Your Abortion Questions Answered

Written by Lynette Hoy NCC, LCPC

We receive a lot of questions dealing with the topic of abortion. We asked Counselor Lynette Hoy to sit down with us and answer some of the most common ones.

“I am 18 years old, pregnant and about to start college. I am considering having an abortion. Is having an abortion is safe? What are the dangers of having one and how will they affect me?”

Lynette: My heart really goes out to you as you feel pretty desperate about your pregnancy and are thinking over the consequences of making a decision to end this life within you.

May I suggest that you first get some support and guidance. You can go to a Pregnancy Center to get counseling.

These centers can help you think through your options and help provide you with hope if you decide to keep your baby. Many times these centers will also offer a free ultrasound, so that you can see the life forming within you.

Consequences of abortion: Many women who consider abortion find that abortion does not end their problems, it only exacerbates them. They live with the memory of ending their baby’s life, yes, of killing him or her. Abortion will not resolve the fears that you have. It will only increase the psychological issues and bring about an unbearable guilt that few talk about.

Abortion comes with great risk of complications as well. Some women have experienced infertility and reproductive problems. Counseling and pastoral offices are full of women who are grieving the pain and guilt of abortion. Please write, call or visit the Pregnancy Centers site as suggested above for help.

God answers prayers and is very concerned about you and your baby’s welfare. It may seem like an accident that you are pregnant but, God knew you would become pregnant all along. Though you are suffering the consequences of having sexual relations with this man……the life residing in your womb was created by God and is being sustained by Him even now. And your sin can be forgiven if you confess it to God and believe that Christ died for your sins on the cross.

The Bible is very encouraging when people are in trouble. God will comfort you and give you guidance and hope. Psalm 25:4-5 says:

“Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.”

I never thought that I would have to deal with a close friend having an abortion. I think abortion is wrong, I thought she felt that way too. How do I deal with this for myself and with her?”

Lynette: It’s difficult to think about the fact that a life has been snuffed out and that your friend actually decided to have this done. Truly you are grieving this decision along with your friend. You wish she had not made this decision. She must regret it as well and deal with the guilt of actually giving permission to have the abortion.

Two questions come to mind:

  1. How can you move on from here?
  2. How can you help your friend in the process?

First, you must realize that you did not make this decision and that any guilt you may feel over it is false. You can separate yourself from the act but, you will still feel sadness over this loss. Take steps to help yourself work through the grief. Journal your feelings and accept that grief is a part of life when we face any loss to help us work through it. As you process this grief yourself, you will be able to help your friend process it as well.

You may feel anger towards your friend. You will need to forgive her for making this decision. How can you forgive when she has terminated a life? You can forgive because you are a human being needing forgiveness as well and therefore, you can grant forgiveness.

Grief has several stages: shock, protest, disorganization and reorganization. In the protest phase you will experience many feelings of anger, depression, sadness, fear, loneliness. This is normal. These feelings need to be expressed. Find someone close who you can talk to and share your feelings. Encourage her to find someone as well and to get professional counseling for this as she will have to deal with forgiving herself.

I had an abortion last year. I would have given birth this month. I’m feeling all sorts of mixed emotions. I keep thinking about having another baby. Is this normal or am I just feeling guilty? I feel that having a baby will help me get through all the pain and guilt that I’m feeling.”

Lynette: It is normal for you to grieve the loss of your baby now. It is important to allow yourself to process this loss and work through any guilt over making this decision to have an abortion. It is normal to wish you had your baby now and to have a desire to give birth to another child as well.

What can you do?

  • First of all, I encourage you to seek counseling for your loss. You can find a counselor or go to the nearest mental health center. Or contact the agencies listed above. Secondly, process your loss by taking time to work through the grief. Grief has several stages. You are feeling many emotions of sadness, anger, guilt, loneliness. This is normal. You can move through this time.
  • Process your feelings by journaling and through prayer. You will discover that God is near to the broken-hearted. You may feel that God rejects you because of your decision to terminate your pregnancy. But, He is there ready to forgive.
  • Get support. You may find that the agencies recommended offer post-abortion support groups. It helps to talk about your loss with others who have gone through the same experience. Realize that there are no pat answers for your loss. You will feel grief and remorse over this at times but, the pain will lessen.
  • Ask yourself these questions:

    1. What have I learned from this experience?
    2. How has this changed my life?

    Maybe you have learned that you would not have made the decision to abort your baby — that you did it out of fear and wished you had considered other options such as adoption or keeping the baby. Maybe you realize now that this decision had more serious consequences than you expected.

  • From this day forward you can make some new resolutions for any future decisions especially when it has to do with a pregnancy. You can determine to consult with a crisis pregnancy center about all the options available for having your baby. You can determine to talk with other women who may be considering abortion about how this event in your life affected you and you regret it. You can decide to make serious decisions based on God’s will for your life.

You will never regret turning to God. He will help you and strengthen you. If you feel guilty about a pregnancy or an abortion, you need to know that God forgives you because Jesus died for your sins on the cross 2,000 years ago and when you place your faith in Him — you are forgiven.

God will help you through this trial. Go to a solid Christian church and talk and pray with a Pastor there. I hope that you will find this helpful. Please check out my advice page for more help.

Take a look at your life. How would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times. There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget. In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new. What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?

Living with hope

If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.

Is this the life for you?

If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.

7 Responses to “Your Abortion Questions Answered”

  • Brenda Miller says:

    Lisa and Chafin, thank you to both of you for sharing your painful experiences, as well as being willing to let others know that abortion was not what you had expected. Your courage and strength is appreciated.

    Kristen, your views are also appreciated and welcome here. Like Darren, I did find the comparison of an unborn child with that of an acorn to be inappropriate. I also found it interesting that you considered life that cannot be supported independently either physically or physiologically outside of the womb to be unviable and unworthy of protection. Would you consider the same to be true for the lives of children and adults who are unable to survive without life-support as the result of either illness or accident? Many of these beautiful lives are saved as the result of medical advances, just as many lives of the unborn are saved because the birth-mothers make the choice to either carry the child to term and keep the newborn or give the infant up to a family who has been waiting to receive the child with love.

    For those who would like to hear the stories of several women who have made the choice to move forward with abortions, only to later deeply regret their decisions, please feel free to watch this video called, “Surrender the Secret”:

    Again, thank you to each of you who have posted your thoughts on Lynette’s article.

  • Kirsten, your response makes some interesting points. However, it also contains plenty of ad hominem arguments and condescension towards the author, so let’s take a look at some of the arguments made and try to avoid personal attacks.

    We actually do agree on many points. First, you note that the “fetus is human” and that “it contains human DNA.” Although unstated, you would probably agree that it is wrong to kill innocent human beings. And you’d probably also agree that in cases where we are not sure if something is a human, we probably shouldn’t kill it. So what we need then is some meaningful and objective way that the unborn, which is human and has different DNA from its mother, is different from a human being, such that it’s okay to kill this human, but not okay to kill a human being.

    You suggest in point one (and expand in point three, which is really a continuation of point one) that the unborn has no means of “independent physiological existence”. In point three you differentiate between this and being “socially dependent”. However I don’t see any practical difference; leave a newborn to its own physiological independent existence for awhile and see how long it lasts. So dependence is not a meaningful and objective difference between a human and the proposed second category of “human being”.

    Regarding point two, that the unborn is human, distinct, and life, but not protected life. I find the acorn/oak analogy a little off-putting, personally. We chop down oak trees without giving it a second thought and turn them into kindle, but we don’t do that to human adults. Therefore, I don’t think the analogy is apt, so it does not apply in this case.

    You are correct of course though when you say that possession of life is necessary but not sufficient. Part of the problem, as I see it, is that it’s quite difficult to come up with a necessary set of criteria by which it’s okay to kill an unborn child but not okay to kill a born child.

    Question: Do you favor abortion at any time during the pregnancy (and possibly partial-birth abortion)? If not, why do you favor killing of the unborn at point (A) but not point (B)? Say, in the first trimester but not afterwards? (Ie, why its it okay to kill it on day x but suddenly not okay on day y?) Viability is a criteria that is often suggested; but when a baby is viable is constantly changing. One of my professors was born extremely early, to the point where if he had been born only a decade or so previously, he would have died. However due to advances in technology he was able to be kept alive and grow to adulthood. Another is feeling pain; but how do we know exactly when it can feel pain? And there are certain humans who cannot feel pain (either temporarily, due to medication, or permanently, due to a condition like leprosy) but that is not adequate justification for killing them.

    As you’ve noted, scientific textbooks are clear that life begins at conception. (I could cite them but you already agree with this.) This life (which is human life) begins its unbroken stream of development. There is no non-arbitrary cut-off point whereby the fetus/zygote/unborn suddenly switches from merely human to human being.

    For those interested in the topic, a decent summary & informational website is Case for Life, which contains no religious arguments whatsoever.

  • Kirsten says:

    This website is an absolute embarrassment. To science, logical, rational thought, and humans everywhere! I’ve never been so shocked by the answers of a ‘counselor’, such as the ones provided by Lynette Hoy, in my life. Is this individual even certified with credible academic training?! This woman should be reported.

    First of all, a fetus is human, in the sense that it contains human DNA; however, a fetus, like an embryo, is not a human being, as it has no means of independent physiological existence (as does a baby, child, toddler, or adult). As such, it is a potential human being, just like an acorn is a potential oak tree. It contains all of the DNA of an oak tree, but it is not an oak tree.
    God has nothing to do with this process. It’s biology. I highly recommend studying it in University.

    Second of all, life is a state of a cell or organism characterized by capacity for metabolism, growth, reaction to stimuli, and reproduction. A fetus is life, just as an embryo, a sperm, an ant, an acorn, and a tree, are all life. All these forms of life have no rights. How on earth can you bring religion into this basic argument?! The characteristic of life is necessary to possess rights, but it alone is insufficient.

    Finally, a being is a physically independent entity. A fetus is physically/physiologically dependent on the woman (host) for its survival—especially during the early stages of pregnancy. Only upon birth is it physically independent of the woman’s body, an actual independent being. A baby, in contrast, though ‘socially’ dependent on the actions of other human beings for its survival, is physiologically and physically independent of the body of its mother.

    And one last thing to sum up this website and the individuals posting: It is not ignorance, but the ignorance of ignorance which is the death of knowledge.
    The only evil is ignorance, and this website has plenty of it. Enjoy.


  • chafin says:

    I had one years ago. Abortion is murder. Thou shall not kill.

  • In my opinion, although the discussion re the abortion debate can become quite complicated, the arguments basically come down to one central question: What is the unborn?

    If it is NOT a human being, then no justification is necessary for denying it life.

    However, if it IS a human being, then it should not be denied life, and no justification is adequate for doing so. (Except the cases where the mother’s life is in danger.) And if it actually is a human being, I certainly don’t think it should be denied life for something trivial like “I don’t feel like having a baby right now.” (It may not seem trivial to the child-carrying woman; but if it actually is a human being, it seems trivial in proportion to killing the other human being.)

    A website I recommend is Case for Life which presents a reasoned argument for a pro-life position.

  • ashley says:

    I think this is my last time visiting this site. I just cannot take the constant “Abortion=child murder” comparisons that crop up here all too often. Abortion is a safe and legal medical procedure, and not every woman feels guilt and shame after having one. There are plenty of reasons someone might decide to terminate a pregnancy (financial, emotional, medical, simply not wanting to be a mother, etc.), and I don’t think guilt trips about ultrasounds, “her unborn child,” or the perceived dangers of abortion (via that link to The Pregnancy Center) are what she needs.

    Considering that the first young woman is 18 and fresh out of high school, I would wager that she is completely unprepared to be a mother. And I would completely disagree with the notion that her pregnancy is not an accident, that God intended for her to be a mother. By that logic, it is just as likely that God intended for her to eventually end a pregnancy.

    I would also strongly recommend that she visit the site for the Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice (

  • lisa says:

    dont do it. i had one and life became a total mess afterwards. its murdering a tiny baby. it may be tiny but think about it, its still a human being with feelings and you will feel as tho youve murdered a child afterwards as thats what will have been done. the baby is trusting you as its mummy to love, nurture and protect it and to not listen to those around you who are probably just jealous knowing you now have the key to have a totally happy, blissful joyus life.

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