Fear. Such a frustrating word. It’s something that almost everyone struggles with in my family. Well, I would say quite the majority at least. Worry, yes, that’s normal. But anxiety, the thing that can take over and make you fear everything, obsess over little things, feel nervous for absolutely nothing, yes, that one can sure take over easily. It’s something I have learned to cope with, work through, and ignore.

God has done incredible things in my heart and has truly held onto me when I felt the most frustrated with this “thorn in my flesh”. I thank Him continually. But let me tell you, over the last few months he has been ‘stewing’ something deep in my heart. He has been pushing me to give up the things I worry about, the things I hold on to, the way I cope with this ugly thorn known as anxiety. And it’s been quite the hard hike.

Climbing the mountain of fear

The last week or so I felt like I was climbing a mountain that just didn’t seem to ever let up. It was like there was no resting point, no place that wasn’t constantly going straight up. I was tired! Just like you get when hiking up a steep hill, or mountain, that feeling where you are ready to get to the top, and enjoy the view, the freedom. I’ve been wanting to get there, yet was feeling bogged down.

I met with a great friend and told her about the tough week I was experiencing, and after a few hours, it hit me. I realized that I was totally allowing the devil to bring me down and keep me from climbing the mountain of overcoming my fears. I wasn’t LISTENING to God whisper into my heart that I can beat this, I can work through the things that bring me down. I was holding onto something that I learned to be ok with.

No more coping

A wonderful author and teacher named Beth Moore says in her devotional Breaking Free that in her moments of being stuck in those difficult times, she was fine with just coping. She was fine with just staying in those chains that took hold of her. We all have something that can bring us fear, we all have something that can take over and keep us from being who God created us to be and who he wants us to be. We all have that thing that kind of binds us. For me, it’s been my struggle with anxiety, and I became ok with just living with it. But God has other plans.

It’s been a tough week hitting those “chains” head on. It’s been a struggle and I’m sure it’s not been so easy for my husband Jason because he’s had to just sit back and watch me try to climb the mountain that has grown in my life. He did pray for me yes, and he spent time listening to me as well. But it took me realizing what I wasn’t allowing God to do in my life, and understanding that I needed to get on my hands and knees and lay my heart out to the Lord.

That’s exactly what I did. I turned on a great worship mix, opened my journal, and wrote out everything that I was feeling. At one point the song “Oh My God” by Jars of Clay came on and it just broke me down. The lyrics talk about all the different horrible things that go on in this world, and how all that we can do is cry out to God. That’s it. I needed to cry out to God. And boy did I cry!  That’s not something I do a whole lot while worshipping God (and I wish I did), yet at this time, it was like “I just needed a good cry.” I can hear my Mom saying it right now.

And it worked. God worked.

I can do it. YOU can do it. WE can all climb that mountain that has been growing in our lives. We can all overcome the things that seem to bind us and keep us from being who and what God desires for us to be.  GOD CAN. GOD WILL if we allow Him. God does have an incredible plan for our lives, and God will help us to conquer our fears.  Praise God