Fantasy World

March 26, 2014

Do You Have a Fantasy World?

We know kids often are in a fantasy world, but adults also have fantasy worlds. Two common adult fantasies are:

• Romance novels or erotica, and
• Pornography

Billions of dollars are invested each year worldwide, telling us this industry is immensely popular; so let’s look at what they bring to a relationship?

Unrealistic Expectations: Erotica and pornography are placed in the “perfect” setting; which is not realistic. The roles are played by characters that represent fiction. A real life partner cannot meet the expectations of comparison to unrealistic fictional perfection. Real people cannot compete with airbrushed photos or well scripted stories. This fantasy world creates an appetite for something that does not exist in a real relationship.

Dissatisfaction: When an imagined situation is not consistent with reality, the result is dissatisfaction. This dissatisfaction appears in different forms. For example: anger or depression, among many others.

Isolation and Self Gratification: One may choose to retreat emotionally from a spouse.

This causes one to go deeper into the fantasy world, driving a greater level of fantasy and self gratification, which further damages the chances of true intimacy with a real life partner. It’s a vicious cycle.

Restless Opportunism: A spouse may begin seeking what is portrayed in the fantasy world. This restlessness looks for opportunities to experiment with new types of gratification, possibly within an existing relationship or with a new relationship. If not held in check, these fantasy world experiences will destroy real life relationships.

Action Points:

Consider: Are there any areas of “Fantasy World” in your life? Romance novels, erotica, pornography all can lead to living in a fantasy world; (so can video games, but that is another topic for another day.)

Ask: Where would continued involvement lead?  Is the destination beneficial?

Make a Plan: What steps will you take to stop unhealthy fantasy world experiences? Do you need some level of accountability from a friend? Should you install computer software to block the temptations? (Example: coveanteyes.com)