Telling Our Own Stories
I am still trying to decide if identity is a solid, sure thing or if it changes. Do we become different versions of ourselves over time, or does time give us the wisdom to accept who we were all along? Are the new versions simply deeper levels of self acceptance?
I was reading a friend’s blog the other day and she recounted a story that sounded so familiar. Has this happened to you? She writes:
I own a genuine leather coat–one I bought at Value Village 12 years ago or so. I went back and forth on my decision. The coat just wasn’t me. I waffled; it wasn’t me, yet it called to me. This coat was something I wanted to be, and so I bought it.
The coat sat in my closet for months, but came along with me on my move. When my roommate, Karen, suggested a trip to a local coffee and dessert lounge, I pulled out the coat. And somehow, in this new environment, I’d changed, and become the girl I’d wanted to be–the one who wore this leather coat.
There are times when we know that more is coming, it’s just not quite here yet. “Who am I?” is one of the great questions of human life. One of my favorite thoughts on identity comes from the Drew Barrymore movie Never Been Kissed. Toward the end of the story when all has been revealed she charges her classmates, “Find out who you are and try not to be afraid of it.” I think that’s the secret right there. If we can make peace with who we are – celebrate the good, work on parts that need improvement – there’s a lot of happiness in that.
I wonder if we confuse our sense of identity by getting lost in the details? I am not what has happened to me. That’s my past, not my identity. I am not where I come from, or even the things that I’ve done. Those are all part of my story, but they are not who I am. At the most fundamental core of myself, I am a person created, loved, skilled, and flawed. I believe that God has a plan for my life. I believe he has one for yours too. You can read my story to see how I made peace with myself.
Who do you want to be when you grow up? When I went away to university my Mom told me that I was entering a time in my life when I would choose who I wanted to be. She was partially right. Yes, there is an intense time of self discovery in those years, but like so many things, it doesn’t end on graduation day. Uncovering ourselves, learning our own story is a life long journey. The skill is in learning to like what you find out, and being brave enough to challenge the parts that you don’t.
If you’re ready to go on a journey of self discovery try our free, guided life lesson “What’s in Your Bag? Learning to define yourself”. You’ll be matched with a study coach who will walk with you as you learn.
to Donnie– I am sorry people who says they go to church are robbing you. I feel for you prayer–father God I pray for Donnie as he is disabled be with him and I pray for open eyes for the people who are robbing this block and Donnie too convict them so they can ask for forgiveness and reconciliation. protect Donnie and show him that you do care for him let him feel you near on lonely days and give him dreams and visions of your love for him I pray all of this in JESUS name amen I am praying for you. from sharon
I’M JUST A OLD MAN OF 62 YEARS OLD AND I’M A VIETNAM VET PART INDIAN AND DISABLED. THAT DON’T MEAN ANYTHING TO ANYONE THAT LIVES ON THIS DEADEND STREET THAT I LIVE ON. WE ARE GETTING ROBBED BY PEOPLE THAT SAY THEY GO TO CHURCH……………
My identity seemed to have been “given” to me as i went along…”you’re selfish” is the first i can rem hearing over and over again. As a child i WAS looking out for myself, my mother chose to leave me and 5 other kids behind. So i never did like this “selfish part” of myself yet it was a part i learned to accept in order to survive. Other comments were, “you talk too much, you talk too loud, you jump to conclusions, you’re too vain, you’re always trying to fix things why not mind your own business?” Oh there were many more. So your question regarding “identity” intrigues me to say the least. i lived with this “self” described above and, as i got older, i tried NOT being any of those identities. i started replacing them with who Jesus Christ is. His character was nothing like mine so it’s been extemely difficult trying to be like HIM. My identity of “selfishness” is being redirected to the understanding of “loving myself” first before i can love my “neighbor as myself”. Is there KINDNESS somewhere within “me”? The ONLY place it is…in HIS nature and spirit within me. MY identity has been in malice and vengence. No, i never did like “my” identity…i need Jesus to take control and this is the bottom line for me. ~thanks.
they’re a sort of nonstandard toolkit that I use really well I love the way you’ve worded that. What a beautiful (and practical) way to look at it.
I think identity is a fluid thing. It’s all the “real” us, but the stories we use to construct our identities change as we do.
For a long time I struggled with organizational…differences. But it was only after I’d stopped trying to change that, when I accepted them as a part of me, that I was able to work with them. Now they’re not bad parts of me that I have to get rid of forever; they’re a sort of nonstandard toolkit that I use really well. And even when those aren’t the tools for the job…there’s a world of difference between saying, “All right, I can use this strategy to handle this, even if it’s a little weird for me,” and saying, “All right, from now on I’m going to change my life and do things this way forever, and if I don’t do them that way, I’ve failed.”
AMERICA IS ONE NATION UNDER GOD AND I HOPE IT STAYS THAT WAY. WE ALL MUST KNOW WHERE WE COME FROM IN ORDER TO GO FOWARD. I STARTED OUT AS A SHARE CROPPERS SON IN LOWER ALABAMA IN 1951. I HAD A LOT OF THINGS WORKING AGAINST ME JUST LIKE A LOT OF POOR KIDS BACK THEN, AND OF TODAY. YOU SEE WE DIDN’T KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO HAVE NEW CLOTHES, SHOES THAT FIT, TO GO PLACES, TO HAVE MONEY, TO HAVE TEACHINGS OF ANY KIND. I THOUGHT I WAS DOING GOOD TO JOIN THE ARMY AT 18 WITH LESS THAN A 7TH. GRADE EDUCATION. I SERVED IN VIETNAM AS A FOOT SOLDIER AND IN GERMANY WITH THE 3/2 ACR. AMBERG. TODAY I’59 YEARS OLD, A VIETNAM VET. PART INDIAN AND DISABLED,PLUS I LIVE 10 MILES FROM TOWN. I KNOW GOD HAS BEEN WITH ME AND SO MANY OTHERS EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. I STILL CAN REMEMBER BACK TO 2 YEARS OLD AND PARTS AS I GOT OLDER. ITS HARD TO TELL THE WHOLE STORY STEP BY STEP AND NOT MANY WOULD WANT TO READ IT. THANK YOU. DONNIE CLAYTON BARBER [personal information removed as per TOS]