I am dating a man who is not the best person for me

Written by M. Larson

notbestguyI am in a relationship with a man who at times I believe is not the best person for me. He’s been out of town most of the week and hasn’t called once. I’m trying to find an answer to letting go. I want to get a sign from God that I can make it by myself; that I’m strong enough. I’m trying not to hurt but go on with my life, and I want God to fix it and to help me get over the nagging hurt inside. All of my life I’ve been thinking that I need a man to be there. I’m 44 now, and without one I feel lost. If I could just get an answer from God, I know that I’ll be ok.

Advice: It sounds as if that man is just using you. You’d do well to dump him! I suspect that your problem may be co-dependency. A good book that may help you understand that is “Love is a Choice” by Hernfelt, Minirth & Meier, and you should be able to buy or order it at a Christian bookstore. If not, you may find other books on co-dependency at a bookstore.

You say that all your life you’ve felt you needed a man to be there. Well, I no longer have a man – but I have someone in my life who meets all my needs and fills me with love, peace, and joy. And that is Jesus Christ! He has given me a life worth living!

You need Him too! According to the Bible, the only way we can have a personal relationship with God and His Son Jesus is by receiving Jesus as our Savior. For God sent His Son Jesus into the world to pay the penalty on the cross for our sins, so that we could be forgiven, saved, and reconciled with God. For that, we need to receive Jesus Christ as our Savior.

Here is a website that can help you do that: Journey of Joy. I’m praying for you.

In Christ’s love, Dr. Muriel

2 Responses to “I am dating a man who is not the best person for me”

  • Claire Colvin Claire Colvin says:

    If you’re not sure if he’s the one or not, keep dating, don’t get engaged. That’s what dating is for – it’s that process of sorting out whether or not this is a person you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you have reservations, that can be a good thing. Look closely at what causes the time that make you think he is not the one for you. Once you have identified the cause you need to ask yourself some questions. 1. Is this something that is likely to change? 2. Is this something I am willing or able to compromise on? 3. Is this a deal-breaker? Somethings like habits can change or can be adapted, some are things we decide are not that important, other behaviours or beliefs are unlikely to change and you may find that you are simply not compatible. For example, if one of you wants children and the other does not, that is not something you can compromise on.

    So date, try this relationship out and listen to what both you heart and your gut are telling you. Remember that when you date someone you are seeing them at their very best. Yes your love will grow as you get married and build a life together, but the basic building blocks of who you are are less likely to change. If you are thinking that something is going to resolve or get better when you’re married, that is not usually the case. Marriage is not a magic bullet that makes everything ok. Marriage is a declaration of a commitment that you have already made – a choice to be together. You are accepting each other as you are right now. A good friend of mine often reminds people “Don’t date potential”. She’s right. You need to happy with who he is now, not who he could be in the future or might be if he just _______ fill in the blank. Yes we grow and learn and over time I think we get better at love, better able to fit into the spaces of each other’s needs, but if you have reservations now, you will likely find that they are not resolved at the alter, rather they intensify once you have promised each other forever.

    Try to spend time with him in lots of different situations and see how you react to each other. Does your Mom like him? Do you friends smile when they see him? Is his boss pleased with his work? Is he nice to children and old people and dogs? There are lots of questions to ask and finding out the answers is part of the fun of dating. Just remember that at this stage of the relationship, you have an out if you need it. The work of dating is figuring out whether you want to seal up that escape hatch or not.

  • Tracey says:

    ..Hi … and how about if the guy really likes you back….. but somehow… and someway….. at times you feel hes just not the one for you ….. but than in other times ……. you feel like you’ve just found the “One”

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