My husband is meeting women online

Written by Lynette Hoy NCC, LCPC

A year ago my husband started chatting with women on the Internet. All his free time is spent chatting with these women. I have become very jealous and hurt over this. We argue about it all the time. He says that the women don’t mean anything to him but he won’t quit. There is one woman that he seems very close to they talk everyday. He is very secretive about her and doesn’t let me see what she writes to him.

My husband gets very angry when I tell him how much this hurts me. We have had our share of problems through the years and have always managed to work them out up until now. I have become depressed and I feel unimportant to him. We have even talked about divorce. He tells me he hates jealousy and that I should trust him, but it is hard not to feel that way when he spends so much time with her.

Advice: This is very dangerous. Your husband has stepped over boundary lines in your marriage. It is time to put your foot down. Marriage is for two people, husband and wife, with no one else between you. Your marriage and your friendship take precedence over any “female” friend (or whatever). He is destroying the trust, intimacy and commitment in your marriage. You took vows to cherish each other. How does this behavior “cherish” you?

This is a romantic relationship at the very least and definitely wrong for a married man to participate in. Ask him to go to counseling with you. Please contact AACC for a referral to a counseling professional in your area. If he refuses to go to counseling with you, ask him to see your pastor about this. You need to go to your pastor and/or a counselor even if he doesn’t come with you.

This situation may require separation if he is not willing to work on your marriage. I do not advocate divorce, but separation may show him how serious you are about his behavior and that you will not tolerate it. He is addicted to these relationships. What he is doing is breaking the trust in your relationship. Trust is a very important ingredient and foundational to your marriage. How can you be united as a couple if another woman is so important to him that he ignores your concerns and talks to her daily and keeps it secret from you?

If these relationships are not intimate or sexual than he should be able to show you all the emails he has sent and received to disprove any suspicions you have. He is bordering on unfaithfulness, though he may not have acted it out. If you put up with it, he will go farther. He will just keep patronizing you. I recommend reading Love Must be Tough: Proven Hope for Families in Crisis by James Dobson. Take care of yourself. Get support in a local church.

God bless you! Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC

158 Responses to “My husband is meeting women online”

  • Sharon says:

    to Smiles I totally agree with Carole and also if you can go for counseling the both of you or if he won’t go maybe you can go alone. I think you DO NOT deserve this. it does take two to hurt a marriage I am praying for you and your husband and families— sharon

  • Carole says:

    The key to a good marriage is communication. You do both have to want it to work though. Does your husband want to give it a chance or is he serious about his online monkey business? My best advice is to take it to God and let Him help you to sort it through. He is my go to guy when things in life get too tangled to handle alone. He is also always there for me. He can be there for you too.

  • smiles says:

    I have had a rough marriage it started off good and went bad quickly i did not disclose some details of my past before our relation ship and it made him anger he has a temper. I also talked to my children’s father. No i have never ever cheated on my husband. He had children from a previous marriage and i also have children. our children made it difficult and we argued over discipline and children on both sides acted out. I have never had an internet relationship but by husband has recently started several online relationsips i have found 2 that i feel are more serious than he his telling me. I moved to another state and he followed me to be with me. He is recently going back to visit our children and grand kids i did not think he would be coming back. for the past few months i have been very offish i have not initiated any physical contact until the last week. i do want my marriage and i have made mistakes. I just want to know that we are both working on it but when he is talking to all of these other women it bothers me and the 2 he will not stop talking to it hurts really bad and i have no idea how to make it stop if it ever will stop or if i drove him to it. And i have been wondering if maybe i deserve it i dont know and i dont know what the future holds. Am i loosing my husband to a 25 year old bimbo who he thinks looks and is so amazing or is their any way to save my marage

Leave a Reply