I am very troubled by the lack of relationship my husband has with God, and how that impacts our marriage. We have been married a year and a half. I became a born-again Christian at the beginning of ’98. My concern is that there are so many biblical references/inferences to the husband being the spiritual leader of the household, yet my husband is anything but a leader, much less a spiritual one. He enjoys the church we currently attend, but has no desire to initiate going, or to develop relationships in it. Although I have a take-charge personality, I am growing weary and frustrated of having to be the lead in the spiritual aspect of our lives, when the Bible instructs exactly the opposite. Can you help me?

Advice: Thanks for writing. Any time we have a thorn in our flesh, it is an opportunity for us to trust God.

What are the qualities you see in your husband’s life that caused you to marry him in the first place? Make a list of at least 10 of those traits and each day point one of them out to him and admire it verbally to his face, i.e., “I appreciate so much the fact that you … I love you.”

If you start trying to change him, you will cause him to become more stubborn in his old ways. We are all in process and God is at the helm. When you try to do God’s work of changing people’s lives, you will only make things worse. Continue to pray and let God do His work, in His way and in His time. Love your husband for who he is, and when he does something that even remotely resembles what you would like him to become, casually point it out, i.e., “Thank you for going to church with me today. That meant a lot.” We grow more from affirmations (blessings) than by complaints (cursing).