I left my alcoholic husband over 5 years ago and have remarried to a wonderful man whom my children like. However, I sometimes feel that my children who are 33, 32 and 30 still blame me for the breakup of our family. I have prayed, but things are not getting better. Thank you for listening and I’d appreciate any words of encouragement and advice.

Advice: This is one of those difficult situations where even when you do right, it doesn’t seem to turn out right. You tried to stay in a difficult marriage, probably for the sake of the kids and now it seems as though you have lost those kids. Because your husband was an alcoholic, do any of the children struggle with that addictive personality disorder. Most people who do drugs or are alcoholics have that disorder. Even when the alcohol has been conquered, the addictive personality can still be a problem, and can keep people from being able to see or think clearly. You will understand your adult children better if you understand the make-up of that disorder and the confusion it causes in children growing up in that kind of a home. You can start by reading Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz, published by Health Communications, Inc. This book describes exactly what your children are going through, such as why they seem so loyal to him.

Alcoholic behaviour is a phenomenon with its own logic. Did you go to Al-Anon meetings when you were married to him?

You say you have prayed about this many times and you can be assured that God does hear your prayers and while He is working things out in you children’s lives this is a good time to grow in your relationship with your new husband, in your relationship with God and become more educated about the residual results of alcoholism.