Christina's story of healing
my fantasy world | food and image | my hope in life
I struggle with living in reality versus living in my fantasy world. When I was a teen, I had no idea that my safe haven was living in my dream world. When I was upset, I would start dreaming about life ever after in a world where I was living with prince charming, where he made me feel safe, secure and loved. My mother and fiance had made comments about it, but I had no idea what they were talking about.
After my fiance and I broke up, a counselor helped me to see more clearly. When I was dealing with issues, I came to realize that escapting to my fantasy world was a coping mechanism.
God is helping me through it by making me aware of the times I am letting myself run away, whereas before I wasn’t even aware of it. When I recognize it, sometimes I still stay there, sometimes I pray and ask God for help. I often repeat things to myself, ‘No don’t go there, this is not a good thing." Or "Stop it Christina, remember that this isn’t reality." God wants to give me strength to live in the present reality.
Struggling with food and image:
I tend to rely on outward appearance and looking good for confidence. So I struggle with my image and controlling my eating. In high school I was close to becoming anorexic. My parents realized it when we were on vacation. My mom talked to me and took me to a doctor to see what my healthy weight was, to help me to see what was normal. I didn’t care.
I struggled with weight and food issues all through high school. I was thinking I needed to deal with it, but didn’t do much about it. I talked to someone, who recommended a book, and I eventually finished that. It wasn’t until I broke up with my fiance that I began talking to a counselor specializing in eating disorders. She gave me homework every week, not always related to food, often related to other things. I saw a nutritionist who’s helped me see what healthy eating patterns are and helped me be accountable which I did not like.
My counselor gave me a prayer to pray every day that another food addict had written, which helped me tremendously. It’s a prayer of choosing to give my life to Jesus, choosing the truth of Jesus satisfying more than the empty promises of food, choosing not to be controlled like a puppet by my unsurrendered desires, choosing to give control to God who is my loving Father who accepts me just as I am.
Knowing God’s love for me comforts me when I felt like crap, and has given me the strength to face my suppressed emotions and thoughts; he helps me to face the truth because he’s a loving God.
I still struggle with it. Every time I share it with people, I’m reminded. I know what I should do but I don’t do it. I want to be free, I don’t want to continue living like this… I know I need accountability and ask me how I’m doing so that I learn how to take responsibility for my actions. What I need is accountability. You can’t explain your actions, you need to take responsibility.
Knowing God through difficulties:
God is my source of comfort every time that I am feeling down with situations — like feeling I don’t have any friends or wanting a relationship with a guy to work out. Or there are times when I feel like my problems are unsolvable and life spins out of control with too little time to do everything.
Very rarely is there an answer in the practical sense — I don’t get a clear voice that says "This is what you should do." But as I look to God and choose to trust him that he knows what he’s doing, a peace comes from trusting that if I look to him he’ll work things out for my good according to his purposes. But if I don’t look at him, my focus is unclear. He does have a purpose and plan for my life. Then the answer unfolds. Not knowing adds excitment, even though I hate not knowing! It really is a journey and an adventure to follow Jesus.
Knowing God personally gives you hope. It means that there’s someone to help you through your problems. There’s someone who affirms you and believes in you when everyone else doesn’t. There’s hope.
Related reading:
- Questions about spirituality? Read our spirituality articles
- What’s your Spiritual Interest Quotient? Take our SIQ quiz and find out
- How you can know God personally
- Back to Student Profiles
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