What Men Want in a Relationship

Written by Rinatta Paries

men_wantAre you feeling hurt or misunderstood in a relationship? Connect today with a free and confidential mentor.

I have discovered a stark contrast between what each sex thinks the opposite sex wants from them, and what the opposite sex really does want.

What women think men want from them causes women to have resentment and anger toward men, and feel hopeless about ever developing a wonderful, warm, romantic partnership. What men think women want from them causes them much of the same feelings and frustration.

The sad part is that it does not have to be this way, if only we would realize that both men and women are human beings first and pretty much want the same thing. But, you don’t have to take my word for this.

I asked a number of men and women who are actively involved in personal growth and development what they want from a partner in order to build a great relationship. You will find their answers unexpected. Discover what men said they want from women as contrasted with what women think men want. You’ll also find tips for women to give men what they want, attract a great man, and create a wonderful relationship.

Honest communication is top priority for men. They want a woman who answers questions honestly, and perhaps even volunteers information. They want a woman who confidently asks for her wants and needs to be met. They want a woman who can see the truth and tell it like it is while communicating with kindness. Men want a woman who can communicate without being too critical, who cares about preserving his and her dignity.

Women think men want them to be superficial, to keep quiet about their needs or wants, and never to ask for anything. Women think men believe them to be too needy and too sensitive, and that men simply want women to get over it. Some women believe they do not have the permission to tell it like it is, that they will be rejected for speaking up.

A tip for women
Great men want and need straightforward, courageous communication without anger or criticism. One way to attract a great man and build a satisfying relationship is to learn how to communicate your truth and needs effectively.

2. Men want self-sufficient, secure, confident women.

Men want a woman to choose them out of want rather than out of desperation — either materially or emotionally. Men need to be wanted and needed by their partners, but they want their partners to have a separate identity. Men want a woman to be active and independent, to have her own friends and interests.
On the other hand, men treasure time spent with a loving partner.

Women think men don’t want women to need them. Women think men do not need or appreciate time spent together as a couple. Women believe that showing a man he is needed will turn him off and
possibly make him run away.

A tip for women
Men want what women want — a whole partner. One powerful way to attract a great man and build a vibrant relationship is to create a full, rewarding life for your own fulfillment.

3. Men want a manipulation-free relationship.

Men want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to read their partner’s mind or try to interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing.

Women think men want little or no communication, and the only way to get needs met is through manipulation. Women think men either need or want to be reminded that the relationship needs to move forward. Women think men don’t want or value praise and acknowledgment, and so tend to only verbalize criticism.

A tip for women
Men will not tolerate manipulation of any kind for any significant length of time. To attract a great man and build a wonderful relationship learn to ask without hesitation for what you want and need in every area of your life. Learn to be aware of his timing and his time-line. Learn how to acknowledge and bestow praise.

4. Men want growth, personal responsibility, and ownership.

Men want a partner who can laugh at herself and who has courage and strength. They want a woman who can see her part in relationship dynamics and own it. She has to be emotionally stable. Men want a woman who is developing herself personally, and who takes responsibility for her emotional experience.

Women think men only want to have a good time. Women think men have no interest in developing and growing a relationship or developing and growing themselves. Women think men want women who are super models, and that they never consider whether a
woman is emotionally mature, kind, supportive, or loving.

A tip for women
Men want women who are emotionally mature. Maturity does not mean lack of emotions. It does mean the ability to handle emotions responsibly. To attract a great man and build a long-term relationship, learn to take responsibility for your emotional experience and expression.

5. Men want fidelity and a commitment to the relationship.

Fidelity is an absolute must. In fact, men want a woman who does not have a “roaming eye” and who can wholeheartedly commit to the relationship. Many may define commitment as fidelity plus the willingness to work on the relationship — even when the going gets tough.

Women think that all men want is sex, and that men will leave a relationship for the next prettier face. Women think men cannot be trusted to be faithful. Women believe men do not want to work on a relationship; that when the going gets tough, they run.

A tip for women
Here is great news for those women who are resigned to the myth that all men cheat: infidelity and “a roaming eye” are as distasteful to men as they are to women. Great men know how to build a wonderful relationship, and they know fidelity is the main ingredient.

6. Men want women who know how men need to be treated.

Many women treat men in ways that diminish their egos, making them feel inadequate. Men would rather have more praise, more acknowledgment of what they do right, more acknowledgment that they are great guys who are loved and appreciated.

Women think men do not need them, do not value their opinion, their support, their praise. Women also think men do not care about many things important to women, which is why they criticize. Criticism is a way to verbalize resentment.

A tip for women
Most men want acknowledgment and appreciation from women. Learning to acknowledge instead of making your partner wrong is one of the most powerful relationship survival tools available to you.

© Rinatta Paries. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you’ll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a “true love magnet”(tm)!

Now that you know what men want, what about what you want? The desire to love and be loved is the most basic human need. Do you know how deeply God loves you? You are beautiful, loved, and not alone. Take a minute to think about that – God loves you, and not because of what you do. You don’t need to act or look a certain way to be loved by God. He loves you unconditionally already. God created you and He is interested in the details of your life. God wants to have a close and personal relationship with you.

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935 Responses to “What Men Want in a Relationship”

  • Celeste1965 says:

    I believe the couple Merline is speaking about are not married, but living together. I do agree that it is strange that the man would confide in her….

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    It is odd Merline that he shares that kind of information with you. I could understand him telling a male friend but to share his infidelity with a woman is odd. Do you have a relationship with his wife at all?

  • Merline says:

    Hi Jamie,

    The info I shared about that couple is firsthand because the guy told me. I told him he should tell her this and don’t let her be the last to know. He will not move on to other relationships because he says he does not make enough money. My thing is as a female, the lady should be warned but then maybe she does and is OK with it. He said he does not want her to know he is leaving her for another woman but he goes and sleeps with them occasionally.

  • Celeste1965 says:

    I enjoyed your comments. There are good men…and women out there. Marriage is work, and takes commitment.
    Perhaps with God I will find the answers I seek.

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    Hi Merline, sounds like you are in a tough spot. I don’t know all the details of the relationship you are talking about but I usually want to give the person who has made the poor choices have an opportunity to make things right themselves before I would tell someone else. If you let him know that the things he is saying about his wife are things that he needs to talk to her about rather than to other people you give him the chance to work on his marriage.

    I would also recommend that you only speak to the things that you have firsthand knowledge of. Talking about rumours and stories that other people tell puts you in a dangerous position.

  • Jason says:

    The common thread in all of the wants described was a ” good man”. We are vulnerable and flawed. Most men know their shortcoming s and we do get told of them by lovers, sisters, and mothers. Life is critical enough. When a man truly loves his woman he will put her first and do whatever to meet her needs. Corinthians states rules for marriage and love. I love my woman to no end. We have issues. But I will always keep her as my partner and in faith. Love is a gift from god expressed in the relationship. Some people don’t see it that way. As with our faith, we all must foster its growth. Reason this I says men want what women want in almost every scenario. Once that is expressed with the righ man and woman, the needs are met. God desires our happiness and love, but we must be capable of making it work.

  • Merline says:

    I know of a man (58) and woman (65) living together. She pays all of the bills for the house including the cell phones. He buys food with his food stamps and cheats on her with other women. He works but only earns kibbles and bits. He argues with her because the house is not clean, food is not cooked.He has told me she is such a nasty housekeeper. He has told me she is not what he wants. He has left her for a year to seek work in another state. When he returned he went right back to her. She is a nice person. I want to tell her what he is doing. Should I?

  • Foxy says:

    This one never fails to make my hair raise: “Many women treat men in ways that diminish their egos, making them feel inadequate. Men would rather have more praise, more acknowledgment of what they do right, more acknowledgment that they are great guys who are loved and appreciated.”
    Honestly, I have no problem to praise and appreciate someone but there’s got to be something to praise and appreciate! When I think about the men I meet via datingsites, they simply are not great guys so why on earth would I show them appreciation?

  • Celeste1965 says:

    I am sad for you. I understand what you are saying. The only person you have any control over is you. You cannot change the behavior of your husband. You cannot make him treat you with honor and respect.
    I know there are good men out there.
    It is hard, because I also believe the things you said in your post. My ex husband was and still is very selfish. It became all about him, after our first child was born. His needs came first. At the end of our 17 year marriage, he tearfully said to me: “I’m just a bank account to you”.
    Well………if he had been invested in the marriage and shown me an emotion besides anger and rage….had expressed love and compassion toward me instead of constant criticism and disappointment, maybe there would have been hope to save it. He was not available emotionally, and would not discuss anything involving my feelings. The only thing he did well was provide for us financially. That was all he was capable of doing.

  • caroline says:

    Really, I have done all the above. I work out, Very confident in myself, but yet my husband is so insecure that he still cheats on me. Men have extreme issues. Men can not and never will really love anyone but them selves. History repeats its self over and over. I will never believe that a man can love beyound himself.

  • Brenda Miller says:

    Nathalie, I join you in thanking God that all men are not insecure and deaf to the needs of women, and I also praise God that all women are not equally insecure and deaf to the needs of the men with whom they are in relationship, for it is so important that, as women, we share the responsibility for the good and the bad in our relationships.

    Nonceba, I am glad that this article was helpful to you, and I pray that your next relationship is a blessing to you and the man with whom you share your life.

    Rebecca – Siren, I surely understand your desire for a soft place to fall, as well as someone who accepts you unconditionally for who you are as a beautiful, precious child of God, flaws and all. We all need that, and I know that in my own marriage, one of the greatest gifts I can give to my husband is to focus on what I can give and on what I can do to improve the relationship for my husband, rather than on my own needs. When I do this, I receive far more than I could ever have imagined, for my husband responds with the love of Christ in a very powerful manner, and I also receive the tremendous pleasure of knowing that the man I love more than anyone else is contented and happly in our marriage.

    Celeste 1965, I am so very sorry for the pain you have endured in your past marriage. It is my belief that our Lord hates abuse even more than He hates divorce, as abuse goes completely against His plan for unity and oneness in marriage. We cannot mistreat one another and love each other as Christ loves His Bride, the Church. It is my prayer that Jesus will comfort you and heal your heart with His mercy and all-sufficient grace as He holds you tenderly in His arms of everlasting love.

  • Celeste1965 says:

    Rebeca – Siren ………………I relate to what you said.
    This is why I divorced my husband after being married a while. The last 10 years were abusive. He was constantly critical. I could not do anything right in his eyes. He took all his anger out on me, no matter what was going on in his life. I could not turn to him for emotional support, and it all fell apart.

  • As a woman, I want a soft place to fall. To have someone who loves me and accepts me as I am, flaws and all. A man who won’t constantly criticise me or blame me for all of his problems.

  • Nonceba says:

    I don’t know what to say but I did learn about man today and I can see also my mistakes Thank you very much hope when I get to a new relationship I know how to handle it

  • Nathalie says:

    Men needs from woman this and that, and woman if she needs love or understanding can receive it from God, which is true… Yes, I agree with you, when I think of it i pacify myself the same way… Just I think this is society and not the nature’ or God’s order. In our church it is being understood that Man is Woman’s “head”, and Christ is Man’s “head”. And Christ was loving and compassionate, who talked with understanding to such women whom nobody else would have approached. He sets absolutely different example of Man than modeled in the society with all that needs and deafness and insecurities you are writing about. Thanks to God not all men are like this.

  • shelley anderson says:

    Well I agree with this article on have a relationship witn another partner. I t is encoruaging to me in how we are to respond to eachother.
    Let us pray about it.
    Dear father God. We love you oh Lord and want to make the best we can in a relationship with another person in our lives.
    I pray that as we read this article that we seek God in His guidance of have a relationship with each other.
    In Jesus Mighty name amen

  • Claire Colvin Claire Colvin says:

    Hi Sara, As you can see in the byline, this article was written by a women – Rinatta Paries – after many, many conversations with men. You can see from her bio page that she is a registered Life Coach specializing in relationships and I can assure you that this article was written out her extensive experience and research. You are of course welcome to read or not read whatever you like, but I’d encourage you not to discount this piece. Rinatta knows what she’s talking about.

  • Sara says:

    Is this article not written by a man? Sorry but if it’s not that has thrown out my entire trust of everything said. Men really do think differently to women, I would much rather hear it from them, even if that means the truth is a bit harsher, I just want the truth.

  • Bendy says:

    You should read an article actually written by a man.

  • N says:

    After reading this article, I feel that everything I’ve always known about men have been confirmed. My late mother was a wise woman who raised me to know these things about men so that I can be a loving and supportive wife. I feel that I have been on par with the article when it comes to my marriage. However, the hardest part in my relationship is to be supportive without being critical when I know my husband’s conduct warrants anger. For example, if your husband loses 80% of your life’s savings am I not allowed to be more than upset? I’d like to hear from a man how I should react if and when my husband does something that’s near unforgivable without actually considering divorce as the only solution. I think that I’ve been very fair with my husband in all the years that we’ve been married and if it were any other woman, they would’ve left him already – like his ex-wife. I just don’t know how much more I can be patient and communicate effectively without getting angry. At the same time, I don’t want “divorce” to be the only solution. But I think the advice in this article only works when your husband isn’t always looking for ways to damage the relationship: like make poor decisions that end up affecting you, too.

  • Celeste1965 says:

    @Noodles123 :
    Regarding my post from October 31….
    It was me venting. It had nothing to do with anything you posted.
    When I spoke of people badmouthing me, I was not refering to anyone on this site.
    I was expressing my frustration with comments from others.
    For instance, not too long after my divorce, I joined a Christian online support group.
    Many of the members were kind and offered to pray for me. One member’s comments were not Christ-like to me or to other members who were hurting and reaching out for help. I left the group shortly thereafter.

  • David says:

    Wow! Such a rich contribution laid over here in these 6 items about how men work. I really discovered a fundamental idea: self-fulfilment is one of the keys to attract a partner for a meaningful and great relationship.

    May I allow myself with an extra hint for you ladies:
    “Let him be your hero”
    Men deeply need to be succesful. Your couple life a permanent opportunity for you to make him feel that the relationship you leave with him brings these very specific things that make you happy and that nothing and anyone else can bring to you.
    Let him know all those little things, expressed with calm, face to face, gently. He will just thrive and want this to go on and on: you to be happy because of the way he is or what he does. Really. Trust the man I am !!!

    All the best,

    Kindly yours,

  • Noodles123 says:

    OMG Melissa Leave!

    That guy is a sociopth…He will NEVER change because you will always take him back afraid of “If i walk away who will help him?”

    Hun he cheats on you, you catch him, he cries and promises to change then does it again and again…Errrrm for your sake CUT OFF ALL COMMUNICATION…Everyone has issues but it’s just an excuse.

    Men don’t change until they hit bottom…Stop being a safety net OR accept the fact that you are being used and are okay with that.

    This is the same answer for both men and women in the same type of situation and yes I did as I say…It hurt but you have to think long term for your own sake.

  • Molly says:

    Melissa, I lived the same life that you are living. I felt like I should stay and help my husband deal with the issues that were causing him to cheat. He too wanted to stay married. I realized after a year of separation, that I had to let him go. I was losing myself trying to save him. I was showing my children that it’s okay to stay with someone who mistreats you. They know that I tried everything to keep our 24 year marriage together. We divorced, he is now living with a girl and cheating on her. I am dating and am hoping to find love again. I still love my ex-husband but I realize that he had choices…and he kept chosing to hurt me and our children. As time goes by, I pity him and his lack of self control. He has tarnished his reputation within our family and community all for his own selfishness. I urge you to realize that YOU deserve happiness and contentment in life. You are only responsible for your actions and not his. LOVE YOURSELF enough to expect more from a relationship.

  • Claire Colvin Claire Colvin says:

    Hi Melissa, I can see that you’re in a tough situation. I think you might be in a place I’ve found myself before – you know what you need to do but you don’t want to do it because it’s going to hurt. For your own sake, and for his, I’d encourage you to take a very real and honest look at your situation. We often try to complicate things when it comes to relationships, but often our partner is telling us what they want and don’t want, we just can’t bear to hear it.

    Read back through what you’ve written here. Even beyond the cheating (which is a HUGE issue in itself) here are your own words: “One year later and we are still not in a relationship”, “I have asked him to get counseling and he is in limbo”. Here’s the thing, if he wanted to be in a relationship with you, a real relationship two things would have happened: 1. He’d be in counselling and 2. The two of you would be in a relationship. It really is that simple. If he wanted to be in a relationship it wouldn’t take a year. It wouldn’t even take a week. When a person wants to be with another person they do something about it.

    It sounds like he has a very complicated past but it is not your job to fix it. You are not his consolation prize and even if you were an absolutely perfect girlfriend you couldn’t fix what has hurt him. Relationships are not hospitals, they’re not supposed to fix us. If you’re spending all this energy fixing him, where do your needs come in? Your desire to help him is admirable but you can’t be God for him.

    From what you’ve written here it sounds like he is trying to tell you what he wants. He is showing you with his actions that he is not ready to be in a relationship with you right now. I know how much that hurts and how scary it is to consider going all the way back the beginning, but I think you’ll find you’re already there.

    You said that you weren’t going to wait forever, it’s been four years. How long is forever?

  • Mellisa says:

    I agree with this article as i believe its best to have a relationship with God before we push to have a relationship with individuals on earth. Carol, Im so happy that your marriage is 44 years strong. We need more marriages like that. My parents were married for 27 years until my dad died from cancer and i hope to experience the same. Im 27 years of age so i am bringing a lot of youth’s perspective to this forum so please correct me where i am wrong and guide me where possible. I have been in an relationship for the past 4 years (on and off) and my half has constantly cheated. Each time i approached him, he would constantly cried and beg for another chance, i would then give him. In last year after a year break from him he asked for us to reunite noting that he felt like he gave up his wife.I conceded and we plan to work towards a friend then relationship. One year later and we are still not in a relationship as he is afraid he hurts me. I have asked him to get counseling and he is in limbo with that as it might be an ego thing.
    I have been patient and have been praying that God help his and direct his path. He tries but i think he always fail at it and is afraid to hurt me so he asked me for some time as he is not ready yet. The thing is, I am waiting but will not wait forever and this guy is ripple with issues of abandonment as his father walked out on him at age 7 and he also has issues of inadequacy and lost. My thing is Yes, these are the things that men want in a woman but you have some men that have issues so deep, it takes a strong confident woman to help them.

    I have come to the conclusion that i would let him be and move on with my life so many times but my heart wont let me. If i walk away who will help him. God place me here for a reason and i plan to help him through it BUT if he rejects my help il have to walk away. Jamie, i agree with you but it takes a very mature man to speak like you do.

  • Carol says:

    After being married 44 years to the same husband, I would like to be able to add a little thought here. I have found that what is left in a relationship is love and communication in the end. If you cannot love with agape love and be willing to sacrifice for the family, and work “together” in the end the relationship will not go on. Now cannot speak for all, but noticed that sex does not stay so strong later on, and especially once the children leave and get married you had best have something else in common. So yes, it is important to really get to know each other and do not react to the physical stimuli right away, until marriage, and allow always to have God in the “center’ of this marriage and try to compromise when you do have differences and remember to “communicate” and the unconditional love ( In spite of) hopefully can see you through. 1 Corinthians Ch 13 and Genesis is usually great to re-read ,often.

  • Claire Colvin Claire Colvin says:

    Jimmy, If you look at the author’s credentials you’ll see that she’s very well qualified to answer this question. As she states at the beginning of this piece, what she’s written here comes from countless interviews with MEN about what they want. Her sources are excellent. The article was written for women to help them better understand what the men in their lives are looking for. I don’t see how that is a bad thing. I’m not sure what you were expecting.

  • jimmy says:

    You know, all the above tips for woman are wrong.
    They are written to the benefit of the woman.
    Tips for a woman it says… Then goes on attacking a man (in his intiraty) to the benefit of the woman.
    And who is this article written by …OH A WOMAN.
    And finally this will not be published, you know why???
    Becuase we dont want to hurt the poor woman’s feelings….
    Finally… article was actually written for woman to the benefit of woman…. WHAT MAN WANTS IN A REALTIONSHIP??? Ask a woman ofcourse.

  • Noodles123 says:

    @Celeste1965 someone has issues…Read what I said…Not what you believe I said.

    Also obviously you have some hurt and baggage if you think people are bad mouthing you…I speak for myself and whatever I give as advice is based not only on my experience but what I ACTUALLY did not what I think people should do.

    People stay in toxic marriages?…Good for them…People leave toxic marriages?…Good for them only they know when and how they’ll make their decisions…BUT do I want to hear people complain, complain, complain and leave THEN go back over and over?…Not really.

    It’s just like drug addicts and only when they hit bottom can they figure out what they need to do.

  • Celeste1965 says:

    I have read both of Steve Harvey’s books…great information.
    I hope to find the love I have always wanted someday.
    For those who have criticized me for being an idiot because I did not leave my husband when the abuse started…
    Walk a mile in my shoes. You have no right to judge me.
    I once thought that abused women were stupid because they stay, but after living it, I understand.

  • Noodles123 says:

    Being in my business divorce rate is way above norm and the #1 reason?…Infidelity.

    Although I know that church people usually have stronger relationships…The problems that affect society also affect the Flock…Plus honestly just because two people are good people doesn’t mean they will be good spouses…I’m sure we can all think of examples in our lives of people we thought one way and were shocked when the truth came out.

    I’m sure God doesn’t LIKE divorce but I’m also sure he understands the need for it and wants neither the husband or wife being abused, exploited, ignored just because they wear a ring…It’s meant both ways.

    If one side isn’t keeping up with the agreement then the vow is broken…Why should you or I have to stay if the relationship is toxic?

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    That’s a pretty strong statement Noodles. On what basis do you feel so certain that almost all men cheat or want to cheat?

    While I agree that the emotion of love does have something to do with chemical reaction I think that is a small part of what true love really is. When love is reduced to a chemical reaction it takes away the responsibility of people’s choices. It lowers love to something purely instinctual and ignores the beauty of choice, sacrifice, service and commitment. When we look at love as just a chemical reaction then whenever times get hard (and all couples experience hard times together) love is abandoned and people miss out on the depth of love that comes from working through conflict and struggles.

    And let me end with some hope for you Noodles: you do not have to be worried that you will take advantage of women who are too soft and sweet. You don’t need to have your woman be hard on you in order to keep you in line. God has made you for much more than that. He is able to transform that selfishness in your heart into a selfless love that seeks to serve rather than be served. Jesus modeled that love for us and He can transform us to reflect His character in our relationships. God has promised, “What this means is that those who become Christians become new persons. They are not the same anymore, for the old life is gone. A new life has begun! All this newness of life is from God, who brought us back to himself through what Christ did.” (you can find this in the Bible at 2Corinthians 5:17-18)

  • Noodles123 says:

    I find these articles good but unfortunately a bit naive…Due to the computer age and social media too many men AND women are no longer what you think…We all say the right thing but the truth is many of us have skeletons and wants and lusts that have zero to do with this list be they Christians or Non-Christians.

    To be honest almost ALL men cheat…Those few that don’t are usually faithful because no one wants to cheat with them…I don’t care if they are reverends/priests/cops/judges married with 12 kids and a gorgeous wife…90% of all men cheat or want to cheat.

    This computer age has been a blessing technology wise but an enemy of marriage…I agree with many things on this list but love isn’t a check off list…Love is a chemical reaction that punches you in the head and makes you dizzy.

    People confuse it till one day they get hit by real love and end up doing ridiculous things for it.

    As a man I tell you womenfolk…Be hard on your man because if you’re too sweet and soft you will get used…Yes because men are idiots unfortunately it’s in our wiring God gave us.

  • Claire Colvin Claire Colvin says:

    Dear youraidiot, I think that the author is pretty clear in explaining why there are tips for women. This article was never intended to be the only relationships article ever and for all time. Rather, the author, who has quite a lot of experience as a relationship coach was sharing some of what she has learned about what men want in a relationship. The tips for women are the response to that, a logical counterpoint – men want this, so women could try that. I do agree that there is room for a What Women Want article. There are plans underway to expand this piece to be more inclusive.

    You asked, “Why is that the complete opposite for my husband and I?” which is a great question. The answer is that this article was not written about you and your husband specifically, it was written in generalizations based on the author’s extensive experience. No two people are exactly the same. If it’s the opposite for you, is there good info for you if you read the men’s side of this article? Are there things in the tips for women section that you would like your husband to do? It sounds like the dynamic in your relationship is different so you’ll need to adjust accordingly (which is something you probably do already).

  • youraidiot says:

    This is a STUPID article…tip for women??? Where’s the “tips” for men? The funny thing is that if this is how a couple should act , why is it the COMPLETE opposite for My husband and I??? Thoes “tips for women” should really be for men…pathetic

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    Hi Claudejose, I am no expert but I would say the best way is to be honest and ask.

  • claudejose says:

    what is an effective & smooth way to find out if a latina female friend has a boyfriend//

  • My name is Kelly Anderson from Germany, I’ m a lady of 23years, who lost her husband in a serious car accident 8mouth ago.
    I’ m left alone with a 3years old daughter, and a house that is already put on loan. I need to go in a relationship. So I need a date who can take care of my daughter and I……….contact me now at [it is our policy not to publish personal contact information on our sites]

  • Lauren says:

    I approached this article with frustration about my belief that all men are unfaithful in some way. I also approached it knowing I have to love and focus on myself first before I can concentrate on thinking about someone else. My favorite part though, aside from the “what women think” and “what men want” sections is that we are masterpieces in God’s eyes. I am a scriptural person; I have to see the words in the Bible to believe that we are “not accidents of fate or chance”. To add to the portion of God loving us, according to Psalms 139:14 King James Version, humankind is “fearfully [also translated “awesomely or magnificently”] and wonderfully [from the Hebrew word “Pele” translated “marvelously, uniquely, distinguished”] made”. According to Ephesians 2:10, we are God’s “workmanship [translated “masterpiece”], created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them”. So now you can walk with confidence knowing that according to God, we are magnificent, awesome, unique, marvelous, and masterpieces.

  • Celeste1965 says:

    I wish that I could have figured my then husband out, and gone to counseling years ago.
    I could have avoided years of emotional pain and heartache.
    I’m now seeing a counselor, something I would highly recommend to anyone.
    Talking to a person who has nothing invested in the relationship, and isn’t related to you, is helpful. My counselor was able to look at my relationship with my then husband and call it what it was…..abuse.

  • anna says:

    JAY T: I know how you feel, but looking for your future wife at the bar will bring no result. People now find each other in church,classes,sport activities.Good Luck

  • classy texas says:

    To Lindsay,

    Understand that God has never been an excuse for bad things I’ve done. Understand that I do good BECAUSE of God. I live my life with a true purpose to help those in need. Occasionally, like everyone, I mess up. My mistakes are blessings and my life keeps getting better & better because I choose to learn from my mistakes rather than point fingers. You say “God doesn’t exist as far as you and I know.” Lindsay, you don’t know my experience…you only know your own. Widen your mind and your thoughts to something much bigger than yourself. Or…live in the world of 5 senses where you limit yourself and choose those boundaries. It’s your choice. I think it is a process for people, so I totally understand your position….just totally think your limits are showing. In my opinion, life is not about weak and strong. It’s about many personalities (thank goodness) that should be celebrated. I hope this does not come across as “know-it-all-ish”, but I felt compelled to share & if nothing else…provoke thought. No finger pointing at men or self is needed. Be happy on your own, yes…on that point I agree…however then a man will come into your life to compliment that rather than become obsolete. God bless. (I used to hate it when people said that to me. Now…I get it.)

  • Zoe says:

    I am pretty similar to this when I am with guys and am still getting no where. I communicated my needs to my current ex which was not much at all and I end up getting dumped!

    At least I don’t have to deal with a whole lot of confusion anymore but still, agree with Stacie when a girl who is like that actually does come along a guys way, they don’t seem to know how to handle it and run away! Roll eyes.

  • cfast says:

    Hi Lindsay, we actually have resources for what women want! Please visit http://powertochange.com/familylife/sex-resources/#sexual_desire. You will find resources that pertain to both women and men. This article has become very popular but we do agree that there is another side and we therefore created resources for that purpose.

  • Lindsay says:

    Ok so this article clearly communicates what men want. I was looking forward to reading about what women want and all that was written in that section is a few scriptures from the bible. Ate you saying that what we want is irrelevant or that you don’t know what we want? I will not accept an inferior role in any relationship in life, romantic or otherwise. I will not silence my desires or compromise my happiness to cater to masagenists. I will not pawn my problems off on “god” and use him as an excuse to be unevolved and retarded, subservient and weak. God is a figment of your imagination and a bad excuse for bad behaviour. Own your life, your actions, your happiness. God doesn’t exist as far as you and I know, and he can’t help you. Evolve people. If women stopped obsessing about what men want all the time and decided to focus on what makes us happy, men would be obsolete and all women would be happy. And sexy!

  • Andrew says:

    @Commentators I have read many of the comments and often what I find is that men try make woman love them and woman try to make man love them. When a man does not respond to a woman’s advances during a relationship often they look inward and ask themselves what is wrong with me why is he not so into me?? My own personal belief is that if you look at a mans spiritual life will determine the success of your relationship. God wants the husband to love his wife as the Christ loved the church. In today’s culture sex determines love when Gods definition of love is self sacrifice and putting the woman first. Pray and ask Christ to give wisdom and he will if you allow the holy spirit to give you the answers. God Bless

  • Ann says:

    I am in a relationship with a guy who is 11 years older than me. To let the truth be told sometimes I don’t feel that there is a relationship. He was at first all into me, he would come by on a regular basis and call me every day. He always mention the age difference between us, which confuses and puzzles me. He mentions that he doesn’t want to ever get married again. (We was apart for a year), during the time apart I started seeing and talking to this other gentlemen that stayed about 400 miles away from me. We got to know each other and things became a little more serious our planes was to move down to his city and get married. To make a long story short I got cold feet, I was not ready to leave my home town, I needed more time and he did not understand that, lets just say he got very ugly. Thank God I didn’t move God only knows what would happen once I got down there. I heard this knock on my door, guess who? my ex he ask me not to move “which I already decided not to move anyway” we started talking and seeing each other again ” This guy is my heart I don’t think he knows it.” He even ask me to cut my conversation out with the other guy and not to have anything to do with this other guy, so I did just that. after about 4 months of seeing each other again, he slowly stopped coming around and calling. I don’t know, what I’m asking is can anybody here give me some advice on this complicated relationship. Sometimes I feel the need to bring this up to him but don’t know how.

  • Chasity says:

    The real truth? Women of the new generations are too INDEPENDANT, sassy, SMART, educated and multi-talented to go through all this to make a relationship work. A few posters said it right, women have had to place and STILL do place the majority of the energy and effort into creating, keeping, and mending a great relationship. Let’s face it, women buy the books, go to counseling, read the articles, ask the girlfriends, while a vast majority of men’s relationship growth and or mending includes, hmmm let the chips fall where they may, she’ll get over it. When you have a new vibrant, fresh, independant mentality, you don’t want to be taken back to 1929 to serve your man. When relationship growth/work/mending is interchangeable and BOTH parties work as hard? YOu’ll see a dramatic decline in divorce and more single women willing to be the dream girl you men seek. I don’t blame women for being bitter or uncommitted either, it was thousands of years of oppression and being inferior to men, I am 33 and still remember my mother teaching me how men should be “treated” and the way to bag a good guy. Like it was my life’s goal, not college, growth, indenpendance, but how and what I could do to land a great husband. It’s ridicoulous.. I don’t remember the same talk to my brother about women being “treated”., I couldn’t be happier to see more satified single, educated independant women. True story;.) Chasity P

  • FLETCHER says:

    Your articles are realgood and educative. KEEP IT UP!

  • paul oyinloye says:

    All i care about in a woman is faithfulness,fidelity and development. I don’t like a woman that is carried away with the canal things of this world. Woman must not be dependent on other people success in marriage cos when they have problem she will not know. I love My woman,she’s beautiful and understanding and very spiritual. There is only one that makes relationship and marriage works, the person is Jesus christ. Until you invite him into your marriage,the house will know no peace. ???????????????k????????? sir. Call me for serminars [it is our policy to not publish personal contact information]. Paul

  • mimi says:

    [expletives removed] Sorry to sound bitter but the truth is once a man decides he wont commit to you there absolutely nothing you can do about it.

  • Trisha says:

    To Celeste65: this is exactly what happened to me! The man i tried “working” things out with, on and off. for 8 yrs, would be the same way.Especially with the “luring” me in. i was the one reading all the books and getting councelling when he would just stay the same and put me down at every turn. When i called him one morning distraught and crying about missing my son and new baby granddaughter, he was, at first, ACTED very compassionate and told me if i needed to call him back if i still felt bad to do it. Well, i didn’t get over it as fast as the thought i should and then i got his email, basically telling me i needed to “get over it” and stop being so over anxious about everything! wha happened to the compassion? So, if i had called him back, he would have been nothing but angry. He wanted things the way he wanted them even though i had the “better” way every time. i guess that crushed too much of his ego. He thought that by constantly putting me down, i would eventually shut up and let him have his way. Well, instead, i grew to love and respect myself more, just like you did, and i called the whole thing off. i blocked his email and won’t take anymore of his calls. i told him i was worth more than what he had to offer and didn’t want anything more to do with him. i really loved this man and we were supposed to get married and move to another state. i am so glad i finally stood up for myself and closed this door. i am still alone but i’d rather have my relationship with the LORD than to be with someone like him. i pray the LORD bless you and will soon bring us both to the ones HE hs for us. ~HUG

  • Celeste65 says:

    I’d recommend any woman to read Steve Harveys two books.
    The info in it is straightforward.
    I didn’t like some of the things he had to say, but in a nutshell….its the woman who does most of the work in a relationship.
    Mr. Harvey states that men aren’t going to read books that tell them what to do to keep their woman.
    It ticks me off to know that I did all the work in my marriage…my Ex said he wanted communication, but would cut me off or shut me down whenever I opened my mouth. I learned to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself, because he didn’t care to hear it. The #2 statement above:”Men want a self-sufficient, secure, confident women.” I thought my husband admired these qualities in me. After 3 years of marriage, he acted like he depised me. He wanted all the control, all the time.
    After years of abuse, now in my late 40’s, I filed for divorce. I’ve been divorced for over a year now, and still find it difficult to trust men in general.
    From my experience, men pretend to have feelings like love, and compassion to lure women in then change when things don’t go their way.
    I long for the kind of relationship my grandparents had. They had mutual respect and love for eachother. To have a soft place to fall…to know that I can count on my man to be there for me…would mean everything…..

  • Laura says:

    Reply to Kim regarding your comment: “I don’t understand, I’ve learned to prevent a man from cheating or leaving a woman is usPposed to make him feel desired all the time. How do I do that if he wants me to have a activities and interests outside of him?” Having activities and interests outside of your boyfriend doesn’t mean that you don’t desire him. Loving someone doesn’t mean YOU stop living. You can show someone that they are important and desired, and make time for them without loosing yourself. If you loose yourself when you fall in love then maybe is not even “love” that you feel. Emotional dependencies are formed when you are not emotionally balanced yourself ALONE and always need someone to attach to to feel happy, that’s not love.

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