He says, “Here’s what I realized: I could continue to be selfish, or I could be happily married. But I couldn’t do both.”

If you’re ready to improve your own relationship watch the video to see how Neil deals with his own selfishness.  At thirty years and counting, he must be doing something right.

Give your relationship a boost with a Weekend to Remember couple’s conference.  Here’s what other couples are saying:

Gave a roadmap to making our relationship work.
It has been like a breath of fresh air.
This weekend saved my family
Great reset button for us. 

Conferences take place throughout the year all across the US and Canada.

The difference God Makes:

How to Know Jesus Personally

Are You Experiencing the Spirit Filled Life?

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Marriage in a rut? Focus on your strengths
Learn how to make decisions together
If you have questions about marriage, ask a mentor  (It’s private and free.)

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Have you led someone to Christ? Nurture that relationship!
Novel ways to share Scripture
Dealing with discouraging spiritual conversations

What can you do when a friend fails you?

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 5:3,10)

All I heard was yelling.  It was as if my head was submerged under water.  I could hear her speaking to me but couldn’t fathom what she was saying. It felt like I was  going to be sick.  What was she saying? What was I supposed to say? As I stood in my kitchen that day and listened to my dear friend yell at me, I wondered how we could have gotten to this place.

We had been doing life together for about 5 years, my friend and I – having babies, hanging out as families and doing ministry together.  We were the only two women in a world of men and we were allies.  But our roles had recently changed and she did not like the decisions I was making.  We were no longer allies or even friends and my heart was breaking.  Why couldn’t we just work this out?  Why did it have to be like this?  Didn’t she know me well enough that she could trust that I had her best interest at heart? 

I watched as our friendship blew up in my face and could do nothing to stop it.

I met with a mentor as I wrestled through what God wanted me to do in regards to our relationship.  As we were discussing the situation my mentor made a statement I’ve never forgotten.  He said, “What you’re seeing here, Kristi, is the purest form of legalism – she is saying, “it’s my way or the highway”.  God’s answer to legalism is grace.  And I believe God has given you an extra measure of grace to reach out to her and draw her back into fellowship.  But with that grace I believe that God is calling you to take the higher road, to humble yourself and go to her and seek to restore your friendship.”

I remember thinking at the time, “This is completely opposite of what the world would tell me to do.  The world would say, ‘she did you wrong, run as far away from her as possible.  You shouldn’t allow yourself to be treated like that.’” 

But I knew in my heart my mentor was right, that God was calling me to lay down my life for her and to go to her in humility and grace. I wish I could tell you that our relationship was restored but unfortunately it didn’t work out that way.  What I do know is that I did what God was calling me to do even though it was completely upside down from what the world would say I should do. He blessed me through my obedience.

In Matthew 5, Jesus talks about what it looks like to live in His upside down kingdom.  Jesus goes on to say, “But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also. If you are sued in court and your shirt is taken from you, give your coat, too…You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’and hate your enemy.  But I say, love your enemies!Pray for those who persecute you!”  (Matthew 5:39-40 & 43-44, NLV)

When we follow Jesus, He calls us to a higher path – a road less followed, a road of radical obedience to His WAY.  The world will tell you that you will be walked on if you do things His way; that you will be trapped and misused, if you hold to that kind of lifestyle. But Jesus says that living in His Kingdom sets us apart and shows the world that we are different!  The truth is that when we live in His upside down kingdom we experience a life of true blessing and freedom.

Father, When you call me to do the unusual, upside down thing, help me to act swiftly trusting that the upside down thing is also the very best thing.  Amen. 

Question: Think about a time when you had to lay down your life in obedience to Jesus that went against your personal feelings. How were some ways you overcame?

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What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?
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Do you need to talk? We are here and ready to listen.

Originally written by Charles H. Spurgeon, published in “Mornings & Evenings,” entry for October 14th, AM.
Updated to modern English by Power to Change.

“I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ.” (Philippians 3:8)

Spiritual knowledge of Jesus is personal knowledge. I cannot know Jesus through another person. No, I must know Him personally.

This knowledge will be an intelligent knowledge. I must know Him, not as I’d sometimes selfishly imagine Him to be, but as the Word reveals Him. I must know His natures, at once fully divine and fully human. I must know His presence, His characteristics, His works, His shame, and His glory. I must meditate on Him until I fully understand Him from all angles, and most importantly until I know the love of Christ, which surpasses knowledge. (Ephesians 3:19)

It will be an affectionate knowledge. If I know Him at all, I simply must love Him, and an ounce of heart knowledge is worth a ton of head learning.

It will be a satisfying knowledge. When I know my Savior, my mind will be full. I will feel that I have everything that my soul thirsts for, and when we eats this bread we will never hunger again. (Revelation 7:16)

At the same time it will be an exciting knowledge. The more I know of my Beloved, the more I will yearn to know. The higher I climb, the loftier will be the heights which invite my eager footsteps.

Finally, this knowledge of Jesus will happy knowledge. In fact, it will be so reassuring, that it will help us through trials, doubts, and sorrows. It will help us become something so much more than “Mortals, born of woman,” who “are of few days and full of trouble.” (Job 14:1, TNIV) It will guard us in the winsome presence and the joy of the eternal, merciful Savior.

Come, my friends, sit at Jesus’s feet and learn from Him all He has to teach you today.

Question: How is your knowledge (of all kinds) of Christ increasing daily?

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“By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins” 1 John 4:9-10

One of the wonderful things about God is that through Scripture, He reveals what matters to Him. In the parables of the lost coin, the lost sheep and the “lost” prodigal son, Jesus discloses the heart of God. Those who have missed the saving truth of God as well as believers who have wandered away from His ways learn that they matter greatly to Him.

Just as the woman scoured her room to find a coin, the Lord pursues us so that we might accept His gift of faith. Like the shepherd who left those ninety-nine sheep in safety to find the one who had wandered away, our Shepherd cares about us.

His priority is not only to bring us into relationship with Himself but also to keep us close to Him. What’s more, His concern is the same whether we are roaming for the first or the hundredth time. And just as the prodigal’s father welcomed and forgave his son, our heavenly Father promises the same to us. Because of the saving work of Jesus Christ, God’s love “keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5). The prodigal’s father threw a party; Scripture tells us heaven also rejoices when one who was lost has been found. (Luke 15:6, 9-10, 24)

Our loving Father desires each person in His creation be “found.” Since He knows we all start life in a “lost” spiritual condition (Romans 3:10-11), He offers each of us a place in His family through Jesus’ redemptive work. He’s entrusted believers with spreading the message of hope. Does your heart beat as God’s does for the lost? If not, pray for a heart change.

Question: What opportunities in your life are there to speak of God’s grace to those who do not know Him?

“He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, my strength is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

I was complaining to a friend, “For so many years we prayed earnestly for the miracle of my husband’s healing, instead God gave me a growing experience.”

“That’s your miracle,” she said.

It made me think about prayer and how God answers prayer. When we’re focused on answers, we’re apt to get in a huff with God. “Don’t you care?” we rail at God.

But prayer is primarily about relationship, not answers. As we spend time with God, we get to know Him. “Prayer makes your heart bigger until it is capable of containing the gift of God himself,” writes Mother Teresa.

Remember Paul’s thorn in the flesh? Three times he pleaded with the Lord to take it away, but instead, God gave him a growing experience. This seemingly unanswered prayer became an opportunity to trust God and to experience the power of Christ in his life.

I’m reminded of a little story I read recently. Once there was a man who asked God for a flower and a butterfly. But instead God gave him a cactus and a caterpillar. At first the man was upset, but then he decided to trust God anyway. After some time, the man went to check up on his request that he had left forgotten. To his surprise, from the thorny and ugly cactus a beautiful flower had grown. And the unsightly caterpillar had been transformed into the most beautiful butterfly. God always does what is right and good for his children.

Sometimes, God gives an overt miracle: a sick person recovers, we get the exact amount of money we need, a door opens which was tightly closed before. Other times, by withholding the answer, God gives us an opportunity to grow, to mature, to learn new things about His character.

Knowing God is the greatest answer to prayer. “The real miracle is God in us; God working through ordinary works and words,” writes Paul Tournier.

Father, I’ve come into your presence just to be with you. I want to know you at a deeper level. I want to trust you even when my prayers don’t seem to be answered for you always want the best for me. Amen.

Questions: How is God answering your prayers? Why do you suppose God allows a miracle to happen to one but answers differently for another person?

One of the most frequent internet searches is people who want help with relationships.

These guidelines don’t tell you to put yourself in harms way, nor to be a “door mat” or not to have any boundaries with those who are manipulative or mean spirited. No – these guidelines give you an attitude of the heart and a way to see yourself as you respond to others in your life.  There are just over 50 of them. Some are repeated, often with a little different direction given as to how to carry it out.

It’s like changing the glasses you are looking through. Often we choose to focus on seeing faults and finding complaints and irritations in another, especially when our hearts have been bruised. These guidelines give you opportunity and insight to change your glasses and see your own heart first as you respond to other person through the lens of compassion and care.

After all, it’s our own hearts that lead us in relationships and it’s our own attitudes that help make the daily rubbing of shoulders pleasant or irritating.

You can never do anything about another person’s responses or attitudes. You do not have the authority to change their glasses no matter how much you try. You can only change yours. Yet in changing the glasses you wear and choosing your outlook and your response, you will find yourself changing and those around you will respond differently as well.

It may be some of the very basic things in these guidelines that you need to begin doing. Waiting for one another before you eat. Being kind. Being tender hearted.

It may be more challenging to forgive another, to not build up complaints in your heart and mind toward another or to encourage and serve another.

These guidelines are all you will ever really need in your home and outside of your home as you navigate the relationships you hold dear. They come from the timeless truth of the Bible, God’s word to us. The best part is that God is the one who can restore kindness and gentleness within our hearts even when we don’t feel like it and can’t muster it ourselves. He is the one who can change our hearts and our minds and pour His love into us so that it can spill out around us.

May I challenge you to take the next 30 days and work through this list one at a time?  Ask God daily to help you specifically change your heart toward the one you find yourself in a challenging relationship with.

You will be amazed at the wisdom and insight you will receive as God’s peace begins to flow in your heart and in your relationship.

THE “ONE ANOTHER”s OF THE BIBLE

Mark 9:50 – “Salt is good; but if the salt becomes un-salty, with what will you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with one another.”

John 13:14 – “If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet.

John 13:34 – “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.

John 13:35 – “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

John 15:12 – “This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you.

John 15:17 – “This I command you, that you love one another.

Romans 12:10 – Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor;

Romans 12:16 – Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation.

Romans 13:8 – Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law.

Romans 14:13 – Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather determine this–not to put an obstacle or a stumbling block in a brother’s way.

Romans 14:19 – So then we pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another.

Romans 15:5 – Now may the God who gives perseverance and encouragement grant you to be of the same mind with one another according to Christ Jesus,

Romans 15:7 – Therefore, accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God.

Romans 15:14 – And concerning you, my brethren, I myself also am convinced that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge and able also to admonish one another.

Romans 16:16 – Greet one another with a holy kiss. All the churches of Christ greet you.

1 Corinthians 11:33 – So then, my brethren, when you come together to eat, wait for one another.

1 Corinthians 16:20 – All the brethren greet you. Greet one another with a holy kiss.

2 Corinthians 13:12 – Greet one another with a holy kiss.

Galatians 5:13 – For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.

Galatians 5:26 – Let us not become boastful, challenging one another, envying one another.

Galatians 6:2 – Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.

Ephesians 4:2 – with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love,

Ephesians 4:25 – Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of  you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another.

Ephesians 4:32 – Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

Ephesians 5:19 – speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord;

Ephesians 5:21 – and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

Philippians 2:3 – Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;

Colossians 3:9 – Do not lie to one another, since you laid aside the old self with its evil practices,

Colossians 3:13 – bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.

Colossians 3:16 – Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God.

1 Thessalonians 3:12 – and may the Lord cause you to increase and abound in love for one another, and for all people, just as we also do for you;

1 Thessalonians 4:9 – Now as to the love of the brethren, you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves are taught by God to love one another;

1 Thessalonians 5:11 – Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing.

1 Thessalonians 5:13b – Live in peace with one another.

1 Thessalonians 5:15 – See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people.

2 Thessalonians 1:3 – We ought always to give thanks to God for you, brethren, as is only fitting, because your faith is greatly enlarged, and the love of each one of you toward one another grows ever greater;

Hebrews 3:13 – But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called “Today,” so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.

Hebrews 10:24 – and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds,

Hebrews 10:25 – not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.

James 4:11 – Do not speak against one another, brethren. He who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks against the law and judges the law; but if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge of it.

James 5:9 – Do not complain, brethren, against one another, so that you yourselves may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing right at the door.

James 5:16 – Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.

1 Peter 1:22 – Since you have in obedience to the truth purified your souls for a sincere love of the brethren, fervently love one another from the heart,

1 Peter 4:8 – Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.

1 Peter 4:9 – Be hospitable to one another without complaint.

1 Peter 4:10 – As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.

1 Peter 5:5 – You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.

1 Peter 5:14 – Greet one another with a kiss of love. Peace be to you all who are in Christ.

1 John 1:7 – but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.

1 John 3:11 – For this is the message which you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another;

1 John 3:23 – This is His commandment, that we believe in the name of His Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as He commanded us.

1 John 4:7 – Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.

1 John 4:11 – Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

1 John 4:12 – No one has seen God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us.

2 John 1:5 – Now I ask you, dear lady, not as though I were writing to you a new commandment, but the one which we have had from the beginning, that we love one another.

Take the next step:

Improve your communication with your spouse
Are you in a complicated relationship situation? Come talk to a mentor.

Ever have those kind of fantasies? We all do. The problem comes when they don’t stop when you make your marriage vows begin.

I know many married women who would never dream of cheating on their husbands, but at the same time they have a “crush” on some big star–either a sports figure or a celebrity. They have pictures of that man all over their FB page. They have mugs of him. They make constant references to him.

Recently I received this email from a woman exasperated with her friends. She writes:

Can you please tell married women to stop falling all over themselves praising other men? I’m sick of seeing married women talk about how “hunky” some hockey star is, or how “hot” some star is, especially when their husbands are sitting right there.

We’ve told men that we women don’t like it when they talk about how hot other women are, but we turn around and do the same thing! It has to stop.

I completely agree. I think something has happened to our society in the name of “sexual liberation”. In the 1970s, when feminism really got revved up, one of the things that the movement tried to do was to end the idea that women and men were somehow different. And so they started praising women for acting all sex-crazed, just like men. And it became a sign of women’s empowerment to say that a guy was “hot”, or to openly talk to other women about how cute someone was. While men weren’t allowed to do it, women were encouraged to do so.

Women now internalized that, so that we think it’s fun and harmless to idolize hockey players or football players or actors. But it isn’t! Even if your husband says it doesn’t bother him, it’s still wrong. The only one you should have eyes for is your husband.

We women often hear messages against romance novels, because these will wreck your marriage. In addition, I ask married women to, please stop posting about famous men on Facebook.   And to stop buying jerseys of a particular player? And don’t tell your children that you like him, either! Instead, tell your children how much you love and adore their father.

You should be your husband’s biggest fan, not the fan of someone else. It isn’t harmless, even if you’re never going to meet the person in real life. It makes your mind go in the wrong direction, and it tells your husband and your kids that you’re not truly committed to loving only him.

Quite often making small changes in the long run make a BIG difference.

Let us know what you think.

This blog was originally posted on tolovehonorandvacuum.blogspot.com . Used with permission.

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