Everyone, at some time or other, experiences loss. Although it is an experience we all share, the type of loss, the impact of the loss and how we deal with it can be different. Even the same event that causes loss can be experienced in a unique way by the various people impacted by the loss.  So, how can you be a support to others when they encounter loss in their lives and embark on a healing journey of grieving?

Shock and denial often come first

Initially, people often experience shock and denial when they encounter loss.   This allows a buffer between them and their feelings.  It also provides some time to begin to orient themselves to the new information they have received and begin to process how this may impact their lives.  This is the time to come alongside your friend and let them know you are there to support them in this difficult time.  Listening, a hug, crying with the person, offering to pray with them can be very comforting during this traumatic time.

Don’t feel you need to say the right thing or anything at all.   Just being there means a lot.

When the shock wears off, feelings tend to be experienced in a stronger way. It is important for people to be able to find ways to get their feelings out by talking, journaling, drawing, screaming or whatever other creative ways they discover.  So, give opportunity for your friend to talk about how they are feeling.  Also give permission for people not to talk about how they are feeling.  They themselves can gauge what would is helpful for them at various times.

There are many ways you can help

Some of the feelings that are often experienced throughout the grieving process are anger, sadness, and/or a deep sense of loss.  In some situations people experience relief.  Sometimes when relationships were complicated or hurtful individuals may have feelings of  happiness or increased safety as that person is no longer around to hurt them anymore.  Often, people experience different emotions at different times with different intensity. Recognizing that there is a wide range of feelings will help not to assume how people may be feeling but give permission for grieving friends to talk about the different feelings they may have.

When experiencing loss, there can be some very practical ways that a person may need help:

• Offer to help with childcare, household chores, groceries, meals, financial, transportation.
• Offer help in ways in which you feel equipped.
• Ask if there are any ways your friend can imagine you helping.
• Offer to call someone on their behalf to help if they are hesitant to do so.

Acknowledging that there is no right or wrong way to experience loss opens space for people to be able to talk about their feelings in a non-judgmental and empathetic way.  Asking friends what they need or what would be helpful for them takes the pressure off you and gives opportunity for the person grieving to say what might be helpful at a particular time.  From the grieving person’s point of view, knowing there is someone thinking of you, available to lend an empathetic ear and offer practical help if needed is a wonderful arena in which  the grieving process can begin to nurture healing.