I am currently dating a guy who is not someone I would usually date. He is short, over weight and balding. He doesn’t make a lot of money and we aren’t really in the same social scene. We also work together and know many of the same people. But he is funny, nice, and overall a good person. He treats me like a princess and we always have a good time. We’ve been seeing each other for the last six months and have kept it under wraps. I don’t know if I’m more afraid of people at work finding out or what people will think when they see us together. I usually date model type guys who have tons of money. On top of it, I feel like really shallow.  Can you help me sort out what I’m feeling and do you have any suggestions for me?

Advice: Well, I think you defined the situation better than I could have. God has someone out there for each of us and rarely is it our “idea” of who we think we should be with. I would much rather be loved, honored and cherished by the man you describe than someone who looks good or is rich. The love of money and worldly ideas is an illusion and is never what we think it is, nor does it work.

A true blessing is a Christ centered marriage and family. I spent a lot of my life doing what you did. The man I married and have two children with is so far from what I thought my “perfect” idea of a man was it is laughable! But I have been so richly blessed by this man who did not fit into my mold or ideas. No marriage is easy, but when you have a Christ centered marriage, WOW!

I think the shame you feel is not about him. I think you are ashamed of yourself and these feelings you have that you know are wrong. If you care about him, honor him with honesty and being proud of finding someone who can love you even when he knows what you are doing by “keeping it under wraps.” If not, then you should do the right thing and let him find a woman who is bold enough and will love him enough to honor him the way he should be.

In Christ,
a Christian Women Today mentor