My husband says he needs some space

Written by Lynette Hoy NCC, LCPC

husbandneedspaceThe other day my husband told me that he would like to go out alone sometimes. I’ve been married for about a year.   My husband and I have a very good relationship.  I was used to hanging out with friends when I was single.  But now that I am married, the idea never crossed my mind. I was very disappointed that he wanted to go out alone.  But I was scared that if I didn’t say it was okay he might go anyway and just not tell me.  He told me that I can go out with my friends once in while If I like — that he trusts me.

I am very confused.  I don’t know if this is normal or not. Is it okay for a spouse to go out alone or should I watch his steps closely? I am a very jealous person and I don’t know if I can accept his request for space so easily. He tells me that sometimes couples need their own space to appreciate each other more.  Is it dangerous for him to go out alone? Will it hurt our marriage if I ask him not to?

Advice: Dear Friend, It sounds like you are very insecure in your relationship with your husband because of your jealousy and fear about his request. Every couple needs boundaries to protect their relationship without imprisoning them in it but instead allowing each spouse enough freedom for trust and personal development.

I would suggest that you read Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It by Jerry Jenkins.  This book will help you and your husband discuss reasonable boundaries you can agree to put into practice when you are each in situations where you have contact with the opposite sex, ie., work, church, socials, recreation, etc.

Then, I would suggest that you come up with your own requests which will make you feel more secure in your marriage.  These requests must not make your husband feel inadequate to meet your needs or guilty when he wants time to himself.  You both need to care enough about your relationship to tell each other where you are going, with whom and for how long.  Personally, my husband and I have always told each other where we are going and what time we will be home.

If my husband told me he was going to a bar, I would be very concerned about that.  Why?  Because if he was sitting in a bar he might meet other women and because he would be drinking alcohol he would be tempted to do things he might not otherwise do. Thankfully, my spouse does not do this because he is a Christian and he desires to please God. If your spouse does not want to talk about where he is going and where he can be found in case of emergency, then, you have something to worry about. Anytime a spouse begins to hide his/her wherabouts and activities there is reason to be suspect.  Openness and honesty are highlights of a healthy relationship and the foundation of trust necessary for any growing marriage.

You can come up with some suggestions about activities you can do together without actually being together, also. Working out at a health club or going to the library to read are two good examples. You could go to a museum and spend part of the time together and part of it viewing different exhibits you personally enjoy, then, meet or coffee or lunch. Or go to a shopping mall and shop in different stores meeting later on.

Maybe you need to build some friendships together as well.  Getting together with other couples is a very enjoyable and healthy thing to do.  Explore with your husband what makes him feel like he needs time alone.  Let him tell you what might be bothering him about your relationship.  He may be feeling trapped for some reason.  Evaluate the last three to six months.  What happens when he is off work?  Do the two of you constantly do everything together? When he is engaged in different activities are they always responsibilities around the house or only things which you like to do?  Does he ever have time for his own personal hobbies or to go fishing or be outdoors?

You may have different personalities also. If he is an introvert he will need more time alone and when you are in the house together he may feel that he doesn’t have time to concentrate on his interests.  It might be wise to let him have his space at home too, so he can read, or do computer work, etc.

I hope this is helpful for you.  If you have a good relationship with your husband then I don’t think you have to worry about anything. Actually, worrying never accomplishes anything good anyway.  If your spouse is not a drinker or a gambler, then be grateful. Build your own self-esteem so that you are not overly dependent on your husband’s attention.  Read  The Search for Significance by Robert McGee.  Explore with someone… a confidante, mentor or counselor what has happened in the past to cause you to be so jealous and feel so insecure.  God bless you!

Is he keeping his distance because of porn? Read “Hardcore Betrayal.”

33 Responses to “My husband says he needs some space”

  • Chris says:

    needhelp….i regret to hear of your situation. first thing would be to seek jesus about your husband. we all need to seek God for those difficult situations in our lives. you can log onto or click talk to a mentor above to begin your own personal and saving relationship with jesus today if you havent already. then you can pray about certain options concerning your husband…staying and praying for him or distancing yourself from him, seperating within the house or seperating outside of the house but only jesus can show you what would be the best approach or step to take but first let jesus be first in your life, the bible and a christian church, and then take it from there with his direction upon you. may jesus lead you today and always as we pray your husband changes and repents of his uncertain lifestyle!

  • Needhelp says:

    My husband always comes in the house late at night and he tell me different stories why he come in late and i am wondering he is sending time with another woman what shall i do abour this situation

  • Chris says:

    pushpa latha….so sorry you are struggling in your marrage….sadly, we as humans cannot change people, that is something only jesus christ can do because he is the one who died carrying our sins upon himself so we could be free from them. i would suggest that you first be sure you know jesus as your own lord and savior so that you can share the good news with your husband also. log onto or click talk to a mentor above to begin your own personal and amazing relationship with jesus today if you havent already. please let me know of your decision. thanks!

  • pushpa latha says:

    hii this is pushpa,

    5 months back i got married,my husband wont share anything with me,he wont say where he is going and what he is doing ,he tells lies every time,he wont spend time with me when ever he is in home,give me suggestion how to change my husband.

  • Chris says:

    Sandra…sorry to hear you are struggling in your marriage…time is needed for trust to be restored. as your husband continues hopefully to show the fruits needed for true repentance as the bible does tell us in luke 3, then i believe your confidence in him can be restored gradually. however it must be understood that temptation abounds in todays sex-filled society and only through christ can a person truly have the power to overcome the flesh and its allurements. i would suggest that you first show your husband the way by receiving jesus as your lord and savior if you havent already. then, you can show him that through jesus, he can live above fleshly temptations also. log onto or click talk to a mentor above for more information on starting your own personal relationship with jesus today. praying for you that you would open your heart to jesus and show your husband that he should too! blessings!

  • sherl says:

    I have been married for 28 years and believe me, we married for 28 years.
    The kids are all out of the house now.
    So its just us. He never gives me attention or affection at all. He says that I am a flirt when we go out. I have not cheeted but he believes that i have. So if we go out and people talk to me i talk. I enjoy the compliments and convo that i get by others. Because he never even notices me. When we are out he just leaves me at the table alone and goes and talkts to wveryone else. Now he want to have hia apace. We only have 1 day together cause he works alot. Now we dont have any time togethwr cause he goes out to the bar. I sont think he would ever cheet but you never kno anyone, do you
    Please give me some advise. I dont really aay much after he spends 12 hours away from home at thw bar. As he says with they guys. No wonder qhy i am gellous… please give me some info that will help. Signed sherly28

  • D.Kumar says:

    Hi Sandra,
    From your narration, it seems your husband needs more force in intimacy in bed from your part. May be you get tired early. So try to give full satisfaction to husband to stop him to try elsewhere.

  • D.Kumar says:

    So sad to read story of Velencia. I think inclination of male to get atttracted to oppoasite sex is very high but one has to control one’s desires. May be the lady who is cooperating with this male is under mis-belief that he who has intimate relationship with her despite beautiful wife at house is her good friend. When females having such extra-relationship with married males will come out of this illusion, the problem would finally be resolved.

  • Sandra says:

    I being married for almost 3 years with my husband, he spend the first year and half cheating me with my best friend and common friend, the first six months they sleep together and meet on secret, we move back to missouri and he keep talking with her after 1 year of that she told me true, but no because she cares, she does because she don’t get the money she was asking him. I give him another opportunity because after all I love him and he adopt my 6 years old son, is difficult to think than someone than don’t love you will adopt your son just few months ago. she said than he offer her leave me and move with her He said than he never was thinking on do that. after 4 months he is still nice, very lovey and don’t talk with her or any girl anymore I believe it because he is working all day at home or on his computer but with me all the time looking what he is doing, he don’t have more passwords and don’t use his phone at all, I just can’t trust on him anymore sometimes he ask me for space and said than I need to try to give this family another opportunity or i need to leave because still when he do wrong he want to have a good life, he said than i need to learn how to be happy, I feel than is too soon. I don’t know if I can trust on him and I don’t want to make more friends anymore, they both lie to me for months still when many times I ask him if something was wrong and i ask her and she just keep telling me than i was crazy .

  • Chris says:

    valencia….i regret to hear about your marriage situation….from what you are saying, your husband is making a mockery of Gods institution of marriage. God knew that might happen which is why God himself has given you or anyone the right to a divorce who is being cheated on. Gods law supports you, human law supports you, now support yourself in jesus and begin praying about ending this adultery against you once and for all. that is something only you can do. you signed the marriage certificate, now you have the right to sign the divorce certificate especially if your husband refuses to repent of his sins against you. i pray you would stand on the authority of Gods Word found in Matthew 19 where jesus himself defined adultery as a legitimate reason to divorce and pray about doing what he said you had the right to do. may God lead you and i pray at the same time he saves your husband from his sins!

  • Valencia says:

    My husband and I have been together 17 years married for 10. He’s cheated on me more times than I can count. We argue a lot about the affairs. He wants to go out and gets mad when I ask where he’s headed. He doesn’t want me asking. He says he’s tired of being up under me all the time and needs air. I understand but every time he says that he’s cheating. He doesn’t allow me to look at his phone or when I do everything is erased. One day he loves me and is showering me with gifts. The next day in nothing. He calls me really bad names until it gets to the point where our sons 13 and 16 have to come defend me. I’m so tired. I cry every night. I’m so sad. I feel like God doesn’t care about my soul crushing pain. I love my husband but he doesn’t treat me right. He thinks he can buy me something and everything will be ok. He’s never tried to earn my trust back. What do I do? Please help me.

  • Chris says:

    kitty…so sorry to hear that your marriage is struggling…it is sad that although we are adults on the outside, so many times we are not acting like one on the inside. we see how God commands the husband to love his wife as jesus does the church, but again, so many times we fall way, way short. however that doesnt mean that God cant give you strength even when your husband is weak and cant find a way to mature and progress in his life and marriage with you. you can set the example however by finding jesus strength and love to avoid all future arguments by letting his spirit flow towards your husband in peace and divine acceptance. i would encourage you to log onto or click talk to a mentor above to start your wonderful and victorious relationship with jesus today. then you can help your husband to do the same as well. praying for jesus peace in your life and marriage today. blessings always!

  • Kitty says:

    Hello, this is quick and short. During argument my now husband for a year will say “see this is why I should be alone.” He said that more than once in our relationship of now 9 years total. I feel that since we have been together for almost a decade, that statement is irrelevant and disrespectful to me. I have given him the option to leave or i leave, We have talked about separating but then our hearts will always end up together and working it out. We are like a non murderous, deviant soap opera. He said that statement again the other night and I tried to ask him if he would stop using that as an argument due to the fact that we always stay together. He refused to see my point. How else can I share with him that since he never left and at least acts like he doesn’t want to leave; that he should stop saying “if I were alone?”

  • dream says:

    Chris… You are from Mexico. Hope you are safe now during coming hurricane Patricia. God protect you and your family!

  • Chris says:

    Lady j….sorry to hear of your situation….we know that God is just and righteous in the way he has ordained we live our lives. when we marry, vows are pronounced unto faithfulness for a lifetime. when those vows are broken, God has made provision for divorce but we should be led of the holy spirit to know if that is what we should do or wait upon the lord for a different solution that he might show us. its imperative that we each have our own personal and saving relationship with christ in order to know how we should act in each situation, being led by him into his perfect will for our lives. if you do not know jesus as your lord and savior then log onto or click talk to a mentor above in order to learn how to do that. as you do, jesus will show you how to handle your marriage situation and even share his salvation with your husband so he too can be forgiven and freed from his sins. praying for you now that you would come into that close and intimate relationship with christ so he can lead you in every decisión you will ever need to make in your life unto eternity. jesus bless you today!

  • Lady j says:

    I been marred 10 years and my husband cheated on me 3 Times and I don’t know what to do….he say he don’t want to lose his family but I don’t think I will ever be able to trest him again.

  • Chris says:

    katt…i regret hearing about your marriage situation. its true that you apparently had had inappropriate contact on the internet but that would never justify your husbands current behavior. it appears he is taking advantage of the situation to have his own type of inappropriate contact and two wrongs dont make a right. if our marriages are to work, we really do need to have the one who designed them, jesus christ as the head over them. i encourage you to seek jesus at this time. look beyond your husband at the moment and see your situation through the eyes of christ. how he must be saddened over our neglect of him in our mariages and families especially when he has invited the Little ones to come to him. have you considered how much your children need jesus especially in the absence of their father? what do you think you could do to bring the lord into your childrens lives to fill up the void their father is leaving them at the moment? yes it is sad when the father isnt living with his family and taking the spiritual headship under christ but how much sadder if the mother doesnt see that need and seek to meet it. if you want more information on how to have a personal relationship with jesus for your and your family log onto… or click talk to a mentor above…i pray now that jesus would become real to you. that you would look beyond your present circumstances to your eternal ones and make preparation for that day when it comes for it surely will come and when all of this life fades away and nothing remains, you will find jesus as your true solid rock and shepherd who will lead and guide you to your eternal destiny that can and needs to start even today in jesus name amen!

  • katt says:

    So I’m in this ‘I need space’ boat, well my husband is. I noticed the change…disconnected in every sense, lack of affection, intimacy, conversation and going out nearly every night til 12-3 in the morning and staying over night regularly at his friends for the last six mths or so. During this time I’ve grown even more insecure about us and where our marriage stands and have done all the wrong things like beg can cry to him to, in his eyes, nag to him about the same things repetitively til finally I heard those heart breaking words…”I need space…I need to miss you” crushing!! Well, I found out the last six years for him weren’t really all that happy at times for him, reason being six and a half years ago I was in a bad place…thought little of myself and as a result felt insecure about being intimate with my husband,which in turn made him act out in anger and frustration. His reaction made me feel unloved and alone and I fell out of love. So I began seeking attention online. Never have been intimate with anyone but I know it was still wrong, just talking is as bad as going all the way, hind site, you know. Everything came to light and amazingly he still loved me and wanted us to get back on track..we did, I fell back in love with my husband and the years after were better, or so I thought. He confessed to me that he would think of what I’ve done and become angry and depressed and insecure but would swallow it down because he didn’t want to hurt me by bringing it up again. I told him I’ve often thought of it too, and hated myself for hurting him. But he held it in so long that he grew resentful in my opinion towards me because we’re in the place we are in right now. We have two mobile homes next to ea other and he pretty much lives in one while the kids and I live in the other. He’s also brought to my attention things I’ve said or done or not done that bothered him, so being that I love him so much I aim to correct bad habits of mine. I’ve also been told that he’s never dealt with his own emotions because he always was more concerned with everyone else’s feeings and doesn’t know how to work thru things weighing on him. That being said, he HAS become a bit selfish, doing things because he feels like doin them whether or not it hurts my feelings, like staying out nearly every night and crashing out at friend’s almost every weekend. He comes over for short periods, mainly for the kids sake, I know that, and we hardly talk..being around him feels awkward. I’ve told him that I given up and I know there’s nothing I can say or do anymore. I may slip up but I am trying so hard to give him the space he’s asked for several months ago…it’s difficult, it’s depressing, it’s stressful because all I want to have is my husband back and this family whole again. In case anyone says I should go out with friends, well I don’t have I just barely started a part-time job…so I know it would be easier if I did have people to hang out with, but I don’t which is why I’m having an extremely hard time dealing with my situation. One other thing, he says he does love me(even th o I don’t see it in his eyes anymore) and hates when I suggested we divorce because I can’t stand that I cause him so much misery. But his heart is definitely hardened and he doesn’t react when I do sincerely cry to him and tell him that I miss him. Needless to say, I’m confused on top of everything else.

  • Kathryn Kathryn says:

    Ana Marie, I know the pain and sorrow you must feel. You know according to God, marriage is supposed to be a covenant, a sacred promise which means that both parties keep the promises they make but because we are all sinful, we often forget the things that are no longer important to us and this seems to be what has happened in your husband’s case. Like many people his own pleasure and what pleases him is more important to the promises he made to you, his wife. If you have children, it is even worse because if his behaviour does not change, he will be responsible for breaking a family unit and doing harm to the future of the children. It is well known that children from a broken marriage do not do so well. It is good that you have given him a little space to sort himself out but do not leave it too long or he will think you are not bothered by his behaviour. But before you tell him that he has to make up his mind whether he wants you or a life of going after other women, be sure to think what you both might lose. After that discuss it reasonably with him and seek for some solution that is good for you both. God hates divorce but if one of you is unfaithful and an adulterer, it can be the best way. I pray that God will give you wisdom and discernement to make the right decision. Blessings.

  • After I caught my husband is cheating on me, he decided to end their affair immediately,that was he said to me and i believed him. But after he got home, he admit that he doesnt love me the way he loved me before and wanted to give him space and time to think. He wanted to walk out the house and go to his parents house for him to have time and space to think what he did and why he did that thing. I complained and not allowed that to happen. I want to rebuild our marriage together. For me, it is not necessary to go out and leave us just for thinking what he did. I am confused with his decision. I am hurt. He said he feels he is not worthy with my love anymore. He is also afraid that it might happen again that is why he wanted to think alone. Is my decision to stay with me is right or not?He wanted his feelings for me to be back and its been a month but his decision and feelings is the same and doesnt change. Is it normal? please help me..thank you

  • Kate says:

    Dear Mrs A.,

    I hope you might be encouraged by what I just wrote to Rochelle as well. I also want to pray for you,

    Dear Heavenly Father, Mrs. A is Your child. She is precious and beloved in Your sight. You are the God who hears us and responds. Help her to confess all her needs, worries, anxieties and desires to You. Lord Jesus, Your yoke is easy and light, so I pray that she would toss all her burdens onto Your willing and able shoulders, and then take on Your yoke. The yoke You give us to bear is light and easy because all it is is trusting obedience. You lead the way, we follow. You make the decisions and we agree. You choose the timing, the route and the destination and we just enjoy every minute of the journey with You. You are lovely! You are the perfect Friend, Lover, Husband and King! You are the one whose words of promise never fails, so in You we trust and to You we turn for all the desires of our hearts. Please fill Mrs. A in a new way today, pouring Your love into the crevices of her broken heart, so that she feels warm, full and cared for this special day, and then bless her with faith to keep turning to You hour after hour, day after day, until she truly feels her cup is overflowing! God You are good and Your compassion and mercy never fail! We love You Lord. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

    Mrs. A, as I read your posts I found myself reflecting on the meaning of freedom. Many times when our husbands say they need space, what they are really craving is freedom. Our culture tells us that freedom comes from doing what we want, when we want and pleasing ourselves. Of course, this is a lie! God has not designed us to please ourselves. In fact, God abhors our selfishness and self-centredness! God has designed us to please Him, which we can do only by faith, and to SERVE Him and others. The more we try and focus on making ourselves happy, the less and less free we will feel. It is a vicious cycle that leads to a dark, lonely pit, which is where Satan would like to keep us. To get out of this pit we need Jesus. We need to get a glimpse of Him, of His perfect selflessness and humble servanthood. So, how to get your husband to encounter Jesus? Well, first you need to be in Jesus’ presence yourself. Read your Bible and pray about whatever you are reading, let the Lord minister to you Himself and teach you and change you. Sing to Him and pray for His will to be done. Surrender yourself to Him, telling Him that you desire to be His hands and feet, even to speak His words into your husband’s life… and then let Jesus be the one who brings freedom to your husband. It is the cry of your husband’s heart, as it is the cry of yours and mine and everyone’s! We all crave Jesus and will forever have this God-sized whole in our hearts until He comes Himself to fill us, so that we are finally free of ourselves!

    What I am saying, in short, is that this is a spiritual battle. The circumstances we see, such as our husbands withdrawing, fighting and being difficult, are symptoms of the cries of their hearts. Don’t get mad with them! Instead, get in agreement with God, ask Him to show you how to supernaturally love your husband through this tough trial, put on the armour of God (Ephesians 6:10-18) and battle against this attack. God is with you and for you and for your marriage. Take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one!

    Do not be afraid, be very courageous!


  • Kate says:

    Dear Rochelle,

    My heart aches for you. I can imagine the hurt you are experiencing, and the fear too. I want to encourage you by praying for you:

    Dear Lord, Please guide Rochelle forward. Please shine Your light into her circumstances and show her what changes she can make. Lord, relationships are so difficult and whenever things feel out of control, we are so inclined to want to control the other person, though we cannot. Please show us how to be self-controlled by the power of Your Spirit! Holy Spirit empower us to live beyond our own strength and to walk in love. Lord, I pray that You would show Rochelle what it is her husband needs as she trusts You Jesus to take care of ALL her needs, for You have promised and You are faithful to keep ALL Your promises!!! You have made her as her husband’s helpmate and companion, so she has everything inside her that she needs to be pleasing and delightful to him, but it all rests in You, so please increase her faith to trust You and follow You as You lead her through this troubled valley. We thank You Lord that You never forsake or abandon us, and that You lead us all the way! With You we look forward to coming out on the other side, not damaged, but whole because You are the God who saves! In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

    One thing that has struck me lately is from the book “The Meaning of Marriage” by Tim Keller (I recommend it). He points out that we are commanded to love. Since it is a command, we must understand that love is not (just) a feeling, it is action. You see, God cannot command us to feel a certain way. We are not pre-programmed robots, but He can ask us to take action in obedience, and this is what love is. When we love our husbands we are to forsake ourselves, knowing and trusting fully that the Lord will care for us in every possible way (even more than we could ask or imagine), and instead be selfless servants. This is not a popular view in our culture, which says we must take care of ourselves, but that is precisely what God commands us not to do! So, perhaps you’ll want to pray Rochelle, and ask the Lord, “What does my husband need? How can I serve him?” I find that when we humble ourselves before the Lord and our husbands this way, the mountains we are faced with do indeed begin to move. God responds to our faith as we admit we can’t do it, we need Him and are willing to obey Him, since He is the one who truly knows both our hearts and the hearts of our husbands!

    To say the least, it is NOT too late! Lazarus was DEAD in the grave four days and all Jesus did was SPEAK life and Lazarus rose. Think about the power of your words, especially those words you pray in Jesus’ name, and trust God to move the mountains. God is with you and for you! He designed your marriage to last for life and He can get you through even the toughest times. Pray aloud in agreement with God, get in the Bible and let Him teach you and change you there, and then start praising Him and thanking Him for the great wonders He is about to do on your behalf. Even while you’re waiting for the changes outside, praise Him! He is not in a rush to make things easy, because He knows these trials will refine you as pure gold, but He is tender and will bring relief at just the right times!

    God bless you,


  • Rochelle says:

    Hello, my husband too has been asking for time alone. He told me that everyone needs time alone, but his idea of time alone is going out and playing cards until 2:30 in the morning, or going to his friends house and not bothering to come home until the next day, without phoning of course. We’ve been together for 15 years and now when I want to do things with my husband, he doesn’t, or he does but only after he gets to go out and do his own thing. I don’t need to be with him 24/7 but it would be nice if he spent at least one weekend with me without saying he’s bored. I love him more than anything, is it too late to save this marriage, am I hoping for too much?
    Thank you for you help if you have the time.

  • Sharon says:

    good article– i let my husband have all the space he needs hut we do things together too.

  • Mrs A says:

    Also he talks abt Space?that i never give him any space?He goes to gym and spend 2 hours there and i stay at home….he goes to work where im not with him…i dont even call him when hes at work…..also in the night i take children to bed at 9pm and i stay with em there and he comes in the room at 12 o clock…..n in this time he works on a computer or watches tele… this not a space????how much more space shall i give him? got friends in the city nobody to speak to….i get tired working all day running after children,cooking washing and cleaning….am i at fault that i sit with my husband n want to chat with him??i chat with him and he listens he never says anything and watches tele….i try to make it talk but he doesnt..??????????

  • Mrs A says:

    Hi,My husband and i always had a very good relationship but in the last 2 years things have changed alott.He always thought i was the important person in his life n shared his ups and downs with me,never kept anything secret from me.But in the last 2 years i dont remember that he ever spoke to me anything abt his feelings,his joys and sorrow.His best friend who is a male has alot of interference in our life and my husband listens to him alot.My husband shares everything with him and strange enough his friend tells me abt wats going on in my husband life??My husband fights with me if i argue with him abt his attachment with his friend/friends and i always get this impression that his best friend and other friends and also their wives are more important to him than i am.I am looking for the reason Why??i always tried my level best to keep him happy and compromised a 1000 times, but now im tired now,cant take it anymore….we fight fight n fight,n after 2 3 days we become normal again,things are left with no solution and again after a couple of days we fight?Help me somebody i want to save my marriage?

  • Brenda says:

    Zon and Yolanda, do you have counselling accessible to you? It is so important to learn who you are as a child of God, that you are valuable in His eyes, and that He loves you and wants the best for you. It would be wonderful if your husbands were willing to go, as well, but if they are not, and if you are unable to seek therapy for your own marital situations and to learn how valuable you are as children of God, I also would recommend Robert McGee’s book The Search for Significance. It is a wonderful resource to teach you how valuable you are in God’s eyes and that He wants you to be treated with tenderness and lovingkindness. Also, if you would like to speak to a mentor confidentially, you may fill out the form at the following link and one will respond to you promptly and with care and privately:

    God bless you both, and I pray you find peace in your lives and in your relationships.

  • Zon says:

    My husband has been trying to pursue a second marriage as I am afraid he thinks it’s ok to have to wife. He has been telling he won’t do anything withy consent and i said no! Then behind my back he go on Facebook and looking for old girlfriends and trying to talk to. He said he need space because he can’t do anything with me around and I just keep telling him that I can’t I follow him I become over obsess with protecting my marriage! He has done before and cheated on me! I forgave him! But I getting tired and restless trying to figure out why and wanting to give up! He change alot and been acting strange lately he said he times to be with God but what do I do should I him space? But I know it did last time and he cheated on me! So now am I over reacting ? I don’t know what to do should I just let it happen and her a divorce?

  • yolanda ayala says:

    My husband been distance from very snapping,always complaining what I did’t do right.Lately his been going out after midnight he says for breakfast without me..when I ask him can I come, he says he wants time for myself…He’s not a patient man,he could be verbal to me and insulting…I asking why he treats this way…and also he mimics me which that realy he having affair or his he talking to someone else….

  • Alice M says:

    I don’t think it should be an issue to be dealt with in a marriage. One should keep the marriage bed pure. God intended a man and a woman to commit to one another in body, mind, soul and spirit. It’s not a commitment or marriage otherwise. As far as most people would be concerned that is cheating.
    I could not share my spouse with another woman. I can hardly bear for him to notice another woman let alone touch her. I think it’s a dangerous game to play. I think you need to reassess your commitment and feelings for one another. If something hurts your spouse you should look at stopping that behavior, somehow.

  • Jennifer M says:

    My husband I are sleeping with the same woman. It started out as just me, but one night he asked if he could. I told him he could because he said he isn’t interested in her in anything more than being her friend. The last time he was there, he didn’t come home till 6:30 the following morning…
    After the first night he did it, I realized that I am uncomfortable with him doing it. But, he feels that because he didn’t explore his sexuality before we started dating, he needs this now.
    I’m just afraid the his feelings for her will change and he Won’t tell me. I asked him to tell me if they change… What should I do?

  • cfast says:

    Alice, women are always to quick to blame themselves. He is obviously dealing with something major to leave you before Christmas. Don’t let blame consume you this holiday. Power to Change offers a free and confidential mentoring program where you can speak with a trained mentor. If you need to speak to someone this Christmas, click here.

  • Alice M says:

    Hi, My husband left yesterday, day before Christmas eve. He had been asking for space for some time now and I was in panic, begging mode, literally on my knees begging. If anything it turned him totally off to the point of throwing the wedding ring off etc. I asked him to leave the house after I heard him making changes to his original 6 Jan 2011 flight arrangements. I was that hurt that he could want to leave at this special time of year. I was surprised to learn that asking for space really means that your spouse has one foot out the door already. Where have I been. I feel a little stupid if anything.
    How could I have prevented him wanting to leave? it must have been me.

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