I’m a Married Man Struggling with Porn
It’s one thing to read all the stats about porn addiction and how many struggle with it but the bottom line is, how do we deal with it? Then there’s that lingering question: am I addicted or just struggling? If you wonder where you are at with porn check out the assessments at: http://www.sexhelp.com/sast.cfm. You might not think that viewing pornography is a big deal. If so watch this clip.
How do you deal with the struggle? It comes down to three things: triggers, pathways and choices you make. Triggers at the things that get your brain thinking about porn. Pay attention to what happens just before you go looking for porn. Are you bored? Tired? Has there been a lack of sex with your wife? (If this is the excuse to you for using porn check out what Dr. Doug Weiss says about it .
Next, look at the pathway you use to get the porn. How easy is it for you to get it? Boredom and tiredness are huge factors why men turn to porn so deal with pathways. Make it difficult to get to. Put internet filters on your computer. Do whatever it takes during the times you don’t feel the urge so that you protect yourself when you do. Go to www.xxxchurch.com for help.
Related: Read Jeff’s story about struggling with a porn addiction.
Here is the crux of the whole deal: now that you have observed your triggers and pathways what choices do you make? What will you do to change? Gary Thomas issues a challenge that made me wonder if husbands have the guts to take it on. Here is his challenge: when you are tempted by pornography do something to build your marriage by doing a service that honors your wife.
If you are thinking, “I can do that. No problem.” you’re fooling yourself. In fact it is a struggle greater than men want to admit. For me I have to admit I need strength that comes from outside of me. I make a request from Jesus. I need His power. Does it work? Oh yes, I dare you to try it.
Know your triggers and pathways. Deal with them or porn will slowly smother you and your relationships. If you are looking for some books check out: When Good Men are Tempted, Everyman’s Battle, Pure Eyes and Final Freedom.
Family Life offers hope for struggling marriages. Here is a resource for sexual issues. Watch this related video: Help I’m addicted to Porn.
Are you struggling with porn? Do you need to talk? Either contact us privately by filling out this form and one of our mentors will contact you or make a comment about this article below the form.
Tags: addiction, challenges & conflict, marriage, neal black, porn, porn addiction, pornography, Romance & Sex, sex, sex resources, sexual problems
4 Responses to “I’m a Married Man Struggling with Porn”
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My husband of 15 years is a porn addict and we are trying to rid it, together. We have watched the videos on http://yourbrainonporn.com and they are very informative. This is an extremely hard addiction to break and husband has had numerous relapses. We do not have money for a counselor/ treatment/ therapy. Does anyone have any insight on how to beat this addiction without professional help? Thanks.
As with any addiction, it take perseverence and a committment to do the right thing. I feel the only way to truly kick a habit is to rely on God to help you. We are to please God with what we look at, what we do, what we say, etc… We sin and we fall short every day, but each day HIS mercies are new and give us the hope to keep moving forward. Each day he goes without porn is a day closer to being free from it. Take it one day at a time, each day being a victory.
Gina,
Addiction can be very difficult to break however many people think that the way to break the addiction is to go discuss the issue with a Psychologist which can be expensive. Their is a simpler method that can be used and that is through the power of the Holy Spirit. The addiction can be conquered and you may ask how can I say this? In Romans 12: 2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of the world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good pleasing and perfect.
It is important to memorize scripture that speak about the issue of becoming free from the power of the fleshly desires. How do you remove the darkness that is consuming your inner soul? In James 1: 14 Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. 15. These desires give birth the sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. In John 8:32 And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.
Discover what the truth behind the desire to watch porn and then submit that truth to Christ daily and you will be set free. Often our behavior is as a result of a deeper issue and Christ will reveal this to you through the Holy Spirit. I would encourage any man who is involved in this soul draining activity to contact a online mentor on here that you can email and be held accountable to. It is confidential as yes you can speak to your wife about it however another man will understand and be non judgmental and will help you remain accountable. Then when you feel comfortable meet with another man in real and you will be strengthened. Ridding of this is not rocket science it means that we have to shed light on it and by shedding light it means we keep accountable to another person and slowly the desires will go away and you will replace it with the Holy Spirit. God Bless
I really need help. I am 30 and so is my husband and we have 3 kids. We have been married for almost 9 years now. He has always been addicted to porn. It has always hurt my feelings and at times I have tried to make him stop. I don’t know why it’s like all of a sudden I feel my whole outlook on love and life are not at all what it used to be. It hurts so bad. All I do is cry all day everyday and I don’t like sex anymore(but I do still give it to him every single day) I am not ugly and I am willing to do almost anything for him and its not enough. He says he stopped but I am still scarred. He still doesn’t think it’s a big deal or a problem at all and I can’t make him read any of this stuff or how porn has affected us or him and it’s killing me. What if I can’t get over it. I am so tired of hurting so bad inside. To me that just isn’t love at all. And I don’t believe in god at all so that won’t help me any.please help me. He is my world and my entire reason for living, all I wanted was to be his world. I love him with all my heart,and I honestly could never find another naked dude a turn on, in fact any other man would be a turn off to me. I could go the rest of my life and never look at anyone else. Ever. It hurts so bad.