If he had accepted the contract, it would have made him the highest paid player in the NHL, generally considered the top hockey league in the world. So far in his NHL tenure, he has won the Maurice ‘Rocket’ Richard Trophy, played in three all-star games, and scored a total of 328 goals. (For those of you counting, that would work out to about $187,000 per goal if he played another 12 years at his current pace.) I wonder, given all of this, whether Kovalchuk considers himself a “success”?

I guess we’d have to ask him how he defines success. Certainly he is one of the top players in the top hockey league in the world. But he has yet to win hockey’s ultimate prize, the Stanley Cup. If he wins that most coveted award, will he then be a “success”?

What about you? How do you define “success”? Are you successful in your life? How do you know?

Author Rusty Wright notes in his article “How to Be Successful and Satisfied” that “Success in one area does not guarantee satisfaction in life. You can reach all your goals and still not be at peace with yourself. How can you both achieve your goals and be satisfied?” Similarly, a great religious teacher once asked a similar question to his friends: “What good will it be for you to gain the whole world, yet forfeit your soul?” Both hint at the slippery quality of success. As soon as you become successful, you realize that rather than reaching the top of the mountain, there is always farther to climb … and the higher you climb, the farther you risk falling (as a certain very public figure named Tiger found out recently).

Do you agree with Wright’s keys to success? And how do you define what success means?

“Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”" Matthew 26:36-38

Transparency is an oft – overlooked element in our growing closer to Jesus Christ. Intimacy with the Lord requires our full, humble, and honest openness before Him.

Jesus Himself was a wonderful model of openness as He dealt with His disciples. For instance, we read in today’s Bible verse that, in the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus shared with the disciples His anguish over His upcoming crucifixion and brief separation from God the Father.

Knowing that the sins of the entire world were about to be cast upon Him, Jesus grieved, even to point of near death. Here was God, clothed in human flesh, being completely honest, open, and forthright about His emotions. This is how Christ would have us react to Him.

A proud, arrogant, egotistical, self – sufficient Christianity bristles at the thought of such transparency. Why should I burden God with this when I can handle it myself? I’m just not going to deal with God about this. Such thinking and behavior goes against everything for which God created us.

However, God cherishes and honors a humble, contrite spirit from someone trying to be himself or herself before the Lord. Confess sin, worry, doubt, and fear. He already knows all, but your willingness to intimately share with Him all the details speaks volumes about the bent of your heart.

Question: Where do you find it easiest to have “intimacy” (private time) with God?

About this Author: Charles Stanley

“That’s easy,” you might say. “Success is … for an athlete, winning the Super Bowl, the World Series, or a gold medal: for an entertainer, winning an Oscar, a Grammy, or an Emmy; for a businessperson, being a top executive with one of the Fortune 500 companies: for a university student, being elected to Phi Beta Kappa or student government.” But is it always so easy to define?

Several years ago Ranier, a German friend, spent three months with me in the U. S. Once, while he was watching his first baseball game on TV, the batter hit the ball out of the park for a home run. The fans went wild! Ranier turned to me with a puzzled look and asked, “Why are they cheering? They’ve lost the ball?” To the hometown fans the batter was a great success. To someone from another culture, the home run was a mystery.

The meaning of success also varies with individuals. One dictionary defines success as “the satisfactory accomplishment of a goal sought for.” To be successful, you must achieve the goal and be satisfied with the outcome. With this definition one wonders if “success” that does not include personal satisfaction–a sense of well-being–is really true success at all.

Keys To Success

Several factors contribute to success. Consider a few:

1. Positive Self-Concept. Imagine that you wake up one morning and your roommate is waiting to tell you something. He or she says, “I’ve been wanting to tell you what an outstanding roommate you are. You’re so kind, so thoughtful; you always keep the room so neat. Just being around you motivates me to be the most positive person I can be.”

After you recover from your cardiac arrest, you head off toward your first class of the day. Whom should you run into but your date of the previous evening, who says, “Am I ever glad I ran into you! I’d been hoping I’d get a chance to tell you again what a terrific time I had yesterday. My friends are so jealous of me. They think that I’m the luckiest person in the world to go out with someone like you, and I agree! You’re so friendly, so intelligent. You have a great sense of humor and good looks to boot! Why, when I’m with you, I feel like I’m in a dream!”

Then you float into your first class. Your professor is about to return the midterm exams you took last week, but before he distributes them he says, “I have an announcement I’d like to make. I want everyone to know what an outstanding job this student has done on this test.” He points to you in the front row and says, “You are a breath of fresh air to me as a professor. You always do your assignments on time. You often do even more than is expected of you. Why, if every student were like you, teaching would be a joy. I was even considering leaving teaching before you came along!”

Wouldn’t that help you have a great attitude about yourself? And wouldn’t it motivate you to be a better roommate, a better date, a better student? You’d say to yourself, “Why, I’m one sharp person. After all, my roommate, my date and my prof all think so … and they’re no dummies!” You wouldn’t argue with them for a minute! {1}

Of course, some people think so highly of themselves that their egos become problems. Nevertheless, many psychologists agree with Dr. Joyce Brothers when she says, ” . . . a strong, positive self- image is the best possible preparation for success in life.”{2}

2. Clearly Defined Goals. Aim at nothing and you’ll surely hit it. Aim at a specific goal and, even if you don’t hit it, chances are you’ll be a lot farther along than if you’d never aimed at all.

The U. S. Space Program has produced many successes and, sadly, a few tragic failures. The successes of NASA help illustrate the importance of goal setting. Perhaps you’ve heard of the three electricians who were working on the Apollo spacecraft. A reporter asked each what he was doing. The first said, “I’m inserting transistors into circuits.” The second answered, “I’m soldering these wires together.” The third explained, “I’m helping to put a man on the moon.”

Which one was more motivated and satisfied? Probably the one who saw how his activities fit into the overall goal.

Without a clear life’s goal, daily duties can become drudgery. Knowing your life’s goal can increase your motivation and satisfaction as you see how daily activities help accomplish that goal.

In the early 1960’s, President John F. Kennedy set a goal of putting an American on the moon by the end of the decade. In 1969, Neil Armstrong took his “one small step.” A specific goal helped NASA achieve a major milestone in history. Someone who desires success will set specific goals.

3. Hard Work. Any successful athlete knows that there would be no glory on the athletic field without hard work on the practice field. A true test of character is not just how well you perform in front of a crowd, but how hard you work when no one notices-in the office, in the library, in practice. President Calvin Coolidge believed “nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not … Genius will not … Education will not … Persistence, determination, and hard work make the difference.” {3}

“A true test of character is not just
how well you perform in front of a crowd,
but how hard you work when no one notices.”

“What is success?” asks British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. “I think it is a mixture of having a flair for the thing that you are doing … hard work and a certain sense of purpose…. I think I had a flair for … (my work), but natural feelings are never enough. You have got to marry those natural feelings with really hard work.” {4}

The heavyweight-boxing champion of another era, James J. Corbett, often said, “You become the champion by fighting one more round. When things are tough, you fight one more round.” {5}

Success requires hard work. Of course you can overdo it and become a workaholic. One workaholic businessman had a sign in his office that read, “Thank God It’s Monday!” We all need to balance work and recreation, but hard work is essential to success.

4. A Willingness to Take Risks. Theodore Roosevelt expressed the value of this asset in one of his most famous statements: “Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much because they live in the great twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat, ” {6}

Ingemar Stenmark, the great Olympic skier, says, “In order to win, you have to risk losing.” Consider this question: “What would you do if you knew you could not fail?” That question can expand your vision and enlarge your dreams. Maybe your desire is to be a great political leader, an entertainer, a top businessperson or academician, a star athlete. What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?

Now ask, “Am I willing to risk a few possible failures in order to achieve that goal?” Success often involves risks.

An Obstacle to Success and Satisfaction

A positive self-concept, clear goals, hard work, and a willingness to take risks … all contribute to success. But there is a major obstacle to experiencing success and satisfaction in life.

In 1923 a very important meeting was held at the Edgewater Beach Hotel in Chicago. Attending this meeting were seven of the world’s most successful financiers-people who had found the secret of making money.

Consider what had happened to these men 25 years later. The president of the largest independent steel company, Charles Schwab, died in bankruptcy and lived on borrowed money for five years before his death. The president of the greatest utility company, Samuel Insull, died a fugitive from justice and broke in a foreign land. The president of the New York Stock Exchange, Richard Whitney, spent time in Sing Sing Penitentiary. A member of the President’s cabinet, Albert Fall, was pardoned so he could die at home. The greatest “bear” on Wall Street, Jesse Livermore, died a suicide. The head of the greatest monopoly, Ivan Krueger, died a suicide. The president of the Bank of International Settlements, Leon Fraser, died a suicide. All these had learned well, the art of success in making a living, but apparently they all struggled with learning how to live successfully. {7}

Pollster and social commentator Daniel Yankelovich quotes a $100,000/ year full partner in a public relations firm: “I have achieved success by the definition of others but am not fulfilled. I appear successful … I have published, lectured, exceeded my income goals, achieved ownership and a lot of people depend on me. So, I’ve adequately achieved the external goals but they are empty.”{8}

Dustin Hoffman is an extremely successful movie actor. His film career seems almost dazzling and includes an Oscar for his performance in “Kramer vs. Kramer.” Yet consider what he says about happiness and satisfaction: “I don’t know what happiness is …. life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness? I’d strike out happiness …. Walk down the street and look at the faces. When you demand happiness, aren’t you asking for something unrealistic?”{9}

Success in one area does not guarantee satisfaction in life. You can reach all your goals and still not be at peace with yourself. How can you both achieve your goals and be satisfied? And even if you feel a degree of satisfaction, could there be something more?

“You can reach all your goals,
and still not be at peace with yourself.”

Successful and Satisfied

More and more psychologists and psychiatrists are seeing the need to develop the total person physically, psychologically, and spiritually–to produce real satisfaction. Often in our struggle for success, we focus on physical and psychological development at the expense of the spiritual.

Not long ago a group of counselors spent quite a bit of time in New York City interviewing some of the nation’s most successful executives. They interacted with editors of newspapers and magazines, executives with advertising agencies, banks, the TV networks, seeking to understand these leaders’ ideas about success.

One question these counselors asked involved the spiritual area: “What place do faith and spiritual values have in your fife?” In response, 75% conveyed that spiritual values were “important” or “very important” to both personal and professional development. Remarked one, “If they could be strengthened, a lot of these other things would fall into place.” Yet, surprisingly few of these leaders had clearly defined convictions in the spiritual area. As one radio broadcaster noted with a smile, “I am inspirable, but I can’t find anyone to inspire me!” {10}

Then these executives were told about someone who could inspire them, one of history’s most influential personalities, a person who stressed the importance of spiritual development as well as the physical and psychological. The life and teachings of this influential and very successful leader have made quite a positive impact on my own life, as well. Perhaps a bit of background will put my discovery in perspective.

In high school I looked for success through athletics, academics and student government. And I found it. I lettered in basketball and track … our track team was undefeated. I ranked in the top of my class academically, was involved in student government, and was attending one of the nation’s leading prep schools. John F. Kennedy and Adlai Stevenson were graduates as were playwright Edward Albee and actor Michael Douglas.

I mention these details not to boast but to draw a contrast. Success in these areas had not brought the personal satisfaction I’d wanted. I was still an introvert, sometimes afraid to introduce myself to a stranger or ask a young woman for a date. My attitudes were often inconsistent with my behavior. Outwardly I could appear very positive and loving, while inwardly I might be negative and resentful of someone I didn’t like. Guilt, anxiety and a poor self-image often hindered me from taking risks or from being vulnerable in relationships.

Later, in college, I was still wrestling with these areas. Then I ran into a group of students who had something special about them, a love, joy, and enthusiasm I found very attractive. I especially appreciated the fact that they accepted me just the way I was. I didn’t have to try to impress them with a list of accomplishments, though they were sharp, attractive, and successful. Even in dating I didn’t feel the normal pressure to display a macho image. They seemed to like themselves and they accepted me, too.

These were Christian students and I knew that I wanted what they had. They told me they had found a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I couldn’t accept all that right away, yet I kept going back to their meetings because I was curious and because it was a good place to get a date. Especially because it was a good place to get a date!

An Open Door

The more I spent time around them, the more I saw how their faith affected their lives and relationships. They told me that God loved me unconditionally, but that I was separated from Him by a condition of alienation called sin. They said that He had sent His unique Son, Jesus, to die on the cross to pay the penalty for my sins and rise from the grave to offer new life. When I placed my faith in Him, they explained, He would enter my life, forgive me of my sin, and begin to produce the fulfillment I’d been looking for.

Finally, through a simple, silent attitude of my heart, I said, “Jesus Christ, I need you. Thanks for dying and rising again for me. I want to accept your free gift of forgiveness. I open the door of my heart and invite you in. Give me the fulfilling life you promised.” There was no thunder and lightning. Angels didn’t rise in the background singing the “Hallelujah Chorus” and I didn’t become perfect. But gradually, I began to see change. I had a new inner peace that didn’t fluctuate with circumstances. I found a freedom from guilt and a new purpose for living. I saw my self-image improve and felt freer to take risks, to love others less conditionally.

There are many examples of Christians who are both successful and satisfied: Roger Staubach, former quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys; Julius Erving, star professional basketball player; J. C. Penney, founder of the department store chain; Dr. Charles Malik, past president of the UN General Assembly: Mark Hatfield, U. S. Senator from Oregon; Janet Lynn, a figure skater; Jerome Hines, Amy Grant, Pat Boone and Debby Boone as entertainers: and many more. Being a Christian doesn’t guarantee supreme success. Christians have their failures, too. But a relationship with God can enhance your self-concept, help clarify your goals, strengthen your determination and help you improve whatever you do. The personal satisfaction Christ provides can make a positive difference, too.

“What a tragedy to … climb the ladder
of success, only to reach the top
and find the ladder leaning against the wrong wall.”

Here’s how: Remember the earlier illustration about your roommate, date and professor showering praise on you? Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen every day. But God thinks you are very special, so special that He sent His only Son to die in your place. When you come to know Christ personally and realize the magnitude of His love for you, you can find strength to accept yourself and greater freedom to take prudent risks. You can face rejection with the security that even if everyone else turns on you, God still loves you. Knowing He wants the best for you can increase your determination to work hard for worthwhile goals.

What about you? Does your definition of success include personal satisfaction? Have you found success? Will your success be enough to sustain you through any rough times that may lie ahead? Have you found personal satisfaction?

What a tragedy it would be to spend an entire lifetime climbing the ladder of success only to reach the top and find the ladder was leaning against the wrong wall. Are you willing to consider how Jesus Christ can make a difference in your life?

Take a look at your life. How would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times. There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget. In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new. What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?

Living with hope

If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.

Is this the life for you?

If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.

It was almost 15 years ago that the Spice Girls implored us,

Late last year, I started a new journal.  I am not a regular journal-er but the time felt right.  I thought I should start the journal with a list of the things I want, as a reminder to myself of the direction I was heading in.  I must have sat with a pen in my hand for half an hour and didn’t write a single word.  I knew what I wanted, I knew EXACTLY what I wanted.  Why was it so hard to say it out loud, to write it down?

When I finally did start to write it was all very vague. I wanted to improve here and try there and maybe see if I could work in some of this or that.  I read over what I had written and realized that, like a fortune cookie, it could be interpreted to mean almost anything.  I hadn’t just given myself a way out, I’d taken the door off the hinges.  It turns out that I am not alone in this.

In a recent article for Oprah.com Daphne Oz (daughter of Oprah’s health guru Dr. Oz) wrote this:

Few people (myself included) have the courage—nay, gall—to actually make specific resolutions, ones with clear guidelines and action plans. . . We only answer to ourselves, and somehow that makes getting the job done less compelling.  Why is it that when we make promises to ourselves we cut corners and are comfortable falling short of even these limited expectations?

She raises an excellent point.  As adults we meet our responsibilities – we pay our bills, show up to work, change the oil in the car, and try to get the kids to eat more vegetables.  We understand that there are rules and boundaries and we stay within them most of the time.  When it just us, alone with our thoughts, it’s very easy to let ourselves drift.  Why add one more thing to the list?

I wonder if we are quick to let ourselves off the hook because we feel guilty for dreaming in the first place?

Most of us have it pretty good.  We eat regularly and sleep in clean beds, which puts us ahead of most of the world.  We see friends dealing with job loss, or severe health issues, or broken hearts, and it seems wrong to ask for more.  I think we see dreams as an unwise luxury, something we can’t afford in this economy.  But we’re mistaken. Dreams are not an extra; dreams are as essential as air.

Read about the necessity of dreams

Without dreams, hope withers.  Without hope, life becomes a sad place indeed.  There is a quote from American novelist Barbara Kingslover that has been following me around since before Christmas.  It speaks of hope, and of the need to figure out what you want.  She writes, “The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof.”

How can I live inside that hope if I can’t even say it out loud? It took me a few days, but I did go back and rewrite that first page of my journal.  I ripped out the old version and, with stuttering penmanship, dared to say what I want.  It was a little scary but I’m glad I did it.

The first step to being able to say what I want in public, is being able to say it in a private space –  a journal or a conversation with a good friend.   It’s still a risk.  If I admit to what I want and it doesn’t happen, I’ve set myself of up for disappointment.  However, in saying it out loud I also give myself a chance.  I put myself in the race. Who knows what might happen?

If journaling isn’t your thing, but you’d like someone to talk to, we have mentors available by email 24/7.  Mentors are trained volunteers with real world experience and can listen, offer a second opinion, and provide additional resources.   If you’d like to talk to a mentor, just fill in this form and we’ll do the rest.  (Email mentoring is always free, confidential, and completely voluntary.)

I crave something more and there’s no shame in admitting that. There’s a video of author Erwin McManus discussing the desire for deeper meaning here.  It’s only a minute and half and well worth the time.  Take a look.  It may help you as you figure out what it is that you want.

As we head deeper into 2010, what do you hope for?  Will this be the year you say it out loud?  Tell us what you hope for in the comments.

Sometimes I think there are two people living in this body. One is positive thinking, ready to take on the world. The other is scared, always hiding where it’s safe. I like positive Phil. He’s fun to be around, people respect him and he makes a difference. Scared Phil, on the other hand, I loathe. He believes he has failed even before he tries. He believes people tolerate him. I want positive Phil to live and scared Phil to die.

So why does scared Phil keep showing up? How do I get rid of him, permanently? It’s like he’s handcuffed to me and I’m stuck with him until one of us has served his time. Why is positive Phil missing when I need him most? He comes, visits, then goes back to where ever he came from.

When I was a kid, I wanted my own section of the garden. Dad gave me a row and I planted what I wanted in my row. Tomatoes, bell peppers and corn. Having my own row in the garden meant I was responsible for the care of the row.

I’d come home from school, go out to the garden and water my row. Every day I hoped to see one of the plants poking up out of the ground. Four or five days had passed, I had watered them as I was taught and still, there wasn’t a sprout to be seen. I grew frustrated. This garden wasn’t fun anymore. It was work. It wasn’t long until I was giving my bike the attention my garden needed. My plants didn’t grow well. They didn’t produce much and what they did produce wasn’t very good. I had a good crop of weeds, though. I wanted to have a good garden, but wanting didn’t get me a good garden.

What if the two Phils are like my garden? What am I doing to nurture positive Phil? Or have I grown impatient because I haven’t seen results after a couple of days? One thing’s for sure, scared Phil grows, even when I’m not trying to grow him. Growing positive Phil is hard work. I want positive Phil to grow, but just wanting won’t make it happen.

However, I don’t have to work alone in growing positive Phil. There is Someone who wants to help. Someone who is able to do much more than just want. “And I am sure that God, who began this good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again.” (Philippians 1:6 NLT)

Father God,
In Your Word, You’ve told me what it takes to grow up to be Your man. But it’s hard and I get frustrated and impatient when I don’t see immediate results. Give me courage to live for You when I’m scared. Give me strength to keep going when I’m weak and tired. Finish the work You’ve started in me.
In Jesus’ name, amen.

Questions: Do you feel the pull between being a confident man and a frightened man? How does knowing that God is committed to completing the good work He began in you help you today?

About this Author: Phillip Lemons

TheLife.com is now PowerToChange.com!

This site is maintained by TruthMedia, a division on Power to Change. Over the next days and weeks this site, along with several others will be moving into a new format branded as Power to Change.

All of your favorites will still be here along with a bunch of new features we’re excited to share with you. Now all of our audiences will have access to blogs, comments and videos along with more frequent updates, bigger images and a wider range of content.

The Power of Words
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can wound forever. It is amazing what you accept as truth when you hear it enough times. When I became the target of bullying, I transformed from a gregarious child into a silent teenager. I never told anyone was what going on. My life revolved around being as invisible as possible. I figured I couldn’t get hurt if everyone forgot I was there. This is the story that saved my life. Read more

Take action: How do society’s expectations influence our self-esteem and self-image? To understand these issues better, explore our online interactive life lesson Understanding Beauty.

Blog: I Wasn’t Ready to be a Grandma!
Joan Giesbrecht didn’t feel ready to be a grandparent when her daughter became pregnant at age 18. Read her story to hear how she overcame her initial anxiety and trepidation and was able to find joy in her situation. Read more

Online study: Understanding Pain and Disaster
We all know about tragedy which affects family or friends. Why does such tragedy strike? Where is God in all of this? Take this online interactive study and gain insight in the crisis situations of life. Read more

Coming up next week: Join us in the chat room daily for discussions about relevant life topics, or just to hang out. See also our full chat calendar for other upcoming topics.

TheLife.com is now PowerToChange.com!

This site is maintained by TruthMedia, a division on Power to Change. Over the next days and weeks this site, along with several others will be moving into a new format branded as Power to Change.

All of your favorites will still be here along with a bunch of new features we’re excited to share with you. Now all of our audiences will have access to blogs, comments and videos along with more frequent updates, bigger images and a wider range of content.

9/11 and You
My sister had a 9:00 a.m. appointment at the World Trade Center … on September 12, 2001. I’ve often wondered what might have happened had her appointment been a day earlier or the terrorist attacks a day later. What were your feelings that tragic day? How do you process those feelings now, as reminders of the attacks come in anniversary media coverage? Nearly two thirds of 9/11 adult counselees still grieve, according to a recent study. Read more

Take action: Do you struggle with forgiving people? Or one person in particular? Why not try our Finding Freedom in Forgiveness online interactive life lesson?

You said it: This week, Kara commented on Four Slippery Steps to Adultery, saying “What a difficult time you must be going through. Is there a way that you could talk with your husband or even get some help to walk through this? This site has mentors who are willing to come alongside you in a time like this.” Read the article and add your own thoughts: Read more

Feature: Back to School Survival Guide
The campus is a new world, and here, it is not the strong but the teachable who survive. Here are some tips for student survival based on the experiences of those who have already survived. Read more

Blog: Identity & Identity Theft
Every year, millions of people around the world, are victims of “identity theft”. Some helpful steps to reduce your chances of being an identity theft victim include things like protecting your credit card numbers and never replying to emails requesting financial information. Read more

Coming up next week: One of the topics of our upcoming online chats is “Why Does God Allow Disaster?” Join us in the chat room September 15th 2009 @ 4:00pm EST for this chat or see also our full chat calendar for other upcoming topics.

Pictures of me as a little kid are really cute –– curly blond hair, a quick smile and eyes always looking for the next adventure. I had the confidence that comes from knowing you are truly loved. If we painted pictures at school, I painted three. I had a storybook childhood and it showed. But I didn’t stay that way.

Around grade six I became the kid everyone picked on. Maybe I didn’t wear the right clothes, maybe kids are just mean sometimes, for whatever reason it started and it kept going. By high school there was a group of four or five guys who told me I was stupid and ugly every single day.   I believed them.

It is amazing what you accept as truth when you hear it enough times. As my confidence faltered and my self esteem withered away I stopped talking in class, in groups, or in the hallways. I dreaded lunch hour, never stepped foot inside the cafeteria and the thought of class presentations literally made me sick. I stopped smiling altogether. They tell me I went a whole year and never smiled once.

My whole life revolved around being as invisible as possible.

I thought that I couldn’t get hurt if everyone forgot I was there. I was convinced that there was no way out — you have to go to school.  I was too afraid to talk to my parents about it, even though we were close. (Years later I learned that if I had told them what was going on there were a dozen other options for school.)  I was so afraid, so hurt, so confused and so lonely that I began planning my suicide.  I choose a method and was working out the details when I had a dream that saved my life.

I don’t know if you believe in God, but I had this dream that I cannot explain any other way.  I had decided on the mechanics of how I was going to doing it.  In the dream it was like someone had taken the roof of of the house and I was looking down on it from above.  I could see myself in one room and what I had done. At the same time I could see my Mom, standing on the other side of the locked door pounding on it, weeping.   In the dream I started to talk, to bargain, and this other voice said simply “It’s too late.”  Melodramatic, maybe, but I have never had a dream like that again.  And today, some 15 years later, I could draw you a picture of exactly what that dream scene looked like.  I cannot forget it.

Suicide is something that you can’t take back.

I’ve heard people say that suicide is a cowardly, selfish choice.  All I can say in response to that is  “clearly, you’ve never been there”.  Suicide is never that simple.  People choose suicide when they truly believe it is the only choice left.   As an adult, I know now that there were other options, but back then the pain was so great it blocked out everything else – even the people who loved me.  I had not yet arrived at a place where things were beyond my control and I was able to choose differently.  I know that’s not always the case and I am grateful that I got a second chance.

Back at school, things did not improve.  Halfway through grade eleven I transferred to a different high school in a desperate attempt to get away. The insults stopped but I still had to face myself; a change of scene wasn’t going to fix that. The following summer I attended a conference with the youth group from my church and found answers in the last place I would have expected.

At the conference I came to realize that God loves me very, very much. I matter to God.  He is in the details of my life, even when I try to hide.  This knowledge gave me value, and in beginning to accept that God loved me, I could start to see the other people who loved me too.  It gave me a foundation to build on and the healing process began. The world is a scary place when you stop liking yourself. This gave me hope. I had learned about God as a child, but just trying to survive had consumed me and I had long since forgotten about Him. God had not forgotten about me.

During my second year of university, I came across the verse in the Bible that is now my favorite.  It reads,

“I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:9&10)

The truth is simple. We are all the walking wounded, some scars are just easier to see. It’s not an easy thing to say “I need a savior”, but I did.  I still do.  In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new.   Even if you’re not a church person, chances are you’ve heard John 3:16.  It’s the verse that talks about God sending his Son to save the world.  In The Message, a recent modern language translation of the Bible, it’s written like this:

This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person’s failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him. (John 3:16-18, The Message)

Words are powerful things and God’s words of love are the most powerful of all. If you want God in your life, you can have Him there today.  All you need to do is pray, just talk to Him.  God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words. You could pray something like this:

God, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. Please forgive me for the things I have done. Come into my life and direct it.  Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

If you prayed today, we’d love to hear from you.  You can use the form below to let us know, or to ask questions.  We would love to talk to you about the difference Jesus makes.  He changes everything.

I smile a lot now –– I guess I’m still making up for that one silent year. While I doubt I’ll ever be a public speaker, I no longer walk around with my eyes on the floor. I am still learning, but I am no longer a danger to myself.  My Mom tells me that I remind her of this little girl she used to know with curly blond hair, a quick smile and a glint of adventure in her eyes.

If you are in a place in your life that scares you, please know that you are not alone. Do not make the mistake I did of thinking that there’s no way out.  If there’s something on your mind, start a conversation.  Send us an email, we’d love to hear from you. We’re available any time, from anywhere in the world.  Your email will be matched with someone from our team who will respond. From there it’s up to you.  If you want to keep talking, just hit reply.?  ?The conversation is free, confidential and non-judgmental.  We believe that talking about life, ideas, decisions and fears is better than not talking about them.

If you are worried that you might be a danger to yourself, or if you are having suicidal thoughts, please, please, don’t try to go it alone.  There are people ready to help you right now.  Hotlines, counselors and other help is available, 24/7.

Every year, millions of people around the world, are victims of “identity theft”.

When you think about it, it’s kind of sad how “identity” here is essentially equated with “financial security”. Our true identities are so much more than that. Ironically, we’re often much more protective of our personal identities -who we really are as people- than we are of our financial details!

People often wear metaphorical masks to hide their true identities. In her article Unmasking Our True Selves, Barbara Erochina asks the question: Does anyone know the real you? Read the article to explore this issue, and consider the masks you might be wearing yourself.

Identity theft is a serious concern, but I think knowing your own identity is an even more serious one. As a wise man once rhetorically asked, “What do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?” If you feel like you need someone to talk to about these issues, feel free to contact us privately, anytime.

I am sprawled in a recliner, twenty feet from the ocean.  This is the extent of my activity.
Submerged in sunshine, I contemplate life and the panorama before me.  I can see surging breakers, rolling over an azure ocean.  Some waves crash in the sun-drenched waters; others roll onwards through deep shrouds of blue.  A few of them timidly cling to the horizon, silent flashes of possibility.  The rest of the waves vigorously introduce themselves as crashes and shushes on the shoreline.

From my recliner, looking out at the ocean I can see everything.  When we’re in the water, the experience is vastly different.

In the water you feel the pull of the waves. Each wave transforms into an adventure or a challenge for you to overcome.  The crashing of the water is no longer a gentle, white foam.  Instead, each wave becomes a brusque interruption of thunderous chaos – sand, salt, and grit beating against your body.  The perspective is not academic, it’s immediate, visceral.  In the water you can’t see the following waves.  All you can see is the next one coming right at you.

I tend to live in the thunderous chaos.  This is my default mode of doing life.

Defaulting to expectations

A trusted friend once told me, “Life is drudgery.  It’s about putting your nose to the grindstone and getting through it.”  Drudgery?  What a statement.  And yet my own existence betrays me.

My reality is this: I often awake to expectations. It’s not all bad and dreary, but my objective list frequently warms up before my shower does.  My day is planned before I wake-up. I just check in.  And if I’m honest, there have been time in my life where my daily schedule has been less about enjoying the ocean and more about finding my footing.

Waves – troubles, worries, hard situations — impact, one after another, on our soft souls.  Meet this deadline! Crash!  Get the kids to soccer!  Crash!  Get a new job, find time for your spouse, make new friends, make a life-altering decision – crash, crash, CRASH!  It’s easy to become a walking function.  Drudgery becomes my reality more often than I care to admit.

Wandering away from wonder

How’s the view in your life? Are you riding an exciting wave or just barely holding up against the undertow? Perhaps you’ve stood strong against the waves for weeks, months, even years at a time.  Or maybe there are moments where a question begins to surface as the waves thunder: Where has the wonder of life gone?

Do you remember those times when you were excited to live in the moment?  Where owning a house wasn’t about remodeling the bedroom, but it was about being in your own house?  Do you remember when going to the beach was all about throwing rocks for a few hours?  Think back, can you remember the days of wonder?

Stuffing in a shirt

We use this phrase around our house — stuffing in a shirt.  It refers to life situations when it doesn’t matter who is doing the task, all that matters is that the task gets done.  In those moments, I’m not me, I’m just a guy pouring cereal or changing a diaper.  It’s like I’m not even there. Have you ever walked through days like this?  Have you had moments when you feel like you lose yourself in the functions of life?  For that reason, it is good to be here in this moment, contemplating from my recliner.

As I sit and reflect, my mind keeps turning over a profound statement made by Jesus, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”  Sometimes I get “having life to the full” confused with filling my schedule.  In order to experience a full life, it has been ingrained in me that I need to run at life “full-tilt” and “grab life by the horns” (or is it the bull?).  We’re told that “life is short so play hard”, and my personal favorite – “go.”  Or to quote Fight Club, “This is your life, and it’s ending one minute at a time.”

Translation: busyness gives your life meaning.

We’re taught that speed equals value.  If you go faster, you must be doing better.  To be busy is to be successful, spiritual, productive, or…( insert your favorite compliment here).  To experience enjoyment in this life means to be doing something.  It doesn’t matter if it’s rock climbing, jumping out of planes, or doggedly pursuing the top of the corporate ladder.

We’re told that we need to be busy, to be making memories, to be doing life so that our life has more meaning.  It’s as though a full life is something that I can attain for myself and the only thing holding me back is the limit on my credit cards.  I want to live fully, so what better way than to cram my schedule to its fullest potential?

Right?

Busy losing the meaning

I believe the keyword that we are searching for here is balance.  God wants us to be challenged in this life, to experience the world that He has created for us.  But in the midst of the madness of our weekly schedules, it is important to not substitute busyness for meaning.

What can we do when we’ve committed ourselves to a schedule that should include five assistants and a secretary? How do we keep our balance in the midst of the waves bearing down on us?  These are a few of the strategies I employ to avoid feeling like stuffing in a shirt.

Time for reflection is key. I know, I know, talk about being naive.  But ask yourself this, is being busy so important that I don’t have time to think about what I’m doing?  Is there time for enjoyment?  If being busy is the ultimate goal, then perhaps this is the first thing that needs to change.

Plan for breaks. Many times in our family’s life, we’ve needed a plan for rest or we find ourselves at the mercy of the waves.  Having a plan in place, we are able to schedule in meaningful time for each other.  Make-your-own-pizza-nights (Saturday) and quiet times (7-8pm), all have been programmed into our family’s schedule with the intent of building more meaningful time and less busy time.

Appreciate the wonder. Whether you’re chasing your two-year old around the playground or enjoying a relaxed cup of coffee, be in the moment.  Enjoy the wonder of life, savor the way your kids run, or the movement of the clouds, or just stop and hit pause.  You’ll be glad you did, and it will give you a greater appreciation (and energy) for the busy times.

I stretch out on my recliner, the advance and retreat of waves challenging my ability to remain motionless.  Crash!  Shush.  Crash!  Shush.  The waves continue in their pursuit of advancement.

It’s good to be here in this moment.  Reclining.  Appreciating.

Recovering wonder.

More ways to find a balance:
Balancing work and family
Life Lesson: Learn how to manage your time