What I hoped to be an average night at work, turned out to be one of the most traumatic of my life. I work as a Registered Nurse on the Ob-Gyn floor at a local hospital. One of my patients was a young married woman in her mid to late twenties. The couple had been trying for several years to conceive and the wife was now eighteen weeks along with their first child. She had started to bleed a little earlier on in the day and had been put in the hospital on bed rest, hoping to get past this critical stage in her pregnancy.

I could see the fear and apprehension written so clearly on their faces when I went in the room to introduce myself. I tried to be encouraging as I asked questions concerning the pregnancy and assessed her condition. I too, had felt the same fear when I saw the blood present and began to pray silently that God, if it be his will, let this little one be carried full term.

My heart broke

This was not to be however. Several hours later, my heart broke when I saw the emergency light go off at the desk. Walking into the room, I learned the wife was going into labor and were about to lose their precious baby. I distinctly remember holding the patient tightly, rocking back and forth with her, tears falling down our cheeks. The sobs of her husband could be heard from the adjoining room. She was asked if she wanted to see the baby yet, and she declined.

The husband entered the small room and I knew it was time for me to leave. They needed to grieve alone. I helped the wife with her clothes and helped her back to bed. I cried all the way back to the nurse’s station.

The baby was a perfect little boy. He had everything he was supposed to have: ten tiny fingers and toes, small ears, nose and mouth. To me he appeared as if everything should have been fine. As I continued to look at him, I knew in that moment, that God had a better plan for this little guy than to suffer in this world this journey we call life. He would never have to know the heartache of losing a child, like his parents had. He would never have to suffer from a terminal illness or grow up in a world filled with temptations. He was where God wanted him to be, resting in the love and safety of God’s hand.

My hope holds on

I trust his parents will be reunited with him one day for eternity. That although they may not be with him in the present, that they will be together in the future. I hope that they too know of this perfect love from above. If not, I pray that they will discover it in this sorrowful step in their lives.

This experience, I am certain, changed them in ways they never wanted to be changed. I know this, because it changed me also. I saw the stark reality of losing a child and felt a small part of their loss. All I could do was cry. No words had been necessary and not one was spoken. Even when I returned later to check on them, silence, intermingled with quiet sobs, was all that echoed from the room.

This article is dedicated to all that have ever lost a child – whether it be one that was stillborn, or in life as they grew. God knows the tears you have shed and those that you will continue to shed. He has imprinted your hearts with a love that He too, knows very well; the love of a parent and the loss of losing a child. May He touch and comfort you with that same hand that holds your son or daughter in ways that only He can do.

Take the next step:
Unthinkable Loss: Miscarriage and Stillbirth
Starting over after a loss
Read the story of Ruth, a woman who lost a great deal and had to find the strength to start over.
Are you facing the loss of a child? We are here to talk.