Healthy Marriage

A Man's Take on Why Feelings Matter

We live in a culture that inoculates men against their feelings. They grow up learning to develop thick, protective skin over their emotions. They may have a father tell them to “Just be tough” or chide them because “Boys don’t cry.” In a moment of vulnerability in grade school, they may hear someone say, “He’s such a cry baby!” As...

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Anger: Definitive vs Distorted
Anger: Definitive vs Distorted

I will apologize for doing something I believe is wrong. It’s a great start however this is problematic if I didn’t see anything wrong with my action but my spouse does. Or vice versa. Has that happened to anyone? We learned a few principles to help sort this out at an anger workshop lead by Dr Gary Chapman. The purpose of anger First thing...

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Forgiveness Is Not A Feeling
Forgiveness Is Not A Feeling

Learning to forgive is CRITICAL to building a healthy marriage. We’ve only had “little” offenses to forgive each other on this first year, but I’m not going to kid myself that “little” hurts are all that’ll ever touch our marriage.  Even so, in this first year I’ve had plenty of opportunities to practice forgiveness (and so has my...

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Solving Disagreements Without Arguing
Solving Disagreements Without Arguing

I bet everyone wishes they knew the answer to this one. Before diving into the topic of conflict, one thing to understand about conflict is that it’s absolutely normal and to be expected in the marital relationship. Conflict doesn’t happen because you’re married to the wrong person; conflict happens because you’re human. One of the pitfalls...

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New Baby, Distant Husband
New Baby, Distant Husband

Do you feel abandoned? Our mentors are here for you. Request a mentor today. “Ever since I had the baby, my husband has been distant.” In the midst of all the excitement of new baby, especially the first baby, you rarely hear expectant parents talking about how this child will change their marriage. Babies are wonderful, let’s be...

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The Power of Sorry
The Power of Sorry

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Do you remember that saccharine line from the famous 1970 movie Love Story?  It sounded icky to us then, and it sounds icky to us now. If you came of age under the spell of that cloying mantra, we’d like to set the record straight once and for all: it’s a big fat lie that has nothing...

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Being in Love Isn’t Enough
Being in Love Isn't Enough

Right before I got married I read Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married by Gary Chapman. There is a great list of “flags” to go through in conversation with your significant other before, and even after, you marry. I believe most sources of conflict in marriage can be worked out so I didn’t see anything on Chapman’s list that was...

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Romantic Love Has Two Stages
Romantic Love Has Two Stages

Before I got married I knew that there were two stages of love I just wasn’t sure how it worked. I knew there was a difference between the “over the moon” swooning and butterflies honeymoon phase of a relationship, and the deep, sustaining quality of love that lasts through the decades. I had witnessed both kinds of love. I just wasn’t sure...

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