Every year, with weddings and new babies, our family seems to grow by at least one.

Happily, last year, our families sat down and came up with some creative solutions.

1. First, we decided to give “family” gifts, rather than buying for each individual. This makes the gift exchange more equitable for singles and for couples without children, who find themselves buying many more presents than they get in return. Plus, we’ve found this eliminates the shopper’s panic of trying to buy something for the men in our family (candles and scented bath products don’t have that same sure-to-please quality for the bearded among us).

2. Second, we agreed to focus on “experiential” gifts. When my sisters and I reminisce about our childhood, it’s the things we did — our experiences — not the things we had, that we remember and treasure most. So, our Christmas wish lists today are filled with things we’d like to do: tickets to a sporting or arts event, dinner gift certificates, passes for the pool, zoo or amusement park, etc. The bonus with these items is that you just tuck them in a card and put a stamp on the envelope; no wrapping and no standing in line at the post office.

Other gift ideas centered on experiences include scrapbook supplies for photo albums (which capture our experiences) and good old-fashioned board games that the family can play together. There’s no gift more valuable than a happy memory!

Coming up with this new gift-giving protocol has brought relief to all of us, multiplying the joy of giving, and well, receiving!

“He is not here; He has risen”… (Matthew 28:6).

According to Dr. Kenneth Bailey, renowned theological scholar of Middle East history and sociology, the early Christian Church emphasized the resurrection of Jesus far more than the ugliness of the cross. Not that they underestimated nor undervalued the importance of the cross, but they – like the Apostle Paul – knew that it was the miracle of the empty tomb upon which the Christian faith would stand or fall. Paul writes, “If Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile… But Christ has been raised!”

Why, I wonder, this emphasis? Could it be that believing the resurrection takes a deep faith in the supernatural power of God? Crucifixions in Palestine were recorded by historians, both secular and religious. It’s possible to logically conclude by studying such records that Jesus could have been crucified as a threat to Rome. But raised from the dead? Seen and touched by hundreds of people, even those who – like many of us – doubted that He was alive?

“Without faith it is impossible to please God” and it’s right here at the empty tomb I must choose to believe or not. When I take this step of faith, all others fall much more easily.

Great God of the universe, to believe that Jesus was far more than a good teacher, that He was the Son of God, that He was raised from the dead, all this? takes a leap of faith. My mind so often rebels, but my heart reaches out with faltering faith. I do believe; help my unbelief. Thank You that You promise to reward even the smallest step of faith, that You promise eternal life to those who accept this risen Savior.

Questions: Did Jesus really rise from the dead?  A philosopher makes his case.

About the Author Stacy Wiebe

Life gets complicated. Don’t go it alone. Talk to us.

“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know” (Jeremiah 33:3).

When discouragement hits, whom do you call?

I was almost nine months pregnant, and my husband was out of town. Though it had been a high-risk pregnancy, both, the baby and I were doing great.

I made a call to my medical insurance company that morning to discuss some issues regarding payment for my care. When my caseworker informed me that the insurance wouldn’t be covering a large amount of the expenses as I’d expected, my mouth froze open and hot tears came, tumultuously. I excused myself from the call and fell to the floor with my nose in the carpet, sobbing.

I know that I am among the privileged few in the world that even have medical insurance, and the care that I and my baby had been receiving was protecting our very lives. But in that moment, all of the trials I’d had with this insurance company during the pregnancy — this was just the latest — felt like an avalanche that would overtake me.

I knew my husband was in meetings, so I immediately tried to telephone my mom, who had been my sounding board through the insurance “saga.” Oddly, there was so answer. I dialed my sisters’ numbers — both of them. Only empty rings. I took a deep breath and entered my best friend’s phone number. No answer.

I think I still had the receiver in my hand when, in my spirit, I sensed God saying, “I am here.”

I said, “Please minister to me, Holy Spirit!” And He did.

What a gentle, yet potent, lesson this has been for me. My family and friends are gifts from God, and they can and do minister His love to me. But the Father wants me to run to Him first, for His to be the first number I dial. Because… He loves me and knows me and knows exactly what I need.

There’s another happy ending to this story. Two days before I would go to the hospital and deliver a healthy baby girl, I received a letter from the insurance company saying they were reversing their earlier decision and would cover all of my expenses. How I felt embraced by God’s love once again!

Whatever trial you’re going through today, know that you have no better listener, no better comforter and no better problem solver than our beloved Lord.
Let’s keep Him on speed dial.

Father, thank you that You are a very present help in time of trouble. When we need to pour out our problems, help us to turn to You. You are the friend who is closer than a brother. You are our Abba, our Counselor par excellence. Holy Spirit, minister to our deepest needs today.

Questions: Tell us about a time when God ministered to you in a dynamic way when discouragement had set in. Are you going through a trial today? Would you like us to pray for you at this time?

About the Author Stacy Wiebe

“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know” Jeremiah 33:3

When discouragement hits, whom do you call?

I was almost nine months pregnant, and my husband was out of town. Though it had been a high-risk pregnancy, both, the baby and I were doing great.

I made a call to my medical insurance company that morning to discuss some issues regarding payment for my care. When my caseworker informed me that the insurance wouldn’t be covering a large amount of the expenses as I’d expected, my mouth froze open and hot tears came, tumultuously. I excused myself from the call and fell to the floor with my nose in the carpet, sobbing.

I know that I am among the privileged few in the world that even have medical insurance, and the care that I and my baby had been receiving was protecting our very lives. But in that moment, all of the trials I’d had with this insurance company during the pregnancy — this was just the latest — felt like an avalanche that would overtake me.

I knew my husband was in meetings, so I immediately tried to telephone my mom, who had been my sounding board through the insurance “saga.” Oddly, there was so answer. I dialed my sisters’ numbers — both of them. Only empty rings. I took a deep breath and entered my best friend’s phone number. No answer.

I think I still had the receiver in my hand when, in my spirit, I sensed God saying, “I am here.”

I said, “Please minister to me, Holy Spirit!” And He did.

What a gentle, yet potent, lesson this has been for me. My family and friends are gifts from God, and they can and do minister His love to me. But the Father wants me to run to Him first, for His to be the first number I dial. Because… He loves me and knows me and knows exactly what I need.

There’s another happy ending to this story. Two days before I would go to the hospital and deliver a healthy baby girl, I received a letter from the insurance company saying they were reversing their earlier decision and would cover all of my expenses. How I felt embraced by God’s love once again!

Whatever trial you’re going through today, know that you have no better listener, no better comforter and no better problem solver than our beloved Lord.

Let’s keep Him on speed dial.

Father, thank you that You are a very present help in time of trouble. When we need to pour out our problems, help us to turn to You. You are the friend who is closer than a brother. You are our Abba, our Counselor par excellence. Holy Spirit, minister to our deepest needs today.

Questions: Tell us about a time when God ministered to you in a dynamic way when discouragement had set in. Are you going through a trial today? Would you like us to pray for you at this time?

About this Author: Stacy Wiebe

I love to create in the kitchen!

Still, my wonderful husband never complained about all the flops I created. Over the years, out of my love for creating with food, I saved a pile of handwritten recipes on top of my refrigerator. I never thought of publishing them. Never in a million years could I have imagined that I’d sell 600,000 award-winning cookbooks or have my own cooking show. I never could  have imagined the path my life would take.

In sickness and in health

In the fall of 1994, Tracy had a seizure and had trouble with his balance. It took three weeks of my nagging before he went to see the doctor. The day after Tracy’s 32nd birthday, we learned he had a brain tumor the size of a baseball. Thank goodness we live near a wooded area, because I went ballistic back in those woods. I knew I needed to get all my emotions out so I could be strong for Tracy and our daughters, Whitney and Ashley.

Tracy went in for surgery. The surgeons removed one pound of malignant tumor, but weren’t able to get it all. Tracy was completely paralyzed on his left side. Radiation didn’t shrink his remaining tumor; it only left him bald, weak and tired.

We decided to pursue an experimental treatment to save Tracy’s life, but our insurance didn’t cover it. We were in financial trouble. We took the $3,000 we had in savings and used it to publish a spiral-bound collection of photocopied recipes. I didn’t know how to type or how to use a computer, so someone typed for us.

I remember thinking, I’m nuts! How am I going to sell 1,000 books? But we sold all of them the first week. After the success of the first cookbook, Tracy and I decided to borrow against our house to self-publish Down Home Cooking Without the Down Home Fat. That book has sold more than 250,000 copies and we have now published three others.

Two rallies

With the experimental treatments, Tracy’s tumor shrank and he was back on his feet. He was able to return to work part-time and was even bicycling 30 miles a day! But his condition took a turn in 1999. Suddenly I was shaving him, showering him, even rolling him over in bed. In 2000, he ended up in hospice care.

When Tracy began another type of experimental treatment using blood-thinning medication, he rallied so well that they kicked him out of hospice care! He was doing much better – even driving and walking around with a cane. I remember teasing him, “Babe, you’re going to be chasing me around the house soon!”

Longing, and going home

During Tracy’s illness, a huge part of me longed for something as simple as a long kiss. It was very painful and hurtful. Now that I reflect back, I honestly believe that my husband didn’t want to do something as simple as a long kiss for the last two years of his life because he was preparing to let me go.

Despite the longing I felt for physical contact, one thing that I absolutely positively made myself do, was that I never, ever allowed myself a second glance at anyone that I may have been attracted to. I didn’t want to hinder our marriage relationship or our relationship with God.

On May 4, 2000, Tracy went next door to deliver a gift to our neighbor. It was a warm day, and Tracy unexpectedly passed out in the sun. He hit his head on the cement, broke his skull and had a brain hemorrhage. Although he was considered brain dead, the hospital kept Tracy on life support so his skin, eyes and bones could be donated to others. My husband died a hero.

Grief and healing

On June 29, 2002, Tracy and I would have been married 18 years. In the 13 months since his death, there have been times I’ve felt overwhelmed by grief. I am constantly praying for strength. Each day, I spend an hour in prayer and meditation, and I take a lot of that time to listen to God.

The reality is, cancer happens to the good, the bad, and everyone in-between. People try to figure God out, but God isn’t accountable to us. But he does know how we feel. When we tell God how we feel, we’re just admitting to those emotions. If we deny ourselves the opportunity to express grief, we hinder the healing process.

When you become a widow, and you are in the public eye, you are put under a microscope. But it’s not possible to please all people all of the time. Staying focused on pleasing God has been very freeing for me. And knowing that I was totally devoted and loyal to my husband, I have no regrets and can move forward in my life and whatever God has in store for me.

If you are grieving a loss in your own life, let me encourage you to keep your focus on God. It’s only when we take our eyes off Jesus that we become tearful, afraid, worried. Satan would love to rob us of what joy we can experience in the midst of our trials.

Life can be a roller coaster –– the demands and pressures that modern women face can be overwhelming. What is the answer? Where does peace come from?

You can have the peace that you are looking for; there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.

Take a look at your life.  How would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times.  There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget.  In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new.  What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?

Living with hope

If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.

Is this the life for you?

If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.

Portions of this article are reprinted, with Dawn’s permission, from an interview and chat published in the Jan/Feb 2002 edition of Today’s Christian Woman, and from Dawn’s book, Down Home Cooking Without the Down Home Fat.

As a child of God, you have a powerful story to tell. Sharing how you came to Jesus and the difference He’s made in your life can help others discover how they, too, can know God personally.

But how do you distill a lifetime of experiences into a few minutes and communicate the significance of your faith in a way others can understand? This is the challenge.

It’s also the reason we’ve put together a template and some tips to help you draft your personal testimony. This guide will help you develop a three-minute synopsis of your story that you can share with individuals or groups. A carefully prepared testimony, empowered by the Holy Spirit, can be a tool you can use anywhere to effectively share the message of God’s love.

Getting started

As you set out to gather ideas, begin by asking God to bathe the process with His Spirit, and give you wisdom as you write. Your objective at this point is to write freely without editing–to just get all your ideas on paper.

The outline below will provide a solid frame to build your story on. Try to think of specific examples and details that relate to each question.

1. What was your life like before you trusted Jesus Christ as your Savior and Lord?

• What were your attitudes, needs and problems?
• What did your life revolve around? What was most important to you?
• Where did you look for security, peace of mind and happiness?

2. How did you come to accept Christ and give Him complete control of your life?

• When did you first hear the gospel? When were you first exposed to dynamic Christianity?
• What were your initial reactions to Jesus Christ?
• When and why did you begin to feel positively about Christianity?
• What was the turning point in your attitude?
• What feelings did you struggle with right before your decision?

3. What happened after you trusted Christ?

• What changes did you see in your life? In your attitudes? In your actions?
• How long did it take before you noticed any changes?
• What does Jesus Christ mean to you now?

Threading it together

During this second step, it’s time to get selective and decide which details to include. Read through your ideas, and using a highlighter, underline the most important feelings, examples or incidents that relate to each of the three points in the outline above. Use the ideas you highlight to begin writing your story, and make sure you explain what your life was like before you knew Christ, how you came to know Him, and what your life is like now. These guidelines will help you shape your story.

• Begin with an attention-getting sentence or incident.
• Be positive from start to finish.
• Be specific. Give enough detail to arouse interest.
• Be realistic. Do not imply that Christ removes all of life’s problems, but, rather, that He walks with you through them.
• Use one or two Scripture verses, but only where they would directly relate to your experience and fit in naturally.
• Edit and rewrite as needed. Consider writing your first draft and setting it aside for a day so you can go back to it with a fresh perspective.
• Write a conclusion that makes your testimony sound finished and complete.

There are certain things you should filter from your story to avoid detracting from its essential message.

• Don’t harshly criticize the church, organizations or other people.
• Avoid mentioning denominations; the concept of different kinds of churches can be confusing to non-Christians.
• Be careful not to glamorize how “bad” you used to be.
• Steer clear of vague terms such as “joyful,” “peaceful,” happy,” or “changed” unless you explain in a concrete way what you mean.
• Do not use Christian jargon such as “saved,” “convicted,” “born again,” “sin,” or “repentance,” without clarification.

Telling your story

It might seem tough the first time or two, but the more you share your story, the easier it will get. Most people will appreciate your willingness to talk openly about your life, and no one can argue with your personal experience.

• Rehearse your testimony until it becomes natural. Practice sharing it with a Christian friend or family member.
• Share your story with enthusiasm, in the power of the Holy Spirit.
• Smile often. Ask the Lord to give you a pleasant expression.
• Speak clearly, in a natural, relaxed tone. Speak loudly enough to be heard.
• Stick to your time limit. Go too long and you’ll lose your audience.
• Tailor your story to your audience. Use examples from your experience that will relate to theirs.

Beware of nervous mannerisms that can distract others as they listen to your story, such as rubbing your nose, swaying, jingling coins in your pocket, playing with a pencil, clearing your throat, or using many “you knows” and “uhs.”

Also, remember that a testimony should never be a “preachimony.” Stay humble; never argue or use high pressure methods to persuade people to make decisions for Christ.

Keep it fresh

New chapters of your life are being written all the time, so in one sense, your story is never complete. Feel free to add new content and revise to keep your testimony fresh and reflect God’s ongoing work in your life.

Look for openings

Ask God to give you opportunities to tell your story, and look for openings. People you meet may comment that there’s something different about you, or even ask you why you’re such a “religious” person. Such situations are windows of opportunity to tell your story of faith.

Besides sharing your story one-on-one or in group situations, consider putting your testimony in written form to give to people you meet.

Be creative in sharing your life! And enjoy sharing with others the incredible story of what Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, is doing in you!

Doesn’t it make sense, rather than lying awake worrying about tomorrow, to instead center our hearts on God and to remember other people and their needs?

A simple way to do this is to “pray your ABC’s.” Starting with the letter “A,” pray for one person you know whose name begins with that letter. Pray for any specific needs you know about. Pray that they would know God more intimately and glorify Him in their life. Then, proceed through the alphabet, praying for at least one person per letter. (Sometimes you have to be creative with the less common letters, or skip them. The idea is not to get hung up on the formula, but to just use it to spark your thoughts.)

Another alphabet exercise that I’ve used is to praise God for one aspect of His character, starting with A and progressing with each letter of the alphabet: “Father, I praise You for Your All-powerfulness, for Your Beauty, for Your Compassion, for Your Desire that none should perish…” etc.

You can also use the alphabet as a guide to interceding for countries or states from Arizona to Zaire, praying for leaders, for righteousness, for the growth of the church, for the gospel to be proclaimed boldly, and for any specific needs you are aware of.

These “ABC” prayers are not meant to be restrictively formulaic, but to help focus your mind. And if you nod off  before you get to “Z,” you need not feel guilty.

While you should definitely set aside time to spend talking and listening to God when you are more alert, praying for others and praising His Name can bring peacefulness and purpose to your nighttime wakefulness.

The NIV Study Bible says, “Anxiety and prayer are two great opposing forces in Christian experience. Thanksgiving (along with prayer and petition) is the antidote to worry.”

God’s Word gives us the best advice of all: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).

But it was not to be.

A year ago, at the beginning of a high-risk pregnancy, our medical insurance premiums quadrupled. Our financial outlook changed significantly.

“Why wouldn’t God want us to have a house?” I wondered. Meanwhile, I watched three friends move into new homes. I was happy for them. But still, a part of me kept asking, “What about me?” And the me… me… me… echoed in the dark recesses of my heart.

I know that I am not alone in having anticipated that circumstances would look different by the time a particular season of life arrived. You may have thought that surely by now, you’d be married…or you’d have a baby….or you’d be in better health…or you’d have a better job…or you wouldn’t have to work anymore…or…___________ (you can probably fill in the blank.)

Though I continue to pray that God will bless our family with a house, I am thankful that He hasn’t just yet. I’m seeing Him embed in my heart a truth I’ve known since the beginning of my Christian life, but that is now going deeper. The truth? When we choose to see life through the eyes of gratitude, it changes everything. Especially ourselves.

As I’ve learned more about the transforming power of thanksgiving, God has impressed upon me these four principles.

Thanksgiving becomes us

Who are the people who most inspire us? On a surface level, the talented – people whose athletic, artistic and other gifts wow us as a society. On a deeper level we are moved by the triumphant, those among us who demonstrate courage and overcome adversity. But most profoundly, I believe the souls who most inspire us are the thankful. Not only are they gifted, but they are also humble. Not only do they overcome, but they also overflow with gratitude. This is the cancer survivor who sees every moment pulsing with opportunity to love, to serve, to celebrate. It’s the 65-year-old newlywed I know who, when her husband had a stroke, said joyfully, “I am just so blessed to have a husband to take care of!”

When you think about it, the human spirit shines most brightly when it’s cloaked in gratitude.

Thanksgiving produces soul satisfaction

In spite of the annual Thanksgiving holiday and the trend in popular culture towards “gratitude journals” and the like, thankfulness isn’t “fullness” unless it’s directed towards the Giver. In fact, the word thanksgiving in the New Testament’s original language could be literally translated, “good grace.” When we are thankful, we are remembering the One who owes us nothing, but gives us all. Is that not the very nature of grace – receiving what we do not deserve?

While not a denial of pain and suffering, thanksgiving is a deliberate choice to remember how blessed we are. More than optimism, it is a proclamation of our belief in God’s grace, love, provision – and goodness. Put another way, when we are thankful, our “tank” is full. We are looking to God, and He is enough.

Warning: a lack of gratitude is dangerous!

The first woman, Eve, had it all. Imagine… the perfect body. The perfect husband. The perfect home. Even a perfect relationship with God. Still, she bought the devil’s lie that it wasn’t enough. She followed the evil one’s distorted logic: “Is God really good? If He is, then why would He deny me the fruit of this one tree – especially since it looks so inviting?”

The consequences of Eve’s ingratitude for God’s goodness and the ensuing choice she made proved devastating to her and to all of humankind.

Ingratitude is truly a slippery slope. In Romans 1, the Apostle Paul lists a litany of horrendous sins God gave people over to,  from sexual immorality, to murder, to worshipping idols. Look back to where the people’s downfall began: “For although they knew God, they neither glorified Him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened” (Romans 1:21, emphasis mine).

Saying thank you to God is not a matter of protocol, of politeness. It goes to the very heart of what we really think about God, and it has a profound impact on who we are.

We are called and empowered to remember

When I was 19, I served for a year as a short-term missionary in Mexico City. One of the most life-changing aspects of my experience was living with Mexican host families. For one summer, my fellow missionary and I were housed by a widow and two of her unmarried daughters. They slept in one room, so my roommate and I could have the other, which was furnished with one single bed (which my roommate and I shared!). Our space, only slightly wider than the bed, was set off from the rest of the house with a sheet tacked up as a curtain. During the summer rains, the house flooded. Black scrawls of gang graffiti marred the front of the house. Clothes were washed by hand in the courtyard, which also housed a toilet and showerhead. Amazingly, “Mama” Rafaela had raised 10 children in that home, and she took me in and loved me like another.

All around the world, I’ve had similar experiences – India, Nicaragua, the former Soviet Union. I’ve seen poverty. I know that the way people live in my American suburb is not “normal” by global standards. And I’ve seen how warm, loving and joyful believers in Christ Jesus who come from less privileged backgrounds can be, regardless of what they possess.

Without a doubt, a house can be a wonderful gift from God. I’ve seen many friends use their homes for His glory. But I’m learning that owning a house is not what will bring fullness to my life. I’m relinquishing my sense of entitlement – my perception that it is something I deserve or must have to be happy. When I give thanks for the countless blessings in my life, I find that eventually I become grateful.

When I do not give thanks, I soon become ungrateful. The next thing I know, I’m complaining. And if I continue to complain, I become like the children of Israel and move away from the Lord and into rebellion. I doubt His very goodness.

God knows how easily we forget to give thanks, especially when the blessings are great. When the Israelites were given the Promised Land and all its abundance, God, through Moses, charged the people “…when you eat and are satisified, be careful that you do not forget the Lord” (Deuteronomy 6:11b-12a).

We need to choose to remember God and His goodness to us, and we also need someone to remind us. That someone is the Holy Spirit. The power that enables us to be “always giving thanks” comes from “being filled with the Spirit.” (Ephesians 5:18, 20). The Holy Spirit’s role is to bring glory to Jesus through our lives. He’s ready and willing to help you adopt gratitude as a way of life. If you ask Him to empower you, and continually draw from His strength, your life will overflow with thankfulness. Your soul will be satisfied. Your life will inspire others. And God will be glorified.

Why not take a moment and make this prayer your own?

Heavenly Father, I love You. I need You. And yet, time and again I’ve chosen to turn away from You and Your goodness. I acknowledge that I’ve forgotten to thank You for who You are and all You have given me. I pause now and thank You for forgiving my sins through Jesus’ death on the cross for me. I thank You for the Holy Spirit, who lives inside me and desires to help me follow the best path You have for my life. Fill me up with Your Spirit! Help me to hear and heed Your voice. Help me to draw from Your strength. Remind me, through the Holy Spirit, to choose gratitude today and every day. I’m looking to you, LORD, and You are enough. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

If you prayed this prayer, we would love to hear about it!

In real life, Nancy did marry. And though her husband Stan wanted a family, he accepted Nancy’s choice. In the ensuing years, she worked her way up to supervisor of accounting for an international company. Meanwhile, desiring her husband’s happiness, Nancy reluctantly agreed to pursue adoption. When the birthmother made a last-minute decision to keep her child, Nancy was shocked at her reaction. “I was really upset that we did not get this baby. I began to realize that perhaps I did want children.”

In 1996, Zachary became their chosen son. “I think what surprised me most about motherhood was how powerful my love was for my child—especially since I hadn’t given birth to him. I had been trying for years to find fulfillment in my job through job promotions and higher pay. When I held Zachary in my arms, I knew that motherhood was what I had been wanting all along but I just didn’t realize it. I had failed to realize that I had a motherly instinct.”

Months later, to the Boltz’s surprise, Nancy discovered she was pregnant. Though it was a high-risk pregnancy, today Zachary has a healthy four-year-old sister, Jessica.

“I was definitely not a nurturing person prior to motherhood,” reflects Nancy. “I really had very little mercy. Most of my friends now would not have liked me then … I have softened a lot since becoming a mother and my view on life is much different. I am much less selfish now. And I am happier.”

A common journey

Nancy’s journey isn’t unique in the sense that many women around the world grapple with how to reconcile their independent, achieving selves, with a desire to give themselves with abandon to others. And not only as mothers—but also as lovers, friends, coworkers and community members.

In a poll conducted by Women Today Online, half of the respondents said they didn’t see themselves as “nurturing” in a way that comes naturally to them. Of these, 27.8% saw themselves as nurturing, “but not in a stereotypical way,” 16.7% said they’re not the nurturing type, yet say they still care about people and 5.6% hate the word nurturing altogether.

It seems that while the vast majority of women do value their softer side, they are also quick to distance themselves from a saccharine, doting stereotype. “Society has told us that the nurturing role is a passive one; that it’s less important. The word nurturing gets a bad wrap today,” says Chris Dorn, a certified counselor specializing in marriage and women’s issues.

But, says Chris, “Nurturing is part of our humanness, male and female. Women, in particular, are built biologically to have children and to protect and care for them. Not only that, but women tend to define themselves in terms of their relationships. We value interdependence.”

Still, in the 21st century, a woman’s “nurturing self” often bumps up against the realities of life.

Nurture? No way … or at least, not now

Forging your own identity, building a career, bettering your financial situation, finding the right partner—these are complex issues in the web of women’s lives.

And for some, like Louise Gillingham, an editor in the Netherlands, nurturing isn’t part of their life map. “Work—a career—always seemed to be a much more exciting and interesting possibility for me. I’m 41 now and was sterilized four years ago. I’ve probably done the world a favor by not having kids. I know I have caring instincts, but I wouldn’t call it nurturing,” she says.  “I have two cats at home, and yes, I do treat them as substitute children, I suppose.”

With few exceptions, the global trend—from east to west—is later marriage, delayed motherhood and fewer children. And in some countries, pampered pets. In the U.K. the pet industry is booming—£3.54bn a year—as more couples opt to have pets instead of babies.

These trends have altered definitions of “family” and even spawned new words, such as DINKS—the acronym describing couples with “Dual Income, No Kids.” Meanwhile, in the U.S., the number of fertility clinics has increased nine-fold since 1986, as more women who delay conceiving find it difficult to do so in their later 30s and 40s.

Anti-nurturing trends are not only changing demographics, but also reflect a growing sense of disconnectedness felt in society in general. Fewer of us know our neighbors. With the pace at which we live, less time is left for spontaneous interaction. Technology may have created a global village, but the connections it has wrought are often superficial.

Fulfillment of a different sort

Many women today, however, do acknowledge within themselves a craving for genuine community and are making life choices to foster it.

Adele Wu, a 28-year-old project manager from Shanghai, China, is grateful that her workplace encourages a nurturing environment. “We’re encouraged to participate in both formal and informal mentoring of relationships, for career and for personal development.”

Adele, who is single, says she is just now coming to a place in her life where she isn’t only receiving nurture from others, but giving it as well. “A lot of girls at work come to me now for advice,” she says. “I see nurturing as being able to provide guidance to others—giving and receiving that brings balance to your life and helps you grow.”

Meanwhile, Peggy Taylor, a Hollywood production assistant, is taking time out from her career to raise three-year-old Samuel Skye. “I worked with a lot of interesting and talented people … and I do miss it. But life for me now has come full circle.” At 47, she hopes that another child is still in her future.

Potential pitfalls

As rewarding as it can be, no one would argue that nurturing others is cost-free or without risk. When you invest your time, care, and your very heart in others, the results are often not measurable, and there is no guarantee that things will turn out like you hope.

And some women simply give too much, developing unhealthy co-dependencies, where they need to be needed. “If a woman struggles with self-esteem, she might care for others out of a sense of, ‘Look how important I am,’ and not really be doing what’s best for the individual,” says counselor Chris Dorn. “Some women tend to nurture everyone but themselves. But it’s important to also nurture yourself if you’re going to make it for the long haul.”

A beautiful life

Are we women nurturers by nature? Does it manifest itself in different ways, in different seasons of life, in different personalities? Should we embrace this part of ourselves, foster it and celebrate it? Rebecca Love Kourlis, who has served as a US state Supreme Court Justice since 1995, thinks so: “ Perhaps we have come far enough in our progression toward personal and professional equality to recognize and honor those traits that historically represented the feminine in society,” she writes. “We need those traits as people, to be whole.”

Isabel Roland, a writer and youth worker in Brazil agrees. “There are women who are not aware of their destiny. They are depriving themselves of a beautiful life.” This destiny, Isabel believes, is to “nurture” relationships, children, the needy. To pour from the vessel of ourselves into others. To help others grow. “To be a mother … in the wider sense.”

One of the most famous mothers of the last century—Mother Teresa—offered a vivid example of this. While following her way of life may seem unfathomable, she offered this description of a nurturing lifestyle that is realistic—even for women of the 21st century:

Spread love everywhere you go: first of all in your own house. Give love to your children, to your wife or husband, to the next door neighbor … Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness; in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile, kindness in your warm greeting.

Why not make it your New Year’s resolution to develop a budget and stick to it? Rather than feeling constrained, you will be freed up as you exercise stewardship over the resources God has given you. No matter how much–or little–you make, a budget will help you become more financially responsible and relaxed.

Crown Financial Ministries has two online calculators to help you get started with a budget. The Spending Plan Calculator will show you the recommended percentages you should spend on housing, food, insurance, debt, etc,. and calculate the actual dollar amounts based on your income. The Budgetometer will show whether you’re overspending in the three most common “budget-busting” areas.

If you’re married, it’s vital that your spouse be on board with the family budget, so make a date to talk about it.