Parenting teens is MORE – more fun and more frustration

I want to be clear that having teens is so much fun! No one told me!  They were too busy moaning about all the frustrations and “Just wait until..” predictions.  Having arrived as a parent of teens I am amazed at how fun they are and the delight they bring to our home.  They engage in real conversation about their views on life. Their sense of humor is wonderful and I am starting to see some parenting payoffs.  This time in life is a wonderful rewarding part of parenting.  But then . . . they Change!

The very next day, (or minute) I have a stranger, who looks exactly like my child, in my home. They just don’t act like themselves.  What happened?  My wonderful conversationalist can only remember three words, “I don’t know”, or they grunt in monotone and totally forget all vocabulary.  My previous high honors student is now headed toward mandatory summer school (as we hold our collective breath and wait for exam grades).

My middle school student cannot remember where anything is or when anything is due.   Two more words are added to the now limited vocabulary, “I forgot”.  Is this progress?  I think not.
As a parent I wonder if I am getting through and I feel like a resounding gong:

What about your homework?!
NO, You cannot ____ until your chores are done.
Treat others like you want to be treated, yes that includes your brother.
Your siblings are your best friends for life

And so on and so forth.  My vocabulary has now become limited.  As parents, how do we navigate this arena called adolescence? It feels like a boxing ring sometimes.  I must admit I don’t win every round, sometimes it feels like I have been knocked out and I don’t know which way is up.  Here are some helps I have discovered.

Pray a lot. Going to God who knows and loves our kids better than we do can make a huge difference.  Often, it changes my heart and calms me more than changing my teen’s behavior.  Choose a certain activity and use it as prayer time for your teen, whether it’s walking the dog or driving to work, etc.

Talk to other parents.  You are not alone and talking with others to renew your sense or normalcy is SO helpful.  Also, hearing how they handle similar situations is valuable. Include laughter therapy as you discuss your kids. You need both peers, who are parenting today, and older parents who can give you hope from the other side.  Be careful to guard your child’s privacy and don’t tell all to everyone who will listen, choose wisely.

Listen to the experts and do as they suggest, even though it is REALLY hard.  You can gain expert help from books, radio, podcasts, church, or community groups.  In listening to the experts make sure you agree with their philosophy.  My favorites are Jim Burns with Home Word and Dr. Dobson with Focus on the Family.  They are both authors and radio hosts, with podcast downloads.  Listening to them will introduce you to many other experts as well.

Finally, take a deep breath and look for perspective. For me, that means looking at what my long term parenting goals are. My mission with raising our kids is to raise independent, responsible members of society who love Jesus and love others, and make their decisions accordingly.  With that as my starting point, I can then focus more on the character qualities becoming evident in adolescence.

• Their heart in helping Haiti relief with their own money
• The act of finding money on the street and turning it in at the school office
• The joyful way they interact with our special needs friend, Mason, whom we do respite care for.

These are far better lifetime character qualities than grades or conversational skills.  Find something positive about your teen and refocus your perspective, it really does help.

Upcoming online chats: Join us for daily online chats! One of our features will be “If death is not the end” on February 28 at 12:15 pm EST. Please join us to discuss the important topic of life & death!

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This site is maintained by TruthMedia, a division on Power to Change. Over the next days and weeks this site, along with several others, will be moving into a new format branded as Power to Change.

All of your favorites will still be here along with a bunch of new features we’re excited to share with you. Now all of our audiences will have access to blogs, comments and videos along with more frequent updates, bigger images and a wider range of content.

Legacy of a Christian Father
I grew up as a pastor’s kid. I am also adopted. My birth mom was only a teenager when she had me. She was in an abusive marriage with an alcoholic. In order to give me a better life, my birth mother and biological dad thought it in my best interest to be given to a family who could better care for me than they could. I was adopted by a Pastor and his wife who desperately wanted more children. Read more.

Take action: Are there big problems in your life or looming on the horizon? Get help dealing with the big stuff in our online interactive study Confronting Giants: Dealing with the Big Stuff.

You said it: This week kaddee shared on the Back to School women’s devotional, saying “First the best way to be in constant learning mode is to read the Word of God, then there are so many godly authors now that it is way too hard to keep up, books of fiction and non-fiction help with the learning process, and my second favorite is music, gospel music helps me to praise when nothing is going right and I’m feel defeated.” Read the rest of the comments on Back to School, and join the conversation on Devotional for Men and Devotional for Women, each updated daily!

Video: Adoption Conversations
Three Southern Baptist Theological Seminary professors share their stories about adoption, their adopted children, and how adoption has changed and enriched their lives. Read more

Devotional: Displaying God’s Glory
When Jesus’ disciples saw a man who had been blind since he was born, they assumed it was the result of sin. Jesus quickly corrected their misunderstanding with the statement above from John 9:3. God’s intention to display his glory in this man was planned before the man was born. Read more

Coming up next week: One of the topics of our upcoming online chats is “Count It All Joy” Join us in the chat room September 29th 2009 @ 4:00pm EST for this chat or see also our full chat calendar for other upcoming topics.

Let the wise listen and add to their learning” (Proverbs 1:5, NIV).

Returning to school each fall was never a chore for me. While I loved the unscheduled freedom of the summer weeks to wander the fields of our rural home and read without the annoying interruption of clanging bells, the classroom enticingly beckoned with its yet unexplored vistas for the mind.

That same appetite must be enthusiastically nurtured for spiritual growth. Wise Solomon lays it out with clarity: if I wish to be a person who is wise, disciplined, insightful, just, prudent and discerning, I must always be ready to “go back to school,” always adding to my learning.

There is no person as refreshing as the one whose mind is alert to and involved in new learning. Terms such as diligence, careful study and obedient responsiveness are used in the Bible to describe how Christ followers are to progress in their understanding of God.

Just as He promised to “bless the thirsty land by sending streams of water,” He also promises that if we “pay attention…listen carefully to (God’s) life-giving word” (Isaiah 44 and 55), He will satisfy our thirst and make us productive in His Kingdom.

The classroom of God never closes its doors for summer vacation. He always enticingly beckons us into new and challenging paths.

Father, it is easy to get lazy in my walk with you. Thank you for members of my faith community who regularly stimulate and challenge me to listen and learn.

Questions: What are some ways that we can always be “adding to our learning” and keeping our minds sharp and alert to serve God?  Give us some examples that you have found to be especially beneficial.

About the Author Marilyn J. Ehle

TheLife.com is now PowerToChange.com!

This site is maintained by TruthMedia, a division on Power to Change. Over the next days and weeks this site, along with several others will be moving into a new format branded as Power to Change.

All of your favorites will still be here along with a bunch of new features we’re excited to share with you. Now all of our audiences will have access to blogs, comments and videos along with more frequent updates, bigger images and a wider range of content.

The Power of Words
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can wound forever. It is amazing what you accept as truth when you hear it enough times. When I became the target of bullying, I transformed from a gregarious child into a silent teenager. I never told anyone was what going on. My life revolved around being as invisible as possible. I figured I couldn’t get hurt if everyone forgot I was there. This is the story that saved my life. Read more

Take action: How do society’s expectations influence our self-esteem and self-image? To understand these issues better, explore our online interactive life lesson Understanding Beauty.

Blog: I Wasn’t Ready to be a Grandma!
Joan Giesbrecht didn’t feel ready to be a grandparent when her daughter became pregnant at age 18. Read her story to hear how she overcame her initial anxiety and trepidation and was able to find joy in her situation. Read more

Online study: Understanding Pain and Disaster
We all know about tragedy which affects family or friends. Why does such tragedy strike? Where is God in all of this? Take this online interactive study and gain insight in the crisis situations of life. Read more

Coming up next week: Join us in the chat room daily for discussions about relevant life topics, or just to hang out. See also our full chat calendar for other upcoming topics.

TheLife.com is now PowerToChange.com!

This site is maintained by TruthMedia, a division on Power to Change. Over the next days and weeks this site, along with several others will be moving into a new format branded as Power to Change.

All of your favorites will still be here along with a bunch of new features we’re excited to share with you. Now all of our audiences will have access to blogs, comments and videos along with more frequent updates, bigger images and a wider range of content.

9/11 and You
My sister had a 9:00 a.m. appointment at the World Trade Center … on September 12, 2001. I’ve often wondered what might have happened had her appointment been a day earlier or the terrorist attacks a day later. What were your feelings that tragic day? How do you process those feelings now, as reminders of the attacks come in anniversary media coverage? Nearly two thirds of 9/11 adult counselees still grieve, according to a recent study. Read more

Take action: Do you struggle with forgiving people? Or one person in particular? Why not try our Finding Freedom in Forgiveness online interactive life lesson?

You said it: This week, Kara commented on Four Slippery Steps to Adultery, saying “What a difficult time you must be going through. Is there a way that you could talk with your husband or even get some help to walk through this? This site has mentors who are willing to come alongside you in a time like this.” Read the article and add your own thoughts: Read more

Feature: Back to School Survival Guide
The campus is a new world, and here, it is not the strong but the teachable who survive. Here are some tips for student survival based on the experiences of those who have already survived. Read more

Blog: Identity & Identity Theft
Every year, millions of people around the world, are victims of “identity theft”. Some helpful steps to reduce your chances of being an identity theft victim include things like protecting your credit card numbers and never replying to emails requesting financial information. Read more

Coming up next week: One of the topics of our upcoming online chats is “Why Does God Allow Disaster?” Join us in the chat room September 15th 2009 @ 4:00pm EST for this chat or see also our full chat calendar for other upcoming topics.

TheLife.com is now PowerToChange.com!

This site is maintained by TruthMedia, a division on Power to Change. Over the next days and weeks this site, along with several others will be moving into a new format branded as Power to Change.

All of your favorites will still be here along with a bunch of new features we’re excited to share with you. Now all of our audiences will have access to blogs, comments and videos along with more frequent updates, bigger images and a wider range of content.

What does your Soul Crave?
What does your soul crave? Remember this, what can settle your mind will not settle your soul. It will stir it up. You are a unique creation made by God to live and not simply exist. Your soul longs to find its ultimate purpose. It will not rest until you do. Your soul craves its destiny. Your soul desires. It always will. You were created as a creative being. You were made to grow, to dream, to achieve. Your soul is letting you know you come from God and your life is intended to be God-sized and God-inspired. Read more

Take action: The beginning of a new school year is often a time to try new things. Why not try our Investigating Spirituality online interactive life lesson?

You said it: This week, vins commented on Why is There Suffering in the World?, saying “selfishness of all causes problems.” Agree? Disagree? Read the article and add your own thoughts: Read more

Feature: Back to School Survival Guide
The campus is a new world, and here, it is not the strong but the teachable who survive. Here are some tips for student survival based on the experiences of those who have already survived. Read more

Article: Gaining Confidence as a Public Speaker
Being a good speaker and communicator is essential to having success, not just in the workplace, but in life. Public speaking may seem scary to some people. In most cases, this is due to not believing you have enough content, confidence or credibility. Read more

Coming up next week: One of the topics of our upcoming online chats is “When God Seems Hidden” Join us in the chat room September 8th 2009 @ 9:00pm EST for this chat or see also our full chat calendar for other upcoming topics.

We all recall how we wanted to prevent the toddler’s tumble, but we knew that walking would never be accomplished without the practice that involved failure as much as success. Then there was the first ride on the two-wheeler bicycle down the sidewalk, the first driver’s license, the first date—all observed by loving parents with that twinge of fear. And now it is time to send them off into dormitories, classrooms and communities without our “hands on” presence.

Practical steps for helicopter parents

We cannot halt the clock and calendar, but we can prepare our children—and ourselves—in a few practical ways. (And it is never too soon to begin!)

Prepare your children to take care of themselves. While this, of course, involves the lifelong habits of integrity and relationship with and reliance upon God, it also means your children should know how to do laundry, balance a budget, cook simple meals and a host of other tasks we often take for granted. In today’s world—and the world of tomorrow—boys must know how to sew on a button and girls understand the workings of a car’s engine!

Let your children fail! Consistently share with your children the importance of dusting themselves off and starting all over again. It is not the people who never fail who truly succeed, but those who fail and begin again. Provide a few BandAids© but rarely offer a wheelchair.

Listen to your child’s heart. Books are written and speeches made about the importance of hearing our children’s words, but it takes practice to delve beneath the words to hear their hearts. Remember the importance of employing two ears and only one mouth.

Pray, pray and pray! The God who created our children has only loaned them to us for these few years. Understanding this fact undergirds our conversations with God about them. He understands and loves and grieves with clearer understanding than we will ever have.  He delights when we talk with Him about His children.

Experts beyond my knowledge and experience have much more to say about the raising of and then letting go of our children, but the following quotes are noteworthy:

“The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to get along without them.” Frank A. Clark

“Whoever said it first spoke with insight and wisdom: you don’t own children, you only borrow them.” Anne Linn

“If you would have your son to walk honorably through the world, you must not attempt to clear the stones from his path, but teach him to walk firmly over them – not insist upon leading him by the hand, but let him learn to go alone.” Anne Bronte

As the university doors welcome our children, it’s time to park the helicopter!

Related resources:
Parenting AGAIN at 50+ – Becoming a parent … again!
How to Be Filled with the Holy Spirit – Chocolate Milk – How is chocolate milk like being filled with the Holy Spirit? (Video)

Join us for our Daily Devotional Chat today in our Women’s Chatroom at 10:30 am EDT.

Carol’s parents were divorced when she was two, and she never knew her father. Although she became a Christian at an early age, she could never see anything good that came out of her having to grow up in a broken home.  The hurt had always festered in her heart.

But now the hurt is healed.  God used an experience that happened while she was teaching fifth grade in a rural school.

Carol had a gifted, artistic boy in her class.  Mark loved to do bulletin boards and displays, and Carol developed a special feeling of warmth toward this creative child.

As the year progressed, however, she noticed that the lad seemed increasingly troubled about something.  It bothered her to see him gradually lose his enthusiasm for his creative work.

One day Mark came to see her after school and said, “I won’t be in school tomorrow.  I have to go to my grandmother’s.”

“Why?” Carol asked him.

“My parents are going to court to get a divorce,” he answered.  Then he started to cry.

Carol put her hand on his arm and said, “Mark, I know how much this hurts you.  My parents were divorced when I was not quite two years old, and it has hurt me a lot.  I never even knew my father.  But you have had yours with you for 11 years, and I’m sure he loves you and will keep in touch with you.  Just because your parents are getting divorced doesn’t mean you won’t have a happy life.  God has a purpose for your life, Mark.  And even though this has happened with your parents, someday you can have a happy marriage, just as I now have.”

After Mark left, Carol sat there at her desk.  Suddenly, she realized she was thankful she could use her experience to comfort Mark in a way she could not otherwise have done. She knew that God could bring good out of this bad experience by giving her the opportunity to help others.  She realized that many, like Mark, were suffering from the same emotional hurt as she had.  How wonderful it would be if her encouragement, support, and testimony would lift their hearts too!

That day Carol learned what God’s Word means when it says, “Give thanks in all circumstances” (1 Thessalonians 5:18).  As she bowed her head and thanked God for the blessing He could bring from this unhappy dimension of her childhood, the resentment and pain she had carried for years began to dissolve and relinquish their hold.  Tears ran down her face–but they were tears of joy.

Thank you, Father God, that You redeem our lives. Amen.

Questions: How does the verse “Give thanks in all circumstances” apply to your life?  Do you have difficult experiences that have happened in your life that you need to thank God for?

About the Author: Dr. Muriel Larson

Daily audio podcast: A second daily devotional, The Abiding Life, today on the Men’s Devotional Blog

“Teaching is a tough job, requiring boundless energy, time and dedication, both during the school day and beyond. In the course of any day, teachers tie shoelaces, wipe noses and keep order in a classroom of 30 or more students – all while striving to ensure that these students achieve at the highest levels,” said Jess M. Brallier, publisher, Family Education Network. “Teacher Appreciation Week gives parents and students a special time to thank the education professionals in their schools for their expertise and devotion to helping our children build a love for learning.” (PRWeb)

Looking for something nice you can get for your child’s teacher (or any teacher that you know)? There may be just the thing on the FamilyEducation website’s list of the “Top 10 Gifts for Teachers“.

Did you have a favorite teacher growing up? What made them so special? And if you are a teacher yourself, please feel free to share your struggles and triumphs with us!

Related reading: The Teachable Teacher – “When I began attending school, I loved my first grade teacher so much that I decided to become a primary school teacher.” Read Elena Chukreyeva’s story of life & faith.

Are you a “starving student living in rez? Check out Life in Residence on Facebook and see other students have to say about campus living.

Even on your student budget, you know a chunk of your budget will be spent on groceries. No secret in that! Here’s what you can do about it to make it cheaper:

1. Sound meal planning. Make your menu with grocery shopping in mind. Try to select recipes that use items that are already in your pantry. Remember what foods are in season. They’ll be cheaper. Always be on the lookout for recipes that ‘dress-up’ inexpensive cuts of meat (or don’t even require meat).

2. Have a definite list. Don’t impulse buy. If you find an item on sale that you know you’ll use later feel free to add it to your cart. But beware of pretty displays that can cause you to overspend your plan. Check the ads before you go to the store. Modify your meal plan and list to take advantage of sale items.

3. Larger supermarkets are generally cheaper. That’s due to volume discounts, but check the ads. You might find that it’s worthwhile doing part of your shopping at one store and finishing up at another. Nothing says that you have to use the same store week after week. It’s a good idea to scout out other stores periodically.

4. Look up and down. Stores will often put the most popular and expensive items from waist to shoulder level. The less expensive brands will often be on the upper or lower shelves. It’s worth the stretch.

5. Take along a calculator. You’ll want to be able to compare unit prices. A less expensive price on a larger size is only a savings if you’re going to use those extra ounces. If you’ll end up throwing them away, it’s not a bargain.

6. Avoid prepackaged and convenience foods. It’s tempting to convince yourself you’ll be alright living on a steady stream of frozen TV dinners. There are exceptions, but convenience foods are also often less nutritious, too.

7. Eat healthy. A healthy diet is less expensive than an unhealthy one. Rice, potatoes, fruit and vegetables are all less expensive than meat. Nothing says that you have to be a vegetarian, but it’s not healthy or frugal to fill up on meat. You might also save a bit on doctor bills later.

8. Comparison shop at the meat counter. Look for the less expensive cuts. Oftentimes your cooking skills can make a cheaper cut seem better than it is. Use chicken, turkey and fish. They’re less expensive and a great change from beef.

9. Use coupons only for items that you would buy anyway. If you’re used to buying the store brand for 79 cents, don’t buy the nationally advertised brand for $1.19 because you have a 20 cent off coupon. Rebates and coupons can be a big help. But think through the math before you ’save’ all that money.

10. Stick to buying food. Don’t buy non-food items at the grocery store. Housewares, pharmacy items, greeting cards and holiday items can all be purchased for less elsewhere. Cleaning supplies can be a big part of the total at the checkout line. Wherever possible buy generic cleaners. Better still, learn how to make your own cleaners. You’ll be surprised at the savings.

11. Bring your lunch to work or school. You can make a great sandwich for the cost of a ‘Big Burger’ and fries. If you have a microwave available consider bringing some leftovers. You’ll find your lunch mates glancing longingly at last night’s meatloaf when they get a whiff of your lunch.

12 .Limit meals out. Most people enjoy an occasional meal out, especially when you do all your own cooking. But restaurants can be a real budget buster. Dinner is the most expensive meal to eat out. Why not go for breakfast or lunch? If you must go for dinner, be careful about appetizers, alcoholic beverages and desserts. They can bloat a bill in a heartbeat.

Gary Foreman is the founder of The Dollar Stretcher website and newsletters. Click here for more information on how a grocery price book could save you 15% on your grocery bill.