I have a very negative opinion about men and marriage

Written by M. Larson

feminismI’m a 21 year-old single Christian woman who has never dated or married. I used to be an ardent feminist with very negative opinions of men and marriage. I thought I got over those opinions until I decided to read about marriage and the wife’s role in marriage. I was so horrified at what the authors (all female) wrote. If I get married, I would have to obey everything my husband said, even in questionable situations, and have sex with him whenever and however he wanted it. Now, I am so frustrated because I have normal sexual feelings, but I also have extremely hostile feelings toward men, even more so than when I was a feminist! At this point, I would rather suffer for the rest of my life with no sexual outlet than shackle myself with a man who could do almost anything to me that he wanted to. I know human nature; that people grasp for power, and I’m afraid that will happen to whomever I marry – if I marry. Please help!

Advice: I don’t know what in the world you have been reading–but that’s not the way I read my Bible! Somebody is taking God’s Word out of context here!

Here is the text on which such people base their teachings:

“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”

They apparently disregard what follows: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself…. Each of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:22-33). The verse just before this text is “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph. 5:21). And Scripture is to be interpreted according to context and not taken out of context.

The message in this passage is that husbands and wives are to submit to each other, love and respect each other. The wife is told to submit to her husband’s wishes–but the husband is told to love his wife as himself–and to treat her as he would want to be treated himself! Many good Christian men understand this, and in loving regard for their wives they consider their wishes and opinions. Such men do not lord it over their wives; they work in harmony with them, even as Christ works in harmony with His church.

This passage likens the marital situation to Christ and the church. So I’m not sure how it applies when a woman has an unsaved husband who lives for the devil! A woman is to cooperate with that husband insofar as possible, however, so that he can see Christ in her and might come to Christ (1 Corinthians 7:16).

First Corinthians 7 tells both the husband and wife that they are not to withhold sex from each other lest one or the other be tempted by Satan (into having sex with someone else). This is just plain common sense!

The thing is, a Christian woman should ask the Lord to send her a good Christian man; a kind, considerate man who is not overbearing, but is loving and thoughtful. I prayed for a man like that for my daughter Lori–and that is just what she has now – a wonderful man he is! They are very happy together and are now joyfully expecting their first child.

Hope this dispels your fears! May the Lord guide and bless you.

In Christ’s love, Dr. Muriel

2 Responses to “I have a very negative opinion about men and marriage”

  • Elkay says:

    Carol, I am quite sorry about your experiences in dating “men with these mentalities” and 1 Cor 7:4 contains additional advice from Paul about marriage. First, we read “The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does” and this emphasizes the mutually submitting role of BOTH husband and wife in marriage that is expressed in Eph 5:21.

    There is an important aspect of submitting that is often overlooked but is critical to properly understanding the concept. Throughout the Gospels, we read that Jesus submitted to the will of God the Father yet we know that Jesus and the Father were “one”. Basically, when Jesus submitted to the will of His Father, then God the Father became totally committed to the well being of Jesus the Son. And so it is in a Christian marriage: when a wife submits to the will of her husband, then the husband must become totally committed to the well being of his wife . . . Eph 5:25f expresses it this way: ” Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her”, and “husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies.”

    So if you do consider marriage, please remember that God created marriage as a sacred institution for the welfare and happiness of mankind in which man and woman bind together with God at the center, become one in His eyes, reflect His image and worship and serve Him. This can only be successful if both of you are committed to one another, no matter what, and from that commitment, unselfish, sacrificial love flows to and from each other as each one receives God’s love.

  • Carole says:

    I absolutely love this. I am a 19 year old Christian woman and I have grown up with these views myself. I have also dated men with these mentalities, those men that have failed to understand exactly what those bible scriptures mean. They believe that it is a womans duty to do everything around the house, cater for the kids and for the man and stay at home being faithful. Why is this a womans role? The fact that other women are actually agreeing with this is absolutely disgusting. T

Leave a Reply