50/50?

October 30, 2013

When our children were little they would often protest, “That’s not fair!” I’m sure I said it when I was a kid. My kind and gentle parental response was…

“Life is not fair. In fact you would not like it if it was totally fair.”

An adult version of the same thought is “50/50 relationships.” My response is still the same. “Relationships are not 50/50. You would not like it even if it was 50/50.” Having a 50/50 mindset is not productive because it does not work for at least 5 reasons:

It’s too hard to keep track. Monitoring the 50/50 takes too much work.

It creates a “you owe me” dynamic. That sucks the fun out of life and leads to anger.

It does not factor in skills, strengths, energy levels and passions. I’m better at some things, my wife at others and we have very different energy levels and motivations.

It does not factor in “seasons of life.” Demands of family, work and education are ever changing. Going the extra distance is needed for survival.

It’s Bad Relationship Math. Do you really want to give half, 50% to your relationship? 100/100 is better math.

ACTION  Commit to being all in. Do what it takes. Stop keeping score!

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

- St. Paul in a letter to the Philippians (Philippians 2:3-4)