Conflict is Normal

January 22, 2014

My mother would often say, “If we were the same, one of us would not be necessary.” Two people who are different have the wonderful potential of complementing each other but also having some level of conflict. Conflict is normal and can be very productive. Couples miss out on the benefits of conflict by either being too passive or being too aggressive. A common pattern of conflict mismanagement is to either withdraw or attack. Learn to engage in a positive way. You engage when you trust the other person and depth of the relationship to handle the conflict. So go have a “good” fight!

Evaluate as a couple: Do you withdraw or become aggressive?

Explore: What would it look like if you were to engage in conflict in a positive way?

Action: When you see the conflict cloud gathering don’t run or get aggressive. Engage with the question, “What’s a win/win solution for this issue?” Do not give up till you both agree on a plan.

Remember: Constructive conflict is solution focused and not person focused and can build depth into any relationship.

“The mind of the wise makes their speech insightful and enhances the teaching of their lips. Pleasant words are flowing honey, sweet to the taste and healing to the bones.”
- Proverb of Solomon (Proverbs 16: 23-24 CEB)