Home Alone for the Holidays

Written by Claire Colvin

aloneholidays2Christmas, they tell us, is ‘the most wonderful time of the year’.  What they don’t tell us is what we’re supposed to do when it isn’t. As the cards and carols like to remind us, Christmas is a time for families and togetherness, peace and well being for all. If only the problems in life paid more attention to the songs on the radio.

If you find yourself facing Christmas alone, December can be the longest month of all.  If someone is missing from the celebrations this year, if a family member has been sick, or money worries are keeping you up at night it’s easy to want to echo the Grinch’s sentiment — “I must find a way to keep Christmas from coming!” There are some years when Christmas is more than we can do.  But more often, going into hibernation for a month isn’t a realistic plan.  Christmas is coming, with or without our permission.  So how do you face the season when it doesn’t look the way it used to?

If your circumstances have changes, remember that your plans and even your traditions can change too. This can be hard to explain to other family members, but stick to your guns.  If there is an event, even a family dinner that you’re already dreading politely decline.  The best part of being an adult is being self-determinant.  There are few things that are mandatory — like paying taxes and making sure your kids eat — but there are fewer than you might think.  This is supposed to be your season too, take back some control if you need to.

Rearranging Christmas can take many forms.  Find the one that’s right for you.  It could mean having a quiet Christmas at your house this year.  It might mean buying a new set of ornaments for the tree if you’re not up to opening up the memory-packed boxes from last year.  It could mean going to a restaurant for Christmas dinner, skipping the whole thing and heading somewhere warm.  It really is up to you.

If Christmas is looking unfamiliar this year, if the house is unnaturally quiet there are things you can do to enjoy the season, even if you find yourself alone.  Try one of these ideas:

  1. Decorate the house. Even if you’re the only one who’s going to see it, take the time to decorate your home. You don’t have to put everything up, or drag all the boxes out of the basement.  It doesn’t have to look just last like year.  Put up a Christmas tree or hang some lights.  Bring some Christmas into your line of sight, even if it’s just something small.  One of the hardest things about spending Christmas alone is the feeling that everyone else is having a great time and you’ve been excluded. Make sure you’re not excluding yourself.
  2. Plan something special. There’s nothing worse than hearing everyone else’s excitement over the upcoming holidays and having nothing to look forward to yourself.  Plan a treat for yourself, something really special.  It doesn’t have to be Christmas-y at all, just make sure you’ve got something to look forward to.  Not only will it add to your holiday, but it’ll give you a great answer to that dreaded question “so what are you doing for Christmas?”
  3. Be around other people. Sitting around the house by yourself on Christmas Day is incredibly hard. Find people to be with. If you have friends that are alone this Christmas, host a dinner at your house. If you’d like to help out somewhere there are always soup kitchens and charities that need people on Christmas Day. Whatever you decide to do make sure you have someone to say “Merry Christmas” to.
  4. Give yourself some quiet time. Sometimes the reason we’re alone at Christmas is a sad one. If this is you this season, give yourself the time and the permission to feel sad. Scale back on your activities.  If there are some traditions you cannot face this year, remember that you can politely excuse yourself.  Christmas has a way of turning the world into fantasy where everyone is supposed to be happy and everything is wonderful. Resist the urge to fake a smile all through the month of December.

It can be tempting to skip the season altogether, to say “there will be no Christmas in this house this year”. I  urge you not to do that. Christmas gets all glammed up, but at the heart of it all, it celebrates a very quiet moment. You can pass up on the extras of Christmas, but don’t miss the promise of the season.

Christmas began with a little baby in a stable.  It started with two parents who were tired from a long journey and caught off guard that the baby would choose this particular moment to be born.  It wasn’t glamorous, and it wasn’t shiny but it did mark the moment that hope came to the world.  (If you’re rusty on the details, you can read the Christmas story from the book of Luke.)

Whatever your circumstances this December, remember that what we’re celebrating here is hope. If you’re not able to wrap your arms around the noise of the season, then just wrap your fingers around that simple truth.  Christmas is Christmas because Jesus came down.  He came so that whatever we’ve done and whatever has been done to us can be redeemed.  He came to pick up the pieces — or as it says in the Bible, he came “to make all things new” (Revelation 21:5).  In Psalm 34 it says that he “is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” If that’s you this season, we’d love to help you get to know him. You can read more about knowing Jesus.

You don’t have to face Christmas alone. We’re here for you. Consider connecting with a mentor today.  It’s a free and confidential service. If you fill out the form below, you’ll here from a mentor soon.

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261 Responses to “Home Alone for the Holidays”

  • Aldo says:

    Lone Gran, thank you for testimony and insight. I’m sorry to hear that your Holidays will be spent alone. I pray that somehow your children would consider spending quality time with you this Christmas, to your surprise.

    I noticed that you mentioned that you have been blessed with an amazing family. Let me turn your attention, if I may, to what, or to who, do you owe that blessing? The Bible tells us that all good things come from the Lord. Allow me to ask another question if you will. What is your relationship with the One Who has given you those blessings?

    This Christmas, reflect on Who it is all about. He deserves it!

  • lone gran says:

    dear Ellen, hoping you might drop back in and read this. Bludy ‘ell (aussie slang) but geez louise you deserve the holiday! My gran always said ‘you need to take care of yourself so you can care for everyone else’. She was a wise darling of a women, my gran. So..I wish for a miracle or at least practical solution which will enable you to go spend time recharging..on holiday. Enjoy the time being by yourself. I hope my honesty helps others too, when I share that I have been dreading (fake) christmas. My own family custom before I married meant christmas morning is spent with close family, then a big family lunch ..grandparents, cousins, aunts spilling out of a large farm house they built 1900s. I married a migrant Finn and so celebration of christmas shifted to the night before (xmas eve). Our relationship ended while our children were young, and I did not receive child support so I was struggling to pay mortgage with 5 children, alone. He did contribute, or see them during the 12 months but, as you can imagine, he made up for it at christmas…and could afford presents. Anyhoot, as I lived miles away, every christmas I am ‘alone’ for the past 22+ years. My children will never really understand why their mum could not be with them, why presents were lacking. My adult children are now genuinely, and naturally busy and, also hoping to ensure aussie christmas mornings are time with their own children. I feel guilty, heartbroken, and normal feelings of “loss”, yearning for ??? I love my children, and beautiful grandchildren. I am blessed with an amazing family, and I guess sinply, that of iteself is the lesson. This year I will go camping. This year I won’t wait in physical mental agony, selfish torment from christmas eve until boxing day –everyone over tired and just doing as ‘expected’. Blessings to everyone…

  • Aldo says:

    Mia, last year I wrote an article to share as a Christmas Story. I include it here for you and your sister’s perusal. I hope you get the essence of the story.

    “Long ago in a small village among the hill country of Judea, whose name Bethlehem, means House of Bread, a child was brought forth under the most unusual circumstances. His mother was a virgin. Nevertheless, the maiden’s spouse traveled with them to this place where they were to be counted in a census and pay their taxes.”

    “When arriving in the hamlet they found that there was no room where they could find suitable arrangements for themselves, even though the maiden was ready to deliver her child. So, they ended up in a stable, and laid the baby boy in a manger (feeding trough) as a makeshift crib.”

    “This child would change the chronology of all history from that day on. All time before him would be known as B.C. (Before Christ), and all time after him would come to be known as A.D. (In the Year of our Lord).”

    “The child was prophesied to come hundreds of years earlier by the Prophet Isaiah, and would be known as Emmanuel, God with us.”

    “The name his parents gave him was the Hebrew name Yeshua (Jesus), meaning Savior. Jesus said of himself, “I am the Bread of Life.” Is it any wonder that He was born in the House of Bread?”


    “May the Christ Child of Christmas make Himself known to you this Christmas.”

  • Mia says:

    Ha i love this “its dec lets all get excited”! Really? What if your fam is a broken split mess…. me and my sister find ways to laugh about how ridiculous it all is.
    Its the birth of christ and thats the most imp thing. We laugh our fav day is dec *26* when its over!!!

  • Sharon says:

    to Dave if you want to talk to someone go to talktoamentor.com and someone will get in touch with you that way I am praying for you.– sharon

  • dave says:

    Email me we don’t have to be alone even though I am for the holidays its nice to chat with someone you don’t know [it is our policy not to publish personal contact information]

  • Brian Smith says:

    I know what it is like to spend every holiday alone. My family owns a family business they purchased 16 years ago. Since then comma they have flown to every country every Caribbean island on every holiday with my sister and her children and I’m left alone every holiday for the last 8 years. I’ve gotten over it it’s been hard but I’ve come to the conclusion that God is teaching me to receive him and to be happy and side without the validation of my family. It is not Thanksgiving Day and I’m home alone again. My parents are in Jamaica with my brother-in-law sister and my two nephews so I don’t know it’s sad that money can change people so much. Ever since they built this business which they call a quote family business purchase with my father’s money Kama I was never invited to be a part of it as my sister was. I’m not resentful I’m not greedy I’m just a man of God I believe that everything happens for a reason so now I will spend my Thanksgiving alone and prepare for my Christmas alone for the first of Jesus. So wipe your tears, say your prayers, speak to the Lord and the peace will come in within your heart, happy holidays, love Brian

  • Sharon says:

    to Ellen my heart goes out to you I am sorry for your pain. my dad died of Alzheimer’s about 4 years ago yeah its no fun having a parent that is sick. prayer father God I do pray for Ellen I pray for a miracle for her that someone in her family will say we will do Christmas this year I pray for her healing for her auto immune disease and for her depression I pray for a financial break through for them too. God you know on what is going on I pray a healing for her and the family members God I pray exchange this Christmas from last year to a good one for once I pray for a miracle for her God this year. I do pray for forgiveness and reconciliation I will pray for you– sharon

  • Ellen says:

    The holidays make me so sad I am completely immobile in November. I have considered ending things to keep away from it all. We lost my sister to cancer four years ago. She was our family’s glue. Now her husband, like a brother for 42 years, is marrying again which means he and some of his children will not be with us for Christmas. Our only son, 20, does not contact us often, is depressed and blames me for his issues. Even though we try to help him financially and support him any way we can, to love him every way he will let us, he may not even be home for Christmas, and, if he is, he will be disappointed and unhappy as he has been for the last five years. No matter how hard I try, it isn’t good enough. My 83 year old mother has worsening alzheimers, and I, as the only caregiver left, am the target of much of the anger her disease has caused. She is not up to Christmas so, for the first time in my life, there will be no going home for Christmas. My husband’s family have issues with his brother which makes time with them uncomfortably sad as well. Because the last few Christmases have been so emotionally horrible and drained me well into February, I saved money all year to “escape” this year at Christmas. But, in the end, I can’t bear to leave my mom alone…and my husband has a big project due at work mid December, so he can’t go away with me even if we wanted to. He also can’t /won’t help me with the massive amount of work that has to be done for the Christmas I have to make here–major cleaning our super dirty house, buying and wrapping gifts for 53 people (multiple gifts) with no ideas and little money, big tree with every ornament (my son insists), decorating, several big meals, making games and new traditions to try to salvage what is left of my mother’s Christmases. I struggle with auto immune disease and depression–currently have an infection and on strong antibiotics, which are zapping me. I try to keep my sanity with pretty strict diet, exercise, sleep, and prayer, but with the stress of the holidays and the time crunch, most of that goes out the window. Every song, tv commercial, or mention of the word Christmas makes me cry–which has caused me to withdraw from others because I don’t want to appear as a Scrooge, shutdown my facebook page, even skip church. I am trying to avoid it to keep functioning, but every day that I don’t prepare makes me more panicked because I know I am running out of time. I don’t have the energy for all of this–ANY of this–or the guts or the heart to just tell everybody, “I’m not doing Christmas this year.” So, I just cry and stay up all night and feel miserably sick.

  • Chris says:

    corky….sorry you are down…..the fact of the matter is however that life and people are always changing, leaving or moving so that is something we must confront through the grace of jesus christ who suffered for us and gave us his victory on the cross. actually the church family jesus gives us will be closer to us many times than our own earthly family. first connect with jesus. log onto knowingjesuspersonally.com or click talk to a mentor above, to being your own exciting and fulfilling walk with christ today. then, if for whatever reason you dont have family nearby, you will always have jesus and his christian family nearby for you. praying you find jesus today if you havent already and the joy of living with him each and every day. bye for now!

  • Corky says:

    Three years ago, my husband and I got dumped by the only family we had here, and our only minor grand kids, that we raised, and now we are all alone on the holidays. We have friends that include us but I always feel like I’m intruding on their family time, even though they want us there. I know I’m hurt and mad that “my family” doesn’t want to be with us, so what do I do? I want the traditional holidays I grew up with, and raised them with, but it no longer is happening or important to them. Their “new” family is more important than those who raised them and that hurts a lot. Six months away and I’m already dreading the holidays coming again, and that’s sad because I LOVE my holidays and always went way over board to make them special for all of us. Decorating, fun family activities, outings, baking, tons of gifts, everything and now nothing. I still do all that stuff but there is just the two of us to enjoy. Very sad! It’s even affected how I feel about them because I feel I’ve and deserted, dumped and used. I know I’m giving away all my “power”, allowing them to make me feel this way, but I just can’t seem to change. I’m hoping to find some where out of state, to go this holiday season, just so I’m not sitting here feeling sorry for myself this. Suggestions Please! Our friends are great but I just don’t want to keep intruding on them and them knowing we’re not wanted by our own family. HELP PLEASE! Thanks

  • When choosing these toys make sure that, you choose a character that interests the kid, like mario toys. If your youngster uses a BB gun as per the safety rules, it might be fun and learning experience for him. Big nerf Dogs normally love the several shapes of hard rubber toys.

    Maverick nerf is really a toy to be treasured ‘ make sure you’ve got this type of toy gun with your collection. A very popular toddler toy is Leap – Frog’s Learn & Groove Musical Table.

  • Elkay says:

    Callie, it certainly sounds like your husband is determined to reject helpful efforts by yourself and your friends and until he changes his mind and wants to work to improve your marriage and other relationships, you are in a most difficult and dangerous situation.

    His behavior in throwing dinner at you is unacceptable and pointing weapons at people and threatening his father is probably a felony of some sort. I personally do not have experience in situations like this but please contact a responsible person, for instance your Pastor, a Christian counselor or a governmental social worker for advice and try to connect with a support group at Church. If none of this is practical, private mentors are available on this site and you can connect with one by hitting the “Talk To A Mentor” button at the top of this article. Let me pray, “Heavenly Father, You placed the stars in the heavens and laid the foundation of this earth; nothing is impossible for You and so we come to Your throne of grace to find mercy and help in our times of trouble. Callie is in a difficult and dangerous situation and needs Your help and wisdom in knowing how to proceed in making her life safe and more rational. Please help Callie’s husband know that marriage is a decision to be committed to one another only no matter what, and from that commitment, may love flow between them again. We ask for this in the powerful name of Jesus. Amen.”

  • Callie says:

    This was the first Christmas in 33 years my husband was again going to jump straight into the traditions started 30 years ago. We tried getting him to go anywhere else over this one with the offer to asimulate him into them again over a period of time as people could not participate dropped off but as with everything the last three years getting this consesion from him was met by a big NO. He did not care what me, his father or any of our friends wanted from him. Even the offer from his father of 4000 to go any where, do any thing and just stay away was turned down, No compassion for my trouble when I needed to just get the tension down in the house and O was actually begging him to take his dinner and eat it out in the Pole barn out of the wind. I thought since it was the first time in 33 years he had been given an actual meal on a holiday he would be gratefull I found out different when he refused to go to the barn and eat, and then when I tried to insist he hit me in the face with the entire plate of dinner telling everyone there that none of us had any right to ask him to leave his home. There were men hurt when they decided they had the right telling him he could return when he had some manners for 1000 years, It took less than half an hour for him to come back armed with his 3030 rifle and his Lariat. Threatening to kill his father by having him dragged out of the house behind a runaway horse and another man I just found out had a heart attack latter when he thought he was going to answer my husband by pulling his .40 automatic on him. he was looking at were it was on his belt when he looked up and my husband rifle barrel was pointed straight between his eyes. MY husband told him go ahead be stupid.
    I know we abused my husband for decades but it was always for the needs of other people to be met. I always believed for years that some how it could be made up to my husband until his resentment and defiance became dangerous, Then it became a matter of keeping people from be4ing hurt. Now all I see is hurt. and society being destroyed by hium.

  • Sharon says:

    to Rochelle I am glad you were happy being alone yes I agree you can’t depend on people but you can depend on God on being with you do you know God? if not say this prayer if you like say forgive my sins and come into my life now and HE will life is not easy as Christians but you have joy knowing God is with you always life is not easy for anyone HE loves you HE died for you to save you. I am praying for you– Sharon

  • Rochelle Baboolal says:

    Personally I’d rather spend Xmas alone than force people to need me/be there for me/love me or whatever…that’s worse than being alone.

    You can’t depend on no one in this world…human kind is [expletive removed].

    I was alone and happy.

  • Chris says:

    vj….i regret to hear of your struggles and situation. counting on people to be there for us will not always be possible, people being people. what i have learned in life however is that by placing all of my faith in jesus christ, i make myself one of the freest people on the planet by not having the need for people and their presence. of course i dont mean that in an absolute sense, but this dependency upon people that we all tend to grow up with can be greatly diminshed as we begin to experience the personal love and presence of jesus in our lives each day. being alone doesnt mean we have to feel lonely with jesus by our sides sharing his words and communion with us. you can find out more about this marvelous life jesus has waiting for you log onto knowingjesuspersonally.com or click talk to a mentor above. praying now for you for all of jesus best in your life. blessings always!

  • Chris says:

    mary…so sorry to hear of your personal struggles and issues…being that we are all people in the same tough-placed world, i can identify with your situation. being now 59 years old myself, having lost my parents, living in a foreign country, losing a wife and children, i know the feeling of being abandoned and feeling like an orphan. the good news is though that jesus has the answers we need and the right people for us as we listen to his guidance and instrucitons on the inside of our hearts. being part of a loving christian church is so important when we are feeling empty and unappreciated so that we can be recharged to take jesus love to the world and share the good news that with christ, we are never really alone. i would pray that you could rise up in the grace of jesus christ, grace which he told paul about in 2 corinthians 12.9 to 10, and see the needy ones all around you who, although may have an earthly family, do not have a heavenly one nor a heavenly home. that way, jesus can use you greatly to fulfill the great commission he left us by saying…go ye into all the world and share the good news with everyone! praying you are filled with jesus power, love and spirit today to do just that and that jesus brings healing to and for your sister too in his precious name amen

  • Chris says:

    angela…i regret to hear of your heartaches. . .life can throw many challenges our way since people will challenge us as well. having been divorced by my wife, i understand what it is to lose someone that at the wedding altar saw me as the only love of her life forever. times change. people change. we cant count on them and shouldnt try to. whom we can count on is jesus christ. through it all, he will always be a friend who sticks closer than a brother. proverbs 17.24, 18.24. we are born with God and we will leave this world only with God. i guarantee you life is only worth the living through having a relationship with our lord and savior jesus christ. for more information you can log onto knowngjesuspersonally.com or click talk to a mentor above. praying now you find the only one who can ever fulfill and satisfy your soul and inner longings, his name is jesus!

  • Chris says:

    louise….sorry to hear you are struggling….my prayer for you is so that you can find the wonderful fellowship jesus christ offers to us 365 days a year and a christian home church where you can find the spiritual family fellowship you need as well. if you would like for me to check on some churches for you, just let me know. praying now for your full recovery and that your inner-self can also be renewed in the great knowledge and experience of jesus in your life. blessings always!

  • Sonya astridge says:

    Thanks Clay, I felt like I was the only one that felt like this.

  • Louise says:

    I’m recovering from thyroid surgery last mon, came home to an empty house.
    Stayed with family last night as I was so upset to be all alone home from hospital on a christmas eve.DEAR God give me the strength to get through these few challenging days…… I’m not welcome at my cousins house today I’m being left home alone,

  • N says:

    Dysfunction hurts people but it is better to understand the sorrow and hurt of dysfunction. To learn the patterns of hurts it creates. No looking back. Heal it and then let God create loving, gentle, loving and accepting relationships into our lives. Not harsh non loving people. Let god create love based people in our lives; he will if we only ask. Its their behavior that makes us feel bad. End those hurtful relationship so new joy can grow. I just learned holding on to those memories is unforgiveness. It the holding on. I feel sad and unloved. I feel unimportant and not valued. I suppose its learning the whole lesson of it all and the hurt created – release and forgive so new will come..thats what the lord has said to me. I could be with those people that make you feel bad at Christmas, but cant do toxic. Great love to all of you that are alone.

  • Rosemary says:

    I am alone again for holidays and it happens so often anymore that when I get a genuine invitation, it’s almost a shock. Being a handy, crafty person, I find spending time making gifts to use throughout the coming year is a wonderful way to spend the day. Or just as often, time spent quilting for charity work. My pets keep me company also and they enjoy the extra attention.

    Weather permitting, it’s also a good way to get some exercise by taking a walk in a park and since it’s quiet, often there are lovely sights unimpeded by the normal amount of visitors. The walk often is inspiring and thoughts come to me about projects I’d like to begin or things to change about myself; also, sometimes problems seem to solve themselves.

    Take time to wish others you care about a lovely holiday. Send a card, send a text message, send an email, or make a phone call.

    Count the blessings you have. My son has outright rejected having me for holidays. However, should some other need arise or an emergency, he would be right there for me. Other family is far away but they enjoy getting a card or email from me. I don’t have much to write about (work too much) but it’s fun to exchange ideas and information about hobbies we share.

    So, yes, I am alone and not by choice. However, there are so many things to do and outreaches to distant family that it will still be a very busy day. And I’ll probably have on some Christmas movies or music in the background during the day. I’ll cook something interesting that I don’t have time for most other days. (I’m a good cook and my waistline, alas, does show it. LOL)

    Be of good cheer all. There’s a lot to do even if celebrating solo.

  • Angela says:

    When we are young we all have the dreams of future Christmas. It may be based on Christmases of our youth or just our dreams. Then real life happens and dreams are shattered. Maybe children yes, children no, significant other, no significant other, many sibling, no siblings, parents, pets, friends, Church, for so many tonight and tomorrow and even next weekend life is all about tradition, dreams and the craziness of the holidays. For those alone we just find a way to make it through, like every other day. Siblings fight, move away, disown one another, loved ones pass, people move, families split. We can only try to survive and move into 2016. My sister in law moved my brother away, we are no allowed to know the children they do not visit or participate as a family, my sister and her daughter have become involved in drugs and alcohol, my nephew was killed in an accident, the other is an addict. My father drove my mother to her death, allowing her to lie on the floor dying instead of calling 911 (he admitted and the ER Dr confirmed)now less than one year later he has married a gold digging, multi-marriage woman who has been arrested, is 30 years younger and has a history of marriage and selling everything her husbands own. Last year was difficult but I had a father, this year I have nothing. Life goes on, dreams are shattered, no one really cares. Going to a bar, a movie, going to work, a day is just a day. If you are lucky enough to have a child, a pet, a parent, a sibling, a special other, count yourself lucky and cherish what you have. On December 26th, life erupts into returns and gift card redemption.

  • Mary says:

    Well, here we are again another Christmas here – and again I find myself in a slump that’s difficult to shake – as always around the holidays. I try to take comfort that I’m not alone – that God is with me – but it’s difficult. I am 51 years old, I have been single for five years, was never blessed with children and am now looking after my elder disabled sister. We recently moved to a small town so don’t know anyone. And it’s tough. The world is a very lonely place and I often wonder why are we put here if we have no purpose. The most difficult part for me this time of year is not having that someone special to share the holidays with but no one has ever cared enough want to make me a permanent part of their lives… and so again and again I am rejected and alone. And as I was never blessed with Children it’s very difficult being alone not having anyone who remotely cares for me just for me.

  • Jillian says:

    Hello Clay,
    Somehow I came across this site, read your comment & felt I needed to reply. This is my 1st Christmas being single with my 2 wonderful kids. On Christmas day, it will be just my daughter & I. My son will join his father for Christmas dinner at family gathering. I was also invited to the family gathering, but for circumstances out of my control, its best if my daughter & I are not there. Anyhow, sorry for your family loss. I also lost my father and he was 51 at the time. My Mom was good as a single Mom but lost her 2 years ago. Try not to dwell on what you don’t have and keep in mind the happiness and good people you have in your life. Things can always be worse and you have the power to change circumstances in your life. Remember that your happiness comes within yourself and being happy with the way you live your life. Keep a positive attitude and you will find that person to add to your happiness. People come in and out of your life for reasons, some we don’t always understand.
    Have a Merry Christmas and a very very Happy New Year!!!

  • Clay says:

    I remember when I was a kid and I felt so bad for people who had to spend Christmas alone. It seemed like the worse thing that could ever happen to anyone. Then my father died, my siblings split, some living many miles away. The fantasy dream of finding the woman of my dreams and having my own family never happened, and then my mother turned into and old crazy woman that I can’t be around. So for the last ten years I’ve spent Christmas alone. Sometimes I will go to a girl-friends house for the Xmas dinner, but it doesn’t always work out.
    So I had to carve a new way to do things on Christmas to keep from getting depressed. Christmas Eve? Drink night at the bar. There are plenty of people who are alone on Christmas. These people spend the holidays at the bars. They are alone and need someone to talk to. On Christmas day I go to a restaurant for my Christmas dinner, and then it’s over to the movie theater where I will watch the newest movies until midnight.
    So Christmas isn’t so bad. Just don’t sit at home.
    There are always a lot of arrogant people who think that you must be a bad person if you are alone of Christmas. Hell, I didn’t chose this. I didn’t know my mom was going to turn into a mean, rude woman. I’d rather spend Christmas at an insurance seminar than with her. I didn’t know my dad was going to die at age 51 either. An then, I didn’t know that I wasn’t going to meet the woman of my dreams yet. Siblings moved away. So this is how it goes for many of us. Consider yourself lucky. It could happen to you. I never thought things would turn out like this twenty years ago.

  • VJ says:

    Hi Everyone. I have been sent trying to pull myself out of slump as the Christmas holiday nears. I lost my youngest daughter 6 yrs ago at the age of 26. Needless to say Life will never be the same time. Holidays can be difficult enough at times without Grief. I was blessed to meet a dear friend in a Grief Support Group and we have helped each other on this journey. This year my fiancé is spending Xmas Eve and Xmas Day with his family. He spent Thanksgiving with them as well. We have been together for nearly nine years. I use to go with him and have hosted his family at our home. This year we decided to Sell our house and Move to a nearby town where we would have access to more things and a Handicapped Special Designed Home. My fiancé has MD and around the time I lost my daughter he loss ability to Walk. His family was less than supportive about our Move. They are polite to me but in nine years we have been together they have never asked me about my girls, family. This year we were supposed to spend it with my family but his family had such a fit he is now spending it with them. I am Tired of Their Selfishness and so I will be spending most of the holiday alone. My other daughter and family will be with their in laws. Thank You All for letting me Talk. I Hope All of You have a Blessed and Peaceful Holiday. Do something Special for Yourself.

  • Laurie says:

    Well another 12 months have passed by an here we are again facing
    the Christmas festivities -many of us still alone others have
    thankfully sorted their lives out .In my case I have discovered that
    friends and family somehow find it hard to maintain contact -I am
    not sure why -perhaps the thought of someone close passing away is
    too hard for them to accept and talk about. With me my partner passed
    away in my arms and I thank God that she just simply “went to sleep”.
    Strangely certain events have occurred in the past 17 months which
    despite my earlier scepticism have led me to believe that somehow
    it could be that loved ones who have passed -do seem to maintain a
    type of contact.
    To all of you out there reading this post -warm greetings from Australia
    and may your Christmas time bring you some joy and companionship….

  • Vicki says:

    My husband and I have no children, and we usually go over to my older brother’s home for the holiday’s, he has 2 Grandchildren and we just love thme, we have always been very good to these kids, presents and such, this year, no invitation, they just want to be with “their fanily” this year,my 90 year old Mother is going there as well, this hurts us so much, it will just be the 2 of us, we think it is just awful none of my other family members are asking us either, we have done nothing to warrent this, it is just so sad, we used to have the biggest and best Christmas and now, well, it is just sad,

  • Florin says:

    Hi,i am from Romania,but in last 3 years i live in Czech Republic,because i came here for my ex-girlfriend,we’ve been together till september this year,when she broke up with me for another man,and because of this i am here all alone,without having someone close to me,so i am going to spen my very first Christmas all alone and i really don’t know how to face it.well.I still have some hope i will master it,but it hunts me the last two Christmas together with my ex,this simply just take from me all my power,i read here your comments and i see i am not the only one in this case,so it make me feel better knowing this. So i wish to everyone enjoy the Christmas in your best way.

  • Ephrem says:

    Dear Laurie
    My name is Ephrem from Ethiopia I am a tour guide I am interesting you very much you don’t be alone never I went to be friend with you if you don’t mind.
    “Marry Chris mass”
    Hope to hear from you.
    With much love.
    Yours Ephrem

  • Karen says:

    I dslso

  • Isabel says:

    Hi, my name is Isabel. I’m originally from Chile but I moved to Sweden 5 years ago. The reasons I moved here is because my ex boyfriend was Swedish, we broke up last year and I find myself all alone in Sweden and this is going to be my first lonely Christmas…and I feel so sad about it. I miss my family so much, but due to my exams I can’t go to my hometown and spend the holidays with them… None of my friends has invited me to join them, none of them has even asked me what I am going to do.. But such is life!
    I just want to encourage every person who is in the same situation, it’s not easy and it can be so depressing, but we are in fact many young people who are far away from home with no chance to see our families…so you’re not alone! Cook something nice, get yourself a present, watch some movies and have a nice glass of wine..it is exactly what I’m going to do.

    Hugs to all the solitary wolves out there!

    Isabel <3

  • Elkay says:

    Monika, tomben has given you some very good, practical advice. Your father did wrong, he apologized and wants to celebrate Christmas as a family. You are rightly hurt and angry, but, like cancer, this penetrates every part of your life. Anger and resentment are symptoms that cannot be pushed away and ignored. They spill out, harming relationships and leading to risky decisions. Withholding forgiveness may feel as if we’re punishing the offender. But people cannot take revenge on one another without destroying themselves. That’s why the Lord calls us to follow His example of extending grace to all (Eph. 4:32). Since God has pardoned us so generously, we shouldn’t withhold forgiveness from others.

    I may not know your pain, but I assure you that Jesus does. With His infinite love and gentleness, He’ll help you overcome hurt, anger, and bitterness.
    Forgiveness is a choice—an act of service to the Lord, a witness to the person who caused the pain, and a necessary step in healing. No matter how terrible the acts committed against us were, God requires that we show mercy. For your good and His glory, He wants you to give up the “right” to punish those who hurt you or someone we love, like your Mother. Go home for Christmas and show love to everyone you meet.

  • tomben says:

    Monika: Forgiveness. What a difficult thing to do!! Don’t be so hard on yourself if it is something you can’t do at the moment. When a relationship like yours has been shattered the hurt, the anger, the grief goes deep. Bones that are fractured do not heal overnight. Some you may have to wear a cast on for for a long time. So it is with with the emotional fractures. Some may tell you that forgiveness is the first step to healing. For me healing is the first step toward forgiveness. Healing is that hard work of doing all within you to go through rebuilding the relationship. And even that is not entirely on your shoulders. It involves your Father as well. He too has the responsibility to accept his part in what has been done to the family. There is no magic in just saying the word I forgive you. Sometimes, even we as Christians, tend to use that as a way of burying our feelings which are still raw. I know some who are Christian see me as getting it backward. But that is alright. Here are some things to look at.
    First your anger (which is to be expected) while it keeps you from any contact with your father it prevents you from telling him how you feel. If face to face contact is difficult then write it down in an honest straight manner and let him know your hurt. Don’t attack, just tell him how your feeling–hurt, disappointed, grieved, and yes angry. As to your father’s desire to have Christmas together: He may be hoping that will soothe over all feelings. I doubt it but give it a try. He may see that it isn’t going to be that easy. Now to the family. In avoiding your father you are also separating from you mother (who genuinely needs you) because the broken relationship with your father has also cost her to be separated from you. The same with your brother/sister/cousins etc. You need them and they need you. Now don’t go feeling guilty for me having said that. If you honestly can’t do this at Christmas time then choose a time that is less emotionally charged to go visit. You know yourself better than anyone else so choose a time when you feel more secure. There is an old saying that says: “Time Heals”. Time just gives you the needed space for you to work on the healing part. Don’t force things, let them come at their own pace. If you are wondering who this person is just let me say: I am an 81 year old Father, Grandfather, Great Grandfather who has walked down that road. You may not see it now but believe me the journey is worth it.

  • Angel wanna bee says:

    Hey we would love to host some peeps over Christmas… but don’t want G had people… We are a humble place to come. Christian and pray…. but not freaks. Both of our families came from nothing and were military. We r blessed and would love to share time with new friends.. but no drugs or photos or tv peeps… ps we r animal lovers and will look u up … :) so if u still need a place to go we would love to host …. several….

  • Monika says:

    Hi. My name is Monika & i’m Indonesian. I’m 21 years old and a student who’s living in a big city. I need 2 hours of flight to reach my hometown where my family live. But i am not sure if i would make it to go home this Christmas. I’ve never once in my life celebrating Christmas day and new year without my family. Hard things happens in my family or i could say that it’s actually already happened long before i know. Now i know that all lovely things that i love and proud about my family is just not as lovely as it is. It turns out that i’m being very disappointed of my father. He is the one who resembles a lot with me. He is my role mode and i’m pretty sure that i’m his favorite & reliable daughter for him. So, when i found out that last year he’s being unfaithful to my mom. He cheated on my mom. I don’t know how he is now. All i know that he apologized to my mom & stopped doing that. I’m all depressed when i found out. She keeps this story on herself but one day in October she couldn’t keep the burden anymore on her own because my father saying words that hurted her feelings, she told me the truth. My mom is an angel. It’s so heart wrenching when i heard her crying on the phone. For me, home is my haven on earth. But since i know the truth, i don’t feel like going home. But i missed my mom, brothers, sisters, cousins. I don’t want to meet him & i haven’t spoken to him for a month. I blocked his phone number. I don’t know if he knows that i know, but he knows that i’m staying away from him. I told my sister that i won’t go home. My sister told me that my father wants us to celebrate Christmas together. I can’t forgive him, but i don’t want to live like this. We are Christian family & i can’t accept this thing happened in my family. We were so close before. I don’t know how to forgive my beloved ones, but i keep telling my mom to forgive him. Can you suggest what i should do ? Anyway, i wish you all have joyful Christmas. God bless.

  • Kate says:

    Dear Holger, your post here is really inspiring. You’ve taken steps forward and you demonstrate hope, which is what this season is all about. I definitely will pray that when you go to a church on Christmas that you’ll meet a few people who will smile or shake your hand or nod at you and it will be enough to remind you that not knowing anyone is just an idea in your mind. In fact, we know each other because of our fellowship in Christ and because God has gifted each of us with things we can share with each other, so we just need to overcome that fear that keeps us feeling isolated or alone and embrace the “getting to know” process with people. God bless!

  • Holger says:

    Thanks Laurie for replying to my mail. Yes I actually had a good and busy year. Was able to buy a small cottage and a bit of Land. Learned to drive a car. Wouldn’t be good to ride a bike now. :) . Got me a Tractor and a donkey. Now I’m looking actually forward to Christmas in my own little cottage. Sure, I will be on my own again, with my dog and donkey, but I even think of going to Christmas mass. Well, I’m actually Lutheran, but I think they don’t mind. Except that I’m a bit scared with all those people I don’t know. But at least I have a car to get me there. So, god bless everyone on here. Holger

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    Hi Tara, I understand your concern for your children. Fathers play a special role in the lives of their children and yet too many children miss out on that because of their father’s selfish choices. Let me pray with you: Lord God I ask that You would continue to support and care for Tara and her children as they celebrate the holidays without the children’s dad. I don’t know all of the circumstances surrounding his absence but I do know that You care for them all and will extend Your love to them. I pray Tara would see Your guidance as she raises her children, helping them to grow into godly adults. Amen.

    Tara are you involved in a local church near you? Churches are great places for kids to build significant relationships with adults who love and honour them.

  • Robin and Steven says:

    Our names are Robinson and Steven. We live in the Atlanta area. We are looking for a family to host us for Christmas – just to join someone for Christmas dinner or something like that. This is been the hardest year of our lives. I finished cancer treatment and am dealing with a lot of physical pain. Our families are toxic. We are both born again.

  • tara83 says:

    I am 32 n single mother with 2 kids they are 4-2 they haven’t seen their father I feel sorry for them when they grow up…I hope someday I will find a good father for them I know god will give me a future father for my kids…

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