Security, Acceptance and Emotional Connection

July 30, 2014

In their book, Rekindling the Romance, Dennis and Barbara Rainey state that a romantically satisfying relationship has three nonnegotiable elements: Security, Acceptance and Emotional Connection. A good physical, sexual relationship develops from these qualities.

Relational security is characterized by safety. This safety is multifaceted. It can include physical, financial and emotional elements. Feeling safe physically can be as simple as having a good security system. Financial security can be enhanced by consistent communication on budget and goals. Security emotionally is characterized by being in touch with each other’s joys, disappointments and desires.

Acceptance is a deep belief that you are fully known by another person and are highly valued in spite of your flaws and imperfections. This acceptance can be affirmed with words like, “I love you. I’m committed to you and to our relationship.”

Emotional connection comes with shared experiences, thoughts, desires and aspirations. This connection can be maintained and built through being truly intentional about keeping in touch with the internal world of the other person. My wife asks me questions to find out what is going on inside because I don’t naturally talk about feelings and she feels emotionally connected to me when I share honestly and listen to her thoughts/perspective.

Action: Take an inventory of each of these three areas. Discuss where you are doing well and how you can improve in each.

Suggested Resource: Rekindling the Romance by Dennis and Barbara Rainey