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I have been going out with a girl for the past two months. Mentally and spiritually, she is great. The only “drawback” about her is she does not know how to dress . . . in short, very poor personal grooming. She works as a primary school teacher. How do I tell her to put some effort to dress herself up well?
Advice: The best you can do is to compliment her every time she makes an effort to dress up and every time she looks good. Emphasize her good points (the ones you fell in love with). We love people as they are, unconditionally. A common saying is, “What you see is what you get.” Most attempts to remake someone fail. The only thing that works is to not say anything when she falls short of your standard of cleanliness, and to make a big deal out of it when she looks good. Appearance is maybe not important to her, so focus on what is important. Thanks for writing.
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my gf use for look good, now she get fat bottom an no take care of herself, she look all skanky and beat up
Hi Mike,
She obviously feels very comfortable around you which is very important and is nothing to complain about. I have two suggestions.
1) Go to the gym, eat well and continue improving the behaviors that you may have struggles with. This may encourage your gf to do the same.
2) Build her self-esteem. She may just need to hear about the things that you do appreciate about her.
Hi Mike,
I like what Sheldon wrote. To build up a person and increase their self-esteem by praising the good qualities works! It works with friends, on the job, and at home. Everyone thrives on recognition.
If she really likes you, she will emulate you (as has been said) she will, to some degree, follow what you do. Her desire will be to please you, for it is a two-way street. Then remember, love her as she is!
Blessings, Alfred.