How is your journey going?

Hope

Ladies, we need HOPE.  Hope makes us move ahead for the greater good for our children and ourselves.    It is easy to become like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh.  Do you remember that purple donkey?  According to Eeyore everything was negative and nothing was exciting. He just existed.  I have met single Moms who are like this.  They live a defeated life as if they had nothing to live for.

Man, have I got news!!!  We have a big world out there with possibilities and new steps to travel.  There is plenty to live for.  It’s not going to be easy, but I promise it will be worth it.

After years of staying home with my kids I hardly knew how to turn on a computer but I persevered.  People believed in me and gave me chances. I took night school courses and built my resume.  I learned that I could balance a bank account, take the battery out of the riding lawn mower, and build a home for my children.

So my dear friend, begin to hope!  Wake up each day with a sense of hope that things are going to move ahead.  We don’t have to be like Eeyore.  We can be positive and believe in a life with hope.  God is rooting for us.  He gave His 100% guarantee of never leaving us or abandoning us.
Psalm 34: 18 says, “The Lord is there to rescue all who are discouraged and have given up hope.”

God’s got you covered. He is waiting for you to take this step with Him.

Trust

How do you begin to trust again when your definition of trust has been erased from your mind?   That is a toughie but I know it can be done. Give yourself permission to take some time to heal.

God is the only one that is trustworthy with His 100% guarantee. Have you noticed He provides 100% coverage in life issues?  I have tested this trust thing over the years and He has never let me down.  That doesn’t mean that He gave me everything I asked for.  It means He created us and passionately cares and loves each of us.  He will help us get through this.  Trusting God is a risk that is worth taking.  Be honest with God in your thoughts, fears, and your uncertainties.  He is a big God with a big heart and a big plan.

“Trust God, my friends, and always tell him each one of your concerns.  God is our place of safety.” (Psalm 62:8)

Take a risk with God and ask for some things that you need.  Let me share one of my situations. My car needed a huge repair. (We are on the same page aren’t we!) I didn’t have the money.  After the repair was done the bill was double the amount they had quoted me.  I had no funds to pay for it.  My parents had graciously given as much as they could, but I was in a pickle.  It was time to trust God.

Testing, testing, 1, 2, 3…

God answered. Not in the way I wanted because I would rather have had cash fall like raindrops from heaven.  However, God supplied.  He gave me a part-time job four nights a week, right by my house.  I drove home from my day job, changed into my next work clothes (it involved a hairnet-yuck!), made sure supper was prepared for my girls, and worked for 3 hours each night.

I paid off my bill and met a lot of interesting people.  Was I tired? You bet… but I did it.  I asked for help and God gave me this job.  I didn’t have it forever and I was able to reduce my hours as things got paid off.  I just had to trust God that He would help.

Trusting is hard work and I need to upgrade my trusting skills frequently.  God just asks us to trust Him and He will help. My faith grew because I trusted in God during those times when there seemed to be no solution to my predicament.

Are facing one of these issues today?  We have two gift-wrapped boxes from God – hope and trust.  He asks you to open them up and use them. Write out what you hope for.   It could be anything – healing your heart, pursing another job, a week free of constant stress, or a dream of a mini holiday with your kids. Can I share another story?

We were as poor as church mice.  Deep in my heart I wanted to take my girls on a holiday.   A caring couple gave us their condo in Florida to use for free.  We just had to get there.  My heart still bursts with the memories we made on that trip.   Don’t give up but hope.  As it says in the verse above, God will help your discouraged heart.  I can honestly say this will be one exciting journey. Live in HOPE.

What about your trusting skills?  This is a huge action verb!  Write down what you desire to trust God for and date it.  Like me, I am sure you have had to trust about employment, the monthly rent, the kid’s schedules and their emotional health.  You are not alone. Write it all down.

Father, we need HOPE to get through this.  We desperately want to TRUST You in our next steps.  Guide us in your ways.  In our Ever-Faithful God.  Amen.

There is HELP, there is HOPE, there is HEALING!

Don’t miss the rest of the Single Mom Survival Kit:

A box of resources
How to set boundaries
The monster called FEAR

Take the next step:

Why do bad things happen to good people? Is God still good when it hurts?
Take a lesson: How to choose peace
 If your world feels unfamiliar, read this

Is there something wrong with me? Will anyone ever love me again?  

When you become a single Mom your life suddenly turns upside down. It seems that fear can become as much a part of life as breathing.  I had no partner to help me so I began to balance the bank books, figure which bills to pay first, do the outside work, and the most importantly, be a stabilizing factor for my children. Fear gripped me so tightly.  As each week ended, I was afraid to start the next because of what might happen.

Fear can be overwhelming

Fears can make us feel like we are standing in a corner and totally out of control.  If we let it, fear can consume us and be the monster under our bed.  Max Lucado wrote a little booklet called, “Imagine Your Life Without Fear”.  If you get a chance to purchase this little 46 page booklet, it is powerful.  (Booklets are available on Lucado’s site, just $2 for a pack of 5 http://www.maxlucado.net/fearless/fearless-booklets-5-pack) I quote, “Fear, at its center, is a perceived loss of control.”

Do you feel that your life, like mine, is out of control? For me, each new day was a challenge and fear controlled me if I let it.  I could easily get my mind worked up and try and figure everything out.  Honestly, life doesn’t work that way.

2 Timothy 1:7 says, “God’s Spirit doesn’t make cowards out of us.  The Spirit gives us power, love, and self-control.” (CEV)  Now doesn’t that sound empowering and freeing! God will help us as we move ahead. Tap into God’s power.  Will we still be afraid? Of course, but don’t let that fear grip you. Begin to work through the fear and ask God to help you to have power, love, and self-control.

Fear can be overcome

I remember knowing in my spirit that it was time to move out of the city where I was living.  I didn’t have any family support in the area, so as I asked God for direction He clearly opened doors.  It wasn’t easy.  Moving meant packing up the house, getting a new job, pulling my kids out school and dealing with my ex-spouse’s reaction to my decision. I could have curled up and said forget it because I was afraid, but God gave me the power to make the move.  Everything fell into place.  It was tough, but it was right!

Why not spend a few minutes writing out what you fear the most?  Sometimes when we write it out, it becomes easier to face. When you have your list complied, see what solutions you feel you can reasonably tackle. If you are having difficulty with solutions, call a friend who can help you ask questions and work through the list.  When we let go of fear, we can start to think of this new life as a new adventure with many possibilities. There will still be challenges.  But fear won’t be your only response to those challenges. You’ll have the strength that comes from knowing you can make choices for your family.

You are not alone 

As I read the Bible, I am comforted to see that other people have fearful challenges too.  David had to face the Giant, The Apostle Paul preached to angry leaders of the law who had stones in their hands to harm him, Peter denied Christ, and the disciples faced drowning in a stormy sea.

Face your fears; don’t hide from them.  Call to God for help, He’s your lifeline. David killed the Giant, Paul was granted safety, Peter was given forgiveness, and Jesus’ calmed the stormy sea.  Ask God for wisdom as you face your fears.  Talk things over with a trusted friend.  Don’t let fear control you.

God assures us that He knows our worries and He understands. Psalm 55:22 says, “Our Lord, we belong to you.  We tell you what worries us and you won’t let us fall.” (CEV) In I Peter 5:7 it says, “God cares for you, so turn all your worries over to Him.”

As you face the day today, what areas of your life can you begin to release from fear? Do you believe that God won’t let you fall?  Who can you call to help you work through these fears?

Father in Heaven, we are so thankful that You want us to lay these fears at your feet. Fear can grip us and keep us from moving ahead. Help us take step after step into Your freedom.  Give us Your wisdom to begin this journey.  We thank you for Your Spirit that gives us love, power and self-control.  In Your Powerful Name, Amen.

There is HELP, there is HOPE, there is HEALING!

Don’t miss the rest of The Single Mom Survival Kit:

A box of resources
How to set boundaries

As a single mom, boundaries are essential to keep your family’s life stable and constant.

Some families have such tight boundaries that they can hardly breathe. That makes things harder, not easier.  I suggest finding something that works for you and your kids as you journey on this new path.  Boundaries will be your friend and save a lot of grief.

Boundaries respect who you are.  Once in place they protect you by making expectations and responsibilities clear. The confusion comes for people when they have to decide what needs a boundary. These suggestions below are from my own experience and from women who have shared their situations with me.

Every family is different so you’ll need to decide what works in your unique situation. My girls had a hard time with change.  They needed to have set times for visitation and activities throughout the week so that they knew what to expect each day. Children of divorce are confused and they too, have had their world spun around. Some children become very angry. It’s important to remember that they did not make the decision that altered your family.  You can help them cope as you put up reasonable boundaries.

1.  Maintain a regular schedule of visits.  My girls knew what weekend, and what weekly visit they had with their Dad.  That way they were prepared to visit.  When it was the weekends with me, they were prepared for our activities.

2.  Keep weekly activities to a minimum.  Children are already packing and unpacking for visits, so extra-curricular activities should be kept to what they can handle, not what suits our agenda.  My children were given an option to have one activity per week.  That gave time them to have fun, but it also gave time for homework and downtime during the week.  If your kids are older you will have to set up boundaries if they constantly want to be out with friends.  We all need downtime.

3.  Put boundaries around food and rest.  As a single mom, it is so easy to go through the drive-thru to pick up something quick.  For me, I had to leave very early each morning for work, figure out what to put in the slow cooker, have lunches packed, and get the kids to the sitter’s.  I gave myself permission to have those drive-thru nights.

It can help to make a list of meals and lunches for the week and grocery shop with that in mind. It saves on the pocket book too!  Scheduled bedtimes for all family members helped us gain perspective.  If I don’t get enough sleep, I am toast and I begin to get clouded in my thinking. There were some nights that after I tucked in my kids, I went to straight to bed too.  Other nights, it was my “Linda time” to do laundry and fold it, write cheques, and watch a favorite show to unwind.

4.  Schedule fun time.  You and your children need to make new memories. Set times to go visit grandma and grandpa, spend a day at the local fair, make regular visits to the library. Pack a backpack with water and snacks and go on an adventure hike.  This is a positive boundary to make time for your little family.  Life is stressful enough. If your kids are older, ask them what they would like to do with you and see what you can figure out together.

5.  Take time for you. Try and not get caught up in the trap of trying to please everyone and learn to say NO.  As you take time for you, it will help heal your heart.  When self-imagine has plummeted to the depth of the pit, work on YOU.  It is good to treat yourself.  I had bubble baths with candles and my favorite music.  I took long walks at my favorite park and wrote about new goals in my journal.  I met with girlfriends for coffee. I loved walking the beach while praying for the days ahead.  Many weekends when the girls were with their dad, I went to the movies by myself.  There is an endless list of way to spend time with you and enjoy it.  Make a list for yourself and begin to check them off.

As you respect boundaries for yourself and your kids, you may have opposition from your Ex and even family members and friends.  If your number one goal is to bring health and stability to your home, then stick with it. Believe me, there were times, I went into my bathroom, closed the door, and cried.   Boundaries also have a component of flexibility.  You will need to decide as each situation comes up if it is wise to flex this time. There were some days when I felt very alone as I worked to establish boundaries. But it paid off as I knew I made positive steps for greater health – both for myself and for my kids.

Note to Self:  Some children will push every boundary.  If they always get their way, your child will learn that they should get everything in life they want.  In setting boundaries, you are teaching them that life is about wise choices and not always about what they want.  That is a great gift to give your children.

“All wisdom comes from the Lord, and so do common sense and understanding.  With wisdom you will learn what is right and honest and fair.” (Proverbs 3:6 & 9)

There is HELP, there is HOPE, there is HEALING!

Don’t miss the rest of The Single Mom Survival Kit:

A box of resources 

Take the next step:

Learn how to say “No”
Use boundaries to protect what matters
Stressed? This lesson can help

I never imagined that I would be a single Mom.

I know many women are living through the same thing that happened to me. I call it the Single Mom Syndrome. Our energy and focus have suddenly changed.  Many of you stand at a cross roads wondering what foot to move, where to go, with little or no knowledge of how to survive.  I am here to tell you that YOU CAN DO THIS. Breathe, and slowly make your decisions.  It is time to put on a new pair of shoes.

What stayed stable in my life when everything else was chaotic was my personal relationship with a God who promised to never leave me or forsake me.  His Son, Jesus Christ, made it possible to have this relationship with Him when he died– so I could live.  This is where my foundation lies and how my journey continued.  I believed that I could take hold of my life and move ahead.  Was it easy? Absolutely not!  Was it tough and discouraging some days? Absolutely yes.  Was there hope for me and is there hope for you too? Without a doubt YES!!!

First Steps: Trusting God

I want to share with you my life experiences as I began this road as a single mom and chose every day to work on being the best mom I could be.  It was a conscious effort to work at trusting God to lead and heal my wounded heart. In my old life I was a stay-at-home mom with a small home daycare to help with basic financial costs. When this happened, I had to re-enter the work force.

As you can imagine, seven years changes technology and I felt like I was back in kindergarten. It was a lot to juggle keeping the home as stable as possible while learning what buttons to push on this monster called a computer! Be encouraged. There is HELP, there is HOPE, and there is HEALING.  I know it because I have lived it. I do not have a degree in Psychology, but what I have is a degree in is Hard Knocks, which has been my greatest teacher.

If you are walking through a divorce life has suddenly left you with a lot of decisions and your heart is saturated in grief.  It is hard to know which ball to juggle first.  You are not alone. I didn’t suddenly write out this list and move ahead.  It took courage and strength one day at a time, one moment at a time.  Some days, I was shaking in my shoes! But I knew that God had not forgotten about me. I can promise He has not forgotten about you either. I hope that some of my suggestions will help you put on that new pair of running shoes.

A Box of Resources

We are very fortunate to have resources at our fingertips.I know it may feel like you don’t have much, but you do have resources. During this time, take care of you.  I can’t stress this enough.  When you do this, you are able to gain perspective.  With children in the home, you will need the energy and strength to make wise decisions.  You can’t do that well if you don’t take care of yourself.

It can be hard and there are days when it feels like you are walking on your ankles.  For me, I took every advantage I could to be a stronger and healthier me.  I put on my new shoes and even though it felt like they were mired in cement, I took the resources to heal.  I encourage you to see if these could help you.

1. See a medical doctor to maintain a clean bill of health.  My doctor would say to me, “Now Linda, this is what you need to do for ‘a time’ to help you gain your strength.” Stress makes the body susceptible to all kinds of illness. You need to take extra care to keep yourself healthy.
2. Feed your soul.  Read the Bible. I read and re-read the Psalms. They were like my daily vitamin. This is one of my favorites, “Come save us and bless us.  Be our Shepherd and always carry us in your arms.” (Psalm 28: 9) Isn’t that exactly what your family needs today? I found a picture that depicted this verse and kept as a bookmark.
3. Gain some good support from safe and trusted friends who will keep things confidential. I learned this one the hard way but I soon found friends who respected my story and kept it to themselves. Be careful about who you share your story with. You can never un-share it.
4. Take advantage of your local library for books or articles that will encourage you or invest in some books you can mark up and underline.
5. Use your church library.  Maximize your busy schedule by borrowing a Bible on tape or some God-centered self-help tapes as you drive to and from work.
6. Daily exercise.  I know this is hard, but because of the stress in your life, you need to release this energy through some type of physical activity.  It might mean dusting off your bicycle and taking the kids for a ride, joining a fitness class at the local pool, a brisk walk around the block, or using an exercise DVD.  Some of my sweetest memories were the times my children and I went biking riding to the park and had FUN!
7. Eat healthy food.  You may not feel like eating a lot but make wise choices to keep yourself healthy. I called a friend and asked her to bake some muffins for me.  She was on my doorstep in no time.  It blessed me and it blessed her to do it.
8. Seek counseling.   Not everyone has medical plans that cover this, if you aren’t covered see if there is a trusted pastor that would hear your heart.  It is good to get some unbiased advice because we need to share our story.  Doing that helps us sort out the next steps.
9. Hug your kids!  You all need love and support during this time. These precious treasures need reassurance too.  There were times we just laid on my bed and laughed and talked.  It was a healing time for all of us.

I remember a counselor kept telling me over and over again that I was a Person of Worth in God’s eyes.  We are all His treasures and God wants us to move ahead. This is a new start to learn from our past and rejoice in God’s marvelous light in the days ahead.

“But you are God’s chosen and special people. You are a group of royal priests and a holy nation. God has brought you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Now you must tell all the wonderful things that he has done.” (1 Peter 2:9, CEV)

Like all new pairs of shoes, these new Single Mom shoes need some wear and tear to feel comfortable. The list above is just a few suggestions. Remember, this is a beginning so be patient as you put one foot in front of the other.   This is the time to take advantage of your box of resources.  Believe in your heart that you are worth it for yourself and your kids.    My kids have shared how they appreciated it.  I truly believe this can be an empowering and healing time for you.  God doesn’t leave you alone. He is there rooting YOU on.

Can I pray for you right now?

Father God, Some who read this are at a crossroads and need Your help.  Grant them wisdom for healing and growth.  Give Your guidance as they lead their children.  May some of these resources give them insight and help in the days ahead.  In the all-compassionate name of Jesus, Amen.

Which things in the box of resources can you begin to pull out and use?  Tie up the laces of your new shoes with a determined heart as you face your challenges.  You will get through this.

There is HELP, there is HOPE, there is HEALING!

If you are new to single parenting and have questions or just need someone to talk to, our mentors are available anytime.  You can use this form to request a mentor.

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How do you define yourself?
Video: I’m single parenting and I feel so alone
Helping kids face the grief of divorce

There is a wealth of information at Single Parent FamilyLife

I’m the third of four children. From all outward aspects, we were the average suburban family, living outside a large city in eastern Canada. But we were not a perfect family – we had our “hidden secrets,” and our “we don’t ever talk about that” situations.

What people saw on the outside of our home was not necessarily a reflection of the inside. From an early age, there were events that took place in my life that left me with a longing to have a ‘new beginning’.

A hard beginning

As a teenager, the sudden death of my father was very difficult for me; my father and I were close, and he was my friend. The void in my heart increased with his passing. I was heading into rebellion, but his death – along with the ongoing deterioration of my relationship with my mother – hurled my life into self-destruction.

At nineteen, I left my family and moved to Canada’s Pacific coast, determined to have that new beginning. Within three months, I met Tom. Two months later, we began living together. We fought our way through the next year-and-a-half, and I believed the solution to the turmoil was to get married. The following year, in 1971, we did. In 1973, our son, Pernell, was born. One year later, I was pregnant again. After much turmoil, it was determined that I should have an abortion. In 1976, our daughter Sara was born.

By now our home was like my childhood home – what you saw on the outside was not a reflection of what was taking place on the inside. Once again, I had become a master at covering up the imperfections and pain, longing for a way to wipe the slate clean. By the age of thirty, I was becoming dependent on prescription drugs; as a consequence of post abortion syndrome, I experienced depression and thoughts of suicide.

Trying to cope

I took the two children and went back to see my family. I considered staying back east, to try and find a new beginning. I would have done so had my husband not called me several times and persuaded me that the children and I belonged with him, and that if I returned there would be changes. I knew I really loved him and I wanted our marriage to work. So I returned – to make a new beginning.

In 1981, Jonathan was born. My husband was laid off a year later and could not find a job. I went into the work force. Shortly after that, he stopped looking for work.

Our relationship was as stormy as ever, and my coping mechanism was to turn my energies to a career. I enjoyed the enormous amount of responsibility that came with my position, along with the great rewards of appreciation, elegant dinners, lots of positive attention and relationships outside of my marriage. But there was a price – long days and weekends at the office, regrets at night and an ever increasing longing within.

Five years later – having barely seen my children, having no relationship with my husband, having unhealthy relationships outside of my marriage and a career that was going somewhere when I was sober – my longtime friend Barb took me for a walk and said, “Sara, ever since I’ve known you, all you ever wanted was to be a mom and a wife. If you don’t make changes now, you will come home one day and find your kids have grown up without you and you will have missed it.”

I knew she was right. I thought about a solution: if I took the kids and left my husband, ended the unhealthy relationships, cut back on the drinking and the hours at the office, perhaps then I could have a new beginning. In October 1987, I put the kids in the car and drove away.

Learning of a new love

My first and biggest challenge as a single parent came within weeks, when I tried to obtain custody of our three children. As I had worked for five years outside the home, I could not presume that I would be granted custody. I left for the courtroom that day, very fearful that I would lose my children. Before I left the office, my manager, Jim, offered to pray for me. I had turned to him for advice because he was a gentleman whose life was a marked contrast to mine!

Jim did not smoke, drink, or swear. He was patient, calm, very wise in business and family and faithful to his wife of many years. Definitely a life under control – while mine was out of control. When Jim mentioned prayer, I said “Well great, you pray, I’ll go” – to which he replied, “Sit down.” Then I asked, “Will you be praying out loud?”, to which he answered “yes.” So I sat there, with my eyes open, while he prayed about the custody. As soon as he said “amen,” I bolted for the door.

At the courthouse, my lawyer advised me that I might have a better chance if I were to seek joint custody. But as my husband’s lawyer got up and gave a very uncomplimentary – but true – description of my lifestyle for the past five years, my head dropped. I felt the judge would never consider me a fit parent. Then, because of a technicality, the judge negated my lawyer’s efforts to defend me. I believed my dreams of motherhood were over at that point. Yet to my amazement, a few minutes later, the judge granted joint custody with equal access to each of us.

At last I knew that there was a God, who must love me – as Jim had often told me – and that this God had intervened on my behalf. I ran out of there to call Jim. As he answered the phone, I blurted out, “Okay – I want to know more about this God of yours. You obviously have a direct line and I’m prepared to listen.”

Rescued from hopelessness

In the following weeks, Jim shared more with me about Jesus, whom I had always thought of as merely a baby at Christmas and not much more. Jim told me often that God loved me and created me to know Him personally. Sometimes when I would come into the office with a hangover, Jim would patiently tell me that the reason I wasn’t experiencing God’s love in my life was because I was insisting on going my own way – and that way was sin. I always thought of sin as murder, stealing, lying . . . etc. Besides, I reasoned, I wasn’t any worse than the rest of the people in the office.

As Christmas approached that year, my problems remained the main thing on my mind. For the first time since becoming a mom, I would be spending Christmas Eve and morning alone without my children. On December 22, as I drove Jim to the airport, he said to me, “You know you have nothing left to lose. After thirty-seven years of you being at the controls, you don’t have a home, a husband or your kids. All you have is your car, and your job – and that’s only because I am your boss. So, why don’t you give control of your life to God and experience a new beginning.”

It wasn’t the first time Jim had made this suggestion. My first response came from my discouragement: “Well, that may be fine for you, but it won’t make any difference in my life. It’s easy for you – your life just goes along smooth no matter what.” Jim again patiently asked if I would repeat a prayer after him. Again I said, “You pray, I’ll listen.” With that, he told me that the Bible said if I confess with my mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in my heart that God raised Him from the dead, I could be rescued from my hopelessness. I challenged him: “Where does it say that?” He answered. Accurately. Word for word.

So I prayed, repeating what Jim was saying. It went something like this: Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Saviour and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

I never thought at that point that it would change anything, let alone give me that elusive fresh start. However, before I said “amen,” lifted my head and opened my eyes, something profound had happened inside me. I could not explain it, but I knew it was real. For the first time in my life – the emptiness inside me was gone. When Jim told me I was forgiven for all my sins, I knew what he said was real somehow and I felt very free. I didn’t know why, but I knew for the first time in my life I could really start over.

A new life

In the ten years since that night, there have been many storms to go through. My son, Jonathan, fought a battle with lymphoma cancer. During his treatments, my mother suddenly passed away. My two oldest children have been off traveling the world, and had some very frightening and disappointing experiences. But my life slowly changed.

As I began to read the Bible and pray, listen to teaching tapes and then eventually start to go to church, my responses to life’s turmoil began to change. My old habits of smoking and drinking, angry tirades and unhealthy relationships all began to fade away. The strongest evidence has been that, if I am faithful to read my Bible and to pray, there is always an unexplainable peace that presides over every day and every circumstance.

Working through the ongoing and as yet unresolved issues with my children’s father, having to deal with the day to day aspects of life as a single parent, running a household and working full time . . . I cannot imagine trying to cope with life alone, without having the assurance that God is in control. I can honestly say that I have a new life. God gave me my new beginning.

Is this the life for me?

Take a look at your life. How would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times. There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget. In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new. What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?

Living with hope

If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised. Is this the life for you?

If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.

It’s been several years now, but I can still clearly picture the day I found out my teenage daughter was pregnant. I remember her standing in the kitchen saying, “Mom, embrace it!” My initial response to Amber’s words were, “Yeah, right, that’s easy for you to say.”   But within seconds I thought, “She’s right.   I really don’t have another choice.”  That “embrace” came with anguish as we grieved but also much joy as we came to see God’s blessing in both the journey and the arrival of our precious grandson.

The journey begins

Our journey began with a phone call and a voicemail message.  From these pieces we learned from Amber, that she was pregnant.  Amber had just turned 18 a week earlier and was in her second semester of grade 12. As I left her bedroom with news of her pregnancy, tears engulfed me as I struggled with a multitude of feelings.

I can’t describe the overwhelming sadness followed quickly by guilt, feelings of failure, fear, shame, hurt and “if onlys.”  Hadn’t I prayed since she was a little girl that she would marry a godly man? Hadn’t I told her since she was a preschooler that “first comes love, then comes marriage, then the baby carriage”?

When Amber was a little girl, I could kiss it and make it all better.  Now, to my despair, I couldn’t make it better.  Wishful thoughts filled my head.  Perhaps the test was wrong … maybe she’ll miscarry.  But when a blood test came back positive and the days became weeks it became evident we were on a journey with a destination.

Grieving what we had lost

The previous fall, Amber had turned her life around.  The once delinquent student became serious about graduating.  The girl who loved to party worked hard to land a job and leave many of her old friends behind. Our hope had been renewed!  But now this. . . what went wrong?  I had so many questions.  Midway into her pregnancy my husband and I attended a ‘respite’ retreat.  While there I began to understand that what I was going through was a grieving process.  I was grieving not only the losses Amber was facing, but also my own.

• I grieved the loss of seeing my daughter fall in love, get married and eagerly wait the birth of her first child.  The special dreams every mother has from the moment her daughter is born!
• I grieved the loss of joy, in responding to the words, “Mom, I’m pregnant.” Instead my heart was filled with intense sadness, guilt, anger, disbelief, hurt and confusion.
• I grieved the loss of announcing to family and friends that I was to be a grandmother.  Instead I felt like the news always had to be presented with some kind of parenthesis around it.
• I grieved the loss of excitement in planning for a baby’s arrival as Amber flip flopped from considering adoption to wanting to keep her baby. While I expected her emotions to go up and down, I hadn’t anticipated my own emotions to follow as I became increasingly attached to this new life.
• I grieved the agony of watching Amber experience her losses.   I’ll never forget the day she broke down sobbing in Bryans as we looked at all the beautiful grad dresses she knew she would never be able to wear.  Meanwhile her twin sister was picking out ‘glass slippers’ to go with her ‘Cinderella’ dress. I agonized for Amber as her sister made plans to go to college to follow her dreams while Amber had to lay hers aside.

Being able to put words to these losses and having them validated helped me immensely in dealing with my grief.

In the early days of Amber’s pregnancy we had to work hard to see the silver lining in the proverbial cloud but as the months went by we were continually awed at God’s goodness to us.  When Amber said that she wanted to go to her high school grad I inwardly groaned.  “They don’t make grad dresses for pregnant teenagers. Won’t she feel even more singled out without a fancy dress?”

But God took care of us in an amazing way.  One Sunday morning I was approached with the words, “All week, I’ve been feeling that I should offer to sew you something.  I’m a professional seamstress.”  She sewed a gorgeous dress. When Amber put it on, she exclaimed “I feel like a princess.”

Finding the joy in our situation

As I picked out baby pictures for Amber and Natasha’s grad celebration, tears came to my eyes as I realized my dream of seeing them graduate together was coming true.  When I first heard the news of Amber’s pregnancy, I didn’t see how it could ever happen. But God in his sovereignty provided an amazingly supportive teacher who gave her total freedom to work at her own pace.

What a blessing to be part of Amber’s journey from day one.  Not only was I able to share in every doctor’s appointment, in every ultrasound (what a thrill to watch her little baby kick and wiggle!) but I was also able to support Amber as our grandson entered the world.

When the time came, I was totally ready to be a Grandma

Those early feelings of overwhelming sadness, guilt and fear feel like a bad dream as we hug our precious grandson or watch his mother tenderly care for him. We can’t imagine our lives without him. Have our lives changed?  Dramatically!!  All the toys I had packed away plus numerous new ones clutter our living room. Peanut butter finger prints again grace our walls. When Amber rushes off to work, I now have a preschooler to mind – a stage I thought I had left behind.   And then there are the emotional challenges. Since Amber and Hayden live with us, there is the challenge of learning how to let our adult child be a parent and how to be a grandparent to a grandchild who feels like our child.  It’s a learning process for all of us.  But just as God enabled us to adjust to her pregnancy, He’s enabling us to not only cope but to enjoy this new stage of life.

The journey that began with an unexpected pregnancy is far from over.  It’s not an easy road that Amber has chosen. But we rejoice in God’s continual provisions for her, the wise choices she is making and the awesome job she is doing in parenting Hayden. God’s faithfulness encourages us all as we look to the future.

After taking a year of maternity leave, Amber enrolled in a Para Educator Program.  This past fall, she was hired as a Special Needs Teacher at a local private school and continues to be involved in a young mom’s program where as a participant she encourages and serves as a role model to many of the younger moms.

I don’t know how we would have made this journey without the knowledge of God’s love and faithfulness. I know that God loves me, my daughter and my grandson.  Nothing can ever change that.  Do you know how much God loves you? He gave up his son so that we could know him.  The Bible tells the story of God reaching down to us, loving us before we even knew him, redeeming us from our circumstances, from our own choices and from the things we didn’t choose.  God does love you very, very much and you can know the peace that comes from him today.

There are some things in life that we feel can never be mended again. If you’ve ever felt this way, there is hope. Jesus can bring healing to anything. God gave us his Son Jesus Christ on the cross to die for our sins so that we can be made new again and have a relationship with him.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer.  Praying is simply talking to God.  God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart.  Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.