Are We Hardwired To Give?

Written by Dr. Charles B. Maclean, PhD

Read and respond with your opinion at the end of the article:

1.  Is Giving a Biological Need Essential for Self & Community  Survival?
2.  “Is NOT Giving Hazardous To Your Health?”

Consider these research findings (references at end of this article):

• By their first birthday, infants clearly demonstrate the human need and ability to empathize, to connect, to care…to share. (1)
• There is a very real “givers high” and even a measurable improvement in immune system functioning that comes from giving of ones self. (2)
• Infants notice by age one the distress of others and try to intervene to help the upset person.  There may well be a biological basis for being distressed when others around us are distressed. (1, 3)
• “[Social] connectedness is as much a protection for our health - probably more - than lowering your blood pressure, losing weight, quitting smoking or wearing your seat belt.” (4)



Always late? Take our time management Life Lesson
Are you struggling in your work life?: Talk to a mentor

• Studies show that the fewer human connections we have at home, at work, and in the community, the more likely we are to get sick, flood our brains with anxiety-causing chemicals and die prematurely. (5)

“Who ever you are and where ever you are on your path to sharing, you are welcome here.”  - Anonymous

Hunches worth considering

• The early forms of soothing and caring for adults and other infants by infants exhibited in the first two years of life may well be the behaviors that lead naturally to volunteering and giving of ones dollars to causes we care about later in life.
• Even if those soothing behaviors by infants toward the adults they depend on are motivated initially by the need to survive…they are present…and mature into community give-back later.  Infants as well as adults try to control their environment to not only to survive but to thrive.  Giving and thriving are linked.
• There may be a primal urge and need to connect through giving.
• There may be a discomfort from “not-giving” that has a biological survival basis.
• “It is through giving that we discover who we are and what matters to us.” (6)
• “If what’s outside of you . . . your community, doesn’t work, neither will you.” (7)

“Most people have a philanthropic tendency…they need options and choices.” - Peter Karoff, The Philanthropic Initiative

Implications for philanthropy and fundraising

If giving is a natural instinct, meaning it is an inherent part of being human, and is present at birth, then donors do not need to be convinced or coerced to give…and it may be distancing and self-defeating to either reward or punish them for giving or not giving.

“I do the good that I do…for the good it does me.” - Source unknown

Worth doing

• Savvy fundraisers will become donor advocates and coaches assisting givers to discover their passions and dissolve roadblocks related to past giving.
• Trusted donor advocates ask the potential donor for permission to have a conversation about their giving passions and do it in an “ask-free” environment.
• The conversation begins with asking about the potential donor’s early stories about giving and receiving…both positive and negative experiences.
• After listening to the stories, the donor advocate helps the story teller understand the effect those early giving experiences by asking, “What impact might those early giving and asking, positive and negative experiences be having on your giving or not giving today?”
• Until roadblocks are dissolved, there is little room for joyful, guilt-free giving now.
• Asking a donor about their most satisfying giving experience is a gift in itself because it allows the donor to self-acknowledge and increases self esteem.  That is more effective in freezing new giving behavior than is presentation of a walnut plaque or an awards dinner.
• Before effective new giving strategies can be learned and acted upon, old blocks to give must be unlearned to create the void necessary for new learning’s too occur.
• Until these steps and perspective are honored, fundraising will likely be perceived by the new generation as “Demand Side - coercion based planned taking” rather than “Supply Side - passion based planned giving.” (8)

“Giving is like an itch that needs to be scratched.” - Anonymous

Conclusion

Recently, the Dalai Lama told a group of religious leaders that the major paradigm shift he saw occurring in this millennium was from the belief that “parents raise children” to the belief that “children raise parents.”

Carefully observing how children give and then suspending our cherished mistaken certainties about giving will likely help dissolve our own adult barriers to giving liberating us to truly share from a passion based and self-esteem enhancing place.

“To give or not to give?” is not the question.  The question is, “How to remove the internal roadblocks to giving so that sharing occurs in a way that enlivens both the giver and the receiver?”

“If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it.” - Albert Einstein

Your opinion please

1.  Humans are hardwired to give (giving is a biological need, an instinctual drive)
Circle one: Strongly agree  5   4   3   2   1   Strongly disagree

2. NOT giving is “hazardous to your health”  (there is “pain” in not giving)
Circle one: Strongly agree  5   4   3   2   1  Strongly disagree

3. Fundraisers should become more like donor advocates assisting people to remove road blocks to giving, healing the disappointments of past giving and coaching them to discover their passions for giving . . . instead of trying to convince, cajole or shame them into giving.
Circle one: Strongly agree  5   4   3   2   1   Strongly disagree

4. What one action will you take in the next two weeks in your own giving or asking as a result of what you’ve learned today?

5.  Your comments:

“Suffering takes place since the person, the soul is diminished by not giving.” - Anonymous

References:

1. Child Developmental Psychologist, Cathleen Smith, PhD, Portland State University Department of Psychology, (Personal communication of unpublished research, 2001, 2002)

2. The Healing Power Of Doing Good – The Health & Spiritual Benefits Of Helping Others by Allan Luks and Peggy Payne, 1991

3. RA King, “Child Rearing & Children’s Pro-Social Initiations Toward Victims of Distress” in Child Development, Vol. 50, pp. 319-330, 1970

4. Connect: 12 Vital Ties That Open Your Heart, Lengthen Your Life, and Deepen Your Soul by Edward M Hallowell, MD, 1999

5. “Reconnect” by Ellen Michaud in Prevention, December 2000

6.  PhilanthropyNow Interviewee, 1999

7.  Mary Elizabeth Smith, MSW, Therapist (Personal communication, September 1999)

8. Paul Schervish, PhD, Boston College Social Welfare Research Institute  (Personal communication on “Supply Side Giving”, August 2000)

Acknowledgments

“I have deep gratitude for the pioneering work and rigorous coaching of Cathleen Smith; the outside the box stimulus thinking of Paul Schervish; the wisdom of Mary Smith, the role modeling by Anne Holland; the opportunity presented by Katherine Kehler; the supportive listening of Terri Fischer and the input by thirty other philanthropy opinion leaders.”