I wish my husband was more passionate

Written by Dr. Ginger Gabriel, Ph.D., M.F.T

passion-imgWhat would you say to a woman who is married to a great man, but she still yearns for him to have “other” qualities? The other qualities consist of, but not limited to, being more affectionate, being more excited about even the little things, being passionate, spontaneous, fun and creative. Is this asking too much? I don’t want God to view me as a complainer, because I am truly blessed. Sometimes, it just gets frustrating being with someone who is so different from you. We’ve discussed it before and I believe he may want to change, but he can’t because it is just a part of who he is. This issue only surfaces every so often, but when it does, I feel like – this is the person you married, you knew it then, so deal with it. I just don’t know how to handle it.

Advice: I suspect that there are many women in your situation. What to do about it? I’m afraid you can’t change human nature. And if the man is not the type to show his emotions, well, he’s not going to change now!

To overcome this yearning, you can start being thankful to the Lord for what you have. Well, you have the Lord–and that’s a tremendous thing! You probably have a good church, sweet Christian fellowship, a ministry in your church, a nice home, good neighbors. Get in the habit of praising and thanking God for all the blessings you enjoy: you live in a free country; you have good food to eat, you have beauty of nature all around you. Paul said, “Rejoice in the Lord always!” And here’s something I’ll bet you never even thought about: Be overwhelmingly thankful that you are not one of those sad women who write to me that have abusive husbands, or alcoholics or drug addicts or philanderers or dependent on you for support most of the time.

I’m not belittling your problem. I do understand your longing for what your husband can’t give you. But do as Paul did, as he wrote from a rat-infested prison in Rome to the Philippians: “I have learned to be content in whatever state I’m in.”

Incidentally, my husband was always quitting jobs, places, and churches, and we moved 28 times in 28 years–lived in nine states–so I literally learned to be content in whatever state I was in (and I also became the world’s greatest packer!).

Live in peace, Dee, as the Bible says. And live in Christ’s joy too!

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