During several weeks in October, my husband and I worked hard to get a home we once lived in ready to sell. We painted and papered, scraped and scrubbed, washed and mended. Our house had been rented out for some time, so restoring it seemed like caring for an ailing friend.

As we applied elbow grease to a long list of surface problems, we thought about the family that might celebrate the coming holidays in “our” home. Would they have children, or, like us, enjoy frolicking with grandchildren in new-fallen snow?

Although we hope to have a buyer soon, we cannot dictate what sort of family will take up residence in our former home. But, as an advocate of family life, I can encourage families everywhere to recommit to stronger family ties.

As I smoothed sticky caulking, squirted spackle into nail holes, and patched torn wallpaper, I thought about the “ideal family.” True, no family is perfect, but our best hope and vision gives us courage to love beyond ourselves. God’s Spirit nourishes our spirit when we consciously become part of His conduit of love.

Consider these key pillars that hold up families through the best and the worst of times:

• Relationships grow through honouring God and one another.
• Parents, whether both present in the home or not, are firmly committed to parenting all offspring.
• A family has unity, not necessarily uniformity.
• Members can be counted on when needed, to reach out and help.
• Everyone shares in family responsibilities as they are able.
• Parents pass on their roots, regularly celebrating their heritage.
• A family has vision and plans for the future.

“Nothing affects the way we think, feel, act, and react,” says Alfred Ells in his book, FAMILY LOVE, “as the family, past and current. It is the incubator of family life” that pronounces both blessing and curse on future generations.

Re-creating family bonds of love takes our willingness and God’s power. When we admit to destructive family patterns and choose to change, family skeletons are put to rest. Our part is “taking ownership” of problem areas that we want to turn around.

If you’d like to blot out some stains in your family tapestry before the coming holidays, now is the time to begin. Admitting those things (to yourself) and then confessing them (to God) is the path to new beginnings. Be tangible. Write down the things that you want to be rid of (stains) and after confession, destroy the list. Name the positive things that you want to replace the old smudges. Post that list on your bathroom mirror as a daily guide.

Wherever you live, whatever your family table looks like, your holidays can be a thankful celebration. Through God’s love you will pronounce blessing on future generations.

Reprinted with permission from the Zondervan Publishing House newsletter.