If you’re dreading refereeing kids’ squabbles all summer or are already at your wits’ end from their tattling and tears, have faith. “Parents need to do two things to make summer fun for the kids and themselves,” says Michele Borba, Ed.D., an educational psychologist and author of Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me: The Top 25 Friendship Problems and How to Solve Them (Jossey-Bass, April 2005). “First, take a little time to make your house kid-friendly, and second, teach a few easy skills to help kids get along. The result: less bickering, happier kids, and saner parents.”

11 sanity savers to curb bickering, tattling and tears so kids get along without you

• Enforce a “No Tattling” rule. Arguments and tears are inevitable outcomes of tattling, so nix it, pronto. The best way is to lay down one law: unless the report is intended to keep the accused out of trouble or harm you won’t listen. Then consistently enforce the policy until the kids get the message.

• Buy an egg timer. Teach your kids to use an egg timer to make things fair. Oven timers, egg timers, sand timers are great gadgets for younger kids to use. Older kids can use clocks or stopwatches. They first must agree on a set amount of time—usually only a few minutes—for using an item. When the time’s up, their turn is over. And everyone stays happy (including you).

• Put away the good stuff. There are certain possessions that are very special to your child—as well as to other family members. So put those items away before a guest arrives. It actually minimizes potential conflicts. Then say, “Anything you leave out are things you have to share.”

• Teach decision-makers. Rock, paper, scissors; drawing straws; picking a number; flipping a coin—are old-time favorites that come in handy when kids can’t decide on rules, who gets to choose what to do, or who goes first. Teach them to your kids so they can use them with pals.

• Create activity bins. To minimize conflicts (and those “there’s nothing to do” complaints), create a few “activity bins” (baskets, boxes, or plastic bins) stocked with a few toys and age-appropriate activities. Contents for younger kids might include: Legos, Play-Doh, or clay and cookie cutters, bubble blowers, toy cars, dolls. Older kids’ bins can have art supplies and paper, a craft set, and a deck of cards. Plop the kids down, hand them a comic book, and give yourself a five-minute breather.

• Call for time-outs. Even a few seconds are enough to stop an quarrel, so help your child come up with what to say when things are ready to blow. “I’m too mad to talk right now.” “Give me a minute to cool off,” “I need to walk,” “Let’s go shoot hoops.” Then rehearse it so he can use it with friends.

• Forget odd numbers. An even number of kids together usually is better than an odd one: there’s less likelihood a kid will be left out. If bickering continues set a “pairs only” rule and refrain from threes.

• Teach conflict solving. Here are the four steps you can teach your child:
  • 1. Stop and calm down.
  • 2. Take turns saying what’s bugging you. No name-calling.
  • 3. Brainstorm solutions then agree to a fair win-win one.
  • 4. Do it. Keep reviewing the steps until your child can solve peer conflicts without you.

• Keep out of it. If you hear an argument brewing, stay within earshot, but jump in only when emotions are too high, but before an argument escalates. Too much adult interference not only makes kids depend on you to solve their problems, but can actually escalate the squabbles.

• Stock up on band aids! Skinned knees and tears are inevitable, so keep that emergency kit on hand. Teach your kids to report any injury—little or big—and always have the adult contact numbers for every kid in the neighborhood handy as well as emergency phone numbers. Ya never know!

• Buy a traffic light. A mom told me one summer she felt her home had become “Grand Central Station.” She loved that her children’s friends were always there, but didn’t appreciate kids showing up at the crack of dawn. Her solution: she bought a traffic light and set it in her front window. Every kid in town knew the signal. If the red light was on it meant just one thing: “We’re tucked in–see you later.” The signal worked like a charm (and she was sure the green light was on most of the time).

Do you feel like the days are getting away from you? Try our free online lesson Managing Time Wisely to get the most out of your summer.