At Death’s Door

Written by Julie Cosgrove

carriesstoryPerhaps you are watching a loved one waste away with disease or dementia. Because they are so dear to you, it’s hard to not be sucked into the vortex of their suffering. Watching them suffer consumes your days and steals your nights. Like straddling a creek, you toggle between not wanting them to go through this anymore and not wanting them to go. Maybe you feel guilty if you take some much needed “me time” to keep your head above the water.

Or maybe death comes like a bomb blast that shakes you to the core. Wham. A suicide when they appeared as if the world was a great place and they were happy. The phone call no one wants to get. A sudden illness that snatches them before the ambulance arrives. Didn’t see that coming.

Your love, once alive and pulsating, is now cold and still. You are at the same time numb and hurting, more than you have ever been before. Everyone else continues on with life while you dangle in limbo. And the last words you ever want to hear again are the hollow, “Sorry for your loss.”

They say time heals all wounds. You try to believe it. Then you find his collar button in the lint trap, or smell cotton candy just like the kind she ate at the fair last year. A “blast from the past” hit, your song, pierces you anew.

How do you cope with this change you definitely didn’t want? Is there a better way to process it, or is that an impossible task? Will the deep, stabbing hurt eventually fade, and if it does will your memories of the good times dilute as well? Most of all, how do you hold it together and keep moving forward when you feel as if death’s reality has you sinking in molasses?

If you are grieving the loss of a loved one today, know that you are not alone. We hope these articles help you on your painful journey.

How Can I Have Faith After Losing My Son?

Widowhood: Till Death do Us Part

Grief: My Mom Should Be Here

Infant Death: Incompatible with Life

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