Preparing For Your Death

Written by Maureen Maclachlan

Lynn’s parents had terminal cancer at the same time and were getting their affairs in order. Her dad’s list covered practical items like the septic tank. He pointed out to Lynn that when he was gone, he didn’t want the yard dug up looking for the septic tank, so he drew her a map with the exact specs.

(This lead-in is from Lynn McPhelimy’s book: In the Checklist of Life – A Working Book To Help You Live and Leave This Life!)

We may laugh at this, but if you’ve been there/done that with the passing of your parents, you’ll know that this is the important stuff in life and death.

Yes the banks, the insurance, the credit cards, the investment portfolio, the pensions, the contractual agreements, the real estate and the vehicles are critical to know about.

But there’s more, much more. And this is the content of McPhelimy’s book. This is not a how-to book, this is a workbook with lots of pages to write down your own stuff.

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Of the many books that I’ve reviewed related to death and dying, this is one of the best that I’ve come across. And for those who love to make lists and keep track of everything, this workbook is a must have, must do and must keep at hand.

It’s not too early to get your stuff in order and let your kids know where things are and what’s important to you, lest you check out sooner than expected. This is where a working book like Lynn McPhelimy’s is really useful.

Stuff and the story behind it
This is the section to write about everything that you’ve collected, some with great meaning, some with little meaning and some with no meaning. This is where I’ve written about my 31.5 lb salmon that I caught at Rivers Inlet and hangs above my desk, collecting dust.

Location, location, location
Do your kids know where you want your final remains? What if you don’t want them in BC but want them back in your hometown in the Prairies? This is the section to document your wishes.

The command performance – the ceremony
Have you ever thought about what you’d like to be said at your funeral, your command performance? What music would you like to be played? Here’s the section where you can write it down. If you want some of those Bob Dylan lyrics sung, then get it in writing.

According to Lynn McPhelimy, she never had to use the hand-drawn map to the septic tank; but in developing the working book she provided a map for her own family and for others, so that their loved ones wouldn’t have to go digging to get the information they wanted and needed.

Another book that’s a great complement to McPhelimy’s book is Language of the Heart – Rituals Stories And Information About Death by Carolyn Pogue.

Like McPhelimy’s book it’s extremely practical and contains sample rituals and ceremonies that you can adapt for planning funeral ceremonies, memorials or healing rituals for a death that is long past.

As Pogue points out, “Many of us have the idea that at funerals or memorials or celebrations of life there must be clergy, there must be organ music and so on. But other possibilities exist if we use our imaginations.”

We spend months planning our weddings and vacations, why shouldn’t we spend the same amount of time, effort and thoughtfulness planning our leave taking and start it now. As Joseph Jefferson, in Sandwich, Capecod, had inscribed on his monument: