Subscribe 
Whether you’ve been married six weeks or 26 years, you know that there’s more to making a great marriage than having “the ultimate wedding.”
Time was when society as a whole understood this fact. Wedding ceremonies were simple. Marriages weren’t always flashy or fancy, but they lasted. They weren’t subject to the emotional mood swings that so easily crush them today.
When you were growing up, divorce was a rarity. It only took place under the most dire of circumstances. (Think back to your childhood and adolescence. How many of your friends grew up in what were considered “broken homes?”)
Then, the sexual revolution took place. Men and women gave up on the “traditional family” in record numbers . . . both in society at large and in the Church as well. Soon the divorce rate in both areas had grown to a staggering high of around 55%.
These days, however, that rate is coming down. Folks are getting married again and staying married. They’re putting a bit more thought into what marriage means before walking down the aisle. (In fact, the average age for first-time brides is now 25; for first-time grooms, it’s 26.)
More than likely, these newlyweds grew up in divorced homes. They know the pain and frustration of having two sets of parents. . . of shuttling back and forth between two homes a couple of times a week . . . of wondering if there was something they could have done to keep their parents together.
Well, in addition to putting a bit more thought into marriage than the generation before, this new wave of newlyweds is also doing what they can to stay together. As psychologist Dr. Gary Rosberg says, these folks are serious about wanting to make their unions “divorce-proof.”
If you’re the parent of a teenager, this revelation is good news on two different levels. First, with regards to your own marriage, who among us isn’t interested in strengthening the bonds of holy matrimony? Second, though, think of the impact this wave is having on your kids. You and I were never taught how to “divorce-proof” a marriage. We were simply told that marriage was forever . . . and that is was wrong to divorce. (Talk about sound if not overly simplistic advice!)
Now, we have the opportunity to be the transitional generation . . . to teach our kids what a “divorce-proof” marriage is all about.
Dr. Gary Rosberg and his wife, Barbara, have identified a number of key biblical principles they feel are key if a marriage is to truly be “divorce proof.” And following these guidelines will not only improve your relationship with your spouse today . . . doing so will also establish a pattern your children can follow for their relationship with their future spouse as well.
I call these principles, “6 Keys to a Better Marriage Today.” If you want to strengthen your union right away, start showing your spouse . . . .
1. Forgiving love. Because of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross, all of our sins have been forgiving. The Forgiving Love He has shown us is essential in a marriage. It offers a fresh start after one spouse hurts or offends another. Without forgiveness, no marriage will ever last.
2. Serving love. Do you know your spouse’s deepest needs? Loving him or her with a servant’s heart is the best and quickest way to find out. Serve one another in love (after all – the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve).
3. Persevering love. Marriage is a marathon – not a sprint. Are you in it for the long haul . . . or do you have the tendency to “bail out” when the going gets tough? Persevering Love sustains us through the trials of life (and trials are what makes any marriage real).
4. Guarding love. In other words, let him or her know that you’ll do anything to keep the marriage together (as long as its legal and moral, of course). The modern culture isn’t all that keen on marriage — even though it’s the backbone of society. Guarding Love protects your heart and the heart of your spouse from the threats to your marriage . . . and believe me they’re out there!
5. Celebrating love. That’s right, celebrate your marriage! What a gift the two of you have been given. Celebrating Love equips you to maintain a satisfying emotional, physical and spiritual connection with your mate . . . so celebrate it!
6. Renewing love. No marriage will survive if either or both spouses constantly challenge its integrity by threatening to leave. The fact is, Renewing Love enables both husband and wife to regard the marriage covenant as unbreakable (just like God does). So share this gift with your spouse every day. Rejoice in the fact that you’ll be together forever . . . “for better or worse!”
These six vital expressions of love will make your marriage better. They’ll also help you teach your children how to understand what biblical love and marriage are all about. Love takes time ? any good relationship does. So stay the course . . . keep praying . . . and start “divorce-proofing” your marriage by loving your spouse!
Excerpted from the book, Divorce-Proof Your Marriage: 6 Secrets to a Forever Marriage
Take the next step:
Learn to speak your spouse’s love language
Become a better communicator
Questions about love? Come talk to a mentor.
Talk to a Mentor
Need Prayer?
Join Chat
Life Lessons
1-800-247-3180 | 604-514-2135
I read this article with great interest. But I don’t know how to give my husband who keeps on cheating since the beginning of our marriage. I keep catching his sms, letters and there is always tension. My parents were divorced when I was a year and as you said in your article, I was tired growing up shuttling back and forth between two homes. And I did not want my children to go through the same path so I stay. but lately my husband cheating with several women at one time has become unbearable. I feel like leaving. Help
This is crucial you can not force a horse to drink water when it does not want to. There circumstance on which you have tried all the means but to no avail. You just let it go.
I believe in the power of prayer. Prayer can turn Misrak´s husband around. Visit chsrlyn and Bob in their website.Their message of hope and restoration can help your marriage. http://www.stopdivorce.org
Stand STRONG IN THE lORD AND IN THE Power of His Might
I am praying for you Misrak…God’s word is there for you, for comfort and counsel, and hopefully you have a wise pastor or counselor to speak and pray with as well…I too believe in the power of prayer, and know that things CAN change both in your heart (your pain) and in your husband…outside of God, things seem impossible but with God, all things are possible…I echo Temmy…be Strong in the Lord and in the power of HIS might!
Ohh, Misrak…I’m so sorry for the pain you are enduring through these challenges. I do understand. I’ve been through the same, but to a lesser extent…and we’re still “newlyweds!” I’ve learned that marriage is especially hard when one or both refuse to look into themselves to understand what is the cause of their actions or REactions. And the causes of the problems could be on both parties, like with us. It doesn’t condone infidelity, but it is important that we assess ourselves, too, and be willing to grow. It’s extremely painful to those of us who are enduring the mistreatment and disregard of our vows, but it’s also a painful thing for the guilty one. I agree with Esther, Temmy and Kathy….And as you pray for God’s guidance, ask for peace. Ask Him to show you how to love and understand your husband, objectively–how to love him deeper and unconditionally, as He does. Ask Him to show you the troubled things your husband may not even know about himself, and how to sensitively but firmly approach him in a Godly way. Ask God to show you how to sometimes put yourself aside in order to reach into his soul. It’s very difficult to stay, I know. There is a time when one has to make a decision–the right decision–to leave or stay. God will let you know which to do, and you will know when you have complete peace with the decision. Staying, if you both truly want your marriage to work (and that’s the main question to ask yourself AND your husband) will result in a stronger union. Forgiveness, while required, can be tough, because betrayal stings, plain and simple. But, forgiving is freeing for both parties. Forgetting takes time, however. And it takes effort and understanding from both to work past it all. When you get through all that horrible stuff, your love for each other evolves to an incredibly deep, rich and beautiful place. I’m thankful I stayed and fought through my human instinct and emotional preference to abandon the situation. I know I didn’t deserve to be cheated on, but it happened. I feel stronger, though I still have bad days when I cry or I’m angry because something triggers the memory and it still hurts. But, I love my husband to death….I didn’t before, because I was very insecure and fragmented when it came to love. But now, I KNOW he loves me, too, and I KNOW God loves me more. I can now share with my husband when I am hurting or angry, and he now listens with concern and understands, and once I get it out for that moment, we continue on. He is a very different person now, and I owe that all to God for showing me how to hold on and become the wife and friend my husband unknowingly needed, as well as showing him where he needed to change. Sorry this was so long. I pray the BEST for you. Always seek God’s peace throughout all…
I’m a newlywed as well…
I dont know if my husband is cheating on me or not, the thought of it is very contradicting to his character..but he isnt very affectionate and as women I need that. I feel very insecure all the time about where I stand with him and it is very hard, I’m always crying or thinking the worst. I dont know what to do, I hate being emotional unstable. Has anyone dealt with being over emotional or sensitive within your marriage?
My dearest Torn, it grieves my spirit to hear you in such torment over something you THINK may be going on. It is a trick of the devil to keep you second-guessing your husband and crying all the time. JESUS said “I come that you might have life, and have it more abundantly…..” the life Jesus promised is not fear and torment. The problem my dear sister is not your husband right now, it is you. Your mind can be renewed and regenerated daily thru the WORD OF GOD. I promise you if you would give the time you spend crying, to reading your word, your strength will be renewed day by day. I wil be praying for you, and your husband, but please remember GOD HAS NOT GIVEN US THE SPRIT OF FEAR, BUT OF POWER, LOVE AND A SOUND MIND.
Be stengthened my sister, and visit me sometime at http://www.devinerevelation.com. GOD LOVES YOU, AND SO DO I.
I came on to this website to learn about the right way to have a relationship. My boyfriend wants to get married, and we have been going about it all wrong. I’m so inspired by all of your encouraging words to each other! I wish I came across more women like that. God bless all of you!
I have been divorced for 7 years. I did not want the divorce, but I saw no alterantive. He was cheatng and refused counseling of any sort, told me I caused this. I could not live a life in limbo so I filed. Although I survived and proved to myself and my children we would be fine, something remains missing in my life. I never fell out of love and that makes it difficult to move on. I go through the motions but that is all. There was never any closure, like the last chapter of a book that was ripped out. Pray for me that I can move forward
Rebecca,
Firstly I want to say, you are a strong woman of God, despite whatever the enemy tries to do to pull you down, you have JESUS on your side. If you can, make time to just sit at His feet. Let Him minister to you, pour your heart out to Him and wash His feet with your tears. He knows you, He sees each tear that you cry and He will hear you if you seek Him in prayer. Fall in love with your Savior and He will provide all of your needs and fill your heart with gladness and joy that surpasses anything that you can think of! Most of all, in all things give thanks. Give thanks for the victory that you already have over the situation that you are in. When you give thanks, you close the door to the enemy and his ways. Bless you sister… if you want to talk more or need any more support let me know. You are precious.
These are not new concept but it is helpful to hear them repeated. The one that hits me the most is guarding love. I hear so many women bad mouthing their husband in public. If I have a struggle with my husband I take it to God first, then to him, then if there is no resolution to a godly sister who will advise but also keep my husband and my trust. But never, ever will I speak ill of my husband in public.
my husband says I should only wear clothes up to my neck and I’m not allowed to wear shorts or anything above the knee. I do dress modestly but I’m told that its not modest if I even show a hint of cleavage very occasionally when I’m bending down. When I have told him that it makes me sad to do this as I feel its over the top and shouldn’t be required he tells me to do what I want. But then if I do wear slightly lower things (but still modest with no cleavage on display) then he gets really depressed and can’t handle it.
what should I do, should I go with it to make him happy (after all women in biblical times covered up to their neck) or should I not?
Dear Ms. Torn,
I’m sorry you are experiencing the emotional pain you are. I certainly understand, because that was also me for the first 2/3 of my young marriage. I do still have moments, but not nearly as bad as before. However, through my relationship with God, I sensed my husband drifting…and I was right. The lack of affection, which used to be there, the moodiness….and more. I KNEW something and someone was capturing his attention. Unfortunately, it was true. It was months before it all came out, but I’ll tell you, if I hadn’t been prayerful for strength, peace and guidance, oh, and patience, I would not have made it. I lost babies being so stressed. I got very sick from being so stressed, and fell into a very deep depression. I MADE myself be honest, humble, direct, understanding and somewhat objective enough to talk with and confront my husband about what I felt and what I felt he was into. We made it through. And once everything was out in the open, and HE realized I’m the kind of wife who is also a true friend, who doesn’t judge him, but WILL correct him and tell him the truth, he began to open up more, communicate without defense and confessed what happened. I could have left, but I love and care for him in a way that I wanted to help HIM through the turmoil HE was going through. We finally have the marriage we should have from the beginning. If you haven’t tried, please consider speaking with your husband honestly and humbly. Be truthful about the pain and fear you are experiencing…you can’t deny how you feel, and he can’t debate it. They are YOUR feelings. And be specific about what hurts you (the lack of affection, etc.). Do neutral things together, like playing cards, board games, mini-golfing, something, to try to ease the stress a little. Ask him what you want to know, and be strong. Listen and invite him to help you work things out. Men are….interesting….(sigh) But, I truly hope things will get better for you. I do understand exactly how you feel. I cried more in my first 20 months of marriage than I have during my whole adult life. Now, when I have doubts, I do mention it, but I also know I CANNOT drive myself crazy over this man! I refuse to do so again. My insecurity and his own reaction to his infidelity nearly killed me. I won’t let that happen again. So, please try to find a peaceful place where you can find happiness and grow with your husband, as well as on your own (meaning, for yourself). Blessings.
There is no good time to be thinking of divorce, but it feels worse if its during this time of rejoicing with family and friends. One of my best friends tells me my point of no return depends on my saturation point, whatever that means, but i understand what she is trying to say. But everytime i go through my husband’s issues, i say surely i cannot take anymore of it. I have had problems since the first day month my now husband and i started living together over 15 years ago. I have been through the physical abuse and still going through the emotional and verbal abuse. The only reason he kinda stopped the physical abuse is because in 2005 i obtained a restraining order against him. My husband is a totally insecure and needy person. He is a liar, does not know the difference between a lie and a truth. He would go to great lengths to bring himself attention, like tell me he has shot someone and that he is sitting in jail, or even fake a heart attack. Because of his insecurities, he accuses me of everything under the sun. He spreads lies about me and speaks about me to anyone who would entertain his gossips. He violates every core being in myself. I am a very strong person by nature and mostly because of my life experiences and my husband cannot handle this, so the only way he feels he can get to me or belittle me, as by his emotional and verbal abuse which i have grown not to entertain. Due to the environment that i work in, we have very tight deadlines and recently had to put in a lot of extra time to meet these deadlines. My very needy husband felt very neglected and refused to understand my position at work and decided to call my boss and have a talk with him. I felt very disrespected and violated when he did this. My husband refuses to look into himself to understand what is the cause of his actions and reactions. The only time he can conftont me or talk to me is when he is under the influence of alcohol. He has also become quiet influential in our sons (12 yrs)life which unfortunately is not in a positive way.I have filed for divorce but due to the holidays will only be processed in the new year.