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Believe me, I know about being single. At first, my friends and I would moan the dilemmas of being single, all the while thinking that it would only be for a while. Then as I’ve gotten older, single women have approached me and asked in disbelief, “How could you have survived being single all these years?”
It’s hard to tell when a person officially becomes single but whatever the age, singles share some common characteristics:
- Singles are independent. No one else will take out the garbage or change the light bulbs. In order to get things done, singles must do it themselves.
- Singles are free. They can go to the movies when they want, buy the outfit they want, clean house whenever. They have “free” time that married people wish they had. They have dollars they can spend on themselves.
- Singles are lonely. They don’t have anyone in whose life they are number one. They don’t have anyone to buy them flowers, take them to dinner or share their intimate thoughts and dreams.
- Singles are often uncommitted. If something doesn’t benefit them, they won’t do it.
- Singles want to belong, to fit in somewhere. They want to know they are making a valuable contribution to society.
Singles also have a lot of challenges:
- The most common challenge singles face is the comments: “You’re how old?” “Why aren’t you married?” “What’s a nice girl like you doing single?”
- Family members often poke, “Well I guess I’ll never get a son-in-law.” “Boy, isn’t it about time you gave me a brother-in-law?” “All your cousins are married and having children. When is it your turn?”What do you say? A classic line is “I haven’t found the man who could make me as happy as I deserve to be.”
- Another dilemma singles face is, “Where do I fit into society?” Just about anywhere, these days. John Naisbitt in his best selling book Megatrends states: “The basic building block of society is now the individual, rather than the family.”
Being single is challenging. Single women often feel like the lone sock lying in the dryer – left there until its mate is found. They’re in a holding pattern, left lying somewhere until they get a mate. They feel there must be something wrong with them – that God has abandoned them or forgotten them.
In all of my reading and studying of the Bible, I have come to the conclusion that singles are whole people in God’s eyes. They have each been given unique talents and skills, that can and should be employed. They each have a purpose, whether they remain single or get married.
Being single is just a state of being, not a sentence. Singles are not one sock waiting for another sock before they become useful. Rather than waiting to become the spouse they would like to be, they need to find their fulfillment in becoming the individual God intended them to be.
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this is so true i am 30 years of age an there are times where i feel like my test will not get to an end , sometimes i feel very longely an i will find myself saying atleast if i had a child maybe i will be feeling much better but waiting upon the Lord is the best tool
Next month, I’m going to be 40. Almost 2 years ago I had my 20th high school reunion, & I was one of only 2 people (both of us women) of whom I was aware had either never married nor ever had a common-law relationship. The latter’s not an option for me, but I’m still open to marriage & children. However, I’ve grown into a calm & peaceful acceptance of my singleness & realised that I love my independence. One thing I’m thankful for is that my immediate family & closest friends put no pressure on me to find someone. I know that my mom would love for me to meet a man & get married – she says it’s so that she doesn’t have to worry about me :) – but she also says that she’s glad to know I haven’t gone out & met a man & gotten married just for the sake of having one. I’d far rather remain single than marry the “wrong” man or a man who’d be cruel to me or a non-Christian. I refuse to give in to the stereotype of desperate Singleton who pines away for the man she doesn’t have. I once knew a man who said that people are only half of a whole until they end up married. I & others at our Bible study group asked him about those of us who never marry. Would we remain incomplete just because God chose for us to remain single? He stammered as he answered that there were exceptions to that & quickly changed the subject. I know that that’s a common attitude. I love the second last paragraph & how it starts: “Being single is a state of being, not a sentence. Singles are not one sock waiting for another sock before they become useful.” Good, wise words, & something I’d love for more people to realise. A person’s whole in Christ, & that’s what I cling to. I do admit that part of me will probably always hope for marriage, although it’s no longer the burning desire that it once was, & for that I’m so grateful. Whether I will end up married at some time in the future or not, I know that I am full in Christ & that He is always there for me, no matter what my marital status is. I will wait upon the Lord for whatever He has for me, & I choose to live in joy & in the peace that passes all understanding instead of longing for & pining away for what may never happen. It’s taken me many years of loneliness to get to this point, & I’m very grateful to say that loneliness is no longer my constant companion is – God is & always has been! :D
Thankyou for the above 2 sharing.
I have broken up with my fiance in the beginning of the year and is now single.
The chanllege is to get into a new pattern of living style and to fill up the time and also the broken heart.
I did come across with the thinking that God abandoned me or maybe publishing me.
Thanks Michelle for your sharing.
about the article, I don’t agree with singles are uncommitted.
I don’t think single only choice to do things when there is benefit.
In fact, choicing thing to do when there is benefit is just part of the nature of all human.
Wonder, you’re welcome, & thank-you. In your second comment, I’m having a bit of trouble understanding what you’re saying. Do you mean that you don’t agree that singles are uncommitted? Your grammar & wording is causing me to not really get what you’re trying to say, although I’m trying to. If you don’t agree that singles are uncommitted, you are right for several of us. I’m a woman who’s very committed when I’m in a relationship &, most importantly, in my walk with God.
About what else you said “I don’t think single only choice to do things when there is benefit…..” & so on, that’s the part I really don’t understand. Some of us aren’t single by choice. I never chose to remain single. I know, though, that God certainly hasn’t abandoned me (“I will never leave you nor forsake you, He says in His Word) & He isn’t punishing me, either. He never lets us go through something that isn’t for our good in some way, & that’s a great comfort.
Anyway, I just wanted to get some clarification on what you’re trying to say. :)
Hi Michelle,
Sorry for my grammer.
Yes, I don’t agree with what the article mentioned about,”singles are uncommitted”.
I also don’t agree with the article about” If something doesn’t benefit them, they won’t do it.”
Thank-you so much for clarifying. :D
I’m on with you on both points. As I said, I’m a committed sort of person. Part of being an adult, & just a responsible person in general, is doing something even if it’s unpleasant or won’t benefit me. Sometimes it’ll benefit someone else. I do agree with being independent & free & wanting to fit in – doesn’t everyone want to fit in? – but I don’t agree with the loneliness that was mentioned. I’m certainly not lonely as a rule. Sure, I have my lonely moments, but I’m not what’d be considered a lonely person. I do quite well on my own, & I have plenty of family & friends around so that I don’t get lonely.
i can help myself not to comment this discussion.
ladies, you all need help. this thing help me a lot and i have a total different opinion about everything that includes guys and relationships. i found such a useful e-book that talks about how to find a right guy and it really help me to deal with typical problems women have. now i have more self-confidence and of course i learn how to understand what they think and how to use that as my advantage :)
i recommend it to all girls who have same problems i had, but not any more.
check out —> this
thank me later :)
Jessica, no disrespect to you, but, please – you don’t have any right to come here & say that any of us need help. I’m not out to try & find a man. I honestly don’t think that you really read carefully enough what I or Wonder said. We’re content & fine with being single, &, while I do appreciate you wanting to help, if you did come here in a truly helpful attitude, I don’t want to read anything about how to get a man. That’s not what my life’s about. If God should choose to have me married, it’ll happen. If not, it won’t, &, believe me, I’m totally fine with that. I don’t need help. In fact, I’m in the best place in my life, & have been since I surrendered my singleness over to God & committed myself to serving HIM with it.
I don’t know what problems you’re talking about, but I have a feeling they’re not the same that I had. Thanks again for trying to help, but I have a feeling the help that you’re offering doesn’t apply to me.
Blessings to you, & may you find peace & contentment wherever you are in life, whether in a relationship or out. Until a woman’s truly at peace & content with who she is, with or without a man, & in a fulfilling relationship with God, then she’s just going to be running around trying to find that elsewhere. Please trust me on this – the ONLY place that true fulfilment is to be found is in a true relationship with God & in serving & loving Him – not in an earthly relationship.
Please pray for me, I am longing for a husband and it’s very hard for me to live alone. Would like to give up
If this is in your heart and your desire, keep praying to God to help you be at peace while you wait. It is a process and its not easy; however you do not want your desire your need to lead you somewhere that you should not be. Waiting sometimes can be discouraging because it seems that life is passing us by. However, we are young, knew and yes the physical body is dying each day but the inner man is being renewed and the spirit lives forever. God must be our first love and then he’ll direct your paths.
Have you ever considered that while you wait he is preparing you for marriage and preparing your mate for you. Yes, consider this, your waiting is not in vain but talk openly to the Lord and realize that even waiting means he’s up to something in your life. Be encouraged you are not alone in the waiting process and the desire for a spouse.
Jessica,
I cannot allow myself to venture into the territory you have opened up. I know in your mind you believe that it will help. But if its not from the mind and word of God, its surely to lead to death, destruction and heatache. I am no saint, I have been many places, seen many things and yes tried to please myself by all means. Only to fall in heart and mind and realize my sinfulness and how I need to wait and be obedient to God. I want a loving and gentle relationship with a man, not just any man but a man that will be my husband, a man that is my husband, when the time comes.
I do not want my mind ravaged by the worlds attempt at pleasure. As a Christian woman, I know that God has given me all the tools I need to enjoy a healthy and complete marriage. Love and passion sometimes have nothing to do with flesh. Flesh and sex are benefits of marriage but when they are warped, you get nothing out it. I”m 45 years old and been married once before and now a widow its been 10 years and I wait. Sometimes not easily but always returning to my Lord for comfort and now a better understanding of the fact that he is preparing me for himself and along the way, I believe a restoration and marriage to a good man. Thank you but no thank you for the website and your advice. I pray that you open your eyes and your mind to what God wants to say to you.
cant wait til my divorce is over so i can have some peace. By the way she chaeted on me.feel so dumb.wish i could could find nice woman like ms.loewen.
Hi Ray, I am sorry to hear that your wife has created such pain and turmoil in your life. I would like to warn you that while the completion of your divorce my change some of the tension in your life it won’t bring peace. Most people whom I have talked to after divorce have said that things change but if anything become more complicated. Let me suggest that if you are lacking peace in your life instead of looking for it to come from your circumstances, look to Jesus who promises “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) He transforms us from the inside out so that the peace He gives comes from Him and is there whether we have really good or crappy circumstances. If you want to know more about that kind of peace that transcends our circumstances, why don’t you talk to one of our online mentors? You can find a Mentor Request Form at http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor
I am 33 and have had more then my share of bad relationships. I have been an active Christian for over 5 yrs. And have never been in a relationship with a man who is following the Lord. I struggle from time to time about the thought of never having a family, but I also know Jesus knows my struggle,and he will get me through it if that’s the plan…single life isnt terrible, I just have a strong desire for family. I know all the self help tips, with making christ my center,(as the king should always regaurdless)..being free a marital troubles.ect….either way, the statement that think of is that there’s nothing I can do about it….I don’t want to get married just to get married…I would luv to meet someone who actually is a christian,that gets me ,and Im attracted too….but that seems pretty scarce lol… Anyway I very much enjoyed the article, blessings to all :)
Jenn
I see your love for having family precious and your desire is strong enough to bend and melt heart of good man time is closer than you think
Problem that I see with me I don’t make my self available that why I am still single after 4 years of divorce.plus I have to heal my hurts with God help. I am glad I find this site that I can share and get advise and pray
jenn…your situation is a very common and normal one. i normally encourage people in your situation to branch out and visit some different churches and church services in order to meet some new people and see what doors jesus can open as we are acting on our faith. refer to hebrews 11 and see how acting ones faith, moving out into unchartered faith territory so to speak, can really touch the heart of God to move on our behalf, since he is a God of faith and the demonstration of faith pleases him so. read Matthew 15, mark 5 and Matthew 8 to see the faith principle in action…father i pray for jenn at this time in her life that you know all about her and her needs. show her how to act on her faith as she waits upon your promise of setting the solitary in familys as you promised in ps 68 amen!
thank you both for your prayers and encouragement .I’ll definitely read through the Scriptures as I can always use a dose of faith :) I know God has a reason and a season for everything ,and to be honest at this point in my life I don’t have time for a significant other in the retrospect of a boyfriend /husband ect.the Lord keeps me very busy lately , my dad is not doing very good right now and I have to go live with him for a while to help him with finances and he has been having health issues so if anyone could pray for him , I would so much appreciate it .many blessings to all of you and Jesus Christ amen .
jenn…father in jesus name as you are coming to visit jenn in her life, so come and visit her father in his life, saving, healing, raising him up, bring divine health into his body which we dedícate to God as the temple of the holy spirit amen! 1 cor 6
Jenn
I will pray to Mighty God that He can come to heal Jenn father finances and other issues he may have God heal him with all of his worry as soon as Jenn get there to help him thank Lord I humbly request in Jesus name Amen
thank you for your prayers .trust me when I say it means a lot that total strangers that I’ve never met prayed for me and my situation ,and more importantly for my dad .the Lord knows how overwhelmed I’ve been lately ,but thank Jesus for His peace through the storm . we definitely need His peace to even survive one day in this world .may God bless all of you .
Im single once again. ..it’s definitely hard being alone after thinking id found my soul mate. ..but it gets easier as time goes by i guess. .im just wondering if this pain im is going to my me bitter or better? I trusted a man who i went to church with prayed with laughed and cried with…and the fact that he’s moving on with his life makes me feel like men just don’t care …i don’t wana date because i don’t trust them like i used to…please pray for me that i continue to heal and get completely over this dude and that i accept the man God has for me without making him pay for the men and my mistakes. .
Wait also how long should one wait before dating again? I mean of course i should wait until im completely over him but i don’t think i ever will be over him …how do ppl just get OVER a person they love and want to spend the rest of there life with. ..i mean like geesh…is love really that disposable smh (tears)
donisha…i pray for you that you can enjoy any and all fellowship with your brothers in christ without getting hurt and that that one special brother will be coming along your way soon in jesus name amen!!
“My God, I
believe, I adore, I hope, and I love You. I beg pardon of You for those who do
not believe, do not adore, do not hope, and do not love You.” Loving Jesus is also necessary because
Paul says that if you don’t love Jesus, you will be cursed: Loving Jesus is not the same as
obeying all of Jesus’ commands. Jesus said, “If you love me,
you will keep my commandments” (John 14:15).
That means that obedience to the commandments is the result of
loving Jesus, not the same as loving Jesus. Love is something invisible and
inside. It is the root that produces the visible fruit of loving others.
I believe in God and I am sure he will bring someone in my life forever because
I need and moreover I can’t accept any non Christian in my life. I pray to God
many times a day because my Dad and my cousins are totally against me, they
want my marriage with Dad’s niece, means daughter of Dad’s brother. However,
except me all are non Christian in my family. Life seems very complicated but
it doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love and I am happy in every situation
eventually his love is unconditional. I am virgin and in search of a lovely, caring
and above all God fearing woman who i can spend the rest of my life with. I am
honest and trust worthy with the blessings of God almighty.
I admire Jesus
Christ more than any other human or angelic being.
I enjoy his
ways and his words more than I enjoy the ways and words of anyone else.
I want his
approval more than I want the approval of anyone else.
I want to be
with him more than I want to be with anyone else.
I feel more
grateful to him for what he has done for me than I do to anyone else.
I trust his
words more fully than I trust what anyone else says.
I am more glad
in his exaltation than in the exaltation of anyone else, including me.
To understand what it
means to love Jesus, we must first define what is meant by the word love. To love the Lord is to follow Him wherever He leads, to obey
Him whatever He asks, and to trust Him whatever the trial. To love Jesus is to
reflect the love that God has for us, for “this is love: not that we loved God,
but that he loved us and sent his Son” (1 John 4:10). To love the Lord is to care for the ones He
loves (1 John 4:19; see alsoJohn 21:16). God grants forgiveness and
salvation to all those who place their faith in Jesus – trusting His death as
the payment for our sins (John 3:16;Romans 5:1;Romans 8:1).
AMEN
Hallelujah
ali…i pray jesus gives you the way out of this situation so that you only marry with the selection of his choice. i pray for salvation for your entire family and deliverance from the enemys ways in jesus name amen!
Well singleness really sucks for many of us since being alone all the time is certainly no fun at all, especially for many of us men that are the weaker sex when it comes to being alone which many women can handle it a lot better. Very hard these days for many of us good men and good women to connect with one another.
realgoodanswer…father i pray for our friend today that as he draws closer to you, he will have the people he needs in his life, starting with you!! isaiah 43.4 amen
To Chris, recently i met a very good woman, and hopefully it will work out for me. Thank you very much for your support. Peace.
realgoodanswer…happy for you!!!
I also have a problem with being single. I am a young lady of 27 years. Am an african american (My dad is From Africa and My mum is from America) I was brought up in a christian home where we believe in no sex before marriage. Any guy i meet want to go to bed with me to prove my love for him of which is against what the Bible says. Because of this i even hate men and dont want to get closer to men. Am 27 and will be twenty eight soon. I need your help
janet..i am sorry to hear of your situation….its true that many men are not truly Christian and therefore do not respect gods teaching about sex but god does have his Young Christian men out there and i believe one for you. if you are not meeting your mate at your church, why not visit other churches to meet new people and expand your horizons. i believe jesus will bless you as you act in faith in what you are desiring from him. psalm 37.4. praying now that jesus directs your steps to the right person at the right place and right time amen
This article is good but why aren’t there every any articles from a guys perspective. It just makes us feel like it really is true there are loads of Christian single women and no men. Well there are men but they don’t seem to have a voice, maybe they don’t want one because they don’t have the same struggles as women? But from speaking to the single guys I do know this isn’t true. It would be nice for a change for something to challenge the perspective that there are no single men out there so girls get used to being singe.