My husband is losing interest in sex

lostinterestBefore we got married, sex was great. We used to have sex at least once per day. Within a week after the marriage he began to lose interest in it. Now it is once per week or once every 2 weeks, and when we do it it doesn’t seem like he wants to. It feels as though he is just doing it because I want to. He claims he is stressed about money, but I don’t understand why this would change the sex part of the relationship. In other areas as well, regarding my friends, where I go and with who, he has been controlling and yells at me on a regular basis. Things that he said he liked about me before we were married are now a problem for him. I am worried and stressed and I feel so unattractive. I have never had a problem like this with a man before. Do you have any advice on why this type of thing happens? Is this a common thing? What can I do to make things better. I feel as though we are growing apart, which is sad.

Advice: Men do change. We’d suggest that you seek a good marriage counselor. Ask your husband to come along to help you see the things that you do that stress him out. At first you need to own all of the problem, as it is necessary to get him there. When he yells start making a list of what the issues are. For some reason he seems to think that he has fallen off the hero pedestal. He is either frustrated or feels rejected, so he gets angry, which is a guys’ way of handling problems. The most of it is probably about him, but if you accuse him, he will only try to get more distance. Let us know how it goes.

Is he watching porn? Read Maureen’s storyHardcore Betrayal.
See also: Unfaithful Husband: Thrown on a Roller Coaster

50 Responses to “My husband is losing interest in sex”

  • Doris Beck Doris Beck says:

    You make some good points…there are a large variety of things going on in any and all relationships, especially as we age and our bodies change.But the underlying issue is that we are to love one another in spite of all the physical changes that will happen. Yes we should fight for our health, but sometimes it is exactly our health that prevents sexual intimacy…however we can still have a strong marriage in the middle of those challenges if our eyes are in the right place.

  • MP says:

    Menopause is a Huge problem.
    As is also related to Hormone in balance.
    Excess Fat and weight gain, sagging breast and skin and gray hair, also plays a role. The failure to get a dress on or get make up on further pushed men away.
    Doctors also fail to see what needs to be done.
    Then you have fat obese huge belly guys going bald or grey hair on the guys.

    Wake up people, you are all failing because you don’t see the problem or do you part to look good for each other. Go to the gym or get some plastic surgery.

    Fight for your health before its too late.

  • Elkay says:

    Goaheadandcallmejezebel, you are correct in taking the position that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves His church to the extent that He gave His life for her and that they are called to love their wives as they love themselves. This obviously means a husband’s highest priority has to be meeting his wife’s highest priority and this includes meeting her sexual needs. Speaking directly to sexuality, 1 Corinthians 7:3-4 makes it clear that “husbands are to render to his wife the affection due her” and that his wife “has authority over his body”. This is of course true for wives also meeting their husband’s needs.

    So Alfred and his wife are to be complimented as even though they have reached a point that their “sex-life is not that active any more”, they have “found many other ways of expressing love to one-another”. I see that as falling into the category of self-sacrificially placing the other’s needs above your own, an important one of the keys to a successful marriage.

    Your closing remark about women is blatantly offensive. Adam was not complete without Eve (Gen 2:24), men are honored because of their wives (Prov 31:23), the Christ-figure Beloved in Song of Solomon describes His loved as “all fair, without spot, her love better than wine” (Song 4:7, 10), husbands may be won to Christ by the conduct of their wives and their prayers may be hindered if they do not honor their wives (1 Peter 3:1, 7). And it goes without saying that none of us would be alive were it not for our mothers.

  • goaheadandcallmejezebel says:

    I’m so glad you had time to write. it must have been difficult for you to find the time, what with all that scheduled “blaming the woman for the [expletive removed] men put us through” idiocy. Have you even *read* the target post here? “hey, my husband is being controlling, not letting me see my friends–basically not loving me as Christ loves the church, not submitting one (himself) unto another”, and the post basically tells the woman (who is totally hurt and being cheated by a false prophet of marriage the likes of which were severely degraded in the scriptures) that SHE needs to find a good marriage counselor and SHE needs to OWN the problem. I’m sorry, but what?? Please go back and read the scriptures if you’re going to play holier-than-thou. The scriptures do tell women once to submit to their husbands, but in the same book tell men THREE TIMES how they need to love and submit to their wives.The penalties of not doing so are pretty much specifically stated. Men who refuse to take responsibility as the spiritual head of the home while demanding the position’s benefits are reprimanded multiple times in the Bible. We also have the Song of Solomon, where the husband pretty much worshiped his wife and this is held up as a type and shadow and example. The guy in this target situation needs his butt kicked by the elders in the church for being a brat and a jerk. You know this, but so many groups want to put all the blame on the woman, truly, it’s just so much easier to since they can’t physically defend themselves—I MEAN BECAUSE MEN ARE THE SPIRITUAL HEAD AND THERE WAS THAT WHOLE “I’M TOO STUPID TO NOT TALK TO A ***TALKING SNAKE*** THING”. That’s what I meant. Women are such dangerous snake-loving trouble makers, you know. It’s truly a wonder He lets them into heaven….

  • T. man says:

    I’m 38 years old man,my problem is i only affording to make 1 round a day of sex until tomorrow again.i wish at least i can make 2 rounds a day. I tried many pills but they a not responding with my system

  • T. man says:

    I’m 38 years old man,my problem is i only affording to make 1 round of sex until tomorrow again.i wish at least i can 2 rounds.

  • Tinashe says:

    I am a 31 year old woman.My husband doesn’t touch me,kiss or show interest in me.We have been together for 5years and childless.And now he really doesn’t want to make love to me.I feel sorry for myself and i feel useless.It hurts a lot because when i want us to talk about it,he just gets annoyed and say that its because “we ain’t home”.We recently moved to South Africa

  • Richard says:


    Thanks for your advice but Ai think we are fine.

    As I say, I don’t feel like it’s a problem particularly. Neither of us is interested and so neither is missing out. I would say differently if one of us was feeling denied.

    Thankyou though

  • Aldo says:

    Richard, thank you for your comments. Can we be of any further help to you and your wife? If you would like to know more about what the Bible says on any topic of your choice, please go to the Talk to a mentor at the bottom left of this page and click on its button.

  • Richard says:

    Contrary to the stereotypes, not all men are interested in sex. I myself have very little interest in it.

    It is fortunate for my wife that she also doesn’t, as this might cause problems.

    I’m very sorry as to your situation.

  • Sharon says:

    to deCaf I am sorry your husband left you. prayer– father God I pray comfort over deCaf be with this person . I am praying for you– sharon

  • DeCaf says:

    My husband of 50 years never really liked or wanted me. So in his great wisdom he just got up and left me. He has made sure I’ve had enough money and he just gave me the house. I have everything I need money, fairly new car and a roof over my head. I’m not happy how our marriage went but that’s what life dealt me.

  • Alfred says:

    Hi No Interest,
    Your situation speaks into my life, exactly! I was looking forward to cycling and hiking with my wife, but she’s not into that for weight reasons. While I studied she worked night shift at the hospital. Sleep in the day-time was interrupted and not adequate at times. She gained more weight. At times I was even repulsed by her fat body. Then I found myself looking around for someone else to embrace, which is a terrible thing to admit. Deep inside of me I knew that since marriages are recorded in heaven, there’s no way I could cheat on her!
    We were blessed in being able to go to a Bible study by Marriage Ministries International. I realized that I was very selfish and short-sighted. God restored our marriage! Our sex-life is not that active any more, but we’ve found many other ways of expressing love to one-another! We put God first, and help each other in many ways. She walks with a cane but I don’t mind.
    So when you say “She has gained so much weight and this is a real turn off.” I know what you mean. Take it from me: Little sex and being over-weight are not really problems, but actually challenges of every-day life. If I can get over it and enjoy life again, then you may also be able to do it also! Cheers!

  • No interest says:

    I’ve been with my partner for 7 years.theres never been a lot of sex in our relationship. But literally non existent now.i do love my girlfriend so much but have no interest in having sex with her. She has gained so much weight and this is a real turn off. Luckily for me she doesn’t bother me about must play on her mind though but she never mentions anything. I can’t mention about her weight coz she will get moody. All she does is sleep and eat. With a part time job in between

  • Angelica says:

    I am going through the exact same thing, it literally is just my situation. Have you been able to achieve anything. My self-esteem is at its lowest right now.

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    Hi Brenda, I appreciate that you are speaking from your experience and what you hoped would change over time never did. But that may not be everyone else’s experience.

    Situations like this are significant opportunities for couples to develop healthy communication and conflict resolution patterns for their relationship. I know that 40 years of emotional baggage came seem pretty daunting to tackle, but I am an optimist and believe that there are ways to improve the health of any relationship. One of the key components of my optimism is Jesus Christ; I have seen Him help couples facing all kinds of messes that they have created, and bring them out stronger and more in love.

    I have some close friends who have an amazing marriage. Some years ago there were many, including the two of them, who were certain they were bound for a messy divorce. They had allowed some negative patterns to develop in their marriage for many years, but it all came boiling over when he had an affair with a 16 year old girl. As bad as that was, what made it worse was his position in law enforcement. It became a public scandal in the news, so that she was faced with humiliation in front of the whole community. He lost his job and their world seemed to be crumbling. The path for them has been very challenging, and they both have had moments of weakness and made poor decisions. But they have both maintained their commitment to following Jesus through it all, and He has brought a miraculous healing to their marriage. They are now in a position of mentoring other couples going through difficult times and help them discover the healing ministry of Jesus in their lives and marriages.

    I saw a video recently that presents how hard times in a marriage can make your marriage stronger and what it takes to make that happen Neal and Sharol get input from a number of marriage experts who became experts because their relationships went through some huge struggles. All of them point to the influence that Jesus had on choosing to fight for healing rather than just abandoning their marriage.

    You don’t have to face these challenges alone. Allowing others to come and support you in finding marital wholeness is an important part of finding healing. And through it all, Jesus will stand with you and create a miracle of whatever mess your marriage is in. To find out more about seeing Him work in your marriage go to site that Neal and Sharol work with

  • Brenda says:

    Get Out Now! 40 years later and the only times we had sex were (a.) twice a week before marriage, (b.) once a month in the first 5 years, and (c.) maybe twice a year after that until the 13th year – and then NOTHING (even though I kept asking him) from yeaar 14 to 40 —— yes, 27 years with no sex. I wish I had left the night we got married. It would have saved my self-esteem, and put joy in my life. I am bitter, old, and no longer attractive, which is because my health went downhill along with the self esteem.

  • Sharon says:

    to Amy– I am sorry for your husbands attitude towards you prayer–father God I pray for the husband open his eyes to see on what he is doing to his wife I pray for a miracle for Amy I know she doesn’t care any more as it has been awhile but God let her know you care and are with her always I pray all of this in JESUS name amen I am praying for you. I feel for you no fun I am sure. God sees you as pretty and there is nothing is wrong with you its your husbands issue- Sharon

  • Amy says:

    My husband lost all his interest in me, that happened about a week after we were married. That was 48 years ago and some change. He has lived his life in our basement! He never liked sex therefore he thought of me as the whole problem. He never talks to me, I’m just some one else on the street that he doesn’t care about. I question myself so many times as to why I stayed but now to late and to old to care any more. He was never gay or have something one on the side.

  • tutu says:

    I am tutu from india .my age is 25 and i have lost my sexual life. Becoz i think a have already hydrosel probelm

  • Susan says:

    Leo, I am sorry to hear this. I want you to love him, care for him the way God want a wife to be. You be a godly wife to your husband and a godly mom to your children. Then, ask God to deal your situation. He will. Your focus should on God.

    Father God,

    Restore this family, protect this family. Draw both of them closer to You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

  • leo says:

    Iv been with my partner for seven year n we HV a 3 year old son but after my son things HV never really been the same,well in bed.He has lost all sex interest n this makes me feel unattractive.wat can we do to revive the sexual spark.

  • Kate says:

    Hi Mary, sounds like you should speak to a doctor to get medical advice on your question.

  • Chris says:

    Robert…i regret to hear of your struggles….after walking with jesus christ for 40 years now, i have found him to be faithful in always remedying whatever problem i may have. i am sure he will do the same for you as he has promised that nothing is too hard for the lord. jeremiah 32.27. i encourage you to log onto or click talk to a mentor above for more information on how you can let jesus truly be the lord of your life and all you are. he keeps those who commit themselves to him! blessings!

  • robert says:

    Hereditary issues sorry

  • robert says:

    Anyone have experience with extremely low testosterone or depo-testosterone?

    I suffer from nearly non existent levels often at or under 100! I am 46, have liver issues from her diary disorder. The shots were working but seem to have less of an affect than they first did when I started them. Getting an erections only a few minutes a month is killing my marriage. Getting the doctor to write the script is also becoming an issue as I get one excuse after another from my doctor. None of which deny my near non existent T levels.

  • mary says:

    My husband is on atroiza,hiv treatment,he has lost intrest in sex at dis meds causing dis problem?

  • Sex requires specific focus to enable him to gain an erection. Stress of any kind can affect a man’s libido and make him lose interest in sex.

  • Chris says:

    deepak kumar…i regret to hear of your struggles. losing a child can be very traumatic and may take time to recupérate from. without knowing how long ago this happened, you can be sure that God through jesus christ will bring you through this situation. if you dont know jesus as your lord and savior and helper then feel free to log onto or click talk to mentor above for more personalized attention. i pray that as you focus your eyes on christ, you will find him more than able to heal your inner person, revivie your spirit and give you the freedom you need to have children in jesus name amen

  • deepak kumar says:

    Dear Sir,
    i M 35 years old .i have lost my sex intersest day by day.please solution my problem.
    i have lost my child once.after that i lost intersest in se.please tell me solution

  • Sharon says:

    any advice on that your husband says that sex is for younger people, we are in our 50s and he is we are too old to do sex now I still like it we really don’t have proper models in our parents, any people older than 50 and still enjoying sex or any advice thank you

  • lolo says:

    Guys is there a medication in stores for low lobido?can you please name it please we are a loughing stock out there

  • Chris says:

    lolo…sorry to hear of your struggles….its important to keep a balance in life especially with sex because we know that the body being made of dust, will return to the dust it came from. spiritual matters should take presedence and permit the earthly things of life to be subordinate to the spiritual. having said that, of course, sex is a part of marriage, but shouldnt be made into something to idolize or to take to extremes as phillipians 4.5 to 13 indicates. we see from the bible one simple marriage act, the physical unión of husband and wife. without making any laws about “extras”, dont feel bad if you are not up to 13 rounds of sex like a marathon boxing match. jesus said before his return the world would be in a preoccupied state of overly wanting sex as in the days of sodom and gomorrah so we can try to avoid that tendency by keeing christ first in our lives and having a healthy balance about physical things including sex. for more information on knowing jesus personally, his guidance and instructions for our lives log onto… or click talk to a mentor above for more personalized attention. i pray jesus reléase you from any burden that he hasnt sent your way according to Matthew 11.28 to 29 amen

  • lolo says:

    I loosed intrested in sex I can only do one round after then I may want to but I can’t what can I get or use?

  • Chris says:

    muhammad farooq….sorry to hear of your struggles. whatever problem we have in life, we can look to the savior who came to die for us on the cross named jesus christ. he is a healer, a restorer, a fulfiller of our needs. outside of christ, we need noone else. if you would like to know more about knowing jesus in a powerful, saving and helping way, log onto or click talk to a mentor above for personal attention. i pray you would fix your eyes on christ for your personal needs. i know he wont fail you!

  • muhammad farooq says:

    i have lose my sex how to gain im 36 year old please help me

  • Doris Beck D. Beck says:

    You are so right Pffft it is hard for the internet to translate something as a sarcastic comment but I think you have to agree with Claire’s comment above that both men and women cheat in relationships. Neither sex has the monopoly on that one unfortunately.

    I also agree with your comment that men who somehow think that because they are a guy it’s alright to cheat are also not right at all. To be in a healthy relationship you have to be willing to think of the other person and it’s hard to do that when you are self-centered! It does sound like you may have been hurt by a cheater in a relationship and for that I too am sorry(Claire said the same thing above) But not all women cheat just like not all men cheat so hopefully at some point you will find someone who isn’t self centered and is ready to be in a relationship.

  • Pffft says:

    It was a tongue in cheek comment. Its the way society views it. We men always are viewed this way it seems. I know the internet can not translate this as a sarcastic comment. It is easier to blame the guy even if it is the woman that cheats or loses interest. It seems that the woman can do no wrong and even if they do it is deflected on someone else. Men are horrid at this too. Some men who cheat say “I am a guy”, like this somehow makes it ok. The problem is most people are self centered and should not be with anyone in the first place.

  • max says:

    need of privesee

  • Claire Colvin Claire Colvin says:

    Hi Pffft, That’s a pretty severe stance to take on men and I don’t think you’ll find stats to back it up. It’s unfair (not to mention inaccurate) to suggest that there are real reasons women might lose interest in sex but not so for men. The reality is that sex is complicated and our feeling about sex, our interest in sex often originate far outside the bedroom. Yes, some men cheat. But so do some women. Lack of interest in sex can be associated with stress, emotional distance, hormone imbalance, stress in the relationship, having a new baby – all sorts of things. I don’t know if you’ve been hurt by a cheater – if you were, I am sorry to hear it – but please know that those labels do not apply to all men. It’s simply not true.

  • Pffft says:

    Usually it is the woman that loses interest it seems. When a woman loses interest it is because of stress,hormones or some thing they just cant control. When its a man who loses interest its because he is a power hungry jerk or a cheater. Perhaps she changed and he is reacting to that. No point in even asking such an absurd question as it is easier to shift the blame to the ever repulsive testosterone driven male.

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    That is great news Dieketseng. What has changed?

  • dieketseng says:

    Things have changed,thank u!he is now somebody I falled in love with years ago.I apreciate the help.I don’t know what I would have done without u.thanks a lot!

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    So Dieketseng, what do you think has happened in your relationship that has changed the love your husband has for you?

  • dieketseng says:

    I also have a husband who kinda lost interest in sex,when I ask him what’s the problem he rather just be angry.I think its when a person no longer loves u anymore and just want to be with u for other reasons.I mean sex shud be done to keep the relationship strong!I’m done with putting my life onhold because of someone,I might just dissapear and never come back!

  • Andrew says:


    One of the issues that you will find if you decide to stray because you are bored in your existing relationship that you will destroy your wife. The feeling of excitement will wear off and you will be left with a giant feeling of guilt and when your wife finds out which she will it will add insult to injury and whatever sex life you did have will no longer be there.

    When we focus our lives and minds on the things of Christ then the Holy Spirit will give you a new found joy in your life and even your boring sex life will seem to improve as you are living for a higher purpose instead of physical gratification.

    God Bless

  • Alfred says:

    Hi tt,
    I am a mentor for this site, and am glad that you wrote in about this. The older I get (and we have grandchildren now), the more I see that sex is a very big issue in society. It is normal for both sexes to crave for a change of partners at some time or other, yet the Bible forbids it! The temptations to look for someone else can be a real test of faith, which leads to Spiritual growth. To build up a marriage, rather than to look for a way to cheat, may be difficult but very rewarding. My wife & I found that our marriage was struggling and we had sex only once / month. Then God gave us the opportunity to participated in a Bible study for married couples. We had to do homework together, which wasn’t easy, but God needed to do a work in both our hearts. I recommend you look on the internet for a class near you: The course is called “Married For Life”, taught by Marriage Ministries International, with University of the Family. It is a 9 week course, is interdenominational, and students are admitted twice / year. The best introduction is by hearing those who have just completed it, and that is also the time to enroll. By taking the “MFL” course we were able to again find one-another. We took it several times and were in a position to teach it when my wife was called to a position in another province, and a heavy work-load prevented us from teaching. Maybe God just did that for us so we could be blessed.
    As we both are drawn closer to God, we are drawn to one-another! It is amazing what that does for a marriage relationship. The self-esteem of both is boosted, and love is restored.
    I think we need to now and then ask ourselves why we are here and where we want to go. A prayer for God to give us the long-range-view or the bigger-picture, can lead to a change in attitude. The desire to “…try something different on the menu” is deemed foolish or even lost.
    God has a plan for each of us. Now I wish I’d sought to know God more intimately sooner in life! But I am blessed in that He is now “restoring to me the years that were wasted.” Let me close with the words of Jesus from Luke 11:9-10 “So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” NIV.

  • tt says:

    It is normal for some men to loose their interest with sex after a while with the same person. Sometime we need to try something different on the menu.

  • Baldheaded Fool says:

    A lot of men are losin interest in sex these days so don’t take it so personally. Increasing social stress due to work, family, changing gender roles, etc has a big effect on pride and thus libido. also, a lot of men are tired of all the drama and questioning the benefits they get from women. Same for women. So I expect to see a huge spike in asexuality in the near future where people will no longer have to deal with others’ issues and focus on their own happiness.

  • Gia says:

    I don’t know how long ago this was written and don’t know if your marriage is still intact but from what you’ve described your husband sounds like he’s got some very manipulative ways about him. You suggest he’s annoyed or jealous about the time you spend with your friends but before he didn’t mind it and now he withholds sex from you. Or doesnt act very interested. What it sounds like he’s doing is punishing you – now that you are “his property”…and no longer just his GF. He sounds controlling and making excuses about money, is… just that, an excuse to deflect what is really going on. He knows it’s putting you off-center and confusing you and that’s what narcissistic types do. They BLAME you and sabotage all your efforts to make sense of things. If he doesn’t knock this kind of behavior off – get out and get out fast!! Don’t think you can out wit or outsmart him. Narcissists always have to maintain control and are usually two steps ahead. They don’t know how to truly love or give – it’s all conditional and based on what you can do for them, or rather, how they can control you enough to satisfy their need to annihilate your self esteem which is always the outcome. These are very warped individuals and they CANNOT maintain normal relationships with anyone, especially ‘intimate’ ones. An extreme narcissist may even fall into the category of pyschopathic…so be careful if you do think about leaving, plan your exit strategy in secret. Tell him nothing and don’t let on to anything…just leave and NEVER again make contact with him unless its done for legal reasons and only use a PO box in another town. Sorry to be such a downer but I’ve known these types and have seen the damage they do and it’s terrible. Good luck.

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