romantic, but they just doubt their ability to pull it off. They are plagued by internal hesitations, perceiving the risk of humiliation and failure as too high. Wives can do a great deal to increase their husbands’ confidence in their romantic skills through encouragement and redefining what romance looks like. For example, a wife may balk when her husband asks her to go along to the hardware store, but it’s likely that he’s asking because he sees it as a time they can get away as a couple and hang out together. What’s not romantic about that?
9. Men care about their wife’s appearance. This isn’t saying that all men want their wives to look like the latest supermodel. What men really want is to know that their wives are making an effort to take care of themselves (and not letting themselves go) because it matters to them (the husbands!). Husbands appreciate the efforts their wives make to maintain their attractiveness.
10. Men want their wives to know how much they love them. This was the number one response of men. Men aren’t confident in their ability to express this, but they love their wives dearly. Men want to show how much they love their wives and long for them to understand this fact.

Facebook has dominated our world!

If you’ve been on the sidelines waiting for “the fad” to fade or have been dabbling with social media and waiting for the frenzy to die down, it is not going away anytime soon.  Facebook has cemented itself so much into our culture and way of life that it’s here to stay. In this season of new commitments and hopeful promises, here’s a bit of New Year’s advice: get on the social media train!

To help you get more out of social media (and for social media to get more out of you), here are 11 resolutions for you to consider as we kick off a new year:

1. Join the party – If you’ve been a social media spectator until now, start participating. Connect with people you know on Facebook, network with people in your field of business with LinkedIn, or exchange information with people you may or may not know on Twitter. You could also find some other social network to join so that the multi-dimensional, real-time interactions become a part of you and you become a part of it. The party is waiting for you to arrive!

2. Engage more – There are a lot of different names for them: virtual voyeurs, online lurkers, or Facebook gawkers. While they’ve joined a social network, these people just read what others are posting, and keep to themselves. That’s like going to a party, sitting in the corner and watching people have a good time, listening into their conversations, and ignoring anyone trying to talk to you. If this describes you, then this social media resolution is all about you! There’s a reason social media is called SOCIAL…people engage with each other.  Go ahead and give it a try!

3. Watch the clock – Social media can be really addictive. Especially when you’re starting out. For some, reality and virtual reality get so intertwined that they can’t seem to separate the two. For others, their online connections take precedence over their real-time relationships. If you spend more than two hours a day on social media sites, set a timer for a certain amount of time (15-60 minutes) and once the alarm goes off, log off until the next day. Watching the clock with social media will give you time to pay attention to the more important things of life, like your kids, your spouse and your health.

4. Be interesting – There is a reason people connect with you through social media: they want to get to know you better. Stop hiding behind other people’s quotes or passing on something someone else has posted.  Speak for yourself!  Don’t stress out if nobody responds to your post.  Find your voice and let it be heard (or read) and you’ll be surprised how much more fulfilling social media can be.

5. Branch out – Most people embarked on the online network journey with Facebook. If you feel like you’ve got a good grasp on your Facebook friends, try making connections on LinkedIn, or follow and be followed on Twitter. So many of these sites are interconnected, making it easy to jump from one social network to another, yet each site offers something unique, different and worthwhile. Get adventurous and go explore another social media site – you might be surprised by what you discover!

6. Set up guard rails – There is a line between doing the right thing and wrong thing with social media. The challenge is that there’s no map pointing out where that line is. There’s no set of written rules or a list of proper social media etiquette. Unfortunately, people usually discover the line by crossing it. Be proactive. Set up your own set of boundaries (e.g. rules and etiquette) to protect yourself, your marriage and your family. Guard rails prevent problems from happening, and keep issues from getting out of hand if a problem does arise.

7. Have “the talk”- If you’re in a relationship and involved with social media, then a conversation about how social media impacts your relationship is inevitable. The question is: will the discussion occur before or after a relationship-related issue erupts? By setting up some mutual guard rails, agreed upon time limits and other social media house rules, couples and families can avoid a lot of headache, heartache and hassle. This is not the type of discussion you can text, IM, email, or video chat. You need to get face-to-face and TALK.

8. Go mobile – All the experts predict that in the near future, more people will shift a bulk of their internet and social media experience to a smartphone. Millions of people already access social media sites from their mobile phone. And millions more will make the leap to greater mobility. Why not you? It’s the way of the future for the internet, social media and gaming.  Give it a try!

9. Avoid the drama – We all have them – high-maintenance Facebook friends. They post status updates intended to create a reaction. They comment on updates that spark drama. They have something to say about everything, and nothing is off limits. You cringe when you see their profile picture. This is the year to move beyond “Hide” and discover how to unfriend or block your if-it-were-TV-they’d-be-a-featured-guest-on-Jerry-Springer friend.

10. Show P.D.A. the right way – People post updates as a substitute for a thank you card or to publicly show appreciation to someone. The problem is, their attempt to bring a virtual ego-boost to the person fails miserably and the person never sees the written praises. Make this the year of learning how to correctly hotlink people on Facebook. Just typing their name does not ensure they see it. Add the “@” sign in front of their name and they will see your special display of affection.

11. Give credit where credit is due – Plagiarism is rampant within social media. Cite the source when you’re sharing info, videos, pictures, or links. When using someone else’s update as your own, at least give them credit.  A simple citation of who you got whatever you’re sharing from is the right thing to do.

Play your part in social media and let it play its part in your life!

Take the next step:

Facebook for couples: 8 Things to do today
 Learn to speak your spouse’s love language
What’s your communication style?

The carols try to tell us that this is a calm and silent time of year. But for most of us, the weeks leading up to Christmas can be anything but calm. You know the drill: office parties, shopping, baking, wrapping, relatives, Christmas plays and everyone’s favorite - family pictures. It’s enough to leave even the strongest among us exhausted. Can we slow things down a little so we can enjoy the season again? Does anyone have time for that?

Whatever your plans for the season, don’t let them overtake your holiday. Remember Dr. Seuss’s classic tale How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Christmas will come without all the wrappings and bows, it will still come if the turkey isn’t perfect, if your tree is a little lop-sided or the dog decides to help you ‘redecorate’.

There are ways to put a little relaxation back into your Christmas season without adding too much to your busy schedule. As we get closer and closer to the 25th, try a couple of these simple ideas and remember what enjoying the holiday feels like.

1. Host a coloring party. Coloring parties are a tradition I learned from my Mom’s friend Gail. Every Christmas the local hospital sells large (3′ x 2′) coloring books as a fund raiser and Gail uses these as the center of her get together. Friends are invited to bring a little of their Christmas baking and come over for a morning of coffee and coloring. Upon arriving, everyone gathers around the coloring books on the kitchen table and dives into brand new packs of crayons with the glee of five-year-olds. The conversation flows. It is a relaxed, non threatening time, a great way to catch up with old friends, an easy way to get to know new neighbors.
2. Choose one or two people from your list and make their present. Making gifts gives you a great excuse to go off somewhere by yourself for a few hours. Put on your favorite music, light a pine scented candle and enjoy the quiet as you work. The possibilities for hand-made gifts are endless.
3. Attend a local highschool or college concert. Most school bands and choirs put on Christmas concerts and the entrance fee is almost always minimal. Grab a friend or the whole family and support local musicians while relaxing and getting into the Christmas spirit.
4. Read your favorite children’s Christmas story. Find a quiet corner, a cup of cocoa, and favorite blanket and curl up a read the story you most loved as a child. How the Grinch Stole Christmas and The Night Before Christmas are classics, or better yet, read the original Christmas story in the Bible in the book of Luke (Luke 2:1-20).
5. Reflect on the season. Christmas is many things to many people, but at the heart of all the celebrating and festivities is a baby born in a manger. In Bethlehem, two thousand years ago God sent his son into the world. The Bible tells us that Jesus was not sent into the world to condemn it, but to save it. Many churches put on special Christmas pageants that portray the story of Jesus, who he is and what he came to earth to do. Why not take in a performance over the next few weeks and rediscover the true reason for the season?

“Peace on Earth” is a phrase you see everywhere this time of year. For many of us, we have to wonder where that peace is? Who is at peace? What about countries that are at war? Is “Peace on Earth” even possible in this day and age? Peace on Earth is possible, and it can start with you. You can find peace through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Saviour and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of woman you want me to be.

If this prayer expresses the desire of your heart, pray it right now and Christ will come into your life as He promised. If you invited Jesus Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.

Christmas is a time to remember the gift of love that was given to us. May your days be merry and bright and may the love that sparked the season find you in the days and weeks to come.

Watch Not Sold

Are you lonely this Christmas? Come talk to a mentor.

In 1962 I was preaching in Indianapolis, Indiana. I was single and it was Christmas time. I was heading home to Michigan to enjoy the holidays with my family.

It was an extremely cold day and it was snowing. The wind was howling out of the north, blowing thick clouds of fine flakes across the road – it was like a blizzard. The roads were icy in places and there was little traffic. Somewhere near Ft. Wayne, Indiana, I saw a soldier standing under an overpass.

He had a green army cap pulled as tight and low as possible over his head, his collar was pulled up around his ears, his hands were shoved down in his pockets and he had a stuffed duffel bag standing beside him.

Surely I can’t pick him up…

I was driving a Chevrolet Corvette and I was going very fast – faster than I should have been, considering the road conditions. As I sped by, the soldier jerked one hand out of his pocket and raised his thumb.

My Corvette had two seats – not a front and a back seat, but two seats side by side – and I was in one of them. The trunk was big enough to hold three loaves of bread and a pound of lunchmeat. Not only was my limited trunk space stuffed full with the clothes and boots I would need for my stay in Michigan, the front seat was stacked high as well, with the presents that I had purchased for my folks and my nieces and nephews.

When I saw the soldier, I was going much too fast to stop and I was well down the highway before I gave it much thought.

I told myself that I couldn’t possibly get him and his duffel bag in the car – I debated about the terrible inconvenience and delay it would cause if I did, and by the time I decided that perhaps I ought to at least offer to help, I was two miles down the road and out of sight.

But my Christmas conscience really went to work on me. It was so cold, traffic was almost nonexistent – he was a soldier – and it was Christmas. The inner battle raged for another three miles. Finally, I decided I would never get any peace unless I offered to help, so I made a u-turn and went back. I hoped with all my heart that someone else had picked him up. That way, I could satisfy my conscience and not be inconvenienced – wouldn’t that be great?

No such luck

But he was still there, looking more forlorn, lonely and cold than ever. I was disgusted. I pulled up and rolled down the window. He came running, stumbling on his numb feet, dragging the duffel bag. He leaned over and stuck his head in the window. His face was bluish, his teeth were chattering, his eyebrows and eyelashes were matted with frozen snow and he could scarcely speak intelligibly.

“Thanks so much for stopping.” He said. “I had about given up hope.” That was not what I wanted to hear.

“Where are you going?” I asked, hoping that it was in some direction that would alleviate me from further responsibility.

“I live in Michigan, in Taylor Township,” he said hopefully. That was really discouraging. It wasn’t directly on my way, but it wasn’t too much out of my way either.

“I’m going to Royal Oak,” I said reluctantly.

“Oh,” he said, “I know where that is. That’s great! If I could just ride with you to Ann Arbor, it would mean a lot to me. I’m almost frozen; I can’t feel my ears or feet any more,” he said plaintively.

“I don’t think I can possibly get both you and your things in.” I said.

“If you’ll let me, I’ll get in – I promise you. I’ve been standing here for three hours.”

I told him to try getting in and we begin rearranging things. The duffel bag was almost as big as he was and there was only one place for it – the passenger seat. No matter how he put it in the car, he couldn’t get in himself. I suggested that maybe he could hide it somewhere and come back for it later. He said he couldn’t possibly do that; it had his kids’ Christmas presents in it and he wasn’t going anywhere without it. I finally got out, walked around the car, and told him to sit in the passenger seat. As he sat there, I wedged the duffel bag between his legs and between the floor and the roof of the car. I sandwiched all of my presents around him – and I slammed the door. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t see out either the windshield or his side window – but he was in. I still don’t know how we did it.

Doing the right thing

Once he began to get warm, he began to talk. I found out he was stationed at Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri.

“Didn’t I see you go by about five minutes ago?” he asked. I really felt stupid.

“Yes.” I said very matter of factly.

“You mean you turned around and came back?” I nodded an affirmative.

“Why would you do that?” I paused a long moment.

“Well, you see, I was raised in a home where helping people who were in need was very important. In addition, I’m a minister – actually, it’s more than that – I’m a Christian, and if it weren’t for that, I’d probably still be going. I have as hard a time doing the right thing as most folks. I fought with this decision for five miles – it’s Jesus who makes me do things like turn around and come back. When I don’t do the right thing, I have this feeling He’s looking at me and He’s so disappointed that I can’t stand it.”

Conviction sets in

“Oh!” he said. “You don’t know how that convicts me. I’m going to tell you something I never thought I’d tell anybody. I’m no Christian, but my wife is the best person in the whole world and she goes to church all the time and takes the kids. Truthfully, I’ve done everything I could to discourage her, but she just keeps going. She’s trying all the time to get me to go, telling me that someday I’m going to wish I had.

“Do you know why I’m here hitchhiking? Let me tell you a little story. I was turned down for holiday leave because I got drunk and caused some trouble at the base. I was sick about it. I haven’t seen my wife and kids for six months. A friend of mine, who’s single, found out at the last minute that his folks were coming to visit some relatives who live close to the base during the holidays. He went to our commanding officer and volunteered to take my duty, if he would let me go home.

“He gave me permission, but I had spent all my money buying presents, which I was going to mail home, so I decided to start hitchhiking. My family doesn’t even know I’m coming. I wasn’t sure I’d make it and I didn’t want to disappoint them. I’ve been standing there for three hours, thinking. I watched folks drive by and it occurred to me that some of them must be Christians and it made me feel pretty bitter – until I got to thinking about what a lousy person I am, and I knew if I was them, that I probably wouldn’t stop either.

“Let me tell you something embarrassing – I got so cold, so lonely and so desperate that I started to pray – honest to God I did – it was so humiliating. I told God that if he would help me, I’d do better. And you know what? About that time you showed up and you told me that you came back because of Jesus – now what do you make of that?

“Well, first I’d say that maybe there’s more to Christianity than either of us thought, and second, I’d say you’d better start doing better.”

I found out exactly where he lived and we agreed that I could get him pretty close before I had to go in another direction. I think I knew what I was going to do long before I actually said anything. As we approached where I was going to let him out, I told him that I had made up my mind to take him home.

Home for Christmas

About two hours later, we pulled up in his driveway. It was almost dark. He was really excited. He asked me to blow my horn, and I did. A few minutes passed and the inside door opened slowly. The glass in the outside door was frosted over and whoever was looking out could only tell that there was a car in the driveway. The outside door opened, and a five or six year old, barefooted, pyjamaed boy peeked around the door. When he saw my sports car, he came out on the porch and peered intently at us. His dad opened the door and stepped out.

“Hi David, it’s Daddy. I’m home for Christmas!” He started to say more, but the boy had seen the uniform and heard the voice.

The boy’s face lit up and he turned back into the house. I could hear him distinctly – “Mama, Daddy’s home,” he yelled shrilly. “Daddy’s home! Mama! Mama! Daddy’s home for Christmas!”

The door opened again and it didn’t open slowly this time – it was thrown open. A woman dressed in a bathrobe and house slippers came running down the steps, her hair flying in the wind, oblivious to the snow and the cold, eyes and mouth opened wide with excitement with joy etched in every line of her face.

“Oh, Carl,” she said. “Oh, Carl, you’re home. Praise God, you’re home. The kids and I have been praying every day that, somehow, God would send you home.” She was followed by a skinny, fair-haired, ten-year-old girl.

They kissed and hugged and laughed and cried, and they danced in the cold and the snow until the soldier finally disentangled himself from them long enough to introduce me.

Incredible reunion

“This is John,” he said. “He’s a minister and he’s also a Christian, and if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be here. And I’m going to tell you something, Sandy right here and now. I told John that I promised God that I was going to do better and I am. I’m going to stop drinking, be a better husband, a better father – a better man – and we’re going to start going to church together.”

I have never witnessed such gratitude in my life. They all had to hug me and kiss me – even the two-year-old – and they told me what a blessing I was to them and that they owed me a debt they could never pay.

Carl was home.

I think at that moment, home meant more to him perhaps, than it would ever mean again. Home was somehow brighter, warmer, more dear to me than it had ever been before.

Every human longing – bound up in the inherent yearning to be loved and to be “home” and to experience the peace and security that “home” signifies – has found its fulfillment in Jesus who said, “I go to prepare a place for you.” Everything we ever dreamed of home being – what it was or was not – is in that place. Jesus has given purpose, even to the dream of death, because for those who know God – that is the way home. Jesus comes to us in many ways. He came to me in the form of a freezing soldier trying to get home for Christmas. He came to a freezing soldier in the form of a young minister trying to find his way to God. Either one of us could have missed Him. Jesus will come to you this Christmas, too, and His coming will be in an unexpected way – don’t miss Him.

Do you want to know God and have him heal your life? God wants to meet you right where you are, He loves you, and wants to be in your life. He wants to heal you and to give you and abundant life. Why don’t you pray the prayer below and ask Jesus to be Lord over your life?

Lord Jesus, I want to know You personally. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to You and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be. Amen.

1. Lower expectations: Don’t fall for the hype and myth-takes that can ruin your holiday. You’ll  make yourself crazy comparing your home, your holiday, your family, with anyone or anything that makes you feel less than perfect. Remember, you are not Martha Stewart! Stop trying to win the perfect holiday award for the best cookies, the most elaborate decorations, or the biggest gifts. Remember these four important words throughout the holiday season: Do less, enjoy more.

2. Change routines: Why do we feel that we must continue forever to do things just as we’ve always done them? Don’t be bound by past traditions. Think outside the box and consider new ways of doing things to make it easier on yourself.

• Instead of exchanging gifts with co-workers or extended family, how about choosing a charity to help?

• Who says you HAVE to cook a huge meal for 30 people every year? Could you, have a simple gathering instead? Better yet, let another relative take a turn at hosting this year’s celebration.

• When did we decide we needed 37 different varieties of Christmas cookies each year? If you MUST have a variety of cookies, go to or host a cookie exchange where everybody bakes one type but takes home several of all the other varieties.

3. Don’t do it all yourself: Involve every member of the family right down to the toddlers. If you can’t do it together, then maybe it’s not something you need to do at all. Turn decorating, shopping, gift-wrapping, baking, and even house cleaning into family-time activities.

4. Plan ahead: Work smarter, not harder. Do as much as you can in the months before Christmas to leave December open for spontaneous joy. Get the car serviced in the Fall so it will be ready for holiday travel, bake and freeze cookies throughout November, start addressing Christmas card envelopes during the summer while you’re sitting in the sun sipping lemonade.

5. Spend less money: Nothing adds stress to the season like worrying about how you’ll pay the credit card bill come January. Remember that it’s the thought that counts. Think of creative gifts you can give that cost less but express your love. Keep a journal of all your expenditures. Know each day how much you’ve spent so far. Shop fast.  The more time you spend in the store, the more money it will cost you.

6. Simplify gift shopping: Plan ahead, make a list, and stick to it. Shop throughout the year rather than doing it all at the last minute.Instead of individual gifts, buy one item for an entire family such as a board game.

7. Celebrate family and community: Schedule time for fun and relaxing together. Put it on your calendar and make it top priority. Don’t let anything get in your way. If you’re too busy to drive through the neighborhood with the kids looking at the lights and listening to Christmas music, re-arrange your schedule. Whatever you’re planning to do, share it with someone and make it quality time.

8.  Create lasting, loving memories: Be selective. Don’t fill every moment of the season with frantic activity. Think quality, not quantity. Reading stories together, a relaxed tree-trimming, singing carols, making snow angels, or just enjoying the evening stars and sharing a cup of hot cocoa can be more enjoyable than attending every play, concert, and party of the season. Volunteer as a family to sort food at a food bank, organize a toy or coat drive, deliver meals on wheels, or serve Christmas dinner at a shelter. These are memories you’ll cherish forever.

9. Tame the greedies: Steer  the family’s focus toward the needs of others and how your family can render service. Help everyone to develop an attitude of gratitude instead of always wanting something more. Talk about ways to share the season’s joy with others. Instead of wish lists, make a list of ways to practice generosity. These might include helping someone with shoveling, shopping, decorating, or baking. Or choose a volunteer project you can work on together as a family. Keep the TV turned off as much as possible to avoid commercials.

10. Create fun new traditions: Buy a new cookie cutter each year to add to a collection, or shop as a family to buy an early Christmas present for yourselves like a board game you can play throughout  December.

It’s the little things that make life more meaningful. I like the idea of starting a Christmas tradition of practicing not-so-random acts of  kindness each holiday season and maybe even extending this kindness throughout the year.

Volunteering is a great way to teach children compassion. It develops character, leadership, self esteem and a sense of community. Volunteering also helps offset the materialism of our culture. The key is finding a cause the whole family can identify with.Find some children who need cheery mail and work as a family making cards for them. There are hundreds of such children in need of smiles featured on the HUGS and HOPE Club’s web site. Your family can also sponsor a child for Christmas through the Hugs and Hope Elf Program. It’s fun to shop for and wrap items from your sponsored child’s wish list.

Then you can RELAX

Now that you’ve learned how to tame your inner Grinch . . .  take a deep breath, turn on the tree lights, gather your loved ones around you, relax in your favorite chair,  and watch angel Clarence earn his wings for the forty-third time. Only  this year, you’ll be able to affirm with George Bailey that it really is “A Wonderful Life.”

Take the next step:

Have a simple, beautiful Christmas
Tips for dealing with challenging family members at Christmas
Take a lesson: Beat stress today

1. On the first day of Christmas - Buy your mate one box of their favorite cereal and lace it with lots of “prizes.” Throw in some golf tees, Hershey kisses, toy cars or whatever would bring out the child in them.
2. On the second day of Christmas – Take out your two engraved toasting glasses from the china cabinet and use them. Reminisce about the day you first sipped from them. If you never had any, engrave your own by buying some stencils and etching paste at a craft store.
3. On the third day of Christmas – Have three meals together. You could go all out with breakfast in bed, a picnic lunch and a candlelit dinner. Better yet, spend less time preparing the meal and more time sharing it together.
4. On the fourth day of Christmas – Put the pedal to the metal and four on the floor. Take a peaceful drive for the day. Go to the country, sight see in the city or cruise around looking at Christmas lights.
5. On the fifth day of Christmas – Fax or deliver a photocopy of your five fingers (plus the rest of your hand) to your love at work. Tell them you can’t wait to be together to hold the real thing.
6. On the sixth day of Christmas – Give her a half dozen of her favorite flower – one at a time. Leave one on the pillow, one on her car seat, one at her office, etc.
7. On the seventh day of Christmas – Count your lucky stars by gazing into the  seventh heaven. If the night is overcast, arrange for glow-in-the-dark stars on the bedroom ceiling.
8. On the eighth day of Christmas – Buy an eight- pack of crayons and together design and color a personalized coloring book of happy memories you have shared.
9. On the ninth day of Christmas – Dress to the nines and head out to a swanky restaurant. If a full meal would be too much on the budget, simply go for cocktails or dessert.
10. On the tenth day of Christmas – Massage your sweetheart’s aching shoulders for ten minutes. Throw in a back scratch, a foot massage and a hair brushing if you are feeling extra generous.
11. On the eleventh day of Christmas – Bake him eleven of his favorite cookies (since most recipes make one dozen, these will be bigger than usual – he won’t complain). Stick a wooden skewer through the side of each cookie and then wrap the cookie in a colored plastic wrap. Place them in a box or vase as you would a dozen roses.
12. On the twelfth day of Christmas – Present your sweetheart with a custom made twelve- month calendar for the new year. Use personal photographs or your own drawings to make it unique. Highlight special days for the new year.