How can I get over a heart ache?

Written by Dr. Ginger Gabriel, Ph.D., M.F.T

heartacheHow do you get over a heart ache? I know they say time heals all wounds but who needs time when you’re heart broken? How do you get over an ex- boyfriend when you have to face him practically everyday? It just hurts to see a love that was once there but is not there now. We used to be so close and now we’re practically like strangers.

Advice: How long were you and this guy going together? It is important to know that you are in a grieving process. Some people make closer attachments than others and these are harder to break off. It is also true that the more physically intimate you are with another, the harder it is to break off. I’m pretty sure that is the main reason why the Bible says not to have intercourse or heavy petting until you are married. I don’t know how close the two of you got, but it sounds as though you are now going through a difficult time.

My suggestion is to find some activities to think about and get excited about. This year I had something kind of similar take place so I joined a gym and have begun to work out. I was amazed how many acquaintances also worked out at the gym. I have made some closer friends. I also joined Toastmasters and am developing my speaking skills (meeting new people) and I got a kayak (we have a lake nearby). These things have helped be avoid compulsively thinking about a painful situation. You also could watch all the old Jane Austin movies. Fill your odd time with old movies. You will get used to seeing unrequited love. Its called flooding. You may get a different perspective on your ex. That would be one way of handling it. Have you read Changes That Heal by Henry Cloud? This book is great at giving good information and new perspectives.

Dr. Ginger

If you feel stuck in the depths of deppression, read Tia’s story, “Hello Darkness My Old Friend.”

328 Responses to “How can I get over a heart ache?”

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    Hi Lee, I think I know why you might be having problems with getting to the Words of Comfort page. Try this link and see if that works for you.

  • Sharon says:

    to lee I hope you can get me here I did email you through ask for a mentor hope you can get through some way I am praying something Jamie can help us get back together again– Sharon

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    Hi Lee, were you able to fill out a Mentor Request Form at I can then get you in touch with Sharon.

  • Lee says:

    august 20, 2016

    sharon, jamie called me, but i still can’t get in touch with you. love, lee

  • Sharon says:

    to blue_Ambiance prayer-father God I do pray for this person comfort this person as this person’s heart is breaking from another person breaking up with this person and living with another person. God you know her heart and this person sees this person working in the same place. comfort this person and this person is wanting the person back. in the bible in Jeremiah 29.11 it says I know the plans I have for you plans not to harm you but to give you a hope and a future. God I pray that you lead this person to a future spouse someone maybe better for this person a person you have for this person for your glory God or else maybe have this person to come into this life of Blue_Ambiance again I pray all of this in JESUS name amen. I am praying for you. God be with you at this time sharon

  • Blue_ambiance says:

    I’m going thru the same thing right now..we broke up last 10nov2015 we were about to get he found another girl and he told me they were living together..its breaking my heart..especially i have to see him several times in a week at work..i became closer to God because of this..but i still want my ex back i even prayed that one day God will help us find our second chance with each other..i know the answer i have to leave it all in God’s still is breaking my heart to this day..

  • Aldo says:

    Mary, I don’t know all the circumstances of your predicament, but what I do know is that God has not left you. He is right where He always is, and He knows where you are and what you are going through. Remember, it is not God’s fault that this has come about in your life.

    Quite often God allows us to go through things because we do not really have an accurate understanding of Who He is. We may have come to believe in Him through our parents’ religious belief, or the witness of a friend, or a promise we may have made, etc. Like Job in Job 42:5 who said, “I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees You;” we need to come to a spiritual revelation of God.

    Mary, I noticed that you said that you had a belief in God. Unfortunately, that is the state of many Christians today, because their belief is no more than an acknowledgment that Jesus is the Son of God- admission without allegiance.
    Although that may be true, God still loves us enough to bring us to the place of loving Him enough to live for Him and serve Him with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength.

    Did you know Mary, James 2:9 says, “Even the demons believe—and tremble!” What that implies is that a person can say that he believes in God, and still not be saved.

    That is because there is a difference between professing Christians and practicing Christians. Jesus says in John 3:3, “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.”

    Mary, being a Christian is not about being religious, but about having a relationship. We come into a relationship with God by being sorry for doing our own thing, confessing it and asking God to forgive us of it, and then accepting and receiving His Son Jesus Christ as our Savior and Lord.

    If you would like to do this now, is how you can.

    Remember, God knows your heart and is not as concerned with your words as He is with your intent. The following is a suggested prayer:

    “Dear God, I admit I am a sinner and need Your forgiveness; I believe that Jesus Christ, Your Son, died in my place, paying the penalty for my sins. I am willing right now to turn from my sin and accept Him as my personal Savior and Lord. I commit myself to You, and ask You to send the Holy Spirit into my life, to fill me and take control, and to help me become the kind of person You want me to be. Thank You Father for loving me, forgiving my sins, and for giving me everlasting life, in Jesus name, Amen.”

  • Mary says:

    The belief I had in God had screwed up my head. So now I live peacefully as an atheist.

  • Mary says:

    The belief I had in God had screwed up my head. So now I live peacefully as an atheis.

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