Romancing Your Wife

Written by Dave Klassen

Romance your wifeGuys, let’s face it. Some of us have a long way to go in the romance department. We know our wife wants it, we know we’re supposed to do it, but it just doesn’t come naturally to us.

When we first begin to court a woman, our step is lighter and our inner Romeo is unleashed. Driven to win her heart, romantic creativity seems to flow easily. Every day is a new surprise: flowers, candies, love notes and dates. However, when “I want to marry this woman” turns into “We’re married for life,” we often settle into a nice, comfortable rut. The stretches between our romantic efforts grow longer and longer, until we rely on Hallmark’s annual reminder that it’s Valentine’s Day.

I remember the night I realized that I had been dropping the romance ball. It was almost midnight, and my wife suddenly remembered she’d forgotten to buy some string licorice, which she needed the next morning for Sunday school. She asked me if I’d go out to the store to get some for her. So I dutifully headed off to our local Mac’s store. Unfortunately, they didn’t have what I was looking for, so I drove home preparing to tell her that she was going to have to think of something else to use.

Then it struck me, like a lightning bolt out of the clear blue sky. When we were first dating, I wouldn’t have given up so easily. When my damsel was in distress, I alone stood to save her! Back then I would have stayed up all night if necessary, checking every store in town for string licorice!

In a moment of romantic bliss I turned the car around and headed for another store, then another, and another. I was love-struck once again. Thankfully it didn’t take me all night – just 45 minutes. It was a small price to pay to show my wife that she was loved.

And that’s what romance is really all about. When men think of romance, we often connect it to the desired end result – sex. It could be because we’re often told, “If you would only romance me more…” Nevertheless, end result shouldn’t be our focus. Romance is often little more than making my wife smile.

We also mistakenly think that romance always requires a five-star production. We picture hours of elaborate and expensive preparations for an event that she will never forget. But sometimes simple is better than complex, and the element of surprise can be our greatest ally. Our wives want to feel cherished for who they are and thought of when they feel they’ve been forgotten. They want to be noticed, pampered, listened to and, more than anything, fed mounds of luscious chocolate. Actually, what they really want is just to be shown a little appreciation.

Maybe you want to romance your wife, but your stockpile of ideas is running low. If you’re looking for something other than dinner and a movie, here are a few ideas to get you started.

1. Flower power – Now, you may be thinking, “Flowers? I thought you said this was going to be creative!” Well, hold on there. You may have done the flower thing before, but an old idea can be given new life. The next time you buy your wife flowers, think outside the box. Most florists sell small glass vases for one or two dollars. Buy a dozen or so roses, and the same number of vases. Put one rose in each vase, and hide them all over the house – in the kitchen, the laundry room, the bathroom, the closet, the bedroom. Then attach a pink paper heart to each one, telling her something you appreciate about her – something like, “I really appreciate the way you do my laundry every week.” Put a note on the front door saying, “You are now entering the Romance Zone – Heart Hats required!” Then get out of the house and allow her to discover it on her own!

2. Quotes for your queen – A picture may be worth a thousand words, but a thousand words can paint quite a picture! Enter “love quotes” or “romance quotes” into an Internet search engine. Print out the best thoughts of romantics down through the ages, and cut them out individually. Then tape them all over the house for your beloved to find (this idea will also go over big with your daughters). Sometimes, the best way to express our heart is by borrowing somebody else’s words. On the other hand…

3. Roses are red, violets are blue – Why not try to write your own poetic masterpiece? Now wait, before you laugh, realize that your poetry does not have to compare favourably to Ralph Waldo Emerson for you to be able to do this. Remember that whole, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” thing. What you think is the world’s worst poem could have your wife praising you as a literary genius, simply because you cared enough to express your love in this way. So dust off your quill pen and start writing!

4. A song in your heart – If you’re anything like me, you may have a lot of singing in you but it just doesn’t seem to come out very well. Find one of those instant recording studios at the mall and record her favourite song. Gather some of your buddies together, call yourselves the Love Connection or some other romantic name, and sing the song. Alternatively, buy an album with your old dating music on it and play it before you take her out for dinner, or end the night with a dance in the middle of your ballroom (I mean, living room).

5. Why reinvent the wheel? – Leave a message on the answering machine, “I just called to tell you I appreciate you and wanted to say I love you.” Send her an e-mail message, referring her to a web site that has a poem or love song you like. Or how about digging out one of those old love letters you wrote her and resending it via the mail, with a “P.S. I still feel this way” added at the bottom.

6. The perfect picnic – One day at lunch, pick up her favourite food: Chinese take-out, pizza, sushi, an all desert buffet – whatever she likes. Bring it home and slip it into a picnic basket. Lay out a blanket on your living room floor, maybe even in front of a crackling fire, and enjoy a romantic meal for two.

7. Heart attack – About a week ahead of time, send her an e-mail that says, “Beware: the King of Hearts is going to strike.” Buy a huge bag of red cinnamon hearts, chocolate hearts, plastic hearts or paper hearts – as many different types as you can find. Hide them everywhere you can think of: in her drawers, her purse, her cupboards and her pockets. When she opens her wallet at the grocery store, hearts fall out. When she lowers the sun visor in her car, hearts rain down on her. The more bothersome the better (without seriously inconveniencing her, of course)! Actually, inconvenience may be a good thing!

8. All-inclusive dinners – If you want to give your wife a fabulous evening out, but you feel overwhelmed by planning all the details, consider an all-inclusive dinner offered by many hotels and restaurants (especially around Valentine’s Day). You pay one price, covering dinner, wine, dessert, and a pair of tickets to the theatre or a sporting event (note: if you’re trying to make your wife smile, only take her to a sporting event if she actually likes sports!). This is an easy way to plan an elaborate, memorable evening together.

As I have done the unexpected things I wouldn’t normally do to express my feelings to my wife, I’ve discovered how much fun it actually is to surprise someone. Even more importantly, as I have set up some of these things, I have been reminded how much I still love my wife. Above all, remember that romance is spelled E-F-F-O-R-T. It is fun, but it is also work. Take the time to study your wife; get a masters degree in pleasing her. Learn what it is that sets her heart fluttering, and then get to it!

68 Responses to “Romancing Your Wife”

  • Aldo says:

    Rich and Jamie, besides praying, you both should try the advice that Tom gave Debs- studying through a book with your spouses in order to more understand each others “romance needs? He suggested the book by Gary Chapman, “The Five Love Languages. That may do it for you.

  • Jamie Carragher says:

    My wife is doing a depression I need serious help we have been together for 11 years fell into a routine

  • Rich says:

    I try this, but my wife thinks we are in a movie. I dont know what else to do. [expletive removed], right?

  • Tom Tom says:

    Have you ever thought of studying through a book together in order to more understand each others “romance needs?” I would suggest the best selling book by Gary Chapman, “The Five Love Languages.” My wife of 41 years and I found it most educating and helpful.

  • Debs says:

    I enjoyed this. My husband is romantic-less…..hahaha. I need romance. Its not about the sex for me, I love flirting…teasing…..notes….he does not….Lord help me please….ahhhhh

  • Craig says:

    Louis sounds like you are suffering from ‘Nice Guy Syndrome’

    I might suggest checking out a book called ‘No More Mr. Nice Guy’ by Dr. Robert Glover


  • Alfred says:

    Thank you Chris for responding to Monica and to Louis. I agree whole-heartedly with what you said, and add my prayers to yours.

  • Chris says:

    monica….so sorry of your situation…from what you are saying it seems you are working while your husband is not? sometimes a husband may be out of work temporarily but finding something to earn income shouldnt be all that complicated. knocking on doors, washing cars, mowing lawns, shoveling snow, there are many ways he could be earning money so for him not to be is basically inexcusable. 1 Timothy 5.8 in the bible is clear that the husband is responsable for the homes income. i would suggest you seeking God about this situation for his wisdom about what to do here. if you dont have a personal relationship with God through his son jesus, you can log onto or click talk to a mentor above to start one today. if you do know jesus, then it would be good to receive godly prayer and counsel from women who know jesus at your church. praying for you now that jesus guide you in his perfect path and bring your husband to his knees and to his feet so he can begin working today. blessings!

  • Chris says:

    louis white…so sorry to hear of your struggles….there are times our wives may go through a type of depression which cannot be explained. during those times it will be important for the husband to draw near to his spirital mate, jesus christ for the peace and comfort he will need. if you do not have this personal and comforting relationship with jesus christ, then log onto or click talk to a mentor above to begin your saving relationship with jesus today. if you already do know christ personally then be sure to have godly men pray over your life and be a part of a strong christian church. if you dont know of of one let me know. praying now for you that christ becomes your pillar of strength as you pray your wife through this time of difficulty. blessings to you!

  • Monica says:

    Coming from a single income home (MY INCOME) it would b nice to see this. Just something to say I love u and appreciate u. For for month I feel like I am getting resentful cause he can’t take time to do the smallest things. He thinks saying thank u is showing appreciation. It’s not. That’s using manners. So tires so stressed that

  • Louis white says:

    I try to please my wife.and no matter what I does not work.she not a happy women.all the u said that I should do. I have done now.u tell me what should I do to please her
    I tell her how much I love her.i try to take her out. I give all that I feel that she need.and it does not work
    I take care all the bills what ever she ask me to do.i take care of it.whetlove.i tell her that she is my gueen.and love her verymuch.i don’t what else to please tell me.what can I do.

  • Ogechi says:

    I agree with you, Dave. Simple can be better than complex. More than any physical or material gift, the greatest gift a husband can give his wife is that of affection; expressed love. Its aim should be to ‘make her happy’ and make her sense your appreciation for sharing her life with you. It doesn’t have to cost a leg and an arm. I’m a woman and I understand what this is all about. Men need affection too and advocate for a balance. Marriage is a lifetime contract between two mature minds. As such, both have roles to play to keep the ship sailing blissfully.

    Like Mike rightly pointed out, it is easier read than practised but if you stayed disciplined and focused on your desired outcome, you will find it easier to practice.

    I have made an effort to assist men with understanding their wives and probing why she acts the way she does. The goal is to see that desired outcome in the wife. I put it all in a book titled, “11 WAYS TO CHANGE YOUR WIFE”. Available here:

  • asmita kalal says:

    i want know RomancingYourWife

  • TR Freeman says:

    Dave, I copied this article of yours in full and gave you full credit in my blog.I was a marriage and family counselor for years at our church and love to find and use articles from other counselors, pastors that really understand how marriage is supposed to work in the eyes of our Lord.

  • Doris Beck Doris Beck says:

    Y. Martin,
    I’m glad that this article and the comments were timely for you in your relationship with your wife. A good marriage takes effort on both sides as we strive to understand one another. May I also encourage you to read the book that Mike suggested above, For Men Only by Jeff and Shaunti Feldham……excellent material!

  • Y.Martin says:

    Wow ‘effort’ is what my wife says I’m not doing. This was right on time, thanks for the ideas and help. May the Lord continue to bless you.

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