I remember it well, sitting in the local greasy spoon in High River, Alberta having lunch with my dad on one the many monthly visits that I made, for several years, from Vancouver to High River. We were discussing his finances and how to expedite my ability to pay his bills, whether I was in High River or in Vancouver.
The issue was opening a joint account with him.
When my mom was alive, she took care of the bills and with her passing, I picked up the task. It had been getting more difficult over the years, as dad started stashing some of his bills. Whenever I came to visit, it was becoming a game of hide and seek, trying to find all of his bills and at times either arguing or cajoling him into writing the cheques for the bills, so that I could pay them. It had gotten to the point where it made more sense for me to have a joint account with him and take care of the bills myself.
We both knew that there was implicit and unconditional trust between us, but it was still a gut-wrenching discussion to have.
As he acknowledged, by opening a joint account with me, at the same time that he assigned to me the ability to direct his financial investments, he was giving up control of his money. It was a definitive moment, sad and powerful at once, as my dad passed control of his money to me.
I was reminded of this occasion, when a reader recounted that he has absolutely no idea of the state of his mom’s finances. She’s in her 80s and has lived in Mexico for over 30 years. His anxiety mounts as she ages, yet refuses to discuss her finances with him. He recognizes that if anything happens to her health, she will return to Canada and he’ll need to pay privately for much of her health and housing costs. He’d like to plan financially for this inevitability; but his mom’s refusal to discuss her finances with him makes it extremely difficult.
Ideally, you can sort out financial issues with your parents before a crisis happens – the kind that my reader is anticipating. And if you have siblings, make sure that they are in agreement.
In my case, dad and I had discussed all of the details with my brother and sister in advance, so that they were in complete agreement.
Getting it organized takes the burden off your parents for a chore that in my dad’s case he didn’t want and it improved the timeliness and efficiency with which I could take care of his finances.
To take over the management of your parents’ finances is a daunting task loaded with much responsibility not only to your parents, but to your siblings. I kept a paper trail that would reach from here to California, where my brother lives. Every quarter, my dad and siblings got a status report on dad’s finances.
You need to know all of the sources of your parents’ income, which means checking with their accountant, lawyer, financial planner, broker or others, who are familiar with their financial situation; but also connecting with the folks that your parent/s do business with, so that they know that you’re taking over the bill paying.
You can streamline the process by arranging to monitor accounts and pay bills online. Also, it helps if you make a budget; set-up a joint checking account to have copies of bank statements sent to you and your parents, so that you can monitor deposits and cheque writing; get a joint debit card and/or credit card to pay for groceries, prescriptions, clothing, whatever, and read the statements when they arrive; establish Power of Attorney; know where to find personal and financial documents, in case of an emergency; ask to be notified by companies if bill payments are missed; and most important of all share financial information with other family members on a timely basis.
If the demands of the task are more than you want or too complex for you to handle, get help from any number of people who are qualified – accountants, lawyers, money managers, geriatric care managers. They can do everything from establishing a budget, to preparing taxes, paying bills or managing investments.
If you decide to hire someone, make sure they are trustworthy.
Ask trusted friends or business associates to recommend professionals; check several references; look for someone with professional credentials; set-up a contract that details what the person’s role and responsibilities are; and name a family relative in the contract to share the authority.
Whether you take on the task of managing your parents’ finances or hire it out, it’s one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Your parents’ best interests are first priority above all else. After all it’s your parents’ money that they worked hard for. It’s not your money and every cent should go to meeting your parents’ needs.
The goal is mo’ money NOT – no money, so that your parents can live well!
