A Snapshot of Shelly’s Life
chinese childhood | funny personality | dragon boat racing
Childhood from a Chinese Perspective
I was born in China and I lived there for the first six years of my life. I remember being told two things that really affected me when I was growing up.
1. I would cease to exist.
2. My dad was extremely disappointed that I was a girl. The only reason he had begged my mom to not abort me despite an extremely difficult pregnancy was because he thought I was a boy.
The first one really freaked me out even as a kid. I was terrified of death because I didn’t want to cease to exist. I would go to sleep with fear that I’d cease to exist sometime during the night.
The second one made me feel like I was a mistake and unwanted. Although my mom always reassured me that I was the most important thing in the world to her, my dad made no such reassurances during my childhood. To me it felt as if my dad treated me as if I was just there, I did not feel like someone special to him.
Together these two things made me feel like my life was some kind of meaningless fluke. I was in this world by chance, but that’s ok cuz I’d cease to exist anyways. Yet even as a child I knew there had to be more to life than chance. So when I first heard about Jesus at church when I moved to the United States and His offer of eternal life I jumped at the chance. At that time I believed Jesus mainly to have the assurance and benefit of eternal life.
It was only later that I realized that Jesus is God and Jesus proved this by the miracles he performed and most importantly by his resurrection from the dead. To me, Jesus deserves to be believed in and worshipped not just because I want eternal life, but because Jesus has proven himself to be God. As for sin, I’ve come to understand what that word really means. Many people are confused or refuse to accept what it means, but sin to me means honouring or prioritizing ourselves over God or refusing to give proper recognition and worth to who God is. Basically when we sin, we refuse to worship Jesus Christ because we want to be our own little “god” and do what we want to do. I think this is where all the problems of this world starts, with our “my way or the highway” thinking. We don’t want to surrender our lives (thoughts, actions, attitude, dreams) to God – we want to be in control of our lives and refuse to allow God to participate in our life. As a result, the ultimate punishment for our sin, our rejection of God, is eternal spiritual death (separation from God).
But in spite of our rejection of God, the Bible says that God loves us so much that “while we were still sinners Jesus died for us ” (Romans 5:8). Through the person of Jesus Christ, God came to earth and undertook the punishment of physical death so we would not experience spiritual death and separation from God. I’m always amazed at the depth of God’s love for me and that he created me for a purpose. But best of all I knew I was loved unconditionally by God.
This realization and understanding of God’s love and purpose for my life took such a huge burden off of me. My life wasn’t a meaningless fluke. I was created and brought into being for a reason, to worship God I was relieved that this imperfect world with all the evil, pain, and suffering wasn’t all the life that there is. There is another life waiting.
Hyper, Funny & Crazy
Friends and people usually describe me in three words (or their synonyms) without fail. Hyper, Funny, and Crazy.
Hyper – because I have this endless source of energy. I think I just feed off of other people. I have a “good” hyper and a “bad” hyper. When I’m hyper in a good way I’m honestly excited and enjoying whatever it is I’m hyper about. When I’m hyper in a bad way, I’m just trying to deal with my stress/worries/insecurities. I like to vent my frustrations.
Sometimes my hyperness can be a mask. For example sometimes when I talk to people I’m just talking like mad to prevent any awkward silences (I hate those!) because I feel really insecure in their presence. But then there are times when I’m so insecure that I won’t say anything at all. Hence the dreaded awkward silence. Dum Dum Dum.
This leads me to the crazy part. I guess my hyper-activeness can give off the impression that I’m cuckoo. It’s not because I do crazy things like jumping off cliffs or sky diving (I’m actually a big wimp – I’m totally terrified of heights and other things), but my personality is always full of energy.
As for funny, I never grew up thinking that I was funny or planning on being funny. It just happened within the last few years. When I say stuff, people start laughing or they tell me that I’m funny. Usually it’s just random comments off the top of my head. Most of the time I have no idea why it’s funny, but hey whatever floats their boat. I enjoy it though. I like making people laugh even if it is at my expense. I love it when people tell me I’m funny too. It’s a big compliment to me, just like when they tell me I’m pretty. Hahaha. Jokes!
Just talking or thinking about Dragon Boat Racing (DBR), gets my heart pumping, and the adrenaline rushing. DBR is a water sport that originated way back when in China, and now it’s gaining popularity all over the world, especially in Canada. Basically there are twenty two people in one really long canoe like boat. Twenty of them paddle in sync with each other. One other person steers the boat at the back end, and the last person at the front end tells the paddlers what to do.
I love DBR because of the people and the teamwork. Such great friendships develop when you’re all stuck together a few hours each week for about half the year, training on land, and paddling on the water until all your limbs feel like they’re about to fall off in addition to other nasty things…like Lake Ontario water. You bond when you go through tough times together (and good times too!)
DBR is really a team sport. The most important thing, no matter how fit a team, is for all the paddlers to stay in sync and paddle at the same time as one. There is absolutely no room for anyone to get arrogant and try to be a star during a race. That would mess up the sync of the entire boat, and lose the race for everyone. You can’t win the race by yourself, but you are key to winning it.
I got started with DBR when I was in high school. I tried out three times before I finally made the team in my last year. That experience really taught me a lesson in perseverance. The first time that I tried out, I quit after one practice because it was just too physically demanding for me. I had only gone at the request of a friend. Plus it really creeped me out that our warm-up jogging route took us through a cemetery!
I’m not a wimp!
The next year I tried out again just to prove to myself that I wasn’t a wimp. I went all out, going to practices and fundraising for the team. I made it all the way to the final cut, but I didn’t make the actual cut. I was so disappointed, frustrated, and bitter because I didn’t think it was a fair decision, but that just made me even more determined to make the team the next year, which I did. Now that I’m out of high school I paddle with fellow alumni who share the same passion for the sport.
Shelly talks about finding her father’s love 1.2.
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