I don’t remember much about my grandparents, so once I was married with children of my own, allowing my children access to their grandparents became very important. We’ve moved around a lot over the years, but always in consideration of the proximity to grandparents.

In an age where homes are being torn apart, grandparents (real ones or adopted ones) can have a tremendous mentoring role in the lives of their grandchildren. The wisdom of life experience is a treasure that should be honored and valued, as Proverbs 16:31 attests, “Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life.”

“Let each generation tell its children of Your mighty acts” (Psalm 145:4).

There is a passage in 1 Peter that really speaks to my heart. Peter calls all believers “living stones”: “And you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house…” (1 Peter 2:5).

Peter is making a bit of a play on words, from the Hebrew expression, “standing stones.” It is an expression that every Jew understood – but in our culture, the expression is lost.

During the history of the Jews, when God led them through a difficult trial or a war, they placed a large stone as testimony to what God had done. According to Ray Vanderlan, a historian familiar with the Jewish culture, these stones were not just large rocks (1). They were massive, standing 15 to 20 feet tall. Not just a stone in your front yard where you put your address! You couldn’t miss these stones even if you tried.

Every time a Jew passed by a certain rock, that rock told a story of something God did. Just one of the many places in Scripture this is done is in the story of Jericho (Joshua 4:1-7).

As our culture fragments more and more, grandparents can pass on the spiritual torch by telling their grandchildren of the “standing stones” in their own lives, thereby being “living stones.” They can tell about those places where God really did something wonderful, where some great spiritual lesson or truth was learned. In these stories, like in the Jewish culture, a spiritual heritage and understanding of the character of God is passed from one generation to the next. It teaches the children that while the world changes, what God does, and what God values, does not change. He is the same “yesterday, today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8).

This is a heritage I want my children to share in.

“Spur one another on toward love and good deeds” (Hebrews 10:24).

Grandparents have done their parenting. They did their best, made their mistakes and now watch as their children rear their own families. In today’s age, like any other, there are serious difficulties in raising a godly family. Jay Kesler in his book, Grandparenting: The Agony and Ecstasy (Servant Publications), suggests that grandparents take on the role of “cheerleading” (31). I agree completely. Parenting isn’t an easy job, and sometimes a “You’re doing a great job” or “You handled that very wisely” can do more to encourage a weary parent in keeping on than a criticism of what isn’t going quite right. We sorely need the wise word of encouragement both to our children and as parents — that we are also doing our best with what we know to do.

Prayer is also essential. A mentoring grandparent will pray for both their children and their grandchildren. We need the encouragement that you are aware of what is going on in our lives, you care about it — and you take it all before the throne of God, and leave it there. The knowledge that grandparents pray for the parents and the grandchildren is a tremendous blessing.

“Without partiality” (1 Timothy 5:21)

Every child and every family is so different. It would be easy to pick a favorite and shower that child with special attention. This is equally important in grandparenting as it is in parenting — and can do as much damage or healing in either case. Children are very aware if a grandparent makes a difference between them. Also, adult children take notice if a grandparent shows partiality toward the way one of the siblings is rearing her family.

Many different family dynamics are involved, so it is important to notice the great things in each, and relish the differences in each. God has built in strengths and weakness in each family — and each family will be blessed by God — or will learn about God in accordance with those various weaknesses and strengths. Praise God that He never gives up on any of us!

“Seek first the kingdom of God” (Matthew 6:33).

True Christianity flies in the face of the values of our culture. Seeking to raise children who value what God does is one of the greatest challenges of our time. In a world that no longer sees anything as absolute and believes that morals are according to “what is right in each person’s eyes,” grandparents need to let their grandchildren know that some struggles are common throughout each age.

They need to communicate that the instructions of God’s Word applied to them “back then” and also apply now. Things like peer pressure, self-esteem, rebellion, sexual pressures, temptations, lust and greed are issues that have embattled the human nature since time began. A grandparent that can understand the issues and find “common ground” can encourage both the parents and grandchildren to continue basing decisions on things that build into the “Bank of Heaven” (Kesler, 61).

“Since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from start to finish” (Hebrews 12:1, NLT).

(1) So that the World May Know video series. Available from Focus on the Family.