This is the season we all start thinking of gifts and what to give those dearest to us. It is such a nice feeling to find that special gift for someone close.  Often we come across that special something when not looking for it.  This year I am going to suggest a different kind of gift.  The cost will not affect your wallet, but will be a challenge.

Here is the challenge: To identify your loved ones’ Love Language and give a unique gift of Love this Christmas.

If you are wondering, “What is a love language?” everyone has a love language –  a way to communicate and receive love and commitment at an emotional level.  Many couples are missing each other, feeling that they are expressing love, but the other does not feel loved.  It is the emotional equivalent of one speaking Chinese and the other speaking Spanish – you are not being understood, no matter the effort or volume used.

If you don’t know your love language, go to www.5lovelanguages.com to find out.

Based on Gary Chapman’s bestselling book, The Five Love Languages; here are the five love languages.  Remember each language can be appreciated by everyone, but communicates deep emotional love when used in the language of the individual.   This material is taken directly from the book and belongs to  Dr. Chapman:

• Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

• Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

• Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

• Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

• Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

Once you have identified the right language do something special for that person. You can even wrap it up and put it under the tree.  You can write a card using words of affirmation, or give a coupon for a back rub for physical touch.  For quality time, you can offer a coupon to do something your loved one really enjoys and promise to leave the cell phone and kids at home.  Acts of service could be a coupon for dinner made or a day off from house work, where you fill in the gaps.  Use your own creativity.

Coupons work well because it is tangible and you can wrap it up under the tree.  Add a date for the gift of love and it will be something you both look forward to instead of random.   If your loved one has the language of gifts, choose something that reflects how well you know them.  It doesn’t have to be costly, just personal.

What is the best gift you have ever received? The best gift you’ve ever given? Tell us your story in the comments.

Take our Love Language Life Lesson. Learn what your love language is.