What does the Bible say about dating?

Written by M. Larson

christiansdatingWhat does the bible say about single Christian women dating?

Advice: The Bible has nothing specifically to say about single Christian women dating. In Biblical times marriages were arranged by fathers, but the Bible has some principles that would apply to that question. Here are a few:

  1. Second Corinthians 6:14-16 tells Christians they are not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers–“Light has no fellowship with darkness.” The way this would be applied is that Christians shouldn’t date non-Christians.
  2. The Bible tells Christians to keep themselves pure (1 Timothy 5:22) and to flee from sexual immorality, because their bodies are the temple of God (1 Cor. 6:18-20). So to keep yourself pure, it’s better to avoid “making out” and doing other things that arouse sexually. I guess holding hands and a goodnight kiss wouldn’t hurt.
  3. I’d suggest your going with a man for quite a while and getting to know him before committing yourself to marrying him–for with God marriage is supposed to be for keeps. So if a guy has a quick temper, can’t hold a job for long, seems immature in various ways, criticizes or complains about other people, these would be warning signs not to get serious with such a person. Ask the Lord for wisdom in discerning what a man is really like.
  4. Proverbs 3:5-6 is a good Scripture for a young woman who would like to get a good Christian man: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.”

May the Lord be your guide! Dr. Muriel

41 Responses to “What does the Bible say about dating?”

  • Rose says:

    So lately I’ve been doing a lot of biblical recarch on dating my previous relationship I allowed myself to be convinced by a non Christian guy if we dont have sex then everything else should be fine we only lasted maybe 9 months I gave myself a long break from dating after that but never quite addressed the issue I have never set defined boundaries for myself however there the guy I met and I know that it’s God’s work he’s in my life I met him though a friend and the last year him and his family have been so supportive and encouraging though everything he’s a Christian and he seems like someone I can see myself with for a while I’m very fond of him however me not setting my boundaries lead us to having sex quite quickly It took a lot of prayer for me to forgive myself just recently have I felt relieved God has sorta put the relationship on hold you could say for me to form my boundaries me and him aren’t dating but there’s definitely feelings there how do I start over with him and put up boundaries and what should they be because I realized I allowed myself to give away my purity a little at a time and didn’t realize that until it was to late I know God forgave me I know I forgave myself how do I assure I don’t fall into temptation again my dad’s a pastor but hasn’t been the best representative of what to look for in a man he just recently left me and my mom Ive grown up watch a man who claims to be a godly man treat my mom as if she was just a decoration, nothing of importance so I’m realizing that I need to work on figuring out how to define a real man of God so I don’t end up in an abusive relationship and how to define boundaries

  • Sharon says:

    to Godschild thank you for your reply. it sounds like maybe this guy has commitment issues and God is showing you that there is a better guy for you. in the bible it says in Jeremiah 29 11 I know the plans I have for you plans not to harm you but to give you a hope and a future. God wants the best for you. God loves you HE made you. you are right being financially perfect will never happen. stay strong in God lean on HIM at this time. prayer father God continue to be with this person and continue to lead her and show her your way God. give her dreams and visions of you God and what you have for her. I pray all of this in JESUS name amen.; I will continue to pray for you– sharon

  • Godschild says:

    Sharon when I first moved across the country a condition was that we went to marriage counseling with a pastor and we went to his church and I met the pastor and liked him. The pastor was the one who made him commit to picking a date and also gave us tools, along with homework which we were to complete every week and we did do it. My fiancés job requires that he travels so he is gone 6 months of the year so when he left we stopped going to the marriage counseling! We do go to church and he says he wants everything to be perfect financially but there is no such thing. I am beginning to realize he is afraid of commitment. I know it says that God leads then man then women then children and I believe that I am the one taking the led. I refuse to give up my morals and I am very uncertain that even if I did push back the date who is to say he won’t do it again. Thank you for your prayers and your kind words.

  • Sharon says:

    to Godschild good for you for not a caving into pressure and not spoil the marriage bed. prayer–father God I do pray for Godschild give her discernment on what to do to quit this relationship for keep it going give her dreams and visions on what to do. for me I think if this guy postpones the wedding and won’t give you a date it sounds there is no commitment on his part. have you considered marriage counseling for you both, would he go with you say to a pastor of your church. do you attend church??? if you can ask friends there about this relationship. I am praying for you both. stay strong and lean on God. God be with you at this time. we got married I was 26 and my husband was 27 28 in august we got married in June. Sharon

  • Godschild says:

    My fiancé and I have been together for a total of 4 years. We have been engaged for 2 years. I moved cross country to live with him and had no friends or family here and struggled at first because I do not believe in living with someone until you are married but I did it anyway because we were engaged and also had set a wedding date. We had been going to marriage counseling through his church until he left for work. Now 2 months before we are supposed to get married he says he wants to postpone the wedding and when I asked when he doesn’t give me a date he said it could be 6 months from now or a year from now. We have been celebate for a year now because we wanted to wait until marriage as the bible says. When I asked him why he wanted to postpone the wedding he said my age I’ll be 24 he will be 29, financially, and because his mom and I hit a rough patch (she lives with us) but it was only for about 2 weeks and we resolved it. I also pushed back the date 2 times luckily I didn’t send out any save the dates for those times and this time I did and after they were out and we started making payments for everything he decided he wanted to postpone. He doesn’t want to break up and wants me to continuing living in the house to see how it would be just the two of us. I have decided to move out because I refuse to compromise my morals any longer and it just doesn’t feel right to stay there until we are married. I also gave him the ring back because I told him this ring is a promise and you aren’t ready to keep that promise so wearing it would feel like a lie. I just need some unbiased advice. I have been praying and I’m just trying to figure out if this is Gods way of saying this is not right and I just need to end things.

  • Sharon says:

    to Nicole. I am wondering if you have both gone for pre marital counseling to a pastor of you church or a counselor that will do pre- marital counseling I would encourage you both to go if your fiancé won’t I would encourage for you to go just to know some stuff about marriage we went and it thought it was helpful for us we still had to walk it out in our marriage its not easy married you have someone with you all the time, with their likes and dislikes and opinions marriage can be fun if you both like the same things and are both Christians loving God and praying together and reading the bible too. I know I didn’t cover your question but I think maybe counseling can help in that area ask God on what to do tell HIM you do want to change but your fiancé doesn’t want give you another chance God does give us lots of chances let your heart if you can answer that question I am praying for you both- Sharon

  • Nicole says:

    My fiancé and I have been together for 6 years. We recently got engaged and about six months later he is having serious doubts. His main reason being that I’m not the right person due to many things I do. I have admitted and realised that I could have been much more helpful, respectful and many other things that he pointed out. I really want to change as a person regarding these aspects but he still does not seem to want to give it another chance since he thinks – how long will it last before I return to my old ways again, and – haven’t we been giving it several chances before we got engaged. The bible says that he should choose a wife with godly qualities which I did not necessarily show at all times or most times or even at all in our 6 year relationship. Now is the first time I really became aware of how bad I was with these qualities. I really want to fix myself to become the kind of potential wife I should be but he doesn’t want to give me another chance? I really believe he should. What does the bible say about this? Should he leave me or at least try and make an effort to help me become the potential wife I should be and give me a chance to change as well? We do love each other and I know the bible says that one should not just marry for love only but if he loves me and I want to change, is there any reason why he shouldn’t give me a chance?

  • Chris says:

    wildflower….sorry you are struggling in your situation….there is no reason for the pastor to say not to sit together. i would suggest going to a new church and new pastor because God delights in restoring that which was broken down! isa 58 to 59

  • Wildflower says:

    I recently got out of 5 year relationship but the whole time my I wanted to be with my ex husband now I’m single but he says he wants to rebuild love trust again but this time God way which I want the same I didn’t want to divorce him but we had some situations at the time but he tells me everything though God is possible we would seat with each other in church but are son his between us but now he tells me that we shouldn’t seat together which I don’t understand that he said are pastor explain it to him but I need to understand reason I feel maybe he having Secound thoughts about getting back together

  • Alfred says:

    Seeing the last 21 entries has been a very interesting read. God is at work, helping us to live a clean productive life, and HE’s got a plan for each one of us! I agree with Lisa’s suggestions; and would add that often getting to know this friend’s parents & family is very helpful. It is good to be comfortable going to a Church Young Peoples’ group as well as to a Bible study with your friend. Read the Bible daily and thank God for leading you! Always be yourself! And finally, ask God in what way He wants you to be on the growing edge.

  • Lisa says:

    Before you start dating anyone you should always pray first. Ask God his opinion of the person after all God knows everything about YOU including what you need. ALWAYS choose your needs over wants when looking for a partner. Look for someone who can fill your needs not your desires or wants. Your wants can sometimes be tied to your carnal nature. Never rely on your emotions when making a decision about a life partner…always seek the HOLY SPIRIT! Emotions are carnal and can get in the way of good judgment. Make sure you look at the person’s character before making any type of long term commitment. Character is everything. Talk with God everyday and ask HIM for his guidance. Your time is valuable and shouldn’t be wasted on people not tied to your destiny. Include God in everything you do and HE won’t disappoint you.

  • Chris says:

    tony…. sorry to hear of your struggles….to be sure you stay pure in this relationship i suggest the following…dont get alone together. stay in public view. take purity challenge on settingcaptivesfree.com. do some fasting as you can. 1 corinthians 7. have some godly men pray over you. get with your pastor for some pre-marital counseling to see if you two really might have a future together. i pray jesus helps you both to apply the steps i have mentioned. i know they will help you greatly. blessings to you!

  • Tony says:

    i so much love my gurlfrnd, she loves me dsame.. Bt d problem its, cnt contrl my sef weneva she’s wit me, nd i it rili affects my spiritual life wit God. Dnt knw hw to get over it

  • Chris says:

    erica….sorry for your situation….yes its true we all have the tendency to place something in our lives more important than the one who made us and that is God himself who loves us more than any human ever could. when we keep God in number 1 position in our lives, then he can bless us with his provisions. anytime we put someone or something else in first place, he cant. to learn how to put and keep God first in your life log onto knowingjesuspersonally.com or click talk to a mentor above. your life will never be the same as you do. blessings to you!!

  • Erica says:

    I love my boyfriend so much ,it feels like he is everything to me . its like a drug , when i see him im happy and when i don’t i get sad . i really need him desperately i feel like he is my god sometimes i feel he is more important than anyone else in this world and that worries me . Any advice on how to deal with this problem.

  • jessica says:

    I have a doubt , The way society is right now is not how it was decades ago so waiting 20 years for making love seems long once you have already experienced it . I have been dating my bf for 1 year and we love each other , we fight but we keep moving forward and trying to make it work . We make love but is it bad when we know we’re the only people we’ll ever make love to and that well get marry ten years from now . is it still bad i mean we are young Im 18 and hes 20 and we don’t wanna rush marriage like so many couples do

  • Chris says:

    shelly…from a biblical pespective we understand the american style of dating isnt in the bible. what the bible teaches is godly courtship with someone who is praying with the other person about marriage, otherwise it would just be a brother and sister in christ sharing some time together which isnt wrong but roles do need to be defined so that time isnt lost on something not ordained by God for the two people. jesus is clear in Matthew 19 that he alone joins two people together according to his will and plan for those two lives. as such we all need to be praying with whom we are with to know if that person is sent by jesus to us or not. nehemiah 6.12. blessings!

  • dream says:

    Shelly… your church leader is right. Dating is not for christians. If you dont know that your boyfriend is the one from God, that its a God’s will, you should not date. Relationships in church should be brother-sister, fiance-fiancee, husband -wife. If its not like thats its not God’s will and it will couse problems, hurts and will affect your life.

  • shelly says:

    In our church our spiritual leader says you should not date someone if you dont know if he or she is the one and that it wouldbe like dating someone else’s husband/wife. Im not sure if i should continue dating or break up with the person who is boyfriend material

  • Chris says:

    smiles….sorry to hear of your situation. we understand from Matthew 19 in the new testament that jesus alone wants to be the one to join in marriage. we should as humans, never try to join ourselves with anyone whom jesus doesnt want us to nor should we try to forceably influence someone to love or want to be joined to us. the true nature of marriage is the man leading in the relationship from start to finish in the courtship so he can be a true Christian head of his home. if you dont know jesus as your lord and savior, log onto…knowingjesuspesonally.com or click talk to a mentor above for more personalized attention. i pray jesus would help you to let this person be joined to whom jesus wants to join him to, whether its you or someone else, we can trust jesus that he knows whats best for us. blessings!

  • Smiles says:

    Hello, my heart is so trobled. I want marry this year and I am praying for God to help me. I have called my relationship and and am trying now by God’s grace to live right. Now this guy in my church wants to date me but has another girl in church that he has been dating.each time I tell him to concentate on his relationship,he will tell me that my relationship with him can still work out. Am I right for telling him to conentrate. Or shod I have given in to his request?Pls kindly help me and pray that God brings my own man my way. Thank you.

  • Chris says:

    ntandokazi….you might read the book of Ruth to have the lord give you some ideas about that but we should always be looking towards christ for his perfect will in our lives including who we would marry. for more information on knowing jesus will for your life log onto…knowingjesuspersonally.com or click talk to a mentor for more personalized attention. blessings to you today!

  • Ntandokazi says:

    I love this person,what should I do to see if he love me too?

  • Shelley says:

    Dear Father God.

    Lord I lift up all young people who want to start dating each other, that You will guide them as they seek Your guidance in leadership in this area of ther lives. In Jesus Mighty name Amen

  • lizzy says:

    As christians, we really have to be very careful before and during dating.Applying the principles of the bible will really go a long way to help.Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.”. 1 Thessalonians 5:22 “Abstain from all appearance of evil – Not only from evil itself, but from that which seems to be wrong. There are many things which are known to be wrong.Touching, caressing, kissing,and leaving together intimately (co-habitation)even without having sex are wrong choices, because one thing can lead to the other.Your partner may not be able to handle physical contact like you. How many unbelievers can you convince that nothing is happening? We are God’s ambassadors and we need not to let the devil destroy our testimonies. If Jesus is sitting close to you, you know the things you will not do. A lot of things that are supposed to be done or enjoyed during honeymoon, have been explore before the couple have been pronounced man and wife. If you are a christian and planning to marry do things correctly;while courting, pick one day of the week to study/share the bible together, then you will know a lot about him/her on issues before you marry.

  • Claire Colvin Claire Colvin says:

    Hi Smile,

    If she’s saying that she dates Jesus that might be her way of telling you that she doesn’t feel ready to date anyone yet. The easiest way to find out what she’s thinking it to ask her. If you want to go out with her you could let her know that you’re interested and ask her out.

  • Smile says:

    I like this girl at church and I think she likes me a lot
    We text each other a lot . But she says she dates
    Jesus . I am a Christian Jesus is my savior but date
    ? What do I say to her? Ps we are 17

  • Claire Colvin Claire Colvin says:

    Hi Marty swarray, The Bible is pretty clear about not having sex before marriage. Sex is meant to be kept sacred between a husband and wife. Sex is more than just your body – it bonds two people together and when you bond with someone you weren’t planning to stay with, the separation can be really painful (to say nothing of the health risks or concerns about unplanned pregnancy). Kissing is a different matter. Kissing while dating is acceptable as long as you careful about the physical boundaries you put in place. For example, climbing into bed together to just kiss is probably not going to end well. Honour your partner and honour your own body and you should be off to a good start.

  • Can u have sex before marry. Or kiss

  • Merline says:

    P.S. Thank you Jamie for your response to Aimee. It is very helpful to me. I meant to mention in my last post but oh well, there you have it! Blessings!

  • Merline says:

    Hi Aimee:
    I am glad you shared that about how will you recognize “boyfriend material.” I wonder the same thing. This blog has been/is very helpful to me. I wish I had been told about it sooner but it is still not too late. I wish the best for all of us, male and female. I am glad Jesus saved me when He did. This is a great place to vent, share and inform others who are in the same lane as I. I am so glad to be here. I look forward to hearing from those who are like me. Blessings to everyone.

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    Hi Aimee, what a good question! I love your desire to follow God’s plan. Let me say, that is God’s desire for you as well so a great place to start is to pray and ask for His direction. You know He will answer that prayer because it is perfectly lined up with what He wants for you.

    Another great way to figure out what kind of a guy that would be right for you is to talk with your parents. They know you and would probably love to talk through that with you. And pray with them about that!

    Also, look at what passions and dreams God has given you for life. The man God has chosen for you will likely share many of those same passions and dreams.

    And don’t jump into deep commitment to soon. Take time getting to know each other without adding the complication of intimacy. Once you have identified God’s man for you there will be plenty of time to allow the affection and intimacy grow and mature.

  • Aimee says:

    what are ways you can know that the guy who you like and who likes you is boyfriend material, as I should put it? What are ways of knowing that i’m not wasting my time. I want him to be God’s plan and not my own.

  • Sharon says:

    some in our church they won’t date but court the person they will marry no touching or kissing until then get engaged then they the couple will hold hands they won’t kiss until they marry

  • andy says:

    The direct translation in First Corinthians 7:25 is virgins not unmarried. The KJV reflects this.

  • Claire Colvin Claire Colvin says:

    Prince, Why would you want to marry someone who does not want to marry you? You cannot force or coerce a woman to marry you. If you love her as you claim to you must want her to be happy. How can she be happy if she is forced into a marriage she does not want? Maybe she needs more time and might be ready to marry you in the future. Love is sacrificial – it puts the other person’s needs first. You love her, so do what is best for her and respect her wishes. Neither set of parents will have to do the work of this marriage – that is what you and your wife will do. Let the ones who will be in the marriage have the choice.

  • Prince says:

    what should a man who loves a man so much do if a woman is refusing to marry him but both parents want them to be married?

  • Samantha says:

    Beautifully put

  • Doris Beck Doris says:

    Pumeza, it’s wonderful that you have committed your life to Christ this past month. Your question indicates that you do understand the scriptural mandate that sex is to be within the marriage relationship and as such should not be shared until after your wedding. However you may choose to stay together for the sake of your child keeping that in mind. Remember that you should flee temptation and all appearance of evil.

  • PUMEZA says:

    I have been born again and saved in the name of Jesus last month and I have been dating a the father of my child for 3 years and we planning to get married in December 2011 and we are staying together and he is a christian also.I read the bible and know exactly that we must not do sex,kissing that leads to that,touching but my problem is are alolwed to stay together

  • Radebe Rose says:

    DONT HAVE A COMMENT JUST WANT TO KNOW IF DATING IS HEALTHY FOR ME

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