Beth’s Lifestory

Written by calvin

Chatterbox

I am a talker. I always have been, and I probably always will be. I talk when I’m excited, when I feel strongly about something, when I’m nervous. When I was younger and people called me a “chatterbox,” I would feel really self-conscious (which sometimes just made me talk more, since I was nervous). I also, ironically enough, feared the thought of speaking in front of groups of people. I wouldn’t shut up when it was just me and my friends, but stick in a couple strangers, or ask me to give a speech, and I’d freak out.

Growing up, I shared a room with my sister for many, many years. She must have been in her second year of university (and I still in high school), when she told me about a seminar presentation she was preparing. Half an hour in front of something like thirty other people! I made a mental note that when I got to university, I would schedule my classes so that I never had to do such a thing.

Ha. Somewhere between there and here, something totally changed. I’ve led seminars of ten, twenty, thirty people. Outside of the classroom, I’ve spoken for forty-five minutes in front of thirty people. I’ve talked for half an hour to a hundred people. And, wonder of wonders, I enjoyed myself.

I no longer think that talkers = bad and quiet people = good. Yes, I need to be careful that I don’t just fill the silence with whatever thoughts are in my head. But there are benefits to being the way God made me:

I almost always seem confident, even when I feel far from it!
I can bring order to the thoughts in my head (Who knew there was a whole group of people that, like me, process by talking through their thoughts?! We’re called verbal processors, and we’re the people who open up about a problem and then talk ourselves to the solution without you ever having to say a word.)
I am able to put others at ease.
I have opportunities to teach others, to help them grow, to speak truth.

Life In University

I didn’t really know what I was getting myself into when I started university. I only knew this: I wanted to move out on my own, and I wanted to graduate debt-free. I chose my course of study pretty randomly; I had taken a creative-writing course in my last year of high school and I loved it. I was also a book-worm. I read voraciously, and I used words like voraciously. So I applied for English Literature.

Turns out, I loved it! I think it’s the most fascinating option out there. I learned bits and pieces of history, sociology, philosophy, politics, psychology, theology, and anthropology, all through the lens of big fat books. And some skinny ones too.

It’s always hard to balance studying hard and having fun. Eventually, I came to realize that although I wanted to do well in school, it is not the ultimate goal in life. I needed to keep my priorities in check. In twenty, thirty, sixty, a hundred years: who is really going to care if I have a 68 or an 86 in ENGL3000: The History of the English Language? I think I will be asking instead, What impact have I had on others? How have I made my life count? What matters is doing my best with the gifts God has given me. And trusting that He’ll do the rest.

In my first year, any night of the week would find me out and about, hanging out with whoever had invited me. I was trying to make friends left, right, and centre. It was fun – and exhausting; I couldn’t keep it up.

Eventually, I realized that I was acting out of insecurity; I thought I needed friends, lots of them, and if I wasn’t always available to hang out with them, would they still be my friends? Then someone introduced me to a wonderful concept: boundaries. I started learning where I end and others begin, and how, when I know who I am, I can know what I need. And what I need is not six hundred friends. What I need is love.

As for living on my own and graduating debt-free, I moved out the weekend before I started school. Living on my own was such an incredible and valuable experience; it made me start taking responsibility for myself. And I managed to graduate without any institutional debt – just a small amount owing to my parents, who thankfully, are more lenient than the bank…

Continue reading Beth’s lifestory 1.2.3.

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