Today I am going to take a different approach to the term “safe sex”

Here is a quote from one of the responses to my original post, “I cried myself to sleep for yrs throughout a 14 yr marriage” The comment goes on to describe the pain and loss this woman felt due to being abused in her marriage, specifically in their sex life.  Yet she didn’t even know she was abused.  Her spirit knew this was not right but in reaching out for help the resources she found were hurtful.  Instead of helping, it allowed the abuse to continue due to a distorted view on how a wife should respond.

The reason I decided to tackle this topic is simple; this is wrong and there are many hurting people who need real help.  Marriage is about two people and the marriage bed is a place for MUTUAL (shared in common) positive experiences.

Take a look at this list of words. Ask yourself, “Do I feel these things in my marriage bed?”

• Pleasure
• Feeling safe
• Able/willing to communicate
• Knowledge that my needs and desires are important too
• This is about both of US, not just one or the other
• Comfort
• Being desired
• Growing intimacy
• Knowing each other in a way unique to the two of us (in a good way).
• This is about the two of us, no one else, (remembered, imagined, pictured, on a screen etc.)

I give this list with caution.  There are many happily married people who do not feel all of these things all of the time. There is definite ebb and flow in the seasons of monogamous marital sex.  So look at this list and give yourself a general idea of yes I have felt those things at one point in my marriage, or I feel most and am working on _____.

If this list feels like foreign words when related to sex, that is an indicator for you that you need help.  Keep in mind that any marriage going through other struggles is going to feel it in the bedroom too.  The bedroom is a barometer for the relationship.

Getting help is a very wise step to take.  Getting a good book is a great starting point.  Talking to someone can be very helpful, be careful who you choose.  Choose someone who is trustworthy and has a healthy idea of what marriage is for both of you.

There are no quick fixes or one answer that is right for everyone, you are unique and so is your situation.

Here at Power to Change we have mentors that can help.  Mentors are trained volunteers with real world experience and can often help to offer a second opinion, a listening ear or other resources. These are big issues you’re dealing with and mentors are the best resource we have to help work through them.

If you decided to give it a try, the mentor would email you using our secure system, The Mentor Center (TMC).  TMC ensures your privacy by protecting your information.  If you want to keep talking, just hit reply.  The conversation is confidential and non-judgmental.   You can keep talking to your mentor as long as you like and there is never a fee.

Whether you find a friend, choose a counselor, or talk to our mentors there is help available.  Your marriage is worth the effort.

Here are a couple of books I recommend:

For women:   Intimate Issues by Dillow and Pintus
For both:  Intimacy: a 100 day guide to lasting relationships by Douglas Weiss

With the Holy Spirit directing your life, you will experience a deeper relationship with God and you will grow in your ability to trust Him.

What does it mean to grow in your relationship with Jesus?

Growing in your relationship with Jesus means to know Him better, to love and obey Him more. “And this is the way to have eternal life-to know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, the one you sent to earth” (John 17:3).

“Jesus replied: ‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.’” (Matthew 22:37-38)

Your growing love for God will lead you to obey His commandments.

[Jesus speaking] “Those who obey my commandments are the ones who love me. And because they love me, my Father will love them, and I will love them. And I will reveal myself to each one of them.” (John 14:21)

Just as it’s natural for a child to grow in a loving relationship with a parent, it is also natural for you to grow in your love relationship with God.

How can you grow in your relationship with Jesus?

Communication is vital to any relationship. Four aspects of communication will help you develop your relationship with Jesus.

i) God communicates with us through the Bible, revealing His character and His will.

“All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It straightens us out and teaches us to do what is right. It is God’s way of preparing us in every way, fully equipped for every good thing God wants us to do.” (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

ii) We communicate with God through prayer, sharing our thoughts, our needs and our desire to do his will.

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)

“And we can be confident that he will listen to us whenever we ask him for anything in line with his will. And if we know he is listening when we make our requests, we can be sure that he will give us what we ask for.” (1 John 5:14-15)

These verses tell us we can pray about everything. When we pray according to God’s will, he hears us and answers us. Thanking God is also part of praying.

“No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

“And you will always give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (Ephesians 5:20)

iii) We communicate with Christians through fellowship, encouraging and building up one another.

“Think of ways to encourage one another to outbursts of love and good deeds. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage and warn each other, especially now that the day of his coming back again is drawing near.” (Hebrews 10:24-25)

It is important to spend time with other Christians to encourage each other to love and do good. The Greek word for fellowship, koinonia, means “sharing in common.” We need to share our Christian experience with others who love God, and likewise allow them to share with us. God appoints the church as a place for us to meet other Christians and learn about God. Bible studies and other meetings are also helpful.

iv) We communicate with others who don’t know God personally by sharing about our relationship with Jesus.

“There is salvation in no one else! There is no other name in all of heaven for people to call on to save them.” (Acts 4:12)

Suggestions for Further Growth

Set aside a time and place for daily personal Bible study and prayer. A good book to begin with is the New Testament Book of John (included in the next section). As you read, underline verses you find particularly meaningful. Pray and ask God to show you who He is and how you can respond to Him.

Study other passages, such as the ones in this lesson. Also read Psalms 1, 34, 103 and 145; Matthew 7:7-11; Luke 9:23-26; John 15:1-7; 1 Corinthians 12:12-27; 2 Corinthians 5:17-21; and Colossians 1:9-12.

This is the beginning of your Christian life and there is much more to discover than what’s covered in these four lessons. Take the initiative today to find a church in your neighbourhood, and make plans to attend regularly. For additional Christian materials, check out your local Christian bookstore (try looking under “books” in the Yellow Pages). Or call New life Resources at 1-800-667-0558.

Summary

As you rely on the Holy Spirit for power, read the Bible, pray, spend time with other believers and tell people about Jesus, God will produce His character in you and you will mature spiritually.

Keys to spiritual growth:

• Understanding your relationship with Jesus
• Experiencing God’s love and forgiveness
• Power for living a dynamic Christian life

Back to Spiritual Growth articles

Copyright © 2002 Campus Crusade for Christ.

1. He forgave your sin

“[God] is so rich in kindness that he purchased our freedom through the blood of his Son, and our sins are forgiven.” (Ephesians 1:7)

All your sins-past, present and future-have been forgiven because of Jesus’ death on the cross.

2. He made you a child of God

“But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God. They are reborn! This is not a physical birth resulting from human passion or plan-this rebirth comes from God.” (John 1:12,13)

3. He came into your life and will never leave you

[Jesus speaking] “And surely I will be with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20)

[Jesus speaking] “Those the Father has given me will come to me, and I will never reject them.” (John 6:37)

4. He gave you new life

“Those who become Christians become new persons. They are not the same anymore, for the old life is gone. A new life has begun!” (2 Corinthians 5:17).

You have a chance to start over, to begin a new spiritual life. God will develop new qualities in you as you get to know Him better.

5. He gave you eternal life

“And this is what God has testified: He has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. So whoever has God’s Son has life; whoever does not have his Son does not have life. I write this to you who believe in the Son of God, so that you may know you have eternal life .” (1 John 5:11- 13)

Eternal life began for you from the moment you became a Christian. That’s when God became a part of your life forever. If you die tonight, you will go to spend eternity with Him.

All these benefits are possible only through Jesus Christ. None of them can be earned. You received them the moment you put your faith in Him.

Dealing with Doubts

Once you’ve made a decision, it’s natural to have doubts. Tomorrow, you may not “feel” like a Christian.

Remember, though, that many things affect our feelings-friends, health, weather and more. Don’t gauge your relationship with Jesus by your emotions, which may change. Instead, trust in God and the truths set out in the Bible, which don’t change.

Suggestions for Further Growth

Throughout this week, reflect on one of the five truths you’ve just read. Read the accompanying verses and thank God for each one of these truths.

If you don’t already have a Bible, you can get one from your local Canadian Bible Society outlet or Christian bookstore. The New Living Translation Bible uses modern English. Ask a minister for other suggestions. You can also call New Life Resources at 1-800-667-0558 to order a Bible.

Tell someone this week that you have begun a relationship with Jesus.

Summary

Because you’ve accepted Jesus, your relationship with God is secure. You are his child. He forgave your sins and gave you a new and eternal life. He will never leave you. When facing doubts about your decision, rely on these and other truths in the Bible, not on your feelings.

Next Lesson: What happens when you struggle and fall short in your efforts to live the Christian life? >>

Keys to spiritual growth:

• Experiencing God’s love and forgiveness
• Power for living a dynamic Christian life
• Growing in your relationship with Jesus

Back to Spiritual Growth articles

Copyright © 2002 Campus Crusade for Christ.

We met in high school. Before that, I had heard other people talk about him, and I knew of him, but I never knew him.

When a mutual friend introduced us, I was a bit intimidated. He had it all — charisma, humor, confidence. He was inspirational and intriguing. In his presence I felt like a crumb next to a gourmet meal. My intimidation didn’t last long though.

He quickly included me into his life. We talked all the time. He encouraged me and told me how special I am to him. He expressed concern for all aspects of my life.

I stayed up nights just thinking about how he had already begun to change my life. I also spent some nights talking with him until the night became day. Before long I found myself falling in love with him.

He gave me exotic gifts. They were so incredible that they didn’t even compare to my ex-boyfriend’s flowers. One time, just before my junior year of high school, he took me to Guatemala with him.

We spent lots of time together enjoying each other’s company. The natives who met him immediately fell in love with him too. I kept thinking how delighted I was that my other friend had introduced me to the neatest man ever to walk the earth.

Years passed like the second hand on a clock, and before long I was applying to colleges. We had become inseparable to the point that he came to college with me. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

When we got to college, I met strangers who knew him. Of course we immediately bonded. We became like a family. Sometimes a whole group of us would gather and our conversation would inevitably focus on him. He is the highlight of my life, the star of the morning. He hung the moon.

Unfortunately, some don’t accept him. They often mock me for associating with him. People accuse him of being a fraud or say that I am too dependent on him.

They say that I should think for myself rather than adopt his philosophies as my own. But the truth is, I cannot take this man, Jesus Christ, out of my life. That would be like separating the flour from the yeast in a loaf of bread.

Before my friend introduced me to him, I spent my whole life living for myself. I hoped to please him by bringing cookies to nursing homes and going to church. Those things just didn’t impress him. He wanted me to get to know him, spend time with him and allow him to become the love of my life.

So I did. I accepted his death — a brutal, barbaric death — as a payment for the all the times I have messed up.

See, he knew I would never be perfect, so he took my place. Rather than me spending eternity in hell separated from him, never able to be close to him, he grabbed me by the heart, drew me close into a relationship with him and gave me citizenship in heaven.

If you don’t know my best friend, the lover of our souls, if you want your passport to read that you are a citizen of heaven, I invite you to meet him. His name is Jesus. He will love you despite where you’ve been or what you’ve done. He wants to know you. Come.

“Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.” John 17:3

Copyright 2000 EveryStudent.comStuden. Used with permission.

Let’s take a brief look at some of the major aspects of Jesus Christ, which stand in stark contrast to what’s in the world’s religions.

1. God pursues a relationship with us. Have you ever been in a relationship where you were always the one who was initiating? They are tiresome and usually don’t last very long. Best friends are the ones who enjoy each other so much that they invest their time equally in pursuit of that relationship. Unlike religions that try to reach their God, with Christ you see God reaching out to us. Jesus Christ said why he came: “that you might have life, and have it more abundantly.” He came to give us an eternal life with him, for those who will believe in him.
2. Jesus claimed to be God. No world religion’s key figure claimed to be God.
3. Jesus lived a perfect life and showed his deity in the miracles he performed…healing the blind, quieting a violent storm at sea, raising people from the dead, instantly providing food for thousands of people. World religions have leaders who gave interesting messages, but none of them showed their miraculous power like Jesus did. Jesus said, “Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the miracles themselves.”
4. In many world religions people whip themselves for their sins or perform extensive self-sacrificing rituals. Jesus offers us forgiveness because as God, he paid for our sin for us. “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” On the cross, Jesus carried all of our sins for us and paid for them.
5. Jesus rose from the dead three days after he was crucified. Many religions talk about reincarnation. Jesus, on a number of occasions, told others that he would be crucified and would then rise from the dead three days later. Jesus wanted to publicly prove his deity beyond any doubt. The Roman authorities were aware of this, and so posted an 11-14 man Roman guard outside Jesus tomb, and sealed it with a Roman insignia warning people to stand clear. Yet, three days later his body was gone from the tomb and Jesus showed himself alive to more than 500 people. No world religion claims that their central figure physically rose from the dead or even said that they would.
6. The message of the Bible is unique. It is not a compilation of poetic, disjointed ideas. The Bible reveals God and His plan for our lives. It records for us that something in history went wrong and that the relationship we had with God was broken. It tells us how to restore that relationship and what the benefits are of doing that. Click here for a summary of what the Bible presents about this.

These are only a few of the differences concerning Jesus Christ. For further information on world religions, please see the article Connecting with the Divine

Copyright 2000 EveryStudent.com. Used with oermission

Coming into conversation with God

Eugene Peterson puts it this way, “Reading is the first thing, just reading the Bible. As we read we enter a new world of words and find ourselves in on a conversation in which God has the first and last words. We soon realize that we are included in the conversation. We didn’t expect this. But this is precisely what generation after generation of Bible readers do find: the Bible is not only written about us but to us. In these pages we become insiders to a conversation in which God uses words to form and bless us, to teach and guide us, to forgive and save us.”

We don’t usually look at what we read in this way. When we read a favourite magazine, webzine, or a book, we’re reading things that provide us with information about certain topics or take us away into another world. This book goes beyond that – this book reveals a God who can change life in every way.

Experiencing a world of revelation

Eugene explains, “This [book] is different. This is a world of revelation: God revealing to people just like us – men and women created in God’s image – how he works and what is going on this world in which we find ourselves. At the same time that God reveals all this, God draws us in by invitation and command to participate in his working life. We gradually (or suddenly) realize we are insiders in the most significant action of our time as God establishes his grand rule of love and justice on this earth (as it is in heaven). ‘Revelation’ means that we are reading something we couldn’t have guessed or figured out on our own. Revelation is what makes the Bible unique.”

page 2 >> The Practice of Spiritual Reading >> 1.2.3.4.5

Text taken from the Introduction to The Message Remix: The Bible in Contemporary Language.  Copyright 2003 by Eugene Peterson.  All rights reserved.  Used with permission of NavPress, a division of The Navigators. www.navpress.com

In her article “Recession-Proof Your Marriage” Jacqueline Overpeck offers eight practical steps to keep your marriage strong in uncertain economic times.  She reminds us that, “Your greatest assets are your relationships with the Lord and with the loved ones that he has given to you.”

These are wise words in any season.  It has often been said that you will never regret investing in your marriage.  I think there’s a lot of truth in that.  Jacqueline goes on to say:

Home prices have fallen, but your love and marriage don’t have to fluctuate negatively with market downs. Remember that in God’s economy things are different. Loss is gain. The weak are made strong. (See Isaiah 40:29 and 2 Corinthians 12:9.)  When you and your spouse choose to take stock in God’s word, you’ll experience new mercy and the benevolent dividends that it provides.

Take a few minutes to read her article.  You won’t be disappointed. While you’re spending time on your marriage, consider doing a life lesson together with your spouse.  All the lessons are online and you can send in your answers to discuss them with a coach.  A great one to start with is Golden Nuggets from Philippians.   This 9 part series cover topics such as “Living in a Construction Zone when God is at Work” and “Content with God’s Provision”.  Ask God to speak to you as you draw closer to Him together.

What has worked for you as you protect your marriage in stressful times? Share your tips and stories in the comments.

Join us for our Daily Devotional Chat today in our Women’s Chatroom at 10:30 am EST.

“When I am most afraid, I put my trust in you… ” (Psalm 56:3).

With the sun setting beyond a placid lake and the sky softly glowing, we see the silhouette of a tall young man walking hand in hand with his small daughter. It is a painting that some would say perfectly captures the essence of trust: the child is quietly confident in the presence of her protective parent.

Yet the psalmist would tell us that this scene pictures only the early stages of trust. Walking together – with loving parent, friend, spouse…or God – in peaceful times is important and necessary for the process of developing the relationship. But the tough test of trust comes “when we are most afraid.”  In his book Ruthless Trust, Brennan Manning writes that the Old Testament patriarch Abraham “models the essence of trust…convinced (emphasis mine) of the reliability of God.” Further he writes, “without exception trust must be purified in the crucible of trial.”

When we have walked hand in hand with the Savior in peaceful times, His presence will then be sure and constant when we are most afraid.

Thank You, loving Father, for those times when we have peacefully walked hand in hand. Thank You for those moments when I have learned to love You. Now, Lord, when times are tough, I want to step up to the next level of trust.

Questions: Have you ever been “most afraid” and how did God help you in that situation? Is there something in your life that you can praise God for?

About the Author Marilyn J. Ehle

God knows…God cares…God loves you…There is hope. Someone is waiting to talk with you now.

“May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loves us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word” (2 Thessalonians 2:16, 17).

Are you weary today? Is your strength failing?

Often we find ourselves in situations that require us to pour out physical and emotional energy at such a pace that there is little or no time to be replenished.

Raising young children is one such season of life. There aren’t enough hours in the day to accomplish all that needs doing; the necessity for constant vigilance is draining and a moment of rest seems weeks away.

Being the primary care giver to someone who is sick or aging is another period of unrelenting demands on your energy. Beyond the physical demands, grief often takes an added toll.

Perhaps it is the strain of broken relationship that is exhausting you. Estrangement from a friend, sibling, or son or daughter exacts a heavy price from your peace of mind. Confession, forgiveness and working through the issues take more strength than you possess.

Many times we desire to do these good things that God has called us to, but become discouraged and tired.

Thus it is wonderful to discover that our God gave us eternal encouragement and good hope! More than a momentary pick-me-up, by God’s grace and love we have access to a continuous supply of hope and encouragement.

Feelings fluctuate, but God and His word stand firm forever. Keep clinging to Him.

Please allow me to call on God on your behalf today:

May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loves you and by his grace gave you eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your heart and strengthen you in every good deed and word. Amen.

Questions: What does eternal encouragement and good hope mean to you? What unrelenting demands on your energy are you facing today?

About the Author Suzanne Benner

“Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy” (Matthew 5:7, KJV).

If you and I have a desire to imitate God, seldom do we accomplish that purpose more than in the practice of showing mercy.

God delights in nothing more than in the exercise of showing mercy. One of the clear prerequisites to real happiness is this display of genuine mercy. Surely God has given us the supreme example, by giving His only Son to die in our place. That is mercy beyond comprehension, beyond description.

The world speaks often of having someone at its mercy. In a very real sense, God has us at His mercy – but He chose to be merciful and make a way of escape for us. The decision to take that way is ours.

To the degree that we show mercy to the poor, the wretched, the guilty – to that degree we are like God. If He keeps us here on earth to be conformed more and more to His image, how important it is that we trust Him – by His indwelling Holy Spirit – to make us merciful.

When we do something to glorify God, like giving a cup of cold water in His name, in obedience to His commandments, and with a desire that He should be honored, He will consider it as done unto Him and reward us accordingly.

The lesson is clear: the merciful shall obtain mercy. And who among us is not a candidate for more of God’s mercy?

Bible Reading: Luke 6:31-36

TODAY’S ACTION POINT: “Dear Lord, with Your great mercy as the supreme example, I resolve to allow your Holy Spirit to show mercy through me.”

About this Author: Bill Bright