Facebook for Couples: 8 Things to Do Today

Written by K. Jason and Kelli Krafsky

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If you’ve been married for more than a couple of days you’ve probably already figured out that communication in marriage is really important.  Being intentional about the way you communicate with your spouse sets a firm foundation for a solid relationship. The same rules apply when it comes to using Facebook once you’re married.  Facebook is all about communication and both what you communicate on Facebook and how you say it will have an effect on your relationship.  Here are eight ways to make your Facebook conversations something that builds your marriage up.

1. Set your relationship status to married and keep it that way. Facebook’s version of the wedding band, your relationship status makes all the difference in how people interact with you. If you do happen to go through some marital troubles, don’t change to “it’s complicated” because you’ll only make things even more complicated…in a bad way.

2. Share your username and password with one another. Transparency is crucial to ensure trust in a committed relationship.  Exchanging login information provides accountability and emotional security for both of you.

3. Create boundaries to protect yourself, your spouse and your marriage. Spend some time talking about what’s in bounds and out of bounds and as a couple.  A little bit of agreement on what is and is not acceptable can save a lot of pain and disagreement later.

A great boundary to start with is to agree not to have private chats with members of the opposite sex.  Emotional affairs have three main ingredients: secrecy, chemistry and intimacy.  Chatting provides a perfect environment for the three ingredients to mix together and create a situation that supposedly “just happened”.  Avoid the drama and turn off the Chat feature altogether.

4. Be prepared to talk offline about online issues. What happens on Facebook doesn’t stay on Facebook.  Facebook can and will trigger issues and conversations between you and your spouse. Deal with hurt feelings or concerns in the privacy of your own home. If handling conflict is difficult for you and your spouse, attend a Marriage Education class to acquire a shared set of communication/conflict resolution skills.

5. Update each other on your Facebook friends and friend requests. Many of your Facebook friends have a story attached to them.  Don’t assume your spouse knows how you know them; spend time sharing their story with your mate.  Don’t friend exes, old flames, past flings, former crushes or anyone you’ve been intimate with in the past. What starts as an innocent, “I wonder whatever happened to so-and-so” can lead to “I never meant for this to happen.”

6. Pay attention to how much time you spend on Facebook. Everyone needs a little down time to unwind each day.  Facebook can be a great way to wind down. On average, users spend 12-15 minutes a day on Facebook. That seems like a healthy dose of daily Facebook intake. If time on the online social community infringes on your marriage relationship, make changes to reprioritize your time.  Set a timer for 15 minutes and then log off Facebook and turn off the computer.

7. Make your spouse the topic of your status updates at least once a week. Using Facebook to affirm and build up your spouse creates a deeper bond between the two of you, and a higher fence around the two of you.  (Just be careful not to overdo and become an annoying couple.)  Speak well of your spouse. Think about how your comments will be read by others (think about your mother-in-law, your boss, your pastor) before pushing the share/comment button.

8. Remember that Facebook is a public place.  Never report that you or your spouse is out of town. What you may think is a harmless status update is an announcement to the bad guys that your home, possessions and family are vulnerable and a prime target for bad things to happen.

Take the next step:

Learn the 5 levels of communication
Facebook guidelines for parents
Do you speak your spouse’s love language? (online lesson)

8 Responses to “Facebook for Couples: 8 Things to Do Today”

  • Shawn Clough says:

    Thank you for the tips in how to handle the facebook issue. That has been a real promblem for me with my wife. She seems to think that she not doing anything wrong. It has taken most of or marriage life away from us. So I had wrote word by word of facebook for couples and going to read it to her. What kind of response I get in return will tell me what the next move I would need to take. Doing the same thing with communication that Power to change talks about. Thanks for all the guidance that is provided.

  • Kate says:

    Hi Diane,

    Sorry to hear about the disappointments you are experiencing. The layers of the issue probably run deep, and it might be great to visit a counselor to work through it. Also, there are several other good articles on this site about relationships and improving communication that you might find insightful. For example, try http://powertochange.com/sex-love/communicate/

    If your husband is willing, it would even be great to sit down and read the article together.

    If would like to have someone to encourage you through this time, you can request to be in touch with a mentor:

    Mentors are caring individuals who will respond to you in a private and confidential manner and do so usually within a few days to a week. The support of an online mentor can be of tremendous help, and you may write to them whenever you desire to do so.

    God bless,

  • Diane says:

    My spouse is so secret that it took 2 years for him to add me as a friend. He wount give me acess to any of his stuff. Now his daughter has full rein. He treats his daughter like he is married to her not me. He wont even post or comment about me. He has former lover etc on his facebook. He doesnt care how I feel about alot of this stuff even phone calls from his EX Wife. Daughter is 23, married and 2 kids and yet he treats he like she is a minor.

  • Doris Beck Doris says:

    Glad you enjoyed it Jaden and Nathaniel! These are great tips for any couple!

  • A big thank you for your article.Thanks Again. Fantastic.

  • Jamar says:

    My wife and I have done a few things on this list but seeing layed out straight to the point makes it even more powerful. Thank You and God Blessed I’ve been meaning to talk to my wife about having a joint facebook page.

  • Sharon says:

    good article, thank you for sharing those 8 points

  • Ashley says:

    These are great tips! I will be passing these along to many friends.

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