Dating

Written by Pilgrim

Teen Dating“As simple as it seems, dating is no light matter. When you date someone, you give away a piece of your heart. Are you dating someone right now? Suffering from a recent or past breakup? Are you waiting for that perfect partner? ”

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23 Responses to “Dating”

  • Megan says:

    So I’m only 15 but I’ve had a boyfriend for four months now. I’ve made some really bad choices in my life, which I know I’m young so how can that be?? Well after my friend was murdered in 7th grade I was so lost that I actually went on a chat site and talked about sex with an older man. The police came after my parents found out and I live with disgust everyday even though nothing happened, I was just grounded for three months. But the grounded didn’t do anything compared to the feeling of not being able to look at myself in the mirror some days. I know it’s gross, or it might seem dramatic but I feel like I can’t be loved. No matter how many times he says he cares and guys say they care about me, and even friends I don’t understand how they can see me as a human. But some of them don’t know about many things from my past, and I’m afrad that if I tell them then they won’t want to be near me any more. And what I’m even more afraid of is that they’ll say “It’s okay” and tell me how great I am now, when all I can think is “but it’s not okay!!!” and I push people away because Im disgusted with myself and don’t want them to have to be near a person like me. How do I break through?? How do I stop sobbing every night and getting head aches because I try to be on stuednt government and poms and dance and vollunteer and get good grades so that I can make up for my mistakes and have a reason for people to love me?? How do I love myself so that I can let others love me?? And in the end trust myself enough to love them?? I’ve broken alot of guys hearts. And one guy even got in a car accident after drinking because of me and I can’t stand the thought of hurting my boyfriend but it’s hard not to run away.

  • Rayven says:

    I dated a guy for about 5 months. We broke up a few times for a few reasons. I have trouble staying with one guy. I don’t cheat…But I break up with guys for other guys a lot. Colin and I hav broken up about 3 times and honestly I’ve never felt this way about a guy. He can’t tell and no one can tell because I’m always being terrible and breaking us up when things seem to get too serious. The summer passed and we saw each other at band camp…Everything came back. The memories, the kisses, the hugs, everything came back and completely took over and he even started talking to me again. He started texting and we talked about it…and he said he missed us. I gave him a few days to think about us and he replied and said that he doubted us. That he wanted us back but couldn’t let himself. We saw each other at the band party at the end of the week and we flirted, hugged and everyone kept asking if we were together again. It sucked so much when I had to say no. I came home and cried. Then our mutual friend told me he was interested in another girl and was interested in her…The same girl that helped me when I didn’t know if I should break up with him or not…The same girl he was texting all night at the party before He gave me a long hug goodbye and a secret kiss on the neck and left.
    I told him we had to stop talking..He told me that everytime he thought he was over me, he saw me and he wasn’t. And that’s how I feel. Then yesterday he IMed me and said we couldn’t stop talking…And I told him that I had doubts and I was afraid of hurting him but I love him. I may not be IN love with him…But I love him a lot. I’ve never cared about a guy this much. I cried so hard when I found out about the other girl and when I realized he was actually gone for good. It sucks that it takes to lose something to realize how much it meant to you. He said he needed to think and that he just didn’t think he could let himself do it because he had too many doubts. Should I try to be friends with him like he wants, even though it hurts so much? Or should I keep trying to get him to come back to me so I can prove to him that I actually will be good this time?

  • Ame says:

    Tiffany,
    What you are experiencing is normal. It’s ok to not to want to mess up. Although you should get tested for a disease called Bipolar Disorder. It’s a chemical imbalance in the brain that makes your emotions out of wack.

    YOu don’t sound like the girl that would veer of the road for to long.
    Live and let learn sweetheart.

    Best of Luck,
    Ame

  • Ame says:

    Jamie,
    I’m so sorry. However, it’s not the end of the world. Try and make things right with your boyfriend. Let him know that you want to earn his trust back little by little.

    Although maybe dating isn’t right for you at the present moment. Take some time and reflect on it.
    The Best of Luck,
    Ame

  • tiffany says:

    I first met my birth father around 6 years ago. I though it was cool and all but last November I found out that he killed his ex-girlfriend and severely hurt her grandson. He was high and drunk. My mom always says that I act like him. And thats what worries me…I’m scared that I’m going to end up just like him. She said he was a good guy and he cared about everyone he met. (I do too) I don’t ever see how I act like him but she dated him for a long time so she knows him better than I do. People say I’m smart and that I have a great future if I stay on the right road. I’m just scared that somehow I’m gonna veer off it and into a ditch or something. My mood changes suddenly and I snap for no reason so yea again I’m scared. Anyone have any advice for me?
    Tiffany

  • Joy says:

    Jamie,

    I think you’re too young to be thinking about relationships right now.. I think you need to focus on schooling, and other things… You have your whole life ahead of you.. I wouldn’t blame him for not trusting you, cause you cheated on him… you broke that trust.. When someone breaks that trust, how can they expect that person to trust them again?

    God created you to love him… Let God be your husband for now..

    Romans 12:1-2 – I urge you brothers and sisters by the mercies of God, present your bodies as a living sacrifice, which is your spiritual act of worship. DO NOT be conformed to the patterns of this world, but BE transformed by the renewing of your minds, then you know what is acceptable, perfecting pleasing will of God.

    I encourage you to enjoy being yourself… but I encourage you to seek the Lord… A guy isn’t the answer for you, they will never be able to fulfill your needs.. its only a relationship with Jesus that will.

    You can’t get him to trust you… I see that you have insecurities.. You broke that trust. You can’t expect him to trust you just like that..

  • Jaime says:

    I’m a 16 year old female. I have a wonderful boyfriend who doesn’t trust me because I cheated on him. this is our second time going out he lives in a different state from me (8 hours to be exact) and i’m trying to get him to trust me. he leaves on the 9th of july which is 10 days before my 17th birthday he leaves for the army and im scared something will happen between us or that he will get hurt like killed or something. I’m scared and don’t know how to make it throw this help me be strong and not be depressed when hes gone and help me trust him. when he has done nothing to make me not trust him. i don’t trust him i’m not sure why tho help me please

  • Calli says:

    Dear Karen,
    My x-boyfriend cheated on me too. I’m still trying to forgive him. And it’s difficult, but it’s his fault he hurt you like that. My boyfriend cheated on me, and when we were going out, he treated me like trash, absoloutley no respect. It’s not that I didn’t mind him treating me like that or touching me too much. It’s just that I was so desperate for love and attention that I stayed in the relationship until he walked up to me and said it’s over. After that, I felt mixed emotions. Anger, depression, sadness, and I was shaking uncontrollably. My advice is to pray and ask God for the man that HE has planned for you. That’s what I do. But waiting and waiting is painfully annoying. I admire girls like these who do their best in their situations like these. It makes me feel better. Just be strong. Be strong Karen.

  • Ame says:

    Pei Pei,
    I’m not quite sure I understand your ummm infatuation with this girl. However, I don’t understand why people can’t accept the fact some people are attracted to the same sex. Although, I think Chris hit it right on, many people get confused between best friends and love. There’s nothing wrong with liking this girl. However, make sure you think it over before jumping in. It is accepted in some parts, but many parts of the USA are still very opposed to gays. I wish you all the luck in the world and I hope you decide what’s the best route to take. Just know that not everyone thinks like I do. In fact many people think the way Chris appears to. I’m here if you need me.

  • Chris says:

    Hey Pei Pei, you are a girl? And she is a girl?
    You do not really love her the way you think you do. The world has created this idea that it is 100% normal, and that you can easily love the same sex.
    But really, she is your best friend., that is all. I believe many “gay” people get confused between a best friend and someone they “love”.

  • Darren says:

    Pei Pei, I appreciate how difficult it must be to be so far apart from someone that you care about so much. Since your situation and question involve another person, it might be better to discuss it with a mentor privately. If you’d like to (privately & confidentially) talk to a mentor about it through email, please visit this link:
    http://thelife.com/interactive/ask.html
    They’ll be a patient listening ear. I pray that you’ll find the wisdom that you’re searching for.

  • Pei Pei says:

    Alright,
    I’m a girl, 16, and 500+ miles away from someone I think I love. I moved about 4 years ago, but next year I’m moving back and they don’t know I love them. They know I like them, but that’s it. We were friends in junior high-which was a private christian academy- and she asked me if I liked her. I lied because I was scared of what people would think and I was only like 11 or so. But now I’ve been talking with her on the phone every day and sometimes late at night when my parents can’t hear us. If they knew I liked a girl, let alone LOVED one, one of them at least would flip, if I told my family where I used to live, they’d ban me for the most part. I just don’t know what to do. I really think I’m in love with this girl, and I don’t know how to deal with that either. Could I please get some help with this?
    Thank you-Peiton

  • Darren says:

    Chris, thank you for taking the time to share with us. It is a very difficult situation that you’ve been put in, and one in which you’ll need careful discernment and trusting prayer to guide you.

    For this sort of issue, it can often help to talk to one of our online mentors. This is a free and private service, and when you sign up you’ll be matched with an appropriate mentor who can guide you in your journey through email conversations. If you’re interested in that, please visit this page:
    http://thelife.com/interactive/ask.html

  • Joy says:

    Chris,

    I believe that she needs to break it off with her boyfriend, because for one thing, he doesn’t love her at all, he’s using her, he’s a control freak. He’s not a Christian at all, it says in the Bible, “you will know them by their fruits.” If you can’t see the fruit in his life, he’s not a Christian, and if she is, she needs to break it off with him.

    Continue to be her friend. I believe that God wants you to be her friend, and show her how a woman ought to be treated.

  • Chris says:

    Hello, I have this strange and complicated problem. I will do my best to make this be as short and simple as possible. Pretty much, i like a girl. She has a boyfriend. He is very “charming”. He says the perfect thing to anyone to get what he wants. He used to be my friend. He used me, he uses other girls, he uses his friends, he uses her!

    This guy is a loser mainly he lies to her. (this is very easy because she is deaf and he NOW knows very little sign; her written english is terrible). He uses her car for himself all the time when she is at school. Just many things. He went to church with her for many weeks to “show” her that he is a christian, and now i guess he has not gone for 3 months, he always has a reason not go.
    He tried to make her stop talking to me. They always get into some type of fight, then he says the perfect thing and she is all happy. About 2 weeks later it starts all over. He does something to me, or someone, or something and she hates it.
    Who does she come crying to? Me!!! Me? SHE KNOWS i like her! She KNOWS her boyfriend hates me and her talking, and yet she talks to me about how he makes her sad.

    So i try to be respectful still. I listen. If she keeps pushing and asking for advice i tell her, “i am biased, but….” and i tell her. Mainly my point to her is this. “If he makes you happy that is good, but 1/2 the time you sad because of him. That is bad! There is some boy out there who will make you happy all the time.”
    She tells me she wants to broke up with him, but he loves her too much. Which i do not understand. She is only staying with him now because she does not want to hurt HIS feelings?

    I am in the middle i am trying to respect this guy who i hate. And trying to respect this girl that i like. And i feel like i am in the middle. I sit there, listing to her, feeling so mad and jealous towards this guy. And feeling sorry for her. I just want to tell her i love her, and wish things would go back to how they were before she started dating him.

    My few friends all tell me just to be there for her. But it is very hard when 1/2 the reason they fight is because her and i are friends.
    I feel i should just be there, but part of me wants to really tell her how much i like her. Yes she knows, but it was not like i ever told her, it was her mother and her boyfriend who told her!
    I think God thinks i am just a jealous person who is just creating drama and he wants me to just not talk to her.

    What can i do to get out of this nightmare… without doing anything wrong…

  • Joy says:

    I’ve been hurt by too many men. Been taken for granted, scammed, used, and abused. I’m ashamed of myself, and I feel unworthy of someone to truly love me. I feel that if I let myself known, that people will never love or like me. Why do I feel like a victim still, after all these years. I’m 29 years old, I long to break free, and to be a victor, and to be the person God wants me to be, but I’m afraid.

  • Alysha says:

    Hi Katie,
    I totally understand what youre going through. It is something i struggled with in my own life. The only thing that you can do is just trust in God. If you continue to seek him,he will give you direction. Its not wrong for you to feel that what you have with him is just not all. You don’t have to break up with him because everyone says you should. You sound like a very smart girl, so you just keep on doing what youre doing. You are absolutely right…it will be hard but God is always there to pick you up and push you along!

    I will be praying!
    Alysha

  • Katie says:

    Hi, I have a question. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about five months now, and he confessed to me a week ago that a little less than a month into our relationship, he cheated on me. He told me in the car last Sunday night, and it’s been rough since but I still love him and I know that he is sincere in his apology. Since we have started dating, he has changed for Christ (not because of me though, just because that is what he knows he needs to do) and we’ve both become stronger in the Lord. Everyone is telling me to dump him, but I’ve been praying for wisdom and strength and I don’t feel like that is what God is calling me to do. Don’t get me wrong, if I knew without a doubt I should break up with him, I would because I don’t have a problem being single and I am capable of being an independent person. The thing is, I love him and life without him would be hard. I just don’t feel like God is done with us yet. I am just wondering if I am wrong, or blinded by my emotions, or whatever, in not breaking up with him. He’s changed, he’s sincere, and his love for Christ is totally renewed… and even so, do I still “have” to break up with him or is it actually okay that I want to try and work through it? I understand the complications and distrust that will come in the future, but I want to at least try. Am I wrong in doing that???

  • Sarah says:

    Autumn, what you have been through is awful and my heart goes out to you. I cannot imagine the fear I would have trying to trust people again in I were in your position. I have to say I am proud of you for even taking a small step to trust us enough to speak up.

    One thing about being human is that we cannot “just forget” what we have seen, heard, know, experience… we may even get to the point of forgiving but forgetting isn’t always part of that. There was a time when I had a hard time sleeping because these scenes of things I had done that I’m not proud of kept playing over and over in my mind. I had moved on and those actions weren’t part of my life anymore but I couldn’t stop the thoughts.

    Facing this stuff on your own has got to be so tough. I know it seems so unfair when we’re hurt by the horrible things other people have done and its not our fault. I think you should consider talking to someone one on one about this. Here’s the link for email mentoring where you can write whatever you want to say and you’ll get answered personally by a female mentor who will be there for you http://thelife.com/yclanding/askgospel.html.

    You’re not alone and there’s hope for working through this. You’ll be amazed how just being able to get it off your chest to someone can help.

  • Autumn says:

    I’m adopted. I can’t commit to anything or anyone. If God loves me so much why does he let my past haunt me? Why does he let me suffer? It’s not fair. My “father” abused and raped us, but I’m suffering. He got away with it, and I can’t. I try to forget about it, ignore it, deny it. It doesn’t work. All this goes into effect when I go out with guys. They are abusive/womanizers/jerks/liars and the list goes on and on. Why can’t I have any feelings for anybody? The one guy I found that was perfect, I couldn’t trust him and he broke up with me. I couldn’t cry. HE cried, I felt bad but I was numb. It’s always the same. I can’t cry or feel.

  • Helen says:

    Tresa, you need to break this situation into ‘bite sized chunks’. At the moment you see that your cheating ex seems to be having a good time, but how, as someone who has not found the Lord, can that really be so?
    You need to hear the Lord giving you that inner strength to bear the current hurts. You are a strong person with his help. You can bear the burdens, He has already proved that to you.Enjoy your beautiful family.
    Look into that mirror and love yourself, Jesus loves you. Never mind what has happened with your husband. Pray for Jesus to guide you about your future life with or without your husband. Pray that he turns to the Lord so that he then may begin to trat you right. In the meantime, ask your lovely family to take you out, a bit at a time -maybe to your church to pray with others and gain the fellowship of your fellow Christians in your community. Have courage for the Lord will give you the strength to do this.
    And also pray for the strength and courage to manage your disability the best way possible. Remember, Jesus loves you just as you are, use his love to give you the strength you need to get out there and make friends. Let these new friends know that you are hurting and ask them to pray for your inner strength to move your life forward and gain peace and happiness. I will pray for you.

    May God be with you always,

    Helen

  • Tresa says:

    Hello,
    My husband left me not this last Nov, but the Nov. before, so it’s been about 1 year and some, my husband had been cheating on me for 1 and 1/2 years while we were still togeather! This woman is alot older then me, i’m 55 and it hurts so bad to think that while he was still living with me, he was cheating on me, I do forgive him, and her! I Pray for them, but now my husband has left hints (he calls, and once in awhle comes over for afew min.) he wishes he would have never done this, I don’t trust him!! And one min. I wish in my heart he has not done this to me, the next min. I want so bad to move on and then another min. I wonder if I should get back with him no matter what. I’m without friends etc. or church to go to, because i’m disabled and without a car or whatever so I cannot get around! I have one daughter that lives here, but they had had alot of hard knocks this last year (lost job, fire in kitchen, car broke down) so with all that’s going on I’m wondering, why is it that i’m a Christian and my husband does not even act or live like one, is it that his life seems to be going great, but my life is just falling apart day by day? The Lord has provided me ways of getting grocerys etc. so don’t get me wrong, but there are time i’ve had to wait till the last morsel of food is almost gone, then I seem to get help (usually by my daugher and her man borrowing a car etc. etc.) but why is it my husbands life so sweet it seems, and mine is so so hard at times? Like I said I (due to him when we were togeather always wanting me at home) I have no friends that I can count on etc. (all my family’s live out of State, and I stay here for my daughter and 2 precious grandbabys) I’ve been Praying with the way things are in my life right now that the Lord help me, and I do have faith that it will happen in the Lords timing, but why is it that my husband still seems to be having such a great life, and he’s the one who has committed adulty on me? I can’t even find away to get up to get a devorse like I think is approprete now!! Just needed someone to talk to about what’s on my heart, I only wished I had friends etc. But like I said i’ve been more or less locked up for 10 years of this marriage that I don’t know how to go about doing anything anymore, i’m scared to even go outside sometimes by myself, i’ve not been without someone in so long!! I just want friends where I live!! Christian friends that is! Sorry for this being so long, I’m disabled and can’t get around much on my own, so this is where I spend my day in and day out always!!! At home!
    Thank you for listening!
    Tresa

  • Karen James says:

    I would like to know how to deal with a break up with someone who is a christian, that cheated on u but don’t have the courage to talk to u about it, and let u feel as if u where the bad one and you really had feelings for the person.

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