Years ago, my roommate was engaged for a year and a half.

His experience is a common one. There is a great deal of expectation that goes into planning a wedding.  Not only are you and your fiancé changing your lives forever, you’re trying to balance your own dreams, your parents’ dreams, tradition and a budget.  No wonder it can seem overwhelming.

If you are currently planning a wedding, be sure to read Darren Hewer’s article, “5 Tips for Brides”.  From dealing with vendors to dealing with the in-laws Darren has 5 tips every bride should read before the big day.  His fifth tip is the one that resonated most for me.  He writes:

Take control. Remember, it’s your wedding. And, hopefully, it’ll be the only one you ever have. So take control and don’t let well-meaning relatives push you around. Pray for strength, guidance, and peace of mind to help you enjoy your wedding day like you should.

When my brother got married he was barefoot, wearing board shorts and smiling from ear to ear.   He and his bride walked in to the ceremony together, hand in hand.  For them it was a fitting expression of what was about to occur.  The wedding was not formal, but it was sacred and it was totally theirs.  This wedding day is yours, both of yours.  Make sure you don’t get lost in the shuffle.

Counselors have been telling couples for years “make sure you spend more time planning for your marriage than you do planning the wedding” and that’s still great advice.  If you are getting ready to walk down the aisle, download a free copy of our Ebook for Brides. It’s full of marriage planning tips along with the some great ideas for the day itself.

Are you getting married soon? Can we pray for you? Millions of people around the world believe in the power of prayer. If you are facing a difficult time in your life we would love the opportunity to pray for you.

Requests sent to us will not be posted on the website. A prayer mentor will respond to your request. Whenever possible we pray for these requests within a day of receiving them.

I am not married.

Therefore, I did what I usually do when I need to write about a topic that’s out of my depth.  I found wise, knowledgeable people, and had them do most of the work for me! Last week I emailed some married friends  to ask them for their advice for soon-to-be husbands. (Thanks guys!)

One friend relayed some memorable words he once heard spoken from the pulpit:

Preaching on a park bench is not difficult. Suffering persecution for your faith is not difficult. Doing missions is not difficult. Being a godly and sacrificial husband to your wife every single day that you are alive – now that is difficult.

What came through clearly in my friend’s responses was that marriage is difficult. But not one even hinted that they regretted getting married.  Clearly marriage is worth the effort.

One friend noted the paradox of intimacy.  As wonderful as it is to be in an intimate relationship with your wife (“one flesh”, as it were, Genesis 2:24) this daily closeness will also reveal faults and annoyances that weren’t as apparent before. “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them” can be a difficult command. (Colossians 3:19) Through this difficulty though, God helps us to learn to love unconditionally. He helps us to see and acknowledge our own faults and failures, drawing us nearer to Him as we lean on Him for support as husbands attempt to minister and care for their wives.

A husband must be willing to even die for his wife, as Christ was willing to die for His bride, the church. (Ephesians 5:25-33) Being willing to sacrifice everything for your family can be a humbling experience because it takes the focus off yourself. Sometimes that sacrifice can be as simple as cleaning up the house or doing the dishes but even these simple gestures can be profound.

Do you have any tips for Christian husbands-to-be? Please share with us in the comments!

Free Ebook: If any brides-to-be are reading this, you might be interested in our free ebook, “Reflections for a Bride“! (Husbands-to-be, forward that link to your special lady!)

If you are getting married, but are feeling anxious or scared and need someone to talk with, contact an online mentor today to talk privately & confidentially via email. Both men and women mentors are available and you will be matched up with someone who is familiar with the kind of issues you’re going through. If you would simply like someone to pray with you, contact us for prayer.

Something is awry—we feel disconnected. We connect with a career, find meaning in family, yet long for something more.

We feel the frustration I felt on Christmas morning, 1964. I assembled a nine-year-old’s dream gift: a genuine Santa Fe Railroad miniature train set, complete with battery-powered engine and flashing crossing lights. I placed the locomotive on the tracks and watched in sheer glee as three pounds of pure steel wound its way across my bedroom floor. Around and around and around and . . . around . . . and around . . . After some time I picked it up and turned it the other direction. It went around and around and around . . .

“Mom, what else did you get me for Christmas?”

Similarly, our lives chug in long ovals, one lap after another.

First job. Promotion. Wedding day. Nursery beds. Kids. Grandkids. Around and around . . . Is there anything else? Our dissatisfaction mates with disappointment and gives birth to some unruly children: drunkenness, power plays, eighty-hour workweeks, nosedives into sexual perversions—all nothing more than poorly disguised longings for Eden. We long to restore what Adam lost. As someone once said, “The man who knocks on the door of a brothel is seeking God.”

Where and when the brothel fails, Jesus steps forth with a reconnection invitation. Though we be “dead in [our] transgressions and sins (Eph. 2:1) and separated from the life of God (Eph. 4:18), whoever believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God (I John 5:1). Reborn! This is not a physical birth resulting from human passion or plan—this rebirth comes from God” (John 1:13.).

Don’t miss the invisible, inward miracle triggered by belief. God reinstates us to Garden-of-Eden status. What Adam and Eve did, we now do! The flagship family walked with God; we can too. They heard his voice; so can we. They were naked and unashamed; we can be transparent and unafraid. No more running or hiding.

“Because Jesus was raised from the dead, we’ve been given a brand-new life and have everything to live for, including a future in heaven—and the future starts now!” (1 Pet. 1:3–4 MSG).

From 3:16 The Numbers of Hope
Copyright (W Publishing Group, 2007) Max Lucado
Used by permission

Questions: Do you feel disconnected?  How can one get re-connected?

About the Author Max Lucado

Exercising Safely In Heat
Summer is officially here. Summer offers extras hours of daylight and with it the opportunity to spend even more time enjoying outdoor activities. For many, this means more time doing physical activities and playing sports. So, it’s important to remember the potential dangers that also come with exercising in hot conditions. As long as you know the dos and don’ts of working out in the heat, then you can fully take advantage of all the fun of summer. What you should do: Read more

Take action: Are you a recent bride or a bride-to-be? Explore our Reflections for a Bride series of online interactive life lessons.

You said it: This week, mary commented on BBC Asks: “Does God have a role in the world today?”, saying “now dont get me wrong i beleive in god and that hes watching over us but i have a “?” how do people know the right relidion huh? whats the diffrence bewteen them from wat i hear there mostly the same(christian catholic lutheran) it makes no sense maybe one of you people here could help me” Read the responses and add your own thoughts: Read more

Blog: Affordable Summer Dates
If you’re looking for some great date ideas for that special someone, summer is a fantastic time to create memories without breaking the bank. Read more

Video: Edible Sunscreen
Prevention is the best medicine. In addition to regular sunscreen, did you know certain foods can help protect your skin? Read more

Coming up next week: One of the topics of our upcoming online chats is “Cultivating Joy” Join us in the chat room July 16th 2009 @ 9:30pm EST for this chat or see also our full chat calendar for other upcoming topics.

Join us for our Daily Devotional Chat today in our Women’s Chatroom at 10:30 am EDT.

His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever He tells you” (John 2:5).

Read: John 2:1-11

The guests were seated in the sanctuary at my niece’s wedding, but her parents paced in the lobby. Where is the caterer? They wondered. Finally, the caterer rushed in with armloads of food, and the bride’s parents sighed with relief. The wedding march began, and the radiant bride and her father walked down the aisle.

After the recessional, I was among the first ushered into the reception hall where I saw empty buffet tables. I hurried into the kitchen and found a harried caterer stuffing deviled eggs. Much of the food wasn’t ready! The church ladies and I quickly helped as directed, and soon the tables were laden with gourmet appetizers, breads, and sweets. The guests raved about the wonderful reception, unaware of the chaos behind the scene.

In John 2, we read about another wedding mishap. In Cana of Galilee, the wine supply ran out, a serious matter in those days. Jesus’ mother knew her Son could solve the problem and asked Him for help. Then she told the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”

The Lord’s instructions probably seemed strange to the servants, but they filled six large stone jars with water and then brought the chief steward a sample. When he tasted the water-turned-to-wine, he marveled to the bridegroom, “You have kept the good wine until now” (v. 10).

Just as Jesus, the Living Water, has the power to change water into wine, He has the power to transform any crisis we face. We only need to ask for His help, then do what He says. The outcome may surprise us!

Heavenly Father, help me to instinctively bring You my problems. Then give me an obedient heart to do what You say, knowing You’ll work for my good.

Questions: Have you faced a chaotic situation where Jesus showed up big time when you asked Him for help? What would you like Jesus to do for you but hesitate to ask? Why?

About the Author Lydia Harris

Daily audio podcast: A second daily devotional, God Relates to Man, today on the Men’s Devotional Blog

If you’re engaged, congratulations!

1. Double check your vendors. Check everything that they are supposed to deliver, and if they don’t, get a refund after the wedding. Ask someone to help you: Did you get all the flowers you paid for? What about the decorations? Did the caterer bring the right food in the right order?

2. Hire a good photographer. The saddest part of my friend’s wedding was that their wedding photographer lost their wedding photos when the memory card from their digital camera went missing! Luckily the groom’s brother is also a photographer who took some of his own. Make sure to carefully research your photographer! This is not an area where you want to go with the lowest bidder.

3. Don’t get sunstroke. You’ll likely spend part of the day outside taking wedding photos in the hot sun, so be careful that you don’t get sunstroke.  My friend’s husband, although he was able to hide it, was not feeling well at all for his reception after being out in the sun all afternoon.  If there is no shade at your location, bring umbrellas.

4. You will have conflicts with your family. No matter how close you are to your parents and other relatives, there will be short tempers and arguments as the big day approaches. My friend never thought it would happen to her and her mom, but it did.  Be prepared and don’t be surprised when it happens.

5. Take control. Remember, it’s your wedding. And, hopefully, it’ll be the only one you ever have. So take control and don’t let well-meaning relatives push you around. Pray for strength, guidance, and peace of mind to help you enjoy your wedding day like you should.

Related reading:
Wedding Day Budget Savers – How to save money on your wedding.
Discovering Joy in your Life – Myth: If I just got married everything would be perfect.

Are you confused and not sure what to do or where to turn?

Join us for our Daily Devotional Chat today in our Women’s Chatroom at 10:30 am EDT.

And this was his message:  “After me will come one more powerful than I…” (Mark 1:7).

Read: Mark 1:4-11

We spent months preparing for our daughter’s wedding. We had so much to do: mail invitations, order flowers, bake cookies, choose dresses, diet to squeeze into dresses, and the list continued. Finally everything was ready and the big day arrived. Musicians played, candles glowed, and lovely bridesmaids strolled down the aisle–all in anticipation of the bride’s entrance. When our radiant daughter appeared, the music swelled and the audience rose, all eyes upon her. It was time to celebrate and “unveil” the bride. As the marriage ceremony concluded, her father prayed a blessing over the wedded couple, and she marched out with her husband, eager to begin her new role as wife. What a memorable day!

In the Gospel of Mark, we read about another anticipated day of even greater significance. Much preparation took place for this event too–the unveiling of Jesus’ new public ministry. John the Baptist prepared the way by preaching “repentance for the forgiveness of sins” (v. 4). Many confessed their sins and were baptized (v.5). When all was ready, Jesus came from Nazareth’s carpenter shop and was publicly “baptized by John in the Jordan” (v. 9). As Jesus rose from the water, the Spirit descended on Him and God blessed Him saying, “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased” (v. 11).

Now we anticipate another great day–Jesus’ second coming, when we’ll be the bride of Christ. This requires spiritual preparation. When He returns, I want to be ready so He will be pleased with me, as the father was with Him.

Lord God, help me live each day anticipating Jesus’ return. Cleanse my heart so I’ll be ready. Today, may I live to please You. Amen.

Questions: How are you preparing yourself for the second coming of Jesus? Are you anticipating with joy Christ coming? Why or why not? What do you need to change in your life before you would be ready to meet Christ?

About the Author Lydia Harris

Daily audio podcast: A second daily devotional, Practicing Patience, today on the Men’s Devotional Blog

Magazine racks are stocked with wedding magazines full of gowns, flawless skin and cavalier grooms posing in Armani. Celebrity unions splash front pages with their Christian Dior Haute Couture dresses and $500,000 worth of roses flown in from Ecuador. Tune into Wedding TV, glance at a Tiffany ad or read repetitive wedding language – fantasy honeymoon, dream wedding, perfect day – and it’s no wonder wedding expectations shoot past reality.

It can divert all your attention to anything other than budgets, family conflicts and what inevitably comes after the big day, the marriage.  From the experience of brides that have gone before you, take some of these ideas and tips for your wedding day to ease the stress, stay in reality and ward off sky-high expectations.

1. Get to the basics first. You might want to chase the wedding dress and flowers and frills first, but the ceremony and reception venues, as well as photographers, go the fastest and need to be booked well in advance. Start with those and everything else can follow.
2. Ditch the 10 pound planning book. It’s glossy and beautiful, but it’s anything but practical. Find something basic and you’re going to be way more likely to keep it with you and actually use it to stay organized.
3. Look for a venue that combines the things you need if you don’t want to juggle things like catering, a venue and a DJ separately. With one manager that is in tune with your vision for the day, everything is coordinated together, which is much less stressful for a lot of brides.
4. Be on the same page with your hairdresser. Don’t let them decide what would look best, but be clear with what you want.
5. Set some time aside before the flurry of last-minute preparations to think about your wedding speeches and thank-you’s. This is your chance to address everyone you love. Put some thoughts on paper so you say what you’ve always wanted to and avoid forgetting someone. Bring the piece of paper up if you need to stay focused.
6. I’ve been told countless times that if you’re going to dish out extra money on something, make it the photographer. When the confetti has been tossed and the last dance ends, you’re going to want all the laughter and love captured by a photographer that knows your style and expectations for the photos.
7. Relax, even if it’s just in the morning. Book an early hair appointment and have a wonderful time with the women in your life around tea and breakfast. You’ll make memories, enjoy their company and feel at ease before the events of the day start unfolding.
8. Communicate with your fiancée! Yes, mothers, sisters, aunts, bridesmaids and a wedding planner are going to be in constant dialogue with you about the day. But don’t let all the outside commentary leave no room for your future husband’s input. It’s a day for you as a couple, not just you. Talk with one another and communicate your expectations and hopes for the day.
9. On the same note though, don’t let talk of the wedding day inject itself into every conversation you and your future spouse have. There is a lot that needs to be organized, planned, budgeted for and discussed, but healthy boundaries will only help to keep both of you centered on your relationship and life after the wedding day.
10. Make sure you have solid premarital counseling. Conflict, sex, communication, finances and in-laws are only a few things that get covered in preparation for marriage. So find marriage mentors you trust that will guide you wisely towards your future.
11. Remember what comes after the wedding day. There’s more than just the gift opening or the honeymoon, but a marriage that comes afterwards.  You’re promising forever on your wedding day, but so often brides don’t see past midnight. Not only does seeing past the day offset some of the fallout from such a big event, it also sets you up to be focused on your relationship as husband and wife right from the start.
12. The biggest piece of advice passed around is to not let other people cloud you and your fiancée’s vision for the day. It’s your wedding. Don’t think about expectations, what others would want, what pictures the bridal magazines paint or everyone else’s opinions. You can’t please everyone. Decide what you want and don’t be afraid to stick to it.

Your wedding is a big day, but it’s not the only day. You have a lifetime of days to live together and losing sight of them will only create a struggle straight out of the gate. Plan the wedding wisely together and incorporate both your ideas for the day in a realistic way.

Maybe you won’t have a couture dress, foreign flowers or an extravagant honeymoon, but if what you do have reflects you as a couple, it will be what you always dreamed of. I guarantee you’ll look back on it and be glad you didn’t spend anywhere near $500,000 on Ecuadorian foliage.

Related reading:
Chosen: The Joy of Knowing you are Loved!
How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage (Video)

Summer is here and that means it’s wedding season.

1.  If possible, use the registry. We all know at least one person who went a little crazy and registered for something outrageous like $100 toothbrush holder.  However, if the registry lists gifts within your price range, choose something from the list.  The couple will be thrilled to get exactly what they asked for.

2.  When using the registry, try to complete a set. If you see that someone has already bought a place setting off the registry, buy a second one.  If the casual dishes are filling up but no one has bought a formal setting, stick with the pack.  One setting of formal dishes isn’t going to get a lot of use.

3.  Always include a gift receipt. In spite of the best of intentions, duplicates happen when it comes to wedding gifts.  (One of my brothers received three fondue sets.)  Resist the urge to think, “if I don’t include a gift receipt they’ll have to keep mine.”  Remember that it’s a gift and it’s supposed to be about the bride and groom.  A gift receipt is a simple way to ensure that your gift won’t go to waste.

4.  Consider a gift card. If you’re traveling to the wedding, are unsure what to get, have budget concerns or simply want to be practical, buy a gift card for the store the couple is registered with.  You can’t go wrong with that.   Gift cards don’t brake,  are always the right color and they guarantee the perfect gift every time.  Best of all, they’re really easy to wrap.

Do you have a wedding gift tip or a story to share? We’d love to hear from you.

More on weddings:
Wedding gift ideas
Are you ready to get married?

Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. (1 Corinthians 7:1-2)

Does this mean that God promises a spouse to all Christian men & women? Later in the same chapter, Paul writes:

I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. (1 Corinthians 7:6-7)

From this passage, it sounds like Paul himself is not married. At very least, we can take away from this passage that not all Christians will (or should) get married. But on the other hand, many should, “since there is so much immorality” (that is, sexual sin). Read the entire passage online.

Rob Eagar’s article “Does God Promise You a Spouse?” explores this topic in more depth, giving practical advice and strong encouragement to those who may be wondering when or if they’ll ever get married.

If you have questions about marriage, singleness, or relationships, please feel free to contact an online mentor today to talk about it.